HORROR TEN SPOT: Top 10 Boobs

June 19th 2009, 1:26pm

Last Updated on August 3, 2021

Every once in awhile someone has an idea that’s so simple, it’s simply genius. Like when Catalano asked if I ever do a sequel to a Top 10 after we discussed what a shame it was that “Tit Shots” had already been done. Well the answer is no, but that doesn’t mean another angle can’t be taken.

So this time the focus is simply on the best boobs in horror. We’re talking about those scenes where an actress and her boobs create a duet of deliciousness that simply cannot be ignored. I’ll give you fair warning that this does not require nudity, although that certainly helps.

And once you’re done enjoying this week’s list, why not spit bullets with other great boobs, and even better, links to make your argument more persuasive, so that everybody can get in on the fun. Boobs! Heh heh.

1. Anna Falchi’s Boobs, CEMETERY MAN

I’m not sure a better body has walked the earth than that gifted to Anna Falchi. This is the kind of woman that seeing her in person could easily lead to a RAIDERS OF THE LOST ARK. type physical meltdown. And this movie is great at recognizing that fact, and then providing us simple creatures with ample manna of the stripe that we want to feast. And oh what a feast!

2. Julianna Guill’s Boobs, FRIDAY THE 13TH (2009)

I am Jack’s inflamed libido. Sure the kills kinda lost steam early in the joint, but thankfully we get lots of delicious nakedness to make up for it. And the clear winner in the F13 nudist Olympics? Just look up my friends and click that link. You’re welcome.

3. Debi Sue Voorhees’ Boobs, FRIDAY THE 13TH: A NEW BEGINNING

Giant, perky and awesome. What more do you want?

4. Stacey Alden’s Boobs, A NIGHTMARE ON ELM STREET 3: DREAM WARRIORS

I’d have to offer TMI to really get into how special this entry was to my teenage self. Suffice to say that in many ways NOES 3 made me a man, and for that I’ll always love Ms. Alden’s rocking body. And regardless of suspect personal stories, let me just say “Holy shite!”

5. Cristi Harris’s Boobs, NIGHT OF THE DEMONS 2

Yummy. Sometimes a lass just has a rack that seems to defy gravity. When you pair that with an angelic face the mixture is super potent. Sure the sequel may not have been the best film ever, but it sure did offer us a sweet solid look at sublime female flesh. So thanks!

6. Diora Baird’s Boobs, THE TEXAS CHAINSAW MASSACRE: THE BEGINNING

Natural f*cking wonders my friends. They actually don’t look quite as good here as they have in certain other projects, but damn this is the kind of womanly flesh that leads men to go on Frodo-like quests. Is it possible that a pair of lady lumps could uncrazy Kim Jong Ill? If so I’d bet on the Baird.

7. Tiffany Shepis’ Boobs, NIGHTMARE MAN.

AITH’s new resident columnist is a chick who ain’t afraid to get nekkid. And being a dude, I gotta say thank God for that because her bewbs are awesome and I’m comfortable with being simple enough to be down with that. At the same time, what makes Ms. Shepis so fucking amazing is her unique sass mixed with the fact that she’d likely drink your monkey ass under the table, while still dropping the vibe that she’s a truly genuine lady.

8. Jennifer Love Hewitt’s Boobs, I KNOW WHAT YOU DID LAST SUMMER

It’s pretty stupid that Hewitt still refuses to give up the goods, because her boobs are primarily a co-star in every film she does. Of course IKWYDLS takes it to a whole ‘nother level. There’s is no scene that doesn’t appear to have been lit, shot and scripted around how to make Jen’s substantial assets pop. Just show the goods babe. We’ll all take you a lot more seriously when you allow the focus to shift from your constantly, conspicuously covered boobs.

9. Rose McGowan’s Boobs, SCREAM

Hello nipples! Rose is one of the hottest women in Hollywood, and the fact that she was a good enough sport to rock the twin torpedoes for Wes Craven in SCREAM speaks volumes for her. Sure the character ends up eating it in one of the lamest deaths ever, but she does it with Aniston-like front thimbles, so much can be forgiven.

10. Rhona Mitra’s Boobs, HOLLOW MAN

Hard to leave the lovely Ms. Mitra off the list even though the scene in question is not exactly a fun one. She’s just such a lovely lass and getting to see her assets is well worth any moral qualms that might come from deriving enjoyment out of a rape by invisible assailant. At least it’s not as bad as THE ENTITY.