"Life was really good" for country music star Felicity Urquhart, but that all changed when her husband Glen Hannah took his life in May this year.
"I loved my life, I woke up every day going, 'I love my kids, my husband, I know I've got work to do but I'm really content, really happy'," said the ABC's host of Saturday Night Country.
"We're in a good place and I thought we had it made."
Mr Hannah was an accomplished musician, producer and artist and his wife described his death as "one of the saddest days" of her life.
"My husband committed suicide and the shock for me has been immense and to not know this about someone, to find out someone can hide it so well," she said.
"I've known Glen for over 20 years and we've celebrated 10 years of marriage … we've worked together, we've toured, we've travelled internationally.
"I've now become a survivor of suicide."
Ms Urquhart said many people had shared with her their personal stories of how suicide had impacted on their lives.
She said it was an issue she had been aware of, but did not know the statistics.
Ms Urquhart said she discovered men in the 40-to-50 age bracket were most likely to take their lives.
"My husband was bang in the middle: 45," she said.
"It [suicide] has been shone into my life now, not by my choice, it's been thrust upon me, and you try to think, 'Well, what do I take from this? What can I share? Or what is any good to come out of this?'"
While there are many helplines and support services, Ms Urquhart said something needed to be unlocked so people like her husband would call or ask for help.
"Glen had a bazillion friends, so many friends that would have helped, and a loving family," she said.
"We were right here to help.
"I don't know what it is, the stigma is still there and the shame?"
From sadness to anger, it's been a barrage of emotions that flood Ms Urquhart daily.
"I scream a lot and I've found more of a colourful vocabulary that I didn't really tap into before … because the emotion is so intense," she said.
"I just try to plough on the best I can.
"Getting up for six and eight-year-old little girls make you do that.
"You've got to suit up and get them to school and be Mummy and try to still have some normality.
"So I'm doing the best I can."
Frozen Rabbit was Ms Urquhart's first solo album in 10 years. It was a labour of love that she created with her husband.
But a month after it was released, Mr Hannah died.
Ms Urquhart performed songs from the album at the Gold Coast's Groundwater Country Music Festival with her band the Faceless Men, of which her husband was a part.
It was her first gig since Mr Hannah's death.
"It was pretty special actually and moving for all of us," she said.
"There was some magic energy in the air.
"There's certainly a piece missing, and I said he would have loved this gig and he would have been really happy.
"If only he could have been able to get help."
Ms Urquhart felt the timing was right to get back on stage and to Saturday Night Country.
"You've got to make a commitment, you've got to decide, am I going to get back into living or am I not?" she said.
"I decided I am. I'm back to be present, to pick up and keep going.
"And I love country music, I love musicians, it's, as I say, my family more now than ever, and it brings me joy.
"So, I need to get back into that joy."
To try to reconnect to that joy after the darkness, Ms Urquhart attended a songwriters' retreat.
On her mind was whether she would still be able to write songs.
It turned out to be healing for her.
"It was the best thing I could have done and much better than a psychologist visit and counsellor," she said.
"It was just letting out these emotions and writing about things."
There has been an overwhelming amount of support for Ms Urquhart from her family, ABC colleagues, friends and fans.
She considers herself extremely lucky and said she couldn't imagine going through this alone.
"The outreach of love has been immense," she said.
"They've been showering me in love and kindness."
The immediate future is unwritten for Ms Urquhart but she is ready to begin the journey of trying to move forward.
"All of the good things that Glen taught me and inspired will remain with me as I regroup and move forward and do it for my little girls," Ms Urquhart said.