Synopsis
A girl who has a dream. A boy who needs a miracle. Together they discover what love is all about.
A 22 year old man who has lived inside a crystal room because of a rare illness, meets an up and coming rock star, and the two fall in love.
Crystal Heart
1986 Directed by Gil Bettman
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Alternative Titles
Corazon de cristal, Corazón de cristal, 水晶心
Releases by Date
Theatrical
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USAR
Physical
11 Sep 2007
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USANR
Releases by Country
USA
01 Feb 1986
- TheatricalR
11 Sep 2007
- PhysicalNR DVD Release
Popular reviews
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The inspirational tale of a 22 year old boy, trapped on the set of an early 80's space show, who becomes infatuated with photos of a pre-Whitesnake Tawny Kitaen and coaxes her, with mediocre song writing skills and bottomless whininess, into his crystal web.
It is an awkward story of love and poor decisions. Made even more awkward, and so much more hilarious, by certain scenes that I cannot spoil. There's glass. Things get greasy. That's all I'll say...
There's also an outstanding AOR soundtrack and a glimpse of Los Angeles at its absolute eighties-est.
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Michelle, Dan, and Emma let me pick a birthday movie to subject them to so when I saw this poster my gut told me to just hit play and never look back.
Absolutely one of the most misguided, embarrassing turds I've ever had the pleasure of experiencing. At the same time a very Carlo-pick, but total kryptonite to Michelle with how disgustingly condensed and stereotypically 80's it is.
If you're wondering if there's a "sex" scene where Tawny Kitaen and Crystalfer the Bubble Boy get nekked and smush their genitals against the glass wall for an obscene amount of time you can rest assured because the answer is yes.
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So, at first glance, a love story between a hermetically-sealed bubble boy and a beautiful rockstar might seem like the most off-putting and unfathomable premise of all time. And you'd go on to assume that there's no way in hell to make an atrocity like that work, and it would be the worst thing you've ever seen. Well, you'd be wrong. They took that dreadful premise and just rocked it to the motherfucking hilt, dedicating with full sincerity and passionate disavowal of realism and common sense to create a pure romanticized fantasy despite being entrenched in the lowliest of human misery. It goes for it so whole-hog that you can't get mad at it—if it were just a little bit…
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This unbelievable piece of 80s filmmaking is cranked up to eleven and has everything you want from a misguided cheese classic
• dance montages
• charisma void of a lead actor
• complete lack of romantic spark
• high concept (bubble boy falls in love with rock star)
• script seemingly written by alien trying to blend in as human
• a dog (aka "doggle" according to our lead)
• sex scene where our two leads strip naked and smush their bodies and genitals against smudgy glass for ten minuteswait what
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Surely, the audience will like poor Christopher! After all, he’s stuck inside a glass room! No?
What if we make him complain nonstop? Wow, still no, huh?
Ok, can you, at least, pity him? No?
Uhh, Tawney Kitaen? Yeah, ok, I’ll watch it. -
Needed to see this ever since I read Carlo’s review and boy am I glad I did.
Choose Your Own One Liner:
Funny sorry, this is also how I lost my virginity.Come for the 80s dance, anger and sex montages, stay for the scene where he rolls in the grass and makes out with a dog.
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Definitely the by product of a producer that nearly died busting a nut to the "Hear I go Again" music video.
What a time, all you needed was a soundtrack and someone half the audience wanted to fuck, and that was it.
Walks an incredibly fine line of being utterly dumb, but incredibly heartfelt.
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re-watching this with a group of friends on the internet and patiently waiting for their reactions to the the greasy "through-glass" sex scene was pretty delightful and good lord this movie is an all-timer wtf experience.
and the songs still absolutely rip
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A very 80s riff on THE BOY IN THE PLASTIC BUBBLE starring one of the kids from FAME and Tawny Kitaen (as an up and coming LA rockstar) - from the director of NEVER TOO YOUNG TO DIE & delivers on all that but even so I was weirdly moved by it. Definitely charmed me.
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Completely incoherent nonsense. Nothing is explained, every character mumbles every line of dialogue under their breath, it all hinges on a relationship with zero chemistry, everyone drinks milk for no reason, every second scene is just a straight up music video, and it has maybe the most uncomfortable, bizarre sex scene I've ever seen. Schlocky garbage that I had an absolute blast watching. I love it.