I (23f) don't understand why I struggle so much to make connections in real life, and at this point it gets to me because I'm feeling super lonely. To describe myself, based on other people's view, I'm nice, kind, good looking, and I can keep a conversation; yet I can't even manage to find friends in real life.
Where do you guys meet new people all by yourself? I really wish I had that friend I could talk to about life and do activities together. I know there's places like charities, sports club, gaming, and so on, but I would like to learn about other not so common places where it's possible to interact with strangers. I've tried going to cafeterias and bars, but it feels weird to even be there, like what am I supposed to do there all alone?
Whenever I take walks around the city it's a bit depressing seeing girls with their friends, and even their boyfriends being so happy and jolly.
Anyways, enough ranting on my side. I would really appreciate some of your tips and tricks, cuties. Also, where would you go have fun on your own? And also what podcasts do you usually listen to?
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You need to get involved with an activity where you actually do stuff with other people. Sports, book club, neighborhood gardening or cleanup. It's hard, people seem much more reserved socially these days and do so much online, that it's hard to connect in person.
Yeah. 'forced interaction'.
It's why a lot of romances start in the office. By exposing people to other people that wouldn't ordinarily meet, you get this forced interaction.
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Yep, and school. Too bad I’m no longer in school and work from home.
Farmer here, we've always been working from home. This is why regular social interactions like church on Sundays and the county fair are still heavily valued in small farm towns because those are the few times you get regular social interactions. I think part of the reason these thing are starting to falter is the rise of social media and people being able to always talk with each other. The fair was something everyone came back to in summer, and with small schools and class sizes, we'd end up having 90% of a class reunion every year. Now no one hardly bothers
TIL why farmersonly.com exists
4H, Bible study, book clubs, fair, clubs like VFW, Grange, Rotary, Elks, etc.
Farmers get their community groups on point.
I feel this pain
Pre-Covid anyway….
My brother decided to create his own bubble getting 5 people he got along well and rent a flat together during covid. He was flirting with one of the girls and they are now together. Cool little covid story.
Your brother knew exactly what he was doing trying to rent an apartment with her
Sly dog
It's why a lot of romances start in the office
Generally not advised though for the same reason. Forced interaction with an ex isn't worth the hassle. To me, my ability to make money is paramount and I would not risk it for a relationship that is likely to fail at some point. Keep it professional
Generally not advised though
Maybe not but I personally think that's ridiculous advice. My life would not have been nearly as good if I followed that and it's not just me it's one of the top ways married couples meet.
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By 'meeting people', are you speaking romantically or in general? I have no problem with meeting and making friends at work. Everyone can revel in their shared misery.
But romantically speaking, I think the risk is not worth the reward
I struggle with initiating relationships and my husband does not. Neither of us are shy, but he has many hobbies and finds local clubs for each hobby online. I've been relying on him, coworkers, and family to include me with their friend groups because I don't really have any hobbies of my own. His way is way more productive. There are literally clubs for everything. RC cars or planes, chess, beer brewing, hiking, running, fireworks, kites, D&D. You can find a lot of online communities that will put together a get together. So if you're more comfortable making connections online join a forum or something similar then perhaps someone in the online community will invite people over or announce they are going to comic con or something and people will connect there after having already met online. Making friends as an adult takes more work than just walking up to someone unfortunately and like I said, I struggle with this as well.
Edit:typo
I always used my husband's friends as my friends.. and now we're divorcing after 18 years together. A few of those friends will remain, I'm sure, but right now I'm kind of lost.
I tried stopping at a bar alone for the first time last month, and actually ended up talking to another girl and her boyfriend! She invited me to a 4th of July party a few weeks later and I went! But then her boyfriend smacked my ass and she seemed into it, so I went home. Navigating life as a single woman in her 30s is turning out to be incredibly difficult. I need a bigger pocket knife.
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I have a Kershaw Leek right now (love me some Ken Onion, I use the Work Sharp KO edition knife sharpener for all my work knives). I'd love something a little more intimidating but with a similar design. I haven't had to look into it, but I probably will now that I'm on my own for the first time in my life!
As someone who ended a 12 years relationship, I lost all the friends we'd made together. Didn't realize she was making things up about me behind my back. Now looking for friends is difficult. You may try bumble, it has a friend's section. My luck so far on the male side is a lot of gay dudes trying to hook up, but I know women that have had success on their side.
As a mid 30s recently single out of a long term relationship... Finding anyone to connect with is pretty weird and borderline impossible it seems. Dating apps are filled with prostitutes and scammers. Even know where to begin is a challenge but more over it seems in this day and age everyone either thinks you're out to get them or they're actually out to get you. Not real sure how to feel about the future at this point but at least we're young enough that there really is plenty of time to enjoy life and see what comes our way... Despite how hopeless it feels to be so lonely with no end in sight.
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I'm 35, been with my soon-to-be-ex since 16. I am on the very beginning of what you went through and I'm honestly just hoping I survive it all. Fuck.
It ain't any easier for single men in their 30s either. Probably why so many people are just passive and wait for the other to make a move. Shits just tough on everyone.
Yeah.. agreed. Finding people to talk to is hard, period.
“I need a bigger pocket knife” that comment got me 😂 being in your 30’s and trying to make new friends while also exiting a long term relationship is tough but hopefully worth it. Goodluck to all of us currently experiencing this!
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I also suggest taking a class in something that interests you. I met great people in jewelry classes and casual art classes. Check at the library, craft stores, and if a nearby community college offers adult education classes.
I'm totally with you on this and I've done this in the past with some baking courses. I have no problem conversing with the people at these but then never "close the deal" like when the class is over I never see them again. I guess with my husband's hobbies he's normally in for the "long haul" with these clubs so after seeing the same group for a year (for example) he's able to make some actual friends and not just acquaintances. That's why I said it takes work. I understand that it might be easier for others but since OP is asking for help I assume it doesn't come easy for them.
Hospice always needs volunteers. If you aren’t geared towards patient care, our hospice always needs a volunteer in the office and for fundraising
True but again, you're not going to make long-term friends this way. You'll make connections with some people, but then they'll die.
Which isn't a bad thing, it's just not really a way to meet people.
Does anyone have any idea where to go online to find things happening locally?
Honestly I hate to say it but "Google". Depending on the event there are websites like Eventbright, Meetup and All Community Events may be a place to start but of you don't live in or near a big city or have a niche interest it might just be local newspaper and Facebook events/groups where you'd find this stuff.
The first part of this is good advice too but a little trickier to set up Just make friends with a real social butterfly and by osmosis you will meet new people through them. Seems to happen most organically in school/college
It’s never too late to explore a new hobby. When I used to be in my teenage years I literally had no hobbies or interests whatsoever. Now I am 21 and I have 4 hobbies that I truly enjoy doing. Keep in mind a hobby doesn’t need to be something big or out of this world like building a rocket..it could be one of the simplest things like reading a book or taking a walk. I hope you explore new hobbies, wish you an enjoyable life :)
Rock climbing is a great one
A way to increase odds of making lasting friendships when joining a group, is finding a hobby or interest that you are actually passionate about. If you don't have one, find at least one that you can really geek out on.. even if you are a beginner. People that don't have interests outside of work/family tend to throw up red flags for others, or come off as boring.
And don't just co-opt a partners hobby if you aren't really into it. Finding something that's from your inner wants/talents is important to feeling like an individual.. which gives you more confidence in group settings. Focusing on improving yourself, will naturally attract others.
The odds of you finding compatible friends/partners goes up if you have things in common already and can talk about it. Finding people that 'get you' is more valuable than just finding temporary aquaintances.
If you haven't put in the work to yourself, why would anyone else? Hard-core honesty about your lack of 'doing the work' is the first step. Feeling like a victim or entitled to these relationships without this self-reflection, will never yield different results unless toxic manipulation is involved.. which will never be fulfilling like true friends/partners.
Approaching groups with a 'how do I get these people to be my friends so I'm not lonely' already sets you at a disadvantage since you are looking to others to fulfill your needs first without demonstrating you can contribute as well. People can typically sense this, and value equal exchange of ideas with interesting company.
Try finding a D&D group
That can be wildly hit or miss though
That's why you need to play a halfling divination wizard. Reroll all of those misses.
Especially for a woman.
So many D&D creeps and straight up incels... so many...
I would love to find a D&D group but I'm really worried I might not click with the people and then be committed or have to let them down.
I hear the Hellfire Club are looking for new members.
I don’t know, someone told me that’s a front for a demonic cult
I’ve always wanted to get into D&D but I’m now 37 and have never played it before. Wish I had
I just turned 38 and I’m looking for a group locally. So what if you’re in your 30’s? It’s a game. Go have fun!
I just started playing 2 years ago, I was 37
I'm 31 and have only played it once 10 years ago, or so. It was a blast and you don't have to be young to enjoy it. It doesn't even have to be fantasy based if you find a good enough dungeon master. You can even do all of this with a group you meet online, making it easier to find the time.
That's the hardest part, though, and why I haven't played in years: I don't have the drive to put myself out there and meet new people. It really is as simple as that, though. If you're interested, seek it out. I'm certain you could find a group around your age range that would love to have you.
37 isn't old, my friend. D&D is being played by people old enough to be your mom or dad.
If you love Tolkien style fantasy, you already have a good grounding. Don't hesitate, dive on in.
I am a DM for a group that consists of people who are 22, 25, 27, 28, 42, and 53. We all get along great. Look and see which of your local gaming stores offer D&D nights. That is how I got started in the hobby almost 10 years ago. As long as you have a good attitude, are willing to learn, and work as a team, they will be happy to have you.