Online dating. Tips? | Singletrack Magazine Forum
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  • Online dating. Tips?
  • Premier Icon i_like_food
    Full Member

    Was with ex for 22 years (married for 17). Single now for 15 months.

    To be honest not really sure I’ve got the emotional energy to date, but it would be nice to hang out with someone.

    Signed up to Bumble. My mind is blown (not least by the number of women Who have to put ‘no d#+k pics’)!

    So, other than ‘dont send inappropriate pics’, how on earth should I approach this? Mid 40’s if that’s relevant.

    Premier Icon Caher
    Full Member

    Pub, cycling club, evening class, late night at Waitrose, gig.

    Premier Icon mattyfez
    Free Member

    It’s a mine field.
    Do an honest profile a bit like a CV, and don’t make your main picture of you holding a massive carp or riding a mountain bike. and definitely not seductively leaning on an m-sport BMW!

    Premier Icon DezB
    Full Member

    Bumble? Not heard of that one. Do all the women, every single one, say “no ONS” and have a photo of themselves licking a horse’s face?

    Premier Icon Andy_B
    Full Member

    Best tip is switch your phone off should you find yourself in Doncaster or anywhere similar.

    Premier Icon mattyfez
    Free Member

    How much is a train ticket to Doncaster?

    Premier Icon hungrymonkey
    Free Member

    To be honest not really sure I’ve got the emotional energy to date

    As someone who’s been on the wrong side of that equation, wait until you are 🙂

    Premier Icon grum
    Full Member

    No tips as such apart from be patient! I was in a similar position to you, and it took me a long while to get in the right headspace also. I then had a mixed bag in terms of dates etc and deleted Tinder multiple times before ending up trying it again – had pretty much lost hope when I ended up with a gorgeous, smart, lovely woman who I now live with and have a child with. 😀

    Premier Icon jekkyl
    Full Member

    lol @mattyfez 😂

    Premier Icon Tom-B
    Free Member

    Similar advice to @grum….sans child.

    For me, keep an open mind and let ‘fate’ or whatever do the rest. In your 40’s then you’re going to have to sift through an awful lot of people with ‘baggage’ and/or ‘issues’.

    If someone takes ages responding between messages, do get too hung up, just move on.

    Premier Icon dknwhy
    Full Member

    Was in a similar situation to you.
    Got on tinder, met someone, been together 4 years, bought a house and am getting married on Saturday.

    My advice to you – be honest, be nice, be yourself, don’t take it too seriously and behave in the same way you expect to be treated. Expect to be stood up at the last minute as everyone is searching for what they think is the next best thing (but will then come back to you when they realise that thing wasn’t what they expected). Don’t take it personally, they don’t know you.
    If you’re not ready to settle again, have some fun but be up front so everyone knows where they stand.

    Good luck. Enjoy it!

    Premier Icon big_n_daft
    Free Member

    I would stick with being honest and polite, probably gets you less bedroom action with randoms, but more likely to meet someone you click with

    Think about what you want, what you are prepared to compromise on, and what are the “thanks but no thanks”

    From what I can tell women tend to have a worse issue separating the wheat from the chaff. Hence the ” no d*** pics”

    Don’t wait for perfect, talk to/ meet anyone half interesting. Be polite if they are not for you.

    Premier Icon Cougar
    Full Member

    I found my girlfriend on Tinder.

    That was an awkward conversation. “What the hell are you doing here?”

    Premier Icon Merak
    Free Member

    Send a dick pick you’ll be fine.

    Premier Icon frankconway
    Full Member

    Think of it like fishing…there’s something on the line but you don’t know if you’ve hooked a mermaid or coelecanth.
    Don’t take it too seriously; be polite and pleasant – good manners are always appreciated.
    Assume that everyone on the site is genuine but don’t be surprised/disappointed when some aren’t.
    Good luck and enjoy the fishing!

    Premier Icon Rubber_Buccaneer
    Full Member

    no d#+k pics’

    so I send a mangina pic…

    Premier Icon duncancallum
    Full Member

    Just add a no louise caveat in return

    Premier Icon twistedpencil
    Full Member

    Stay off Plenty of Fish, it’s bloody awful. Bumble seems okay, also a bonus that the first move is made by them.  Tinder, slowly starting to get there with it.

    Have met some nice people so far, but I’m not convinced it’s right for me. Only recently separated and probably not ready for all this yet, but it’s helping my bruised ego recover…

    Edit.  There are plenty of Louise’s out there! To be fair I have met a nice one. There are also plenty of lasses that share my exes name that I’ve reluctantly swiped left on. It would be too weird…

    Premier Icon oldmanmtb2
    Free Member

    So i got a Tiger as a house cat the thing bit my arm off.. got rid of it.

    Now looking for a new Tiger…

    Best of luck i have witnessed some friends engaging with absolute nutters (of both sexes) to the point at which i was saying do not bring the new random nutter to the pub and definitely not to my house.

    Premier Icon Poopscoop
    Full Member

    Possibly closed by now but there was a big thread on the whole online dating experience a few years back.

    I know I was a part of it,or even started the thread, can’t remember!

    It was mainly Tinder focused from memory.

    Come to think of it, I’m not sure I’ve heard from a few of the posters since that thread…

    Premier Icon nickc
    Full Member

    IME; the free apps tend to be filled with the kinds of folk for whom dick pics and wild cat-lady behaviour is perfectly normal.so if you really want to exclude those people, a paywall seems to do the trick pretty effectively. Be honest in your profile. send messages to lost of women, strike up online conversations first, ask them to go on a date with you. Have lots of dates, even with folks you might not necessarily feel a connection with. Most folk are cool, and it’ll be fun to just meet people and share an experience with them.

    Don’t be a dick.

    Premier Icon joshvegas
    Free Member

    Don’t be a dick.

    Because it really limits the pics you can send.

    Premier Icon schrickvr6
    Free Member

    If you find someone that seems tidy don’t spend ages chatting online, arrange a date and meet up asap.

    Premier Icon redmex
    Free Member

    Don’t be showing to be riding a mountain bike , if it was me I would have a photo of me on a bike not wearing lycra or full on Endura but normal shorts showing the tanned legs hiding the scabby knee. It shows what one of your interests are, my partner rides a bike and just wished I’d met her in my 20’s rather than 50
    Good to have at least one main interest to share together and to balance the no dick pics put on no nail/eyebrow/too much makeup etc pics
    Standing next to your car like it’s some phallic symbol does very little, my Z4 does f all for my partner yet enjoys the roof down hair in the wind feeling, I love the
    car as it is great to drive

    Premier Icon i_like_food
    Full Member

    Brilliant, thanks all. Genuinely laughing now. Onwards!

    Premier Icon grum
    Full Member

    If you find someone that seems tidy don’t spend ages chatting online, arrange a date and meet up asap.

    Yeah that’s a fair point in general as people can be massively different IRL To how they seem. However I chatted for quite a while to my current partner just because of busy schedules etc making it hard to meet up.

    Premier Icon grum
    Full Member

    Not sure about other services but there was some research on Tinder that reckoned the balance on there was massively stacked towards men, which means that many/most women are pretty much swamped with matches/messages etc. Worth knowing because it can be quite disheartening sometimes.

    Oh yeah, and if you live somewhere small, it’s gonna be tough.

    Premier Icon nickc
    Full Member

    If you find someone that seems tidy don’t spend ages chatting online, arrange a date and meet up asap.

    Yes. This. A hundred times this…

    which means that many/most women are pretty much swamped with matches/messages etc

    My partner, (we met on Guardian Soulmates which sadly doesn’t exist any more) had well over forty messages including mine when she’d signed up after a day or so. I got one…from her agreeing to go on a date.

    Premier Icon DezB
    Full Member

    massively stacked towards men, which means that many/most women are pretty much swamped with matches/message

    It’s true, I think a lot of the extremely cagey messages you get back are because they have to weed out the married and the just-after-sex blokes. Seems there’s a good many on there giving us a bad rep.

    At least it’s easy to spot the completely mental women now, they’ve got a “sticker” saying Proudly Unvaxed 😀

    Premier Icon natrix
    Free Member

    Try to get a female friend or two to review your profile and get their opinions on it.

    Have a look at the male profiles in your area and see what you’re up against, pinch any good ideas.

    I had a read of ‘online dating for dummies’ which had some sensible advice.

    I was on guardian soulmates and then match, about 15 years ago, I met some really friendly folk, who whilst they weren’t interested in a date were happy to offer advice which helped to build up an improved profile. Lots of dates with a wide variety of ladies, some great fun and then met the woman of my life etc…………….

    Premier Icon MSP
    Full Member

    Block any profile with either a picture of a cat*, or a bed full of stuffed toys, both are a clear sign of insanity.

    *any dog that can be carried in a handbag is really a cat in disguise.

    Premier Icon franksinatra
    Full Member

    Try to get a female friend or two to review your profile and get their opinions on it.

    Don’t forget to thank them, perhaps you could pass on your appreciation by sending them a d**K pic

    Premier Icon tjagain
    Full Member

    Block any profile with either a picture of a cat, or a bed full of stuffed toys, both are a clear sign of insanity.

    Oh dear – thats my chances gone. I am watched over in my bed by a collection of childhood toys.

    I suppose at some time I may have to face the delights of internet dating. *shudders*

    Premier Icon MSP
    Full Member

    The trick tj, is not to put a picture of the toy wall on your profile, wait and let it reveal itself as you lock the door and start laughing maniacally before launching into a 6 hour lecture on why star wars is the best.

    Premier Icon DezB
    Full Member

    I’m never sure which way to swipe on the Tinder profiles who’s main pic is of their children, or teenage daughter.

    Premier Icon i_like_food
    Full Member

    Quite a few have their primary photos with a bloke. That always seems a bit odd to me?

    I’ve made some red flags for swipe left:

    1) bunny ear filter or similar
    2) no text/bio
    3) proudly non-vaxed

    That’s made the short list even shorter.

    Premier Icon Tom-B
    Free Member

    Another +1 to the advice of meeting up in real life asap.

    Oh god I hadn’t even contemplated the whole ‘vax status’ thing.

    With that in mind, my red flags would be:

    1. No vaccine
    2. Picture with snapchat filter etc
    3. Has kids (you may differ)
    4. Stupid eyebrows/weird botox lips/uber orange fake tan.

    Premier Icon Mister-P
    Free Member

    Kids in main pictute was always a no from me. Mention your children in your bio but I find having photos of them a bit weird.

    I am glad I got off Tinder and Bumble. I decided to go out and enjoy myself which lead me to meet a like minded woman on the river locally. We paddle boarded together for a few months and built up a real-life friendship before admitting we both wanted more. So much better than flicking through a handful of photos.

    Premier Icon dcwhite1984
    Free Member

    Not really got any tips on online dating for you, however i was in a similar situation albeit i was younger, i got married young (21) and had 3 kids by the time i was 25, we were together for 7 years, but grew into different people, i was fairly normal and she turned into a bit of a nutjob, she cut me off from a lot of my friends and i was pretty isolated.

    Queue me now finding myself single with 3 kids and a divorce by the time i was 27.

    i didnt think i was ready for the next relationship, however i found a lot of my old friends on facebook, both male and female and reconnected to get my life back, i arranged drinks with people who i wouldnt have normally hung out with just to get me out of the house, i joined a gym to make myself feel better and lose a bit of weight.

    3 months after moving out i went for a friendly drink with a girl i used to go to college with, funny story i asked her out at college and she said no, 10 years later we are still together, married and have 2 kids.

    Moral of the story, whilst you think you’re not ready for the next thing, you might just meet someone who makes you think otherwise.

    Premier Icon bikesandboots
    Full Member

    There was/is a website “photo feeler” which you can use to choose the best profile pictures. Using it did feel a bit underhand, but hey I need all the help I can get.

    Have a look at the male profiles in your area and see what you’re up against

    I did this once, it was quite disheartening. So many of them, yes a fair % are low quality, but due to the high total number there are lots of high quality too that I couldn’t possibly compete with.

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