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The Sound of Gravel: A Memoir Paperback – April 25, 2017


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A New York Times bestseller, The Sound of Gravel is the remarkable true story of one girl's coming-of-age in a polygamist Mormon Doomsday cult.

“A haunting, harrowing testament to survival." ― People Magazine
“An addictive chronicle of a polygamist community.” ―
New York Magazine

Ruth Wariner was the thirty-ninth of her father’s forty-two children. Growing up on a farm in rural Mexico, where authorities turned a blind eye to the practices of her community, Ruth lives in a ramshackle house without indoor plumbing or electricity. At church, preachers teach that God will punish the wicked by destroying the world and that women can only ascend to Heaven by entering into polygamous marriages and giving birth to as many children as possible. After Ruth's father--the man who had been the founding prophet of the colony--is brutally murdered by his brother in a bid for church power, her mother remarries, becoming the second wife of another faithful congregant.

In need of government assistance and supplemental income, Ruth and her siblings are carted back and forth between Mexico and the United States, where her mother collects welfare and her step-father works a variety of odd jobs. Ruth comes to love the time she spends in the States, realizing that perhaps the community into which she was born is not the right one for her. As Ruth begins to doubt her family’s beliefs and question her mother’s choices, she struggles to balance her fierce love for her siblings with her determination to forge a better life for herself.

Recounted from the innocent and hopeful perspective of a child,
The Sound of Gravel is the remarkable true story of a girl fighting for peace and love. This is an intimate, gripping book resonant with triumph, courage, and resilience.


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Editorial Reviews

Review

The Sound of Gravel is a portrait of real courage in a sea of pretenders. Ruth Wariner, you have my respect as a writer and a survivor.” ―Kelly Corrigan, New York Times bestselling author of The Middle Place


"A haunting harrowing testament to survival."
People Magazine

"Wrenching and moving...Wariner is a survivor, but more important, she’s a fantastic writer."
Entertainment Weekly

"An addictive chronicle of a polygamist community"
New York Magazine

“Engrossingly readable from start to finish... an unsentimental yet wholly moving memoir.”
Kirkus Reviews

"This well-written book is hard to put down and hard to forget."
―Publishers Weekly (starred review)

"Haunting. Rather than delving into the particulars of the community’s beliefs, Wariner reveals them as they arise. This gives great depth to the portrayal of her situation. With power and insight, Wariner’s tale shows a road to escape from the most confining circumstances."
―Booklist

"If your book club is looking for a startling memoir, look no further than
The Sound of Gravel. Disturbing, powerful, and poignant, Wariner delivers a harrowing story of survival and taking the necessary risk of saving yourself."
―Real Simple

The Sound of Gravel will haunt you, and Ruth Wariner will inspire with her direct, unsentimental prose. I lost sleep reading this memoir and felt nothing but awe and respect. That Ruth survived to tell this story simply boggles my mind.”
Jennifer Lauck, New York Times bestselling author of Blackbird, Still Waters, Show Me The Way, and Found

The Sound of Gravel is a riveting portrayal of what it's really like to grow up in a polygamist community. Ruth Wariner's simple writing, her enduring love for her mother and siblings, and her dramatic escape make this an engrossing, deeply moving memoir.”
Claire Bidwell Smith, author of The Rules of Inheritance and After This

“What chance does a girl have in a world where men believe that they (and they alone) are destined to be gods? This is the question Ruth Wariner bravely asks as she brings us into the hardscrabble Mormon polygamous communities of remote northern Mexico. Like a Dorothy Allison of the American West, Wariner shows us the humanity and tenacity in the people she comes from while making no apology for wanting something better for herself. Ruth Wariner has given us an unforgettable portrait of an enduring and deeply misunderstood segment of American society and a deeply moving account of her own determined pathway out.”
Joanna Brooks, author of The Book of Mormon Girl: A Memoir of an American Faith

“A beautifully narrated story that manages to be both heartbreaking and heartwarming at the same time. Told with generosity and without self-pity, I turned each page with admiration of Ruth's resilience and strength of spirit. Powerless as she watches her misguided mother endure a life of servility to her stepfather, Ruth's love for her siblings and determination to break destructive family patterns will fill your heart with hope and triumph. I will not be forgetting this incredible memoir anytime soon.”
Cea Sunrise Person, author of North of Normal: A Memoir of My Wilderness Childhood, My Unusual Family, and How I Survived Both

“I can’t remember a book that’s had a greater impact on me. Beautifully written, Ruth Wariner’s powerful, raw memoir will touch your heart like nothing you’ve read before. Told with unflinching honesty and a childlike innocence, Wariner takes us places―emotional and physical―few will ever experience, or even fathom. Ultimately this book is a testament to the human spirit, a tale of hope. Its stories of tragedy, abuse, trust, and dreams betrayed are more than offset by Wariner’s pure goodness: her courage, determination, wits, resilience, and ultimately, in her quest to save her beloved siblings, triumph. Jon Krakauer’s
Under the Banner of Heaven is a very good book. Ruth Wariner’s The Sound of Gravel is a great book, one that will haunt and inspire you for the rest of your life. In her exquisite and powerful telling, Wariner takes us to the darkest recesses of extreme polygamist Mormonism―on a painfully real and personal level―and brings us back to the light.”
April Christofferson, author of Trapped

The Sound of Gravel takes us into the complex relationships of families with intransigent beliefs, religious convictions so dogmatic that harrowing consequences are forced upon their children. Ruth Wariner, this child of an isolated polygamist community, not only survives the oppression, but writes this unaffected tale of compassion and haunting sadness."”
Sonya Lea, author of Wondering Who You Are: A Memoir

The Sound of Gravel is a powerful indictment against religious fundamentalism and the way zealots control and harm generations of women and children. This is an important, and ultimately triumphant, story.”
Julia Scheeres, New York Times bestselling author of Jesus Land and A Thousand Lives

About the Author

RUTH WARINER lives in Portland, Oregon. After Wariner left Colonia LeBaron, the polygamist Mormon colony where she grew up, she moved to California, where she raised her three youngest sisters. After earning her GED, she put herself through college and graduate school, eventually becoming a high school Spanish teacher. She remains close to her siblings and is happily married. The Sound of Gravel is her first book.

Product details

  • Publisher ‏ : ‎ Flatiron Books; Reprint edition (April 25, 2017)
  • Language ‏ : ‎ English
  • Paperback ‏ : ‎ 368 pages
  • ISBN-10 ‏ : ‎ 1250077702
  • ISBN-13 ‏ : ‎ 978-1250077707
  • Item Weight ‏ : ‎ 2.31 pounds
  • Dimensions ‏ : ‎ 5.45 x 0.95 x 8.2 inches
  • Customer Reviews:

About the author

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Ruth Wariner
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RUTH WARINER lives in Portland, Oregon. At the age of fifteen, Ruth left Colonia LeBaron, the polygamist Mormon colony where she grew up, and moved to California. She raised her three youngest sisters in California and Oregon. After earning her GED, she put herself through college and graduate school, eventually becoming a high school Spanish teacher. She remains close to her siblings and is happily married. The Sound of Gravel is her first book.

Customer reviews

4.5 out of 5 stars
4.5 out of 5
9,466 global ratings
Highly recommend
5 Stars
Highly recommend
It’s a memoir that you forget is a true story. I often had to remind myself that these things happened. They happened to a girl that grew up at the same time I did.Ruth was born on a fundamentalist Mormon commune. One of 39 children. Her father, The Prophet, murdered. She didn’t know him. Her mother remarries and continues to have babies with a monster. Why? Because according to their beliefs, this is what gets you Goddess status. The evil that religions cause is mind boggling to me. But I’ll leave that alone.This is a look into polygamy and authorities turning a blind eye and what happens when predators are given power (by God). It was heart wrenching, but also a story of unbelievable love and what lengths we go to in order to protect those we love. Ruth is a hero in my eyes....and I’m sure a hero in the eyes of her siblings.The writing is beautiful. She doesn’t sugar coat people or paint them as all “bad”. The story is genuine and many times I felt it right in my gut. Thanks for this book, Ruth Wariner. It’s a treasure.@SheLovesThePages highly recommends this book.
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Top reviews from the United States

Reviewed in the United States on April 4, 2024
Loved the book and finished it in two days. Quite a long list of characters so I ended up having to write notes to myself to keep everyone straight. Very very detailed descriptions all the way through, as though the author was instructed to include the smells, and the sounds into every single scene. And the smells and sounds for the next scene, then the smells and sounds for the next scene. I did love the authors humility and determination. After noticing the family photo included in the book was missing some characters, I went online to learn about each of them. The author has incredible strength and has gone through many ups and downs in life. I was horrified on some pages and found other pages very heart warming. This has been one of the better written "escaped-from-a-cult" books out there. Definitely recommend.
Reviewed in the United States on March 21, 2022
Ruth Weiner’s memoir is a riveting tale of survival. She lived with her siblings, mother and stepfather in a polygamist community in LeBaron, Mexico (a small town outside of ElPaso,Tx). Founded in 1944 by the author’s grandfather, Alma Dayer LeBaron, after God sent him a vision, the “Firstborns” were a breakaway from the the fundamentalist Mormon community in the states.

“I am my mother’s fourth child and my father’s thirty-ninth.” Ultimately her mother gave birth to 10 children, 4 with her father and 6 with her stepfather, Lane. At least 3 of these children had serious developmental difficulties, the oldest placed in a state mental institution. Audrey had no previous treatment as her family believed that the devil was the cause of her problems. As most everyone in the community was related to everyone else, one wonders if the health issues of these and other children could have been due to so much intermarriage?

Like others, Ruth’s family lived in primitive conditions without electricity or plumbing. They lacked nutritional foods and used illegally obtained food stamps. Ruth’s stepfather had more wives and children then he could provide for. When he began physically touching Ruth inappropriately her mother first doubted her, then later insisted that she forgive him. Her mother loved her children but was unable to protect them as she was "trapped by her beliefs."

After her mother died from a tragic accident Ruthie learned that Luke was being fondled by Lane, she decided to try to leave. "I knew my life would never be happy if all it amounted to was having children by a shared husband. "Mom couldn’t teach me that [how to be happy] because she didn’t know herself… she only knew “how to barely survive.” In 1987, at age 15, Wariner was able to escape LeBaron and her stepfather, with her 3 youngest sisters whom she raised in California. A compelling, heartfelt tale of survival, family, love and religion. ⭐️⭐️⭐️⭐️
7 people found this helpful
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Reviewed in the United States on January 28, 2024
I found myself searching for books similar to The Sound of Grave 6 years after I read it. It’s THAT good. I have a whole wall of books.. tons. And 6 years later, I remember this one so vividly. The shock, the awe, the way she has with words. What a truly incredible story! I learned so much I had zero idea about. It’s a must read! 10/10, 5 stars!
Reviewed in the United States on July 8, 2018
This memoir broke my heart over and over... AND... filled me with awe about how resilient and strong children can be. It's the story of a family living in a polygamist colony in Mexico. I wouldn't consider it a Mormon community because that denomination has long since abandoned the principle of polygamy. The abuse of women and children revealed in this book are not uncommon in the cults that have arisen on the fringes of the Mormon church. [BTW, I myself am not Mormon.] Still, it's disturbing to see the way Bible passages are misused in this colony to justify abuse of various kinds.

That said, Ruth Wariner sheds such a compassionate light on the families caught up in this environment and the devastating effects on women and children. Ruth and her siblings are at particular risk because their mother, who is widowed fairly young, marries a man who is unable to support the family, so they live in poverty and often can't provide the specialized medical care some of the children need. He uses the children as abject servants and is abusive sexually.

You hear young Ruthie pleading with her mother to leave this man, yet it's not hard to imagine how bound up the mom is in this system. How could she possibly support all these children on her own?

Towards the end of the narrative, an unnecessary tragedy occurs that takes the life of the mother and the youngest boy. In the midst of her own grief, 15 year-old Ruthie finds the courage and determination to rescue her siblings from further contact with her step-father. I found myself cheering for her, holding my breath, as they go through the border from Mexico to the States. One wants to shout "Free at last!"

While painful to read, this is an important book. It tells the truth, from the inside of a cult-like religion, about how far afield things can go when people set themself up as prophets. Being part of a mainstream group can have a protective function. Splinter groups can more easily go to extremes.

On a more personal level, we see how the children in this family develop various coping mechanisms, and how the two oldest, Ruthie and her brother Matt, join together to rescue their younger siblings. In the Epilogue, the author lets us see how therapeutic much work she's done to heal the traumas of her childhood, and how her risks and courage have benefitted all the children. Bravo Ruthie!!!
7 people found this helpful
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Reviewed in the United States on February 2, 2024
This story will absolutely break your heart, and will open your eyes to the horrors of polygamous families. What Ruth and her siblings endured is so incredibly devastating and sad, and many parts will certainly make you angry. But with Ruth's heroism and deep love for her family, they are able to escape abuse and find healing.

Top reviews from other countries

CC
5.0 out of 5 stars Excellent!
Reviewed in Canada on August 30, 2022
By far one of the best, if not THE best memoir I have ever read!
One person found this helpful
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Geraldine Evans
5.0 out of 5 stars Incredible resilient child
Reviewed in the United Kingdom on June 6, 2022
This book kept me reading. It was difficult to turn away. I recommend this book. It is well written, heartbreaking in places but the strength of Ruthie shines through.
Bethany
4.0 out of 5 stars I couldn't put it down.
Reviewed in Mexico on December 27, 2016
It struck very close to home, as I grew up near LeBaron and close family had similar situations. It makes my heart cry to see children suffering for "celestial glory" of the parents. Bravo for Ruth for getting her and her siblings away from that terrible life.
Flo
5.0 out of 5 stars Worth it
Reviewed in Australia on January 1, 2022
This was interesting from the start of the lives of this family...in parts it was an example of human survival but touching
Tim
4.0 out of 5 stars Heart wrenching
Reviewed in Canada on June 22, 2017
A story of resilience and pain. The author does a great job bringing the reader into the memories she describes.