How to Graciously Hint About a Gift

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Last Updated: May 6, 2021

Life has certain grim realities. One of these is that some people in your life will never give you a gift you like. It happens. Just let it go and move on. Focus on the people who do have the ability and desire to find a gift that would please you, but might be looking for a little help.

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We hint for the same reason we joke—to get the truth out in a way that the listener can choose to notice or ignore. This may sound a bit complicated, but it’s necessary. An important rule of gift giving is never to overtly expect a gift. If you’re not expecting a gift, how can you tell the giver what you want? You do it with a hint. When you hint, remember your goal is to help a bewildered giver, not to come out of the occasion at a net gain. So, as always, be considerate. Imagine yourself in the other person’s situation and consider what the person is likely able to afford in time and cost.
The best hint-givers involve you in the conversation. They may get you to answer a question or give you a little story with the hint just to cement it in your mind.

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Drop a hypothetical hint. Do you remember learning about the subjunctive mood in high school grammar? It’s a great form for a hint.
- (1) Good hint giver: “If I were to start really equipping my kitchen, the first thing I would buy is this pizza cutter.” (2) Great hint giver: “If I were to start really equipping my kitchen, I know the first thing I would buy.” The listener then has to ask, What is that? “This pizza cutter. Remember when everyone came over for pizza and I had to cut it with kitchen shears? I think maybe this would work a little better.”
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Drop a historical hint. Sometimes historical hints are the easiest to come up with.
- (1) Good hint giver: “My friend got me a really fun book here once. I pretty much love anything that comes from this store.” (2) Great hint giver: “My friend gave me something so fun from this store once.” The listener then has to ask, What was it? “It was an art print book. I pretty much love anything that comes from this store. And they always have a sales rack in the back. I’m always so tempted because I want to take home every last thing on the rack.”
- (1) Good hint giver: “I love that we went out last Valentine's Day. It just doesn’t feel like Valentine's day unless we get out of the house.” (2) Great hint giver: “Do you remember what you gave me last Valentine's day?” The listener then has to rack his memory. “Really, the best gift was us going out together. Remember our walk after dinner? It just doesn’t feel like Valentine's day to me unless we get out of the house.”
Some items are best not given as gifts, like clothing, home decorations, or project gifts. Therefore, if you trust the giver to choose any of these forbidden items, it is your job, nay your duty, to hint that you would appreciate such an item. You too should avoid giving any of these forbidden gifts unless you’re given a specific hint. Another time to do your hinting duty is when you find yourself in a position to drop a hint on someone else’s behalf. For example, if you are about to watch your dad buy a gift for your mother that you are sure she won’t like, go ahead and drop a hint on her behalf.
Timing is important, especially if the hopeful giver is not good at picking up hints. So drop your helpful ideas a week or so before you think the giver will be searching for your gift. Otherwise you risk your hint going unnoticed.
You can hint right after receiving a gift if you can do it without sounding ungrateful. This requires delicacy. First mind your manners and show some delight when you open the gift. Then thank the giver. Only then can you drop your hint. It’s best to make the hint a statement of gratitude: “What a perfect way to finish off my mug collection. I don’t think I’ll ever have to worry about getting another mug.”

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Tips

Remember, you can console yourself with one last rule of gift giving: A giver should never ask about a gift they gave unless they have reason to doubt you received it. Otherwise, you are free to do with the gift as you see fit.

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Sometimes being over-obvious is good. Sometimes being over-obvious is not helpful. So, just try your best .

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