- When Nandor and Laszlo are abducted by a coven of witches, the others must venture to Brooklyn to rescue them.
- A coven of witches abduct Nandor and Lazlo so that they can extract the vampires' semen as an ingredient for their anti-aging potion. Nadja, Colin, and Guillermo track them to their lair, and it turns out Nadja, Laszlo, and the head witch Lilith all know each other. It's up to Guillermo to come up with a clever solution to save the vampires.—Gislef
- At the residence, Nandor calls a house meeting but only Nadja shows up. She refuses to fetch Laszlo and says that it's a job for Guillermo, and Nandor claims that Guillermo is on a break. Guillermo is on one of the breaks that Nandor gave him,. Nadja tries to give Guillermo orders, and Nandor refuses to let his familiar take a break from his breaking.
Guillermo wonders if it's time to grow up and get a real life with real people. He's thinking of selling his new heavy duty blood remover.
Out in the garden, Laszlo is pruning his fruit trees, cutting off the apples and throwing them on the ground because he can't eat them anymore. A black goat, Black Peter, calls to Laszlo from the shadows. A black vortex sucks Laszlo up into the sky. When Nadja, Colin, Guillermo and Nandor come out to bring Laszlo to the house meetings, Nadja can sense that witches abducted Laszlo. Guillermo refuses to help because it's not in his job description. Another vortex sucks Nandor into the sky where a coven of witches are waiting, and Guillermo goes to get the car keys.
Guillermo drives off after the witches as they fly away with Nandor and Laszlo. Nadja backseat drives from the front seat and isn't very helpful. They follow the witches to a shop, Satchel Serafina, and Nadja sends a mortal in: Guillermo. The clerk, Quinn, asks if she can help him, and Guillermo pretends to be an ordinary customer. He asks if there's other rooms with other stuff. Outside Black Peter approaches Nadja and Colin and they get sucked away as well.
Quinn takes Guillermo and the camera crew into a back room.
The witches have tied Nando and Laszlo to slabs, and the crew finds them. The head witch, Lilith invites them into the chamber so they can document the ceremony for the ages.
Quinn takes Guillermo into a room and tells him to stay there with the others until the ceremony is complete. Colin and Nadja fall into the room as Quinn teleports them in, and then she leaves locking the door behind her. The vampires order Guillermo to turn on the lights, and he finally does so. Colin opens one of the many doors, finding a flaming Hell portal, and quickly closes the door.
Lilith has the witches take their places, and Quinn comes in to report the others are secured. Nandor tells the witches to release them and then they will be shown mercy, or otherwise risk destruction. The witches laugh hysterically and once they get the right playlist, they start dancing and wave censors. Laszlo and Nandor get erections.
Colin finally finds a door with a hallway behind it. It leads back into the room they were in, and Nadja yells that she's coming for Laszlo and he should be strong. In the ceremony room, Laszlo hears her and advises her to take her time. Lilith announces that it's time to begin the extraction. She warns that it will not be entirely painless, and the witches bring out 18th century surgical tools. Lilith and the others revert to their true elderly forms, and Laszlo admits that he wouldn't say no to them. While Liilith leaves, the other witches prepare the extraction and Laszlo has second thoughts.
While Colin drones on, Guillermo finds a door leading out because it has the word "Exit" on it in Spanish. Colin takes the credit for their escape, and they find themselves in the ceremony room. Nadja orders the witches to stop the extraction, and Colin takes credit for escaping their trap room. The witches figures that Colin has proven himself worthy of semen extraction, and Colin helpfully tells them that Guillermo is their guy.
The witches soon tie up Colin with Nandor and Laszlo, and Lilith comes in and pins Nadja to the ceiling with a magic spell. Nadja recognizes Lilith, since she befriended her many years ago. Lilith used to run a ladies shop as a front to distribute the very best semen to any witch who needed it. They were best friends until Lilith did something so unspeakable that they became enemies forever.
Lilith says that their anti-aging spells are losing potency, and Nadja says that she'll never get near her husband's sperm again. Laszlo admits that he had a "knee tremble" with Lilith some time ago, tricking her with her witchcraft. Nadja doesn't believe her husband was tricked, and Lilith drops Nadja on the floor and says that she took a form that she knew Laszlo couldn't resist: Nadja. She cast a spell to make herself look like a bad copy of Nadja, and Laszlo says that he can't tell the difference. Laszlo admits that he's slept with lots of people with long dark hair, including one of the witches and Nandor.
Nadja tells Lilith that she's welcome to Laszlo's semen and she's going home. Lilith reverts to her true form and says that no one is going anywhere. She figures that with the vampires' combined semen, they can maintain their youth even longer than before. Guillermo offers to provide them with all the vampire semen they want by his setting up a perpetual operation instead of the witches' one-time extraction. He'll get a percentage of the net profit, and calls it "Memo's Man Milk", Memo being short for Guillermo.
The vampires agree and release their prisoners, and they return to the residence and find Black Peter running around, having torn up the place. The goat leaves, and Nadja swears vengeance.
Later, Laszlo tells Nando that Nadja relegated him to the coffin in the basement. They admit that they both still have erections, and they agree to finish each other off and tell no one.
Later, Guillermo goes back to Serafina Satchel with a supply of man milk. He figures he'll just be another schlub to the vampires, and commiserates outside with Black Peter, a fellow familiar. Black Peter says that he's hung around for years and wonders if they'll ever make him a witch. Guillermo says that he has to go.
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