r/nocontact

This is hard. It’s hard to lose complete connection with someone you were spending everyday talking to. No matter how much you want to break no contact please remember that it’s NOT worth it.

I broke no contact on Sunday and she was so blunt and short. I instantly regretted it. Not only do you disrespect your self worth - but you also disrespect their wishes. (That is if you are the dumpee) If you truly love them… Let them go. If it’s meant to be, they’ll come back.

Stay strong!

My ex and I have been no contact for about a month, and I was doing really good, up until my birthday where he broke no contact, wished me a happy birthday, and told me he bought me a gift and wanted to surprise me. We ended up meeting up and we kissed and I really enjoyed seeing him and I still love him but he still wants to be with me and I don't want to go back down this cycle of our on and off relationship, and i'm afraid of that happening. I don't want to stop seeing him but I also don't want to get hurt again. I also feel very guilty and so weak for seeing him again. I haven't told anyone so thats why I'm coming on here. I know were exes for a reason but I wish we could still be in each other lives without all the complications bc he will always try and be in a relationship with me. What do I do? Do I stop talking to him or is it possible for us to be friends?

I’m going to try and make this as short as possible. I just need some outside advice. It’s day 10 of no contact, and I’m in the overthinking stage.

• I’m FA lean anxious he is FA lean avoident

• together for almost two years

• beginning of the relationship was amazing. There was effort on both sides. Consistency.

• 8 months in, I met his kids and everything changed.

• Relationship turned inconsistent, efforts were one sided.

• Communication went from talking on the phone everyday to texting (unless I made the call, and even then he would barely talk)

• Quality in person time turned from 1-2 times a week to once every 2-6 weeks, and I always had to plan

• there is no emotional affection. No I miss you, no “you look good today”. Just completely shit down.

• this made me anxiety go into overdrive.

Fast forward to 4 weeks ago. We planned to see each other (I asked) after 7 weeks of no in person visits. I went to his place about 1.hrs away from me. I was about 10 mins away and he tried cancelling. (embarrassingly enough) I lost my shit on him…..15 mins later, he changed his mind. It was a Very very surface level visit. 2 weeks ago….. I saw him (he asked me this time) on his terms…. He was so stressed about life that I was not existent. I finished his work shift with him, we went to bed at 330am (he fell asleep bitching about his issues to me) , and then he woke me up at 530am bitching about his daily issues.

HERE IS THE IMPORTANT PART: We talked….. he seemed very overwhelmed with life, and I felt like I was a stressor. I asked if he wanted to split for now. He said “no”. Then I asked him if he needed a couple weeks to figure out his life without me, i told him I was not saying goodbye, rather than give him time to regroup. He said “maybe” I told him if I didn’t hear from him I would contact him when I got home from my trip (2ish weeks from then) I left him at 630am. He kept asking if I was mad and saying I love you. I thought that was the last thing we would say to eachother. But instead he kept texting me. I reassured him that we needed this time to regroup… that I loved him and it will be okay. He replied “thank you for being there even when I am not”. I told him he was there for me in his own way, and I appreciated the way he did show up. That was around 1030am. Didn’t talk all day, I sent a goodnight at around 830pm with a “chat tomorrow?” Then he sent me a “goodnight little girl, I love you” around 1030pm.

The was the last we spoke.

The “deadline” is near. Do I reach out cuz I was technically the one to recommend no contact. Do I leave it to him to reach out when he is ready. I just don’t know how to navigate this……. I’m scared to reach out in fear of rejection and having to feel the pain again. But I also dont want to not reach out, go against my word and hurt him.

I hate being in this position.

Hii Ladies,

To make a long story short, seven or eight I was dating-ish this guy, but he didn’t treat me right so I went no contact. After that he stalked me on Instagram, so I blocked him. He got back together with his ex, who then started making videos about me (confirmed via via) so I blocked her on all platforms as well.

However, I still attend the same uni as him. When we see each other, we don’t talk, but he makes it very known he sees me. I ignore him every time though. Lately however he’s starting to get in my personal aura. Today, for example, he was so close to me our fk butts touched.

I am not okay with this behavior, but I am not sure what else to do without talking to him. So, do you have any advice for me? Why does he do this and how do I stop it?

This is long overdue, but I finally removed my ex from Facebook and Spotify, the last two forms of social media I had him on. I am so ready to leave this 6 year relationship in the past and truly move on. The mental space that I was using to check his activity on FB and analyze his songs on Spotify playlists and new followers is finally free. I didn’t think I could do it, and I definitely resisted over the last few months, but it’s time to fully let go.

I came here to say the words of the title.

You’re doing great. No contact? Brilliant.

It’s been only a few months since I started, and I’m at some of the best I’ve been in a long while. Don’t get me wrong, thoughts flicker, but they don’t dominate my life like they used to.

But if you’ve just started? Stay strong, it’s for the best. If you’ve been on the streak for a long while, don’t break it. You’re all doing amazing, and I promise, it gets better. Focus on yourself, work on hobbies, go into education, focus on work. Do everything that you enjoy.

It’s okay to feel down and struggle to get out of bed, but getting out of bed is a massive thing. That alone deserves a pat on the back.

Keep going Kings/Queens, you’re doing so well, and I’m proud of ya’ll, regardless of how far in the process you are.

We all have gone no contact for a reason. And a good one at that. Here's my personal experience. At first: I cried nearly every second day, Then: I had all these feelings of guilt and then anger, frustration, deep deep sadness, incredible loneliness and I found myself sometimes fumbling because I was in so much grief I couldn't find it within myself to to find the words to explain how I was feeling. Moments of hopelessness, moments where I lost touch with reality completely because emotionally I felt so stunted. I have had moments when my boundaries have been crossed by this particular being and it made me so stressed I lost weight, happy to say I am at a better place. It's been about a year and somthing and the place I am at is that I am doing therapy, counciling, soon to do exercise and soon to get my nutrition sorted. I've found that I will never move on. It will never be easy not to miss them because they were such a HUGE part of my life. I have learned techniques with the help of support from my community and government associations and help from friends that I now consider my family. I ring them and I tell them of my trials and tribulations. This is about only 1 person I am going no contact with. You can imagine that there are quite a few.

I [27F] broke up with my ex [25M] 4 months ago. After 6 years being together having future plans of getting married. It all came to an end. We were long distance for 2 years due to me travelling abroad to study outside. This really put thr relationship to the test. My ex thought these 2 years slowly started to lose interest in me as I felt he was slowly distancing himself. He started wanting different goals, while I wanted to get married and settle, he wanted to go out an have fun and nothing serious (he didn't say it but I realized it) he was supposedly on board with us marrying, even promised me and everything. Though by the end it was apparent to me that he wasn't planning to keep that promise. The first day i was back home, tou would think he would be excited to see me? Come to me to the airport? Nope, he came a day later picked me up from my friends place, he had no interest it was Clear to me he stopped loving me. There were many things that happened but long story short. I was devastated and knew I deserved to be loved. So I broke up. He didn't fight for us and didn't care much when I told him. Even after everything we went through, after all the years, I was ready to let go of everything for this man.

Anyway know it's been 4 months i was in no contact since day 1 he never reached out either, most days are good, but lately the emotions hit me strong when I found out he is moving on so well through his LinkedIn... it hurts, it stings.

I'm here feeling sorry for myself, while he is living and free and happy. Will I ever move on?

Went ahead and deleted the body text, I don’t need my specific situation floating around on here

Thanks for the responses though

Not trying to win them back or anything. Just need some support resisting the urge to reach out. I’ve been rehashing old arguments in my living room alone today and I came to some realizations about things that I ended up taking the blame for. Old events that ended with conversations where I apologized instead of feeling heard or understood as to why I did the things I did when I was acting out of distress or hurt.

It’s all messy and there would be no reason to reach out because it wouldn’t solve anything. Just maybe absolve me of some guilt. Even still, it would probably come around to another circular conversation that I leave feeling guilty and responsible for hurting her instead of her recognizing her part in the conflict.

I guess I just really want to know that it’s okay for her to not know the extent of how she hurt me. It’s okay for her to villainize me in her head and blame me for everything falling apart. And maybe advice on how to become okay with it myself haha

Hi all, me and my ex both 19 now broke up 4 months ago. I said to myself I wanted to get her flowers on her birthday and leave them on her door or something where she’s get them. I think it’s because she ended stuff with me 3 days before my birthday and had been together for 11 months. I’ve read the other Reddit threads talking about this telling them not to do it etc. But I said I’d do it those few months ago, seems so short ago but yet so long, so I’m going to stick to what I said. I think it’s right to sign from myself on the little note area, wondered if I should write anything else. To be clear I don’t want anything from this and wondered if I should make it clear by saying something like “to make your day a little bit brighter - have a good day - don’t want a response, from name” and have To… name on the front

What do you guys think? I’m also trying to think if I can put it somewhere only she would see it cause I’m not sure if her mum would get annoyed if she saw it was from me since she didn’t like me and called me a narcissist - but I genuinely have no hidden intention and want that to be clear to her. I feel like if I do it I’ll be disappointed with myself Thanks

Also she lives with her mum and I wondered whether it would be less creepy (some would say) to leave it at her dads house with her stepmother, and write on it that it’s up to them to give the flowers to her, or just let them decide .

Honestly I don’t know if this is the right subreddit but my ex broke up with me because I didn’t care about her as a person and care to ask about her day,job,hobbies and school. The thing is, I would always ask her about these things and I showed interest in the stuff she liked and always asked questions about her day and school/job. It just cuts deep caring about someone so much and them cutting loose because they felt they weren’t cared for. I’m struggling with nc because even though she may have lost feelings for me, I still deeply care about her.

I've heard all the time that "they always come back" after you're doing NC, but wondering how many people are succesful with it. Currently in week 3 of NC, the breakup reason is "it's me, not you", and I dont see any hope.

So me and my ex have been broken up for about six months or eight months now and I still very much miss him. I kinda want to get back in touch with him, but I don’t know if that’s a good idea. We didn’t have that messy up break up and Istill very much love him. What should I do??

Make a list. Reallyyyyy think about it. Draw from your heart and number every reason you shouldn’t text them. It could be as simple as “it’s not right for you” or “they don’t like tacos” to “they cheated with a hooker and …” but make it in third person as if you are someone else talking to you (he’s bad for YOU vs he’s bad for me). Write it until you can’t anymore (you can think of at least 10 reasons, I know it!) and add to it whenever you think of another reason. This is not a pro-con list. This is a why this is not meant for you anymore list. It sucks and it hurts, but every time you think about texting them you can look at this list instead/add to it. This has been my saving grace because I am very impulsive. This keeps me from reaching out. If this doesn’t work pretend they are dead🤷

I genuinely feel like I'll never be happy again I had a dream last night that he texted me and said his now gf was trying to kill herself I woke up in tears I don't know what's going to help at this point

We haven’t interacted with each other in 8 months and he just liked 2 of my posts on 2 different platforms and I feel like physically ill 😭

let me start off with some pretext.me and my dad have always had a rocky relationship. I came out to him as bisexual when I was like 14 and that was the first time we went no contact he ended up not texting me calling me or seeing me for nine months.

when we did eventually reconnect, it was only ever for a short while because he would end up doing something shitty again so last year we were doing pretty good. I would go over to his house, maybe two or three months at a time and we would smoke out together.

I started my transition and was also on the path to get married at my wedding. I didn’t want to dress masculine and a friend had sewn custom dresses for me and my wife.

I was scared of how my dad would react so i had not invited him to the wedding , he ended up finding out I was getting married through my cousin and which lead to me being outed to my dad he showed up at my house a few days later (with wedding gifts?) i walked to to his car with him to grab the stuff and talk. i had apolgized for not inviting him to the wedding but told him that i’m not willing to compromise on dressing on how i want on MY wedding day, i knew with all hate he spews about anything not godly that he would blow if he found out i’m trans (which he did)

all i want from him is to call me by the name i’ve been going by for the last 10-11 years.the conversation ended with him saying “if i can’t call you by your god given name then that’s it goodbye”

i’ve just got top surgery and now have a honkin pair of tits and my features have gotten way softer/ i’m way more feminine than the last time he’s seen me

recently he’s tried to reach out to me thru my extended family and i am so scared that he is going to show up again, he’s a hardcore TRUMPer and it really hurts

not really looking for advice but if u wanna hear about my shitty family drama please hit me up idk where to post it

Today has been really hard for me and if I’m being honest, the feeling started late last night. I have finally decided to go no contact with my mom after years of abuse and her narcissistic behavior. I’ve known since I was 18 (now 23) that I did not want my mom in my adult life. I had battled back and forth between distancing myself and cutting ties cold turkey. This year I decided it was time to go no contact and despite spending months talking with my therapist about it, nothing can really prepare you for this kind of removal.

For a long time I’ve longed for connection and companionship and have struggled to receive and find it. I feel as though I’m a good friend and do my best to be a good partner to those I engage with romantically and casually. Last night I had been up thinking about all the casual encounters I’ve had due to not being emotionally available and what it was that I was seeking from them in the moment and what I want now.

Fast forward to today and I’ve been completely miserable. I was so down in the dumps and sad and had no clue why. I tried to push through at work and decided to make a journal entry. Which only made the feeling even heavier. After I finished my journal entry I checked the date and realized it’s my mom’s birthday today. Which made the feeling sink even more. I tried to reach out to my schools counseling office for a drop in appointment and was met with unavailability and a month long waitlist. To which I was redirected to a crisis line. I don’t feel like a crisis line is what I need because all I want to do is talk about it with someone and how I’m feeling. I went on my lunch feeling defeated and did my best not to cry while I walked around the plaza. I then decided to reach out to my friends but they either weren’t available or at “low capacity”. With these feelings of defeat I have begun to have the passing thoughts of wanting to hurt myself as a way to release the built up tension and pain.

I’m trying to remind myself of how far I’ve come (celebrated 3 years of no self harm!) but today has just been really hard.

I’m about a three months into my breakup. I (24F) was dating a bisexual man who came out as gay out of nowhere. He claimed that he was simply emotionally connected to me, and says he’s simply more attracted to men than women. There’s a lot of other stuff to unpack but that would make this post much too long. He was my first love and I was in denial for a long time. When dumping me he basically refused to give me any closure, claiming he didn’t have anything to say that would’ve made it easier on both of us. Before dating we had been friends for 10+ years. We’ve known each other a very long time, and that made the loss feel more painful. He said no contact was probably for the best. I tried to give him space but I relapsed about two weeks in, sent him a long message about how much I loved him etc. and was left on read.

Another two weeks go by, I sent another message after getting drunk. I know, it was a mistake. After this one I deleted his number so I wouldn’t be tempted to reach out. On the same day we hit our two month mark since the breakup, a mutual friend showed us his Snapchat story. He was celebrating two months with his former ex-boyfriend (who was also his coworker the entire time we dated). Messy, I know. Being replaced within 24 hours hurts your self confidence a lot. Anyways, it seems like he’s doing just fine without me. It doesn’t seem like he has been missing me at all despite our long history and how much he claims he cared about and liked me. I’m just wondering how long I will have to hurt like this over someone who doesn’t think of me at all. It feels pathetic. Everything reminds me of him and most days getting out of bed feels like climbing Mt Everest. The lack of closure and ability to talk this through feels like torture, although I’m aware he doesn’t owe me that. I’m not sure what to do except to keep hurting and giving it time. Any advice or words of comfort would be appreciated.

Two days no contact. I blocked her on everything. She has an issue with alcohol and has lied about it. Became abusive the other night and called me 54 times within two hours.

Here is her text from a different number -

‘Hey, listen I won’t reach out to you again after this, if you don’t respond or reach out then I will disappear from your life completely. I’m sorry, I know you don’t want me to contact you and I’m trying everything but I just can’t stand the thought of you hating me after everything.

I’m so sorry, I promise none of those things I said I meant. I completely blacked out, I didn’t even know what happened until I read the messages the next day and I was horrified at my behaviour. Even if you don’t respond ever, I just need you to know that I never meant those things. It’s like some crazy person came in and took over my body. I’ve not been able to function since it happened, I’ve not been able to eat or sleep and have been physically sick. I am so sorry for everything I’ve done.

I’ve completely ruined everything and I just miss you as a friend so much. I’ve contacted a charity down here that does free alcohol counselling so I have an appointment set with them and am going to go to AA groups and do lots of self work. Im really serious about getting sober this time. I can’t live like this anymore.

I take full responsibility for everything that’s happened, I know this is all my fault. Just last week you said I was an amazing person and I know you’ve lost a lot of respect for me over that episode but I’m still the same person. I made a big massive mistake I know that, but I’m still the same person. I know we will never be intimate again but I just really want you as a friend. I really didn’t want things to end like this at all and want to put things right.

I can’t stand the thought of you hating me or not respecting me. I know I can’t be a social worker the way I am just now, I know I am a liability. Everything you said about me was true. I am a joke. That drunk lunatic is not me though, sober me is me. I wish you would believe that. At my core I’m not a bad person, I care so much about others and I guess that’s why I wanted to go into this profession because I can relate to people in pain and want to help them. But I know I can’t, not like this.

I’m in constant pain every single day and I drink because it’s the only release I get. I can’t seem to deal with my issues because it’s too painful so it’s easier for me to just bottle everything up and drink the pain away. Then the next day I feel worse. And it’s as if all this venom and hurt and poison I feel is trapped inside me comes out when I’m drunk and I want to hurt people so that I’m not the only one feeling hurt.

I’m good at blaming others for my wrongdoing but I know that this isn’t the case in this situation. I know this has been entirely all my fault. I know you’ve been understanding and tried to support me and I just threw it all back in your face and I’m so so sorry for that.

I know the only way out of this is to go through it. I have accepted that alcohol and me will never mix, I know I need to work through my past and be honest about it. It’s hard but I am seriously motivated this time or my life’s just going to turn to shit. Ive been sober before and my life was so much more peaceful and I was so happy, contented and healthy. I remember you saying a few months ago that me taking time off might not be a good idea and you were right. It gave me too much time on my hands and I just spiralled. Things have become so much worse the past few months and I’ve just been trying to hide it. I have an interview for that job so I’m hoping if I’m successful that will give me something healthy to focus on. And if I’m not I’m going to keep applying for jobs. I’m going to start yoga again, more cycling, just healthier habits.

I just haven’t felt so connected with someone in a long time, I feel like I opened up to you and I know it’s not your responsibility but I am begging you to reconsider cutting me out completely. I will respect your boundaries, I won’t overstep the mark between friends and more. I’m not going to be dating or messaging or seeing others as I need to concentrate on me. I’m not going to be drinking so I promise you you will never hear another nasty word uttered from my mouth.

I am so sorry, you honestly mean so much to me, I value having you in my life in any capacity. I hate that I’m blocked, you always said we would be friends unless I didn’t want to and I know I have pushed you to this. I feel so abandoned, my honest to god worst fear is people walking out of my life on bad terms like this. But I caused it all. I hate myself for it. I wish there was something I could do to take it all back.

I know you have stuff going on in your life so I’m not asking you to take on any of my baggage, I just want to be friends again and chat and joke and hear about each others day etc. I’m not asking for anything other than that. I want to help you through any stressful times, I care about you so much but I don’t expect the same for me. I would love if we could just start a fresh and draw a line in the sand. My behaviour the past 6 months has been all addiction related, I’ve either been drunk or hungover and low. It’s not me, the real me is when I’m happy and productive and motivated and kind and empathetic. Not this horrible, nasty, disgusting cunt that comes out.

Even if you could just think about letting me be a small part of your life, I would be so grateful. I am sorry from the bottom of my heart.

I won’t contact you after this if I hear nothing. I just want you to know how sorry I am and that that isn’t the real me. However, I know that you don’t need to accept my apology nor believe it. Please don’t look back on me with hatred and regret. I think you’re amazing, I’ve not felt so connected to someone in ages and I’m sorry I fucked it all up. If you ever want to contact me on my normal number then please do, I’ll always be happy to hear from you.’

He reached out after three months. I should have blocked him so that I’d never see the message. As soon as I responded he ghosted. I guess it was a way to get me back for disappearing? I don’t know but it has caused a lot of anxiety and I feel like I’m starting back at zero.