Our trips to the paddle-only wilderness area along the border of Minnesota and Ontario are not really about fishing. It‘s just easier to tell everyone we’re “goin’ fishin’” than try to explain we’re going to rejuvenate our souls in a pristine world of natural beauty unchanged since the Ojibwa tribe made it home. People would just roll their eyes.

 

The magic of becoming one with nature has been a topic of conversation around many campfires. We’ve decided that when a traveler sacrifices modern conveniences and schedules, and leaves clocks, phones and work at home, the wilderness is more likely to bestow them with certain “gifts”. And for us, the most valued of these are the gift of loon calls, the gift of northern lights and the gift of the moose. Any one of those precious gifts makes for a GREAT trip. The rare perfect trip grants all three.

 

As usual, on this trip we tried to select campsites with northern exposures, and about the fourth night in were rewarded with a clear night and incredible show. The shimmering greens and red explosions of Aurora Borealis put civilized fireworks displays to shame. And twice we camped in lakes where we could sit quietly at the waters edge and hear loons on both ends of the lake exchange hauntingly piercing calls. On most trips we would surprise more than one moose as we paddle into a secluded bay or drifted by a quiet marsh. But for 12 straight days the moose remained elusive.

 

Every morning we discussed if this would be the day for the gift of the moose. I was beginning to suspect one of my companions cursed us with a smuggled cell phone or something. And sure enough, on the last night of the trip my friend confessed he had packed an alarm clock to make sure we got an early start on our final push home. I crawled into my sleeping bag, swearing to the spirits that it was not MY alarm clock, but resigned that two out of three gifts was pretty darned good.

 

It was still pretty dark when I woke to what sounded like distant grunts. HRUUP! HRUUP!

 

“What the heck is that?” I asked my snoring, technology-whipped tent-mate.

 

“I don’t hear anything….scared of the dark?” he said sarcastically. Then he glanced at his uninvited clock and said, “Stop worrying and go back to sleep because we have to get up soon.”

 

Instead, I threw on some clothes, grabbed my camera, and jumped in the canoe to follow the grunts. I quietly paddled around our point and into a little bay behind our campsite. And there I received the ultimate gift of the moose.

 

For more than 30 minutes as the sun slowly peeked up through the morning mist I sat mesmerized as this majestic beast ate and explored less than 30 feet away. He posed, grunted, and swam in front of me several times before finally climbing back on shore and noisily disappearing through the trees. The BEST gift of the moose ever!

 

I love showing this photo to the guy with the alarm clock.

 

View On Black

 

The front entrance to Baclaran Church, Baclaran barangay, Manila, Philippines

 

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From my set entitled "Uncle Bill Watson"

www.flickr.com/photos/21861018@N00/sets/72157600269993237/

In my photostream

www.flickr.com/photos/21861018@N00/

Watson reunion photo in which Cam Devine appears

www.flickr.com/photos/21861018@N00/536290657/in/set-72157...

 

Campbell (Cam) Devine was my Uncle Bill Watson’s best friend during early school years in Grand Valley, Ontario. Cam was killed on August 12, 1944, when the Flying Boat he was piloting crashed in Ireland. I am including a notice of his death from the Grand Valley Star and Vidette, and a detailed account of the crash as remembered by Chuck Singer, one of Cam’s flight crew.

 

From The Grand Valley Star and Vidette, August, 1944

Another Grand Valley Boy Passes Overseas

News of the death of another Grand Valley boy overseas was received in town the latter part of last week. He was Flight Lieut Campbell Devine, elder son of Dr. and Mrs. E. W. Devine of Orillia formerly of Grand Valley. Campbell was born in Grand Valley and moved with his parents to Orillia some years ago. His death occurred in Ireland on Aug.12 and interment took place in Ireland. He was a chum and pal of the late P.O. Bill Watson of Grand Valley. Brief references to his death were made in the pulpits of Knox Presbyterian Church on Sunday morning and at the memorial service for the late P.O. Watson in Trinity United Church on Sunday afternoon. Besides his parents and one brother, Donald, the deceased leaves a widow and one child, all of Orillia. To the bereaved parents, brother, widow and child the sympathy of this community is extended

 

Full particulars regarding his death had not been received at the time of going to press.

 

Taken from THE BATTLE OF THE ATLANTIC Highlights from 422 R.C.A.F. Squadron, 1942 - 1945

www.airforcemuseum.ca/422ww2.htm

August 12, 1944 saw the crash of Sunderland T of 422, in Donegal County, Ireland, just north of Belleek, Northern Ireland, shortly after take-off for an Atlantic patrol. The heavily loaded aircraft had suffered an engine fire and loss of propeller and a crash landing was attempted on a relatively flat area. The skipper, F/L Cam Devine and two crew members died in the crash. The remainder of the crew received serious injuries and were initially treated in the Irish hospital in Ballyshannon, Donegal County, and later moved to the military hospital in Necarne Castle near Irvinestown, Northern Ireland or to hospitals in England.

 

Taken from the The Impartial Reporter: For Fermanagh, Tyrone and Border Counties of the Republic of Ireland:

Issue: 15-08-2002

www.impartialreporter.com/archive/2002-08-15/news/story41...

 

A tear ran down the cheek of Chuck Singer as he stood on the windswept bogland of Cashelard, receiving long overdue recognition for an act of great courage undertaken 58 years ago to the day.

 

It was a marvellous moment, a fitting closure to a remarkable tale, owing much not only to Chuck, whose selfless actions as a 19 year old First Gunner on a stricken Sunderland flying boat in 1944 saved the life of a comrade, but also to his son Bob (who correctly pointed out that reports of his father's death in the Squadron records were greatly exaggerated), and local historians Joe O'Loughlin and Breege McCusker.

 

A large crowd gathered on Monday at the exact hour at the site where Sunderland NJ175 crashed shortly after taking off from its base at Castle Archdale. They gathered to pay tribute to Sergeant Chuck Singer, but also to the three airmen who did not survive the crash, and whose names are recorded on a memorial stone erected at the site two years ago. With a beautiful ceremony choreographed brilliantly by Joe and Breege, interspersed with presentations to Chuck, the crowd listened to a recounting of the Canadian's remarkable story.

 

422 Squadron Royal Canadian Air Force arrived in Fermanagh in the spring of 1944, youthful, joyful crews of men who had thus far generally enjoyed their war experiences, stationed with Coastal Command in Scotland, protecting Merchant Navy convoys from the threat of German U Boats.

 

They were to do the same job from their base on Lough Erne, patrolling out into the Atlantic and also into the Bay Of Biscay and the English Channel. Their role was an important one- the U Boats were the only cog of the German war machine which really frightened Churchill, and any break in the Allies supply line would have had a debilitating effect on the war effort.

 

But to the airmen based in quiet County Fermanagh, on the usually serene Lower Lough Erne, the war must often have seemed a world away. Chuck remembers that conditions on the base were "beautiful, just fine", and that even when they were airborne, patrolling at an average altitude of 400 feet, there was never any real feeling of unease or fear.

 

"We felt like nothing was ever going to happen to us out there. To fly was just a treat to get up and if they ever postponed a flight on us we got sick, you know, just sick. I don't know any aircrew that ever worried- it was all jovial, funny guys that had a good time, I don't know anybody that ever worried about dying. Flying out to sea in those things was so peaceful. You almost forgot that you had a job to do it was so beautiful and peaceful."

 

During his short spell in Fermanagh, Chuck fortunately never had to fire his guns in anger from his position in the turret at the top of the giant seaplane, but remembers one occasion when his crew felt they were about to have their first serious engagement with the enemy.

 

"We thought we had a pair of them one time," he said. "It looked like a mother ship refuelling a smaller sub, so we dived at that thing, we had all the depth charges out on the wings, we were ready for everything... and they were two of the most beautiful Blue Whales you ever saw in your life."

 

Chuck left his turret and aimed a camera instead of his machine gun. He took a couple of photographs and left them in to get developed back at the base, but due to his unfortunate exit from Castle Archdale he was never able to pick them up again. "We went out feet first and I never did get them. I'd loved to have had those pictures," he said wistfully.

 

The biggest threat to their safety that Chuck encountered during the patrols actually came from the Merchant Navy which the Sunderlands and Catalinas were sent to protect. Engagements with enemy aircraft and U Boats were rare by 1944, but the Merchant convoys were jumpy, and fairly 'trigger happy' recalled Chuck.

 

"The worst part was flying alongside a convoy, because those merchant people- they were shooting at everything, and they didn't know us from the enemy. When we used to approach a convoy the skipper used to give them every view they could of the markings or else the Merchant Navy would shoot you down."

 

They would also shoot coloured flares by way of identifying themselves, but the colours were changed frequently, and sending up the wrong colour could prove fatal. Call signs were also used for identification and changed frequently, but there is one call sign which is indelibly printed on Chuck's memory. 'Eyeglass Eagle'. This was the last call sign of Sunderland NJ175, as it took off around 11:15 on Saturday morning, August 12, 1944. NJ175 was like any other Sunderland docked at the Flying Boat base, and was supposed to have been checked by the engineers before take off. Every one of the 12 man crew had checks to make after being rowed out to the boat on a dinghy.

 

"When it was our turn to fly they'd put us in a dinghy from the dock and run us to one of the boats, and we'd get on it and check everything out, and if something wasn't right we'd radio the dinghy and it would come back and get us and take us to another one. Often there'd be two or three before we'd get one that was operational."

 

Everything happened in such a hurry that it was fairly common to experience mechanical problems, said Chuck, and often the crews would be delayed at least an hour by repairs.

 

On the flight on August 12 was his regular crew, all of whom had got to know each other like brothers, having flown and socialised together in Fermanagh for months, as well as a few trainees, learning the ropes, and sitting, fatally as it turned out, near the cockpit behind the skipper, Flight Lieutenant Cam Devine.

 

They were heading for the English Channel, hoping to catch the German subs heading for Norway from their base at Brest on the French coast. The men- all members of the RCAF, were expecting to be away for between 10 and 12 hours, burning an enormous 2000 gallons of fuel. As it happened, they were only airborne for a fraction of that time- about 30 minutes- and had to dump as much of the fuel as possible over the surrounding area.

 

"The engine sounded uneasy all the time after we took off. It just didn't sound like it was hitting all cylinders, it sounded funny. But sometimes that clears up, but this time it didn't," said Chuck. The noises got worse as the plane reached the West Coast of Ireland and a problem in the outer starboard engine had developed into a fire. The crew sent out a mayday call and turned around to return to base. Orders came in from Castle Archdale to jettison the fuel and the depth charges on board, which would have exploded on impacting with the ground.

 

Local people in the fields around Belleek were used to seeing the huge Flying Boats sailing out to war over their heads along the secretly negotiated Donegal Corridor, but to see one with thick black smoke billowing out from its starboard engine was an unusual and alarming experience. Although Cashelard is a remote area, there were a number of people in the vicinity, taking advantage of the great weather to work in the fields or enjoy the first day of the Grouse shooting season. Their peace was about to be shattered.

 

On board the plane, dumping the 2000 gallons of fuel was proving too dangerous, as the high octane fuel was pouring out perilously close to the burning engine, risking an explosion which would blow the plane to smithereens. Flying Officer Alex Platsko, the Second Pilot, whose job it was to jettison the fuel and depth charges in preparation for a less than routine landing, now had to shut off the fuel dump valve again.

 

And there was another problem- the track for the depth charges was sticking, and the crew couldn't get them out of the plane. Eventually, after a desperate struggle, the crew worked the charges free, and they dropped harmlessly to the ground, to be blown up next day by the Irish Army and officials from Castle Archdale.

 

Platsko returned to the task of shutting off the fuel dump valve, but was shuddered out of his work by a loud bang as the burning engine suddenly froze up and the propeller twisted off its shaft and spun into the starboard float, causing the plane to bank suddenly, steeply to the right. Chuck remembers the sharp snap of the propeller breaking off, not long before impact.

 

Skipper Cam Devine, just 22 years of age, had a fight on his hands. With one engine on fire and out of action, and a half a tonne propeller embedded in the side of one of his floats, the plane was losing height at a frightening rate and in danger of hitting the ground sideways first. "We could've cartwheeled - if the wing had touched first we would all have been dead," said Chuck.

 

The crew members were adopting the crash position, something similar to what is advised on commercial airliners today, but without the fancy demonstration cards. Cam Devine was fighting for his life, and the lives of his comrades, fighting to get the heavy plane back on an even keel to give them a chance in the crash landing which was now inevitable. Somehow, against the odds, he achieved this, righting the plane just before impact on the Cashelard ground, succeeding in saving the lives of nine of his crew members, but losing his own life in the process.

 

Chuck remembers certain aspects of the impact, but he was concussed, and blood was streaming down his face. Three of the crew- Cam Devine, Pilot Officer R.T Wilkinson and Flight Sergeant Jack Forrest- died instantly. Alex Platsko, who hadn't time to buckle himself back into his seat after jettisoning the depth charges, was thrown through the windscreen, and survived, although he was seriously injured.

 

The plane hit the lip of a country track, coming down perpendicular to the road rather than along it, which caused the bottom half of the plane to be severed in the sudden halt. "When the bottom half of the plane was torn out I was up in the ceiling getting my arms broke and my face cut, and concussion, and I was looking down and I could see George Colbourne laying face-up on the bottom of the boat," recalled Chuck. "We went over the top of him, but it looked like we were still and he was sliding on a toboggan underneath us- that was the effect we got. That was the last thing I remembered until I gained consciousness again and tried to get out of that thing."

 

The next thing he remembers is the heather all around the crash site being on fire. The Sunderland had broken in two places- at the tail, and between the under section and the rest of the plane. The tail breaking off was a blessing in disguise, affording an escape hatch for Chuck and some of the other crew members.

 

Dazed, bleeding, and with his left arm hanging limply by his side, Chuck somehow got out of the mangled remains of the plane. As aviation fuel leaked out of the plane the fire spread, and bullets and ammunition were exploding in the heat. Chuck staggered clear of the heat, but heard George Colbourne crying for help. George was trapped under the wreckage of the tail, powerless, with two broken legs. Chuck turned back into the flames.

 

"I can remember going back when I heard him crying and screaming. I heard him before this, and I thought 'God, I'm not going to get him', and then he screamed one more time and I thought: 'I've got to get him', so I went back after him. I pulled my arm out hauling him out- I tore a ligament in my shoulder. I couldn't use my left arm- it was broken. So by the time I got him maybe 50 to 100 feet away, I don't know how far it was- until I couldn't feel the heat anymore- I passed out, and so did he."

 

The fire totally engulfed the plane, but somehow all of the survivors had got clear of the wreckage. Joe O'Loughlin reached the plane on his bicycle about half an hour after the crash, along with other locals and helpers, including the supposedly neutral Irish Army from Finner Camp, rescue services from Castle Archdale, and medical staff from Ballyshannon's Shiel Hospital. All of the injured, with wounds ranging from a broken back to severe burns, were taken to the hospital, where they remained for 48 hours before being transferred to St Angelo Airport and over to hospital in England.

 

At this point, according to the records of 422 Squadron, Sergeant Charles (Chuck) Singer died. This was quite an alarming discovery for Bob Singer in January this year, who thought that his father had recovered from his injuries, received a medical discharge and flown back to Canada, where he later married, had five children and moved to Florida, keeping in contact with George Colbourne, who rang him every year on August 12 to thank him for saving his life on a lonely Irish bog, a lifetime ago. Bob had decided to do a little research into his father's Airforce career, and had stumbled upon the Squadron records. He knew very little of the crash, and nothing of his modest father's heroic rescue of Colbourne. He sent a reply to the website, stating that as his father had been helping him in the yard that morning, and notwithstanding a Lazurus-like reincarnation, he had not died in England on August 14, 1944, as the Squadron notes reported. Chuck had missed out on over 50 years of squadron reunions thanks to an erroneous report in the records. He had no idea that there was such interest in those based at Castle Archdale: "I didn't have a clue- I thought that we were all forgotten. Joe here, he got after me right away- I got a letter within a week from him."

 

He also got in touch with the courageous Alex Platsko, now Dr Alex Platsko, who lives in the prestigious Pebble Beach resort in California. The two old comrades talked together for the first time in 58 years a few months ago, while Chuck ordered his Squadron badge, an honour he had neglected for over half a century.

 

This has been a year of amazing discovery for both Chuck and Bob, who accompanied his father on his emotional return to Fermanagh and to Cashelard. Under the gentle guidance of Joe, they have revisited so many areas of huge significance for Chuck- the well kept war graves in Irvinestown where his three comrades are buried; Castle Archdale with Breege McCusker; the Shiel Hospital in Ballyshannon where Chuck asked the staff if he owed them anything and joked that he had "an outstanding bill from '44"; and finally, most emotionally of all, the site at Cashelard where Sunderland NJ175 crashed 58 years ago to the day.

Full of praise for the people of Fermanagh- "a wonderful race", Chuck returns this week to Florida, laden with gifts such as a mounted piece of the wreckage of his plane, a framed citation commemorating his bravery, a copy of the memorial plaque erected to the memory of his fallen comrades, and a replica model of the planes in which he soared above the seas, risking his tomorrow for our today.

 

Having been reaquainted with his squadron and returned to the site of his wartime experiences he admits to being overwhelmed with his time in Fermanagh. As far as Castle Archdale, Cashelard and more particularly, Flying Boats go, he has just one disappointment, and he is not the only one: "It's a shame there isn't one for you guys to look at, you know? They're all on the bottom of the lake. Isn't that crazy?"

 

Taken from "Commonwealth Plots in Irvinestown County Fermanagh"

www.ww2talk.com/forum/war-grave-photographs/15812-commonw...

i265.photobucket.com/albums/ii221/lisset158/DSCF3115.jpg

The injuries to the crew Killed F/lt E.C. Devine ( Pilot ) aged 22.

( Buried Irvinestown Church of Ireland ).

P/O. J R Forrest W.Op / AG.

( Buried Irvinestown Roman catholic Churchyard).

F/O. R T Wilkinson Pilot aged 22.

(Buried Irvinestown Church of Ireland).

 

Surviving crew members. Sgt Allen ( Navigator).

Severe head injuries , burns to hands and legs.

Sgt Jeal. ( Flt/Engineer).

Fracture to spine , extensive burns to his hands and face.

Sgt Colbourne (A/G).

Head injury , fractured right leg.

Sgt Platsko. ( 2nd Pilot).

Head injury.

Sgt Oderskirk.(W.Op/ AG).

hand and facial injuries.

Sgt.Clarke (FME/AG).

Compressed fracture of the spine.

Sgt Singer ( A/G).

Fractured left arm.

P/O A. Locke.

(W.Op/AG).

Head injury.

 

Post Processing: light balance, equalization, sharpening

     

FEARLESS - March 20, 2012

Chapter 1 – “Why Are We Afraid”

“Why are you fearful? O you of little faith.” Matthew 8:26

 

You would have liked my brother. Everyone did. Dee made friends like bakers make bread: daily, easily, warmly. Handshake—big and eager; laughter—contagious and volcanic. He permitted no stranger to remain one for long. I, the shy younger brother, relied on him to make introductions for us both. When a new kid moved onto the street or walked onto the playground, Dee was the ambassador.

 

But in his mid-teen years, he made one acquaintance he should have avoided—a bootlegger who would sell beer to underage drinkers. Alcohol made a play for us both, but where it entwined me, it enchained him. Over the next four decades, my brother drank away health, relationships, jobs, money, and all but the last two years of his life.

 

Who can say why resolve sometimes wins and sometimes loses, but at the age of fifty-four my brother discovered an aquifer of will power, drilled deep, and enjoyed a season of sobriety. He emptied his bottles, stabilized his marriage, reached out to his children, and exchanged the liquor store for the local AA. But the hard living had taken its toll. Three decades of three-packs-a-day smoking had turned his big heart into ground meat.

 

On a January night during the week I began writing this book, he told Donna, his wife, that he couldn’t breathe well. He already had a doctor’s appointment for a related concern, so he decided to try to sleep. No luck. He awoke at 4:00 a.m. with chest pains severe enough to warrant a call to the emergency room. The rescue team loaded Dee on the gurney and told Donna to meet them at the hospital. My brother waved weakly and smiled bravely and told Donna not to worry, but by the time she and one of Dee’s sons reached the hospital, he was gone.

 

The attending physician told them the news and invited them to step into the room where Dee’s body lay. Holding each other, they walked through the doors and saw his final message. His hand was resting on the top of his thigh with the two center fingers folded in and thumb extended, the universal sign language symbol of “I love you.”

 

I’ve tried to envision the final moments of my brother’s earthly life: racing down a Texas highway in an ambulance through an inky night, paramedics buzzing around him, his heart weakening within him. Struggling for each breath, at some point he realized only a few remained. But he didn’t panic or cower, he quarried some courage.

 

Perhaps you could use some? I know I could. An ambulance isn’t the only ride that demands valor. You may not be down to your final heartbeat, but you may be down to your last paycheck, solution, or thimble of faith. Each sunrise seems to bring fresh reasons for fear.

 

They’re talking layoffs at work, slowdowns in the economy, flare-ups in the Middle East, turnovers at headquarters, downturns in the housing market, upswings in global warming, breakouts of Al Qaeda cells. Some demented dictator is collecting nuclear warheads like others collect fine wines. A strain of Asian flu is boarding flights out of China. The plague of our day, terrorism, begins with the word terror. News programs disgorge enough hand-wringing information to warrant an advisory. “Caution: this news report is best viewed in the confines of an underground vault in Iceland.”

 

We fear being sued, finishing last, going broke; we fear the mole on the back, the new kid on the block, the sound of the clock as it ticks us closer to the grave. We sophisticate investment plans, create elaborate security systems, and stronger military; yet we depend on mood-altering drugs more than any generation in history. Moreover, “the average child today … has the same level of anxiety as the average psychiatric patient in the 1950s.”

 

Fear, it seems, has taken a hundred-year lease on the building next door and set up shop. Oversized and rude, unwilling to share the heart with happiness. Happiness complies. Do you ever see the two together? Can one be happy and afraid at the same time? Clear thinking and afraid? Confident and afraid? Merciful and afraid? No. Fear is the big bully in the high school hallway: brash, loud, and unproductive. For all the noise fear makes and room it takes, fear does little good.

 

Fear never wrote a symphony or poem, negotiated a peace treaty, or cured a disease. Fear never pulled a family out of poverty or a country out of bigotry. Fear never saved a marriage or a business. Courage did that. Faith did that. People who refused to consult or cower to their timidities did that. But fear itself? Fear herds us into a prison of unlocked doors.

 

Wouldn’t it be great to walk out?

 

Imagine your life, wholly untouched by angst. What if faith, not fear, was your default reaction to threats? If you could hover a fear magnet over your heart and extract every last shaving of dread, insecurity, or doubt, what would remain? Envision a day, just one day, absent the dread of failure, rejection, or calamity. Can you imagine a life with no fear? This is the possibility behind Jesus’ question.

“Why are you afraid?” he asks.

 

At first blush we wonder if Jesus is serious. He may be kidding. Teasing. Pulling a quick one. Kind of like one swimmer asking another, “Why are you wet?” But Jesus doesn’t smile. He’s dead earnest. So are the men to whom he asks the question. A storm has turned their Galilean dinner cruise into a white-knuckled plunge.

 

Here is how one of them remembered the trip. “Jesus got into a boat, and his followers went with him. A great storm arose on the lake so that the waves covered the boat” (Mt. 8:23-24 NCV).

 

These are Matthew’s words. He remembered well the pouncing tempest and bouncing boat and was careful in his terminology. Not just any noun would do. He pulled his Greek thesaurus off the shelf and hunted for a descriptor that exploded like the waves across the bow. He bypassed common terms for spring shower, squall, cloudburst, or downpour. They didn’t capture what he felt and saw that night: a rumbling earth and quivering shoreline. He recalled more than winds and white tops. His finger followed the column of synonyms down, down until he landed on a word that worked. “Ah, there it is.” Seismos—a quake, a trembling eruption of sea and sky. “A great seismos arose on the lake.”

 

The term still occupies a spot in our vernacular. A seismologist studies earthquakes, a seismograph measures them, and Matthew, along with a crew of recent recruits, felt a seismos that shook them to the core. He only used the word on two other occasions, once at Jesus’ death when Calvary shook (Mt. 27:51-54), and again at Jesus’ resurrection when the graveyard tremored (28:2). Apparently, the stilled storm shares equal billing in the trilogy of Jesus’ great shake-ups: defeating guilt on the cross, death at the tomb, and now silencing fear on the sea.

 

Sudden fear. We know the fear was sudden because the storm was. An older translation reads, “Suddenly a great tempest arose on the sea” (NKJV emphasis mine).

Not all storms come suddenly. Prairie farmers can see the formation of thunderclouds hours before the rain falls. This storm, however, sprang like a lion out of the grass. One minute the disciples were shuffling cards for a mid-journey game of Hearts; the next they were gulping Galilean sea spray.

 

Peter and John, seasoned sailors, struggled to keep down the sail. Matthew, confirmed landlubber, struggled to keep down his breakfast. The storm was not what the tax collector bargained for. Do you sense his surprise in the way he linked his two phrases? “Jesus got into a boat, and his followers went with him. A great storm arose on the lake…” (vs. 23-24 NKJV).

 

Wouldn’t you hope for a more chipper second sentence, a happier consequence of obedience? “Jesus got into a boat. His followers went with him and… suddenly…a great rainbow arched in the sky, a flock of doves hovered in happy formation, a sea of glass mirrored their mast…” Don’t Christ-followers enjoy a calendar full of Caribbean cruises? No. This story sends the not-so-subtle and not-too-popular reminder: getting on board with Christ can mean getting soaked with Christ. Disciples can expect rough seas and stout winds. “In this world you will [not ‘might,’ ‘may‘ or ‘could’] have tribulation” (Jn. 16:33 brackets mine).

 

Christ-followers contract malaria, bury children, and battle addictions, and, as a result, face fears. It’s not the absence of storms that sets us apart. It’s whom we discover in the storm: an unstirred Christ.

 

“Jesus was sleeping” (vs. 24 NCV).

 

Now there’s a scene. The disciples scream, Jesus dreams. Thunder roars, Jesus snores. He doesn’t doze, catnap, or rest. He slumbers. Who could sleep at a time like this? Could you? Could you snooze during a roller coaster loop-de-loop? In a wind tunnel? At a kettle drum concert? Jesus slept through all three, at once!

Mark’s gospel adds two curious details. “[Jesus] was in the stern, asleep on a pillow” (Mk. 4:38). In a stern, on a pillow. Why the first? From whence came the second?

 

First-century fishermen used large, heavy seine nets for their work. They stored the net in a nook that was built into the stern for this purpose. Sleeping upon the stern deck was impractical. It provided no space or protection. The small compartment beneath the stern, however, provided both. It was the most enclosed and only protected part of the boat. So Christ, a bit dozy from the day’s activities, crawled beneath the deck to get some sleep.

 

He rested his head, not on a fluffy feather pillow, but on a leather sandbag. A ballast bag. Mediterranean fishermen still use them. They weigh about a hundred pounds and are used to ballast, or stabilize, the boat. Did Jesus take the pillow to the stern so he could sleep, or sleep so soundly someone rustled him up the pillow? We don’t know. But this much we do. This is a premeditated slumber. He didn’t accidentally nod off. In full knowledge of the coming storm, Jesus decided it was siesta time, so he crawled into the corner, put his head on the pillow, and drifted into dreamland.

 

His snooze troubled the disciples. Matthew and Mark record their response as three staccato Greek commands and one question.

 

The commands: “Lord! Save! Dying!” (Mt. 8:25).

The question: “Teacher, do you not care that we are perishing?” (Mk. 4:39).

They do not ask about Jesus’ strength: “Can you still the storm?” His knowledge: “Are you aware of the storm?” Or his know-how: “Do you have any experience with storms?” But rather, they raise doubts about Jesus’ character. “Do you not care…?”

 

Fear does this. Fear corrodes our confidence in God’s goodness. We begin to wonder if love lives in heaven. If God can sleep in my storms, if his eyes stay shut when my eyes grow wide, if he permits storms after I get on his boat, does he care? Fear unleashes a swarm of doubts, anger-stirring doubts.

 

And it turns us into control freaks. “Do something about the storm!” is the implicit demand of the question. “Fix it, or…or…or, else!” Fear, at its center, is a perceived loss of control. When life spins wildly, we grab for a component of life we can manage: our diet, the tidiness of a house, the armrest of a plane, or, in many cases, people. The more insecure we feel, the meaner we become. We growl and bare our fangs. Why? Because we are bad? In part. But also because we feel cornered.

 

Martin Niemöller documents an extreme example of this. He was a German pastor who took a heroic stand against Adolf Hitler. When he first met the dictator in 1933, Niemöller stood at the back of the room and listened. Later, when his wife asked him what he’d learned, he said: “I discovered that Herr Hitler is a terribly frightened man.” Fear releases the tyrant within.

 

It also deadens our recall. The disciples had reason to trust Jesus. By now, they’d seen him “heal all kinds of sicknesses and all kinds of disease among the people” (Mt. 4:23). They had witnessed him heal a leper with a touch and a servant with a command (Mt. 8:3, 13). Peter saw his sick mother-in-law recover, and they all saw demons scatter like bats out of a cave. “He cast out spirits with a word, and healed all who were sick” (Mt. 8:16).

 

Shouldn’t someone mention Jesus’ track record or review his resume? Do they remember the accomplishments of Christ? They may not. Fear creates a form of spiritual amnesia. It dulls our miracle memory. It makes us forget what Jesus has done and how good God is.

 

And fear feels dreadful. It sucks the life out of the soul, curls us into an embryonic state, and drains us dry of contentment. We become abandoned barns, rickety and tilting from the winds, a place where humanity used to eat, thrive, and find warmth. No longer. When fear shapes our lives, safety becomes our god. When safety becomes our god, we worship the risk-free life. Can the safety lover do anything great? Can the risk-averse accomplish noble deeds? For God? For others? No. The fear-filled cannot love deeply; love is risky. They cannot give to the poor. Benevolence has no guarantee of return. The fear-filled cannot dream wildly. What if their dreams sputter and fall from the sky? The worship of safety emasculates greatness. No wonder Jesus wages such a war against fear.

 

His most common command emerges from the “fear not” genre. The gospels list some 125 Christ-issued imperatives. Of these, twenty-one urge us to “not be afraid” or to “not fear” or to “have courage,” “take heart,” or “be of good cheer.” The second most common command appears on eight occasions. If quantity is any indicator, Jesus takes our fears seriously. The one statement he said more than any other was this: Don’t be afraid.

 

Siblings sometimes chuckle or complain at the most common command of their parents. They remember how Mom was always saying: “Be home on time.” “Did you clean your room?” Dad had his favorite directives too. “Keep your chin up.” “Work hard.” I wonder if the disciples ever reflected on the most-often repeated phrases of Christ. If so, they would have noted: “he was always calling us to courage.”

 

“So don’t be afraid. You are worth much more than many sparrows.” (Mt. 10:31 NCV)

 

“Take courage, son, your sins are forgiven.” (Matthew 9:2 NASB)

 

“Don’t worry about everyday life—whether you have enough…” (Mathew 6:25)

 

“Don’t be afraid. Just believe, and your daughter will be well.” (Luke 8:50 NCV)

 

“It’s all right. I am here! Don’t be afraid.” (Matthew 14:27 NCV)

 

“Do not fear those who kill the body but cannot kill the soul.” (Matthew 10:28)

 

“Do not fear, little flock, for it is your father’s good pleasure to give you the kingdom.” (Luke 12:32)

 

“Don’t be troubled. You trust God, now trust in me…. I will come and get you, so that you will always be with me where I am.” (John 14:1-3 NLT)

 

“.. don’t be troubled or afraid.” (John 14:27)

 

“Why are you frightened?” he asked. “Why are your hearts filled with doubt?” (Luke 24:38 NLT)

 

“You will hear of wars and rumors of wars, but see to it that you are not alarmed.” (Matthew 24:6 NIV)

 

Jesus came and touched them and said, “Arise, and do not be afraid.” (Matthew 17:8 NKJV)

 

Jesus doesn’t want you to live in a state of fear. Nor do you. You’ve never made statements like these:

 

“My phobias put such a spring in my step.”

“I’d be a rotten parent were it not for my hypochondria.”

“Thank God for my pessimism. I’ve been such a better person since I lost hope.”

“My doctor says, if I don’t begin fretting, I will lose my health.”

 

We’ve learned the high cost of fear.

 

The question of Jesus is a good one. He lifts his head from the pillow, steps out from the stern into the storm, and asks: “Why are you fearful, O you of little faith?’” (vs. 26).

 

To be clear, fear serves a healthy function. It is the canary in the coal mine: warning of potential danger. A dose of fright can keep a child from running across a busy road or an adult from smoking a pack of cigarettes. Fear is the appropriate reaction to a burning building or growling dog. Fear itself is not a sin. But it can lead to sin.

 

If we treat fear with angry outbursts, drinking binges, sullen withdrawals, self-starvation, or vice-like control, we exclude God from the solution and exacerbate the problem. We subject ourselves to a position of fear, allowing anxiety to dominate and define our lives. Joy-sapping worries. Day-numbing dread. Repeated bouts with insecurity that petrify and paralyze us. Hysteria is not from God. “For God has not given us a spirit of fear…” (2 Tim. 1:7 NKJV emphasis mine).

 

Fear will always knock on your door. Just don’t invite it in for dinner and, for heaven’s sake, don’t offer it a bed for the night. Let’s dedicate some pages and thought to Jesus’ teaching about fear, examining a select number of his “Do not fear statements.” The promise of Christ and the contention of this book are simple. Fear may fill your world, but it doesn’t have to fill your heart. You can fear less tomorrow than you do today.

 

When I was six years old, my dad let me stay up with the rest of the family and watch the movie Wolfman. Boy, did he regret that decision. The film left me convinced that Wolfman spent each night prowling our den, awaiting his preferred meal of first grade, red-headed, freckle-salted boy. My fear proved problematic. To reach the kitchen from my bedroom, I had to pass perilously close to his claws and fangs, something I was loathe to do. More than once, I retreated to my father’s bedroom and awoke him. Like Jesus in the boat, Dad was sound asleep in the storm.

 

How can a person sleep at a time like this? Opening a sleepy eye, he asked to be reminded, “Now, why are you afraid?” And I would remind him of the monster. “Oh, yes, the Wolfman,” he’d grumble. He would then climb out of bed, arm himself with superhuman courage, escort me through the valley of the shadow of death, and pour me a glass of milk. I would look at him with awe and wonder, “What kind of man is this?”

 

God views our “seismos” storms the way my father viewed my Wolfman angst. “Jesus got up and gave a command to the wind and the waves and it became completely calm” (vs. 26).

 

He handled the great quaking with a great calming. The sea became as still as a frozen lake, and the disciples were left wondering, “What kind of man is this? Even the winds and the waves obey him!” (vs. 27).

 

What kind of man, indeed. Turning typhoon time into naptime. Silencing waves with one word. And equipping a dying man with sufficient courage to send a final love message to his family. Way to go, Dee. You faced your share of “seimos” moments in life, but in the end, you didn’t go under.

 

Here’s a prayer that we won’t either.

 

From Fearless

© Max Lucado, 2009, Thomas Nelson Publishing

Inspired by: A Great Big World - This is the new year

 

www.youtube.com/watch?v=Kr4g0UK3Fas

  

And still there is Corona ...

 

I wrote these following words down back in March of this year, when we had to deal with the phenomenon of "Corona" for the first time. Now it's Christmas - and still, or rather: again, everything revolves around this one topic ...

 

We experience an invisible threat - known as COVID-19 / Corona. Like many other people, I have been thinking about it a lot in the last weeks and tried to see a meaning in this virus - because this absurd virus must have a meaning if we are forced to live with its consequences. Furthermore, Corona can stand for really any other, comparable disease or threat

 

What does this virus want to tell us? Perhaps it would introduce itself and say "Hello! It's me, COVID-19! Please excuse me for not announcing myself much earlier to let you know to what extent and with what intensity I will sneak into your lives."

 

None of us knows exactly where this virus comes from - is it a warning? Is it a punishment? An accident? Does it want to punish, decimate, weaken, exterminate us - or does it perhaps simply want to shake us awake? Maybe this virus was tired of watching us regress more and more instead of developing human progress. Maybe it is horrified by the way we treat this planet we all call our "home", where we clear and burn down entire forests, displacing animals from their habitats for profit and thus making them extinct.

 

Perhaps this virus is here because it is horrified by how we humans treat each other, witnessing abuses, violence, wars, conflicts and stupid unfounded prejudices against those who are different from ourselves.

 

I believe this virus is tired of our envy, our lust and selfishness, it despises lies and hypocrisy. It doesn't understand how we spend all our free time on work, career and earning money instead of taking time for our family and friends and investing it there. It tries to understand why children are showered with expensive gifts instead of giving them the really important and free values in life. But even today, children are still given far too little respect.

 

I can imagine that this virus considers us to be some kind of lifeless and worthless creatures as long as we invest our energy in superficialities. COVID-19 probably shakes it's head over it when we pay more attention and love to the most expensive long-distance travel, the latest fashion taste or the fastest car than we do to our grandparents, parents, partners, children, friends, animals, nature and our planet.

 

Probably the virus is as tired as I am, of betrayal and misinformation, of the little time people really use to communicate with each other instead of just gawking into their cell phones. And I think most of all, the virus is tired of our complaining, even though we ourselves seem to do nothing at all to improve our lives. We discuss and argue about unimportant details and nag about unfair treatment. But we too watch and approve of how we are governed by politicians who are corrupt, who deny human rights, who torture, condemn, terrorize, kill. People who, in the name of a god or a leader, stir up blind hatred, who abuse children because their profession requires them to be celibate. People who call themselves "pacifists" and yet their countries sell weapons of war and machines to crisis areas to make profit..

 

Even on a small scale, killings and murders occur out of stupidity, envy and hatred. Because of a different ethnicity, skin colour, language. Because of a different faith, because someone loves people of the same sex. Thousands of people, children, are drowning in tiny boats on the seas of this world while fleeing, and human traffickers are taking all their wealth from these people in return. Our world may be divided into countries, but it was certainly never intended to be the property of individuals. Borders were drawn by people, countries were won and claimed by wars, and I wonder when people will understand that this world does not belong to them. We simply have to understand that it is pure luck if we are born into a rich, "privileged" country and do not have to grow up in illness, poverty, need or misery. And this is where our responsibility comes from, to make it easier for the less fortunate people to grow up and be just as happy.

 

Our planet earth has existed for many millions of years and we are only here in the world for the duration of a cosmic blink of an eye. This wonderful planet existed before us and it will exist after us - the question is only in which state it will continue to exist. We will certainly not experience it, but our children and children's children - our descendants...

 

I can write all this down, but I have little power as a single person. I can only try to pass on my attitude, my values, rules and commandments to the people who are important and meaningful to me. To pass them on to children who will and must live on this planet longer than I will.

 

I cannot look all people in this world in the face and give my opinion - but COVID-19 can do it! Because it is a virus - it has no face and it cannot be stopped at man-made borders. It has no consideration. COVID-19 's existence is currently taking lives worldwide. Maybe that alone is good enough for us to understand that we have to change course and set sail again - for our own good. We have to tear down the boundaries that have been drawn and eliminate them. We need to stop the world - to understand where we need to focus our energies in the future.

 

All we have to focus on is: Living. Our life and that of our children and what is necessary to protect, love and share that life. Maybe we really need to be locked up and isolated in our homes for a while, away from our grandparents, parents and loved ones. Maybe then we will understand the importance of a simple hug, of human contact, which makes dialogue and handshakes meaningful. How precious an evening with friends or a walk in nature is. It's up to us to start all this over again - and even if we are all different, in here we are all the same. There are no exceptions.

 

COVID-19 has proven to all people that there are really no distances. It has circled the entire world in a very short time, going mile after mile invisible without us humans even noticing. COVID-19 is just passing through, but in all its abomination it still leaves something good in the world: a feeling of closeness and cohesion that was only created by its existence. It is up to us to preserve this feeling. Our lesson must be to live our lives as simple as possible, to take a deep breath, even when it becomes difficult, and to do good to others. It is up to us to create the conditions for ourselves where we do not have to depend on anything.

 

The day will come when we will celebrate. That day will be the day when COVID-19 will just have left us again.. We have to make better decisions for all our future.

  

... it seems, those better decisions weren't made by now sadly...

I cannot understand how, even today in December, there are still people who deny this pandemic, do not take it seriously or suspect conspiracy theories behind it.

 

Many, far too many people have died from Corona, or have fallen seriously and life-threateningly ill. That is why I am sending my words into this world once again - perhaps they will help us to care a little less about ourselves and to think about those around us; about the people who need protection, who have to spend their Ney Year's Evening isolated and alone, about all those who work on the first front with those affected and even put their own lives in danger to save others.

 

You are my personal heroes 2020, thank you very much for that - Unfortunately, you hear this far too seldom. I can only

say, as a sensible person

 

I hope, that the ignorant ones rather wake up now and stop acting against the most simple rules like wearing a mask, keeping a distance.. It is not, to make you mad, but to keep you, and the ones around you healthy and safe ..

To all others -

 

Please hold onto the rules of keeping distance, wearing masks, reduce social contacts - otherwise we won`t geal from this virus, nor reach a happy and easy 2021 but just continue all this mess and turn 2021 just into a 2020.02 version.

 

I am an affected person myself, because I belong to the group of so-called risk-prone people. At the same time, I also work in the social sector and am exposed to many people, children and their parents from different backgrounds on a daily basis, and I am afraid of contracting corona because I do not know how my body would survive a possible illness. I am grateful to each of you who keep these commandments and give not only yourselves but also people like me a little more security.

 

I wish you all the best with all my heart, stay healthy and safe!

 

*Mondi*

   

Best viewed in LARGE (Contacts only, sorry).

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Explore (156) : Highest position #35

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All my images are copyrighted.

If you intend to use any of my pictures, for any usage, you need to contact me first.

Thank you.

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I've been tagged (It was bound to happen)

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So let's play that tag game, too many things you don't wanna know :

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1. I'm 41 years old.

2. I work for the Belgian national gas company as a computer programmer.

I've been programming for 18 years now, currently developing in C#.

 

3. I love cooking and people say I'm very good at it.

 

Love Italian and Thai cuisine the most.

My style of cooking could be describe as very spicey, not in the sense of hot but

with plenty of herbs, packed with flavour.

I never follow a recipe, only read it, put it away and just give it a personal twist.

 

I cook dinner almost every evening.

 

4. I have 2 vertebrae discs which are too flat giving me backpains every single day.

Some days are worse than others, I don't take painkillers for it (yet).

 

5. I'm addicted to music, love all kinds of music, but not all music, I think most commercial music is crap.

 

Some of the styles I love:

 

° psychedelic

° space rock

° rock

° psychedelic rock

° jazz ( the slow kind )

° blues ( the very rudimentary Mississipi Delta kind )

° Electronic.

° Classical music ( instrumental only ).

° Lounge

° Dub

° Industrial Metal (like Tool)

 

Most people don't understand my music choice, because they stick to one category only.

 

6. I love walking but sometimes my one of my knees blocks and I can barely walk.

The problem goes away by given the knee enough rest.

 

7. I used to be a very shy boy when I was young.

 

8. I've been wearing glasses since the age of 7.

 

9. I've practised shotokan karate for 8 years but had to stop because of 4, the problem

with the knee could be a consequence of this as well.

I had a brown belt and only needed to succeed in 2 more exams for a black belt.

 

10. I started drawing at the age of 17 and although I never had any art lessons was good

at it from the start.

I do some oilpainting as well.

I make cut outs in MDF.

I make logos for companies.

I have my own company and website for all my artistic stuff : www.erroba.be.

 

11. I was a good skier 27 years ago ;) Never did it since.

 

12. I bought my first digital camera in june 2007 just before my second marriage.

 

13. Started really serious taking snaps (no not Schnapps ) when I discovered HDR in december 2007.

 

14. Joined flickr on january the 22th 2008.

 

16. I've just sold my first two images.

It's about time ;)

I've just been published with 6 photos in our local 'Mechelen Infogids 2009-2010'

a local bi-annual info guide of Mechelen city which is freely distributed to all

homes in Mechelen and surrounding communities.

I hope this will boost my sales a bit ;)

 

17. I think 16 points is way too few to actually tell much about one self.

Sorry, I'll make it a bit more funny.

 

18. I regularly suffer from sinus infections, I had an operation to straigthen the

inside of my nose in order to get rid of the reoccuring problem, it only gave

me improvement for the first two years.

 

The post operation days were a bit traumatic :

 

° Felt like suffocating when falling as sleep : The body has the natural reflex of breathing through the nose, but that was all closed with bandages...

° Sometimes you'll have to sneeze, you get medicine to avoid this, but they don't seem to be 100% full prove, guess what happens next... I'll spare you the details, please !

° It's only good for one thing, you loose 5 kilos in 5 days ! Can't be healthy.

Everything taste the same : like nothing at all ! I have this theory

about people that will eat almost anything, they sure don't taste much ... ROFL.

° Fifth day the bandages come off, guess what happens, I'll spare you the details again, please !

° First time you wipe your nose when you're back home, guess what happens, a plastic support frame comes out of your nose and it looks way too big to fit back in ! Sorry for those details, so please don't ask me about the previous ones, LOL !

 

19. I have a sleeping disorder. Catch about 3 to 4 hours of sleep every night.

Guess what? I'm a bit weary from time to time.

Sometimes I catch some good sleep and wake up like a different person.

 

20. I'm a zombie in the morning due to 19 and despite of this I think my morning

photoshoots have been the most productive ones.

 

21. I love a good glass of wine or a single malt wishky.

Stopped drinking wine in the evening since it is most likely the cause of 19.

 

22. I don't care if you're white, black, yellow, red or blue, gay or lesbian,

religious or not (*)

 

(*) Everything is ok with me as long as you don't cause any harm,

which can be very debateable...

 

23. I like a good discussion which is based on descent sane arguments.

 

24. I'm over emotional and can shed a tear real quick.

Really troublesome sometimes.

 

25. I am way to honest ;)

Also see 41.

 

26. 19 is caused by my overactive brain, can't make it stop to think.

Giving me plenty of difficult tasks is the key, I'll have them done

in no time and I actually sleep at night.

Can only work under pressure, only photography and art I do in a very

relaxed way, hell I need more !-)

 

27. I am a day-dreamer.

 

28. I have a short attention span due to 27 and 26.

 

29. I have a permenant ear damage due to too loud music in concerts nowadays.

I always have custom made earplugs with me to ensure this will not get worse.

I have a constant peeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeep noise in my left ear which will never stop.

 

30. I am not afraid of what comes after my death, since I'm quite sure that will be nothing and at last I will no longer hear that peeeeeeeeeep noise again and have a good amount of 'sleep' ;)

Feels like heaven already !

 

31. I love absurd humor.

 

32. I love a good movie, a good book, Sci-fi and fantasy, art & science.

Don't watch much TV, only documentaries and an occasional exception, I rarther

process a photo, masturbate, spend some time on flickr.

 

° note 1 : Masturbation doesn't make you blind, my eyes improved after the age of 7

and no I wasn't masturbating before that age, ROFL and no I didn't start at 7

° note 2 : when the word 'flickr' is pronounced in Dutch is means gay guy, yes read it loud and clear: H-O-M-O-S-E-X-U-A-L so be aware dear flickr friends ( pun intended ) next time you give your business card to a man wearing a pink shirt, ROFL.

Note : I'm not gay.

° note to myself : You can not be that honest !

 

33. Who is reading this shit, should fave my shot, ROFL !

I want my number 1 (Cries like a baby ;) )

 

34.I can be sarcastic from time to time.

 

35. There are a few things I hate about myself : If I get real angry I can shout real hard,

sorry I can't help it. I can be very stubborn.

 

36. I have a very good visual memory but a lousy one in every other respect.

Due to this, I can't usual remember what I was angry about in the first place ;)

 

Memory is mainly built up during sleep, give me complex tasks and I get better while

doing them, because my memory gets better too.

 

I've written programs that write programs for me, because the complex tasks get boring too, so the next thing I'll do is invent hard stuff for myself. Remember that all

my tools speed up my work and I have plenty of time.

 

You can hire me ;)

 

37. I believe in Zeus, Apollo, Ra, Thor, Baäl, Allah, God, Vaneshu...

No seriously, I believe in one God less than you do, so I'm an Atheist.

I'm sure I've already lost a few contacts, comments and faves because of that,

some people have already blocked me because of this, I can only say one thing 'How religious of you !-)'

There I lost some more perhaps.

 

40. I think we still live in the middle ages.

 

In a civilized world there is no place for :

 

° War

° Poverty

° Racism

° Sexism

° Corruption

° Child abuse

° Animal abuse

° Borders

° Organized religions

° Royalty

° Insurrance which is over expensive (also see my next point).

...

 

In a civilized world we would try to strive towards a single language.

 

All these things create groups, separation, friction, us and them, etc

 

People must play games and don't watch so much TV: it makes you sick.

 

41. Note for my insurrance : I'm a pathetical liar !

 

42. Is the answer to life and everything.

 

° For the people who read binary that's 101010, true false true false true false.

° For all other people, there are 10 people who can read binary :

Those who can and those who can't.

 

I'm 41 !

 

Go to 42.

 

Disclaimer

 

The above may be all untrue.

 

Dish of the day

 

Lamb chops with oven roasted apples with Marrocan herbs, lemon and honey, served with rösti.

If you wish to have a full recipe, only thing I need is a comment from you asking it ;)

.

About

 

This is the original version of the image with which I made my Aquaphobia image.

I upload this now, since Lamot is interested in buying the shot, something is moving here...

 

The shot

 

Standard 3 exposure HDR [-2,0,+2EV] at f/14 using the Sigma 10-20mm lens, on a tripod.

 

Photoshop.

 

° A small rotation and a crop.

° Shadows and highlights.

° Changed the hue of the clouds - which looked over blue - by using a hue/saturation/value adjustment layer and the luminosity

mask as a base for this layers' mask.

 

You

 

All comments, criticism and tips for improvements are ( as always ) welcome.

 

Music

 

Tool - Schism (I know the pieces fit) [CD:lateralus]

 

Wulfsige and Leowyn are 19 and 18 respectively. They have grown up together and tend to regress to childish ways when in each other's presence.

 

Wulfsige is still pondering the dillema of whether to kiss the back of her hand or push her in the mud.

 

They may squabble, argue, jostle and insult each other. Nonetheless, there is an undeniable warmth between the two that is about to be lit on fire.

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[2022/01/26 14:53] Sifilda of Wessex: For once she decides to not add to that part of the conversation and turns her head to descretly inspect her teeth for any foriegn bodies . She couldn't find anything " It seem the envoy from Frankia has a message from his king to ours.

 

[2022/01/26 15:01] Leowyn of Wiltshire (gengar.ghostly): She brought her hand to her chin the other hand pulled her shall over her chest. She frowned. This wasn't a concern at the convent, she was not used to eyes on her. She turned red, and averted her gaze feeling uncomfortable. When Sifilda mentioned to the message to the king, she shook off the uneasiness, distracted. "Oh? I am curious...will they hold a formal meeting?"

 

[2022/01/26 15:05] Wulfsige of Wessex (lucius.templar): "Frankia? Is that like Iberia?" Wulfsige couldn't tell a saucisse from a chorizo. But now he was distracted, and all thoughts of disciplining the friendly guard were out the window. "You know what foreigners are like... they can't be trusted...." He looked at Leowyn and frowned. "Why is your face red?" He blurted out without tact.

 

[2022/01/26 15:10] Sifilda of Wessex: "well I rather think that we are beneath them and kept calling Father a little King . So as I couldn't immediately find them I lead them through the most winding passages in the palace to show them just how big and solid it is . I lead them down the same corridor three times and they never noticed. I think they were quite exhausted when i finally lead them to some ale and food " and she grinned " Little King indeed - we hold back the tide of Barbarians from crossing the channel to stomp all over their little round berries" she pauses " but I must add that they did have some rather impressive moustaches " thinking on it " strange fasion sense but there were fine materials"

 

[2022/01/26 15:13] Sifilda of Wessex: does a dip of her head a the guard walks away and then turns to her brother "well I rather think that we are beneath them and kept calling Father a little King . So as I couldn't immediately find them I lead them through the most winding passages in the palace to show them just how big and solid it is . I lead them down the same corridor three times and they never noticed. I think they were quite exhausted when i finally lead them to some ale and food " and she grinned " Little King indeed - we hold back the tide of Barbarians from crossing the channel to stomp all over their little round berries" she pauses " but I must add that they did have some rather impressive moustaches " thinking on it " strange fasion sense but there were fine materials"

 

[2022/01/26 15:21] Leowyn of Wiltshire (gengar.ghostly): She stared daggers at Wulfsige. "I do not like it when men leer, that is why my face turned red." She scoffed. Her face relaxed when Sifilda mentioned their clothing. "I wanted to look at their armor, but, I did not want to invite stares back." She raised her chin pridefully.

 

[2022/01/26 15:26] Wulfsige of Wessex (lucius.templar): "Moustaches? Round berries?" Wulfsige's adolescent mind was going off on all tangents. "I don't know why you women obsess about moustaches. So.... stylish but directionally challenged. Perhaps it explains why they keep coming over the waters to bother us, instead of heading elsewhere. Little King indeed..... Our father is not little and he would punch them in the snout for saying that, when he was a better man...." His voice trailed off at the end of the sentence. There was a bit of hopelessness in the tone. Wulfsige raised an eyebrow. "So you wanted to leer at men but not get leered back?" He asked with a smug expression on his face to Leowyn.

 

[2022/01/26 15:35] Sifilda of Wessex: rolls her eyes " are you determined to pick a fight today" and for a moment she glanced down at his foot and asked quietly " does it give you pain tonight and should we try and find a someone who can make a decent tonic " she was a little bit concerned and she looked to Roland who was as always standing near " can you arange that please Roland . I need my brother to be at his most regal standing as he might have to negotiate with Frankia's men . And allies are to be encouraged at this time" she adds " Personally I prefer men who are clean shaven and civilised ." She may have been absorbing too much from the roman scrolls that she tried to read

 

[2022/01/26 15:42] Leowyn of Wiltshire (gengar.ghostly): She glared at Wulfsige. "Not for the same reason you leer! Whore-monger!" She hissed the last word lowly. She didn't even want to be heard saying that word. She shook her head. "Personally, I would think a mustache would...itch or tickle." She made a disgusted face. Just to be a contrary to Wulfsige's facial hair. She could not pin point why she needed to get a rise out of him. It brought a smile to her face if nothing else.

 

[2022/01/26 15:48] Wulfsige of Wessex (lucius.templar): Wulfsige was scratching his beard then slowly stopped at Leowyn's words. A big grin spread on his face. "Well if you didn't shave your face every morning you'd know about an itchy moustache wouldn't you?" Who was going to get the brat award this morning? He looked at Sifilda and frowned. "My foot is fine...." He lied. The ankle ached some days and he had shooting pains that went into his toes." He exchanged glances with Roland and finally nodded. The personal guard then replied. "As you wish, milady. I will seek the healer once you are all safely inside." Wulfsige leaned on the cane, a habit he was starting to develop as the cane became part of him. "I wear a beard to look older. They ignore me at the Witan. Father just has me there to agree with him."

 

[2022/01/26 15:55] Sifilda of Wessex: " lending support in the Witan is also important " she said " I suspect that he wants to guide you and let you learn in the same way a master swordsmith would take an apprentice to learn his craft . You have to go through a learning process to forge the best steel " again she had been reading far to many of the scrolls in the library " I am sure he will let you have an opinion when you have one to his liking/" she chuckled " so i the meantime could you negotiate with our visitors . They do speak semi decent English - much better than my French . It was getting a bit stretched"

 

[2022/01/26 16:01] Leowyn of Wiltshire (gengar.ghostly): She rolled her eyes slowly at Wulfsige then shortly spit her tongue at him before someone would see her (or so she thought). She tried to maintain a saintly appearance. She lifted her chin as she focused on Sifilda's words. "I know my mother would like to talk to the King...She said that was the main reason for coming to Winchester..." She frowned. "She always leaves me in the dark. She says it's not something to worry my 'pretty head' over." She was embarrassed when her parents treated her like a child.

 

[2022/01/26 16:02] Wulfsige of Wessex (lucius.templar): "Fortunately for us, I speak perfect french. Let me demonstrate: Your mother is a hamster and your father smells of elderberies...." The last part was said indeed in perfect french. He then slapped the top of his head and blew a raspberry back at Leowyn. Unfortunately the rest of his french was terrible. "Women shouldn't be worrying their pretty little heads about affairs of state," said Wulfsige loftily. "This is a man's job."

 

[2022/01/26 16:08] Sifilda of Wessex: turned to Leowynn and said " I know I am only a little older than you .. but you are a woman grown now . She really should let you know what is going on - you are not a child " she hadn't seen the sticking out of the tongue or perhaps she wouldn't have said that . Well both brows were raised now when she looked at her brother " i shall hold my advice to myself then from now on and just go and simper prettily in a corner while make god awful tapestries " she turn her attention to the guard - thank you for your diligence I am sure my brother apprecates it "

 

[2022/01/26 16:08] Baldric de Troyes (arnorian): "Ah , tut- tut! père sent le sureau..." The voice of the afformentioned Frankish Chevaliers might be heard comming up from behind the figures outside, laughing light as he offered correction. "le sureau...! le sureau! ... You see? Just so"! Apparently, the comment was taken and retorted whether suspecting or not in jest. The Frankishman overcorrecting the Saxon's rather well done translation with a bit of dramatic emphasis. The figure of Baldric de Troyes might be seen there, leaning against one of the old roman pillars, an apple in his hand as he took a bite from the thing.

 

[2022/01/26 16:17] Leowyn of Wiltshire (gengar.ghostly): /me gave a wide eyes stare at the frank. Hearing a tongue she did not know she stepped in closer behind Wulfsige. "What did he say?" She hissed in a whisper before clearing her throat and looking up. "Hello, Sir..." She said loudly and slowly like idiots do when they deal with foreigners.

 

[2022/01/26 16:24] Wulfsige of Wessex (lucius.templar): There was a 'shink' sound of blades being withdrawn. First from the personal guard Roland, and then Wulfsige himself. A surprisingly graceful movement as his cane was transformed from mobility aid to homicidal aid. "Oh...." he said, recognising that the man was speaking french as well as sporting a most magnificent moustache. He put two and two together and sheathed his narrow sword. "You must be one of the franks...." He smiled, as it was obvious that the man had overheard him mocking the franks. "Yes I do find my pronunciation wanting, but languages must be spoken to keep them alive in the mind, and there has been little reason to speak it outside of tedious tutelage sessions with Brother Francis. If you will indulge myself and Sifilda, we would value the opportunity to practice your language...." He inclined his head politely at the man as Roland sheathed his sword. "I am Wulsige, heir to the Wessex throne..."

[2022/01/26 16:25] Wulfsige of Wessex (lucius.templar): Wulsige had not meant to ignore Leowyn, however, he had gone into 'mature and diplomatic mode' - something he could not keep up for long.

 

[2022/01/26 16:41] Sifilda of Wessex: " The little round berries and the wide mouth mouse hmm " she looked up and chuckled " Indeed you did Bart . My French is a little lacking some days - lack of practise as my brother said " . She placed one hand over the other in front of herself and turned towards the gate " Ah Baldric de Troyes . I do hope you and your men are well rested " she gestured to the side of her brother " may I also present the Lady Leowyn of Wiltshire. "She hadn't forgotten that there was some internal politics to deal with within Wessex- and they needed the Wiltshires on their side. She smiles " I would love the opportunity to practise my French but as I said yesterday - my accent leaves a lot to be desired - so I hope that you will forgive me any small or big mistakes mistakes that I make"

 

[2022/01/26 16:50] Leowyn of Wiltshire (gengar.ghostly): Leowyn closed her eyes in a delicate curtsy and popped back up. She forced her smile a little to wide then brought it back. She felt foolish, it turns out the man could mostly understand them. She winced, at a loss for what to say. "I Am not familiar with the language..." She said sheepishly. "Pleasure to meet your acquaintance, Sir." She tilted her head. "How are you finding Wessex so far?" She attempted small talk. Her eyes looking over his armor. She stepped a little closer hesitantly. "Do the Franks wear only leather?" She tilted her head, it was really for anyone to answer.

 

[2022/01/26 16:53] Baldric de Troyes (arnorian): /me held his hands up flippantly at the sound of drawn steel. The jumpiness of the Aetheling's body gaurds seeming to amuse the Frankish warrior rather than cause him any semblance of alarm. He took none of it serious, or so it would seem, and he continued to laugh, looking for a place to toss the nearly eaten apple core in mock 'shock', before giving up and just eating the entire thing. "I am, yes... Just so Baldric de Troyes. Chevalier in service to this Majesty King Louis, but I fear I have caused great alarm with the weilding of my mighty ... how do you say.... Pomme! Hon hon hon"! If Wulfsige had slipped into mature and serious diplomat, it was obvious the Frankishman was going to have none of it, in the presence of bared steel or not. Then, just as quickly, he would sweep himself into a flourishing bow to the two ladies and other stranger who introduced himself in his own familiar tongue. "It seems our fair language is spoken by many in this court of.... Wessex! What a delight. I am honored,

[2022/01/26 16:53] Baldric de Troyes (arnorian): surely to make your acquaintance." More directly to Sifilda, he would give a charming smile, or what he obviously assumed was such, "We of course, slept quite soundly given the warm welcome we recieved upon our arrival."

 

[2022/01/26 17:05] Wulfsige of Wessex (lucius.templar): Wulfsige saw Leowyn look the man's armour up and down. Something she had just confessed she was wont to do. He leaned in to whisper in her ear. "Leering again, are we?" And he straightened and gave Baldric back what he hoped was just as charming a smile. "Pleasure to meet you Baldric de Troyes. My father... the Great King... welcomes you to our lands....." The emphasis was on Great King. "Your tongue is not uncommon in our court. Why it was the only tongue we had in common with our guardsman here before he learnt ours. Fortunately he appears to butcher your language less than ours...."

 

[2022/01/26 17:16] Sifilda of Wessex: smiles all sweet and innocent like and looks up at the sky. it might be obvious to Baldric that the Little King comment had been whispered between the two siblings. When she had finished inspecting the sky Sifilda she spoke to Wulfsige " If I hadn't have been sent to a useless .. " she stops her self and changed slightly was she was going to say " sent to an impossible situation in East Anglia - I might well have gone to the court in Frankia . Chevalier de Troyes and his men were telling me about the beauty of their country and it sounds wonderful . No heathen Danes splitting peoples skulls " She glances at Bart " well now we know you have a skill for languages then we shall have you show the Chevaliers men around the stables and around the city Perhaps you can introduce them to the taverns and such like"

 

[2022/01/26 17:21] Leowyn of Wiltshire (gengar.ghostly): /me was silently mouthing what words she heard trying to speak french. Then when Wulfsige told her she was leering she whipped her head towards him with a pursed-lip frown. "Am not! You would know what leering is, would you not?" She said with a snotty tone and cleared her throat. "Apologies, Baldric, was it?" She looked like a puppy being called in different directions. "What is a chevalier? Is that the horsemen?"

 

[2022/01/26 17:21] Baldric de Troyes (arnorian): /me Did not miss the emphasis, and Sifilda's smile was duely noted by the Frankish warrior but he would adress Leowyn's question first, before continuing, "We franks wear many things, but I thought it appropriate to dress a bit provincial while I explored the countryside, no? I will wear something more bold to dinner, which no doubt will be a festive affair"! This was obviously adressing Leowyn's question, before turning to look at Wulfisige again, "This King of Wessex seems quite ellusive, and with such a threat upon his borders. It is very sad. His Majesty King Louis' sends his regards and well wishes of course. We look forward to seeing this King, and measuring his greatness with our own eyes."

 

[2022/01/26 17:23] Baldric de Troyes (arnorian): "Chevalier, Oui oui"! He answered Leowyn again, with out really missing a beat, "Armed warriors upon horseback. We are scions of Charlemagne's own Paladins, as you may know, who defended Christendom against the deprivations of the bloody thirsty Saracens"!

 

[2022/01/26 17:29] Wulfsige of Wessex (lucius.templar): "You will get your chance soon enough, Chevalier de Troyes. The fact that Wessex stands where larger kingdoms have fallen should be testimony to his greatness...." You don't get to be King without some ability to trashtalk. "We value strong allies. The Danes are mere locusts. Descending like a swarm to devour and destroy. It is in everyone's interest to see they are stopped..."

 

[2022/01/26 17:37] Baldric de Troyes (arnorian): /me "Alas, I must excuse myself. I will rejoin and we may discuss such things when there is time." To Bart, the Chevalier, would give a nod, "No doubt my fellows will enjoy the tour"! Then to the two ladies, the Frankishman would give another bow, "I will not be over long, I hope, but there is something I must check upon, that was just reminded of me with all this talk of drinking, and festivities"! At that the man would move to take his leave rather abruptly, though obviously he seemed in as good a mood as ever.

 

[2022/01/26 17:41] Sifilda of Wessex: " And to have a great king like King Louis to enter into talks with us is a great honour . A Christian of outstanding devotion to the children of God is met with open arms" Yes she was laying it on a bit thick but short of begging the Welsh to join them in a battle they were starting to run out of allies . Now you must tell us what your favourites dishes are so I can inform the Kitchens to make it for you " she would side whisper to Bart try and keep his men away from the mead - I think they like more delicate bevearages like wine" but all that was not noted as the man from Frankia has disappeared like a will o the Wisp She looked around " how the hell did he do that? Where did he go " she sahakes her head " they have strange skills theses men from Frankia"

 

[2022/01/26 17:55] Leowyn of Wiltshire (gengar.ghostly): /me shrugged her shoulders. She looked to Wulfsige. "I do hope your Father puts the Danes in their place. The Frankish? I am unsure of..." She said softly. "My mother should be home soon." She looked at the sky. "She told me she wanted to speak to you both, and Sigbert."

 

[2022/01/26 18:03] Wulfsige of Wessex (lucius.templar): Wulfsige looked at Leowyn with surprise. "What about?" He moved his gaze towards Sifilda. "Do you have any idea? Perhaps she wishes to help you buy some head coverings...."

 

[2022/01/26 18:06] Sifilda of Wessex: Well that did get a raised brow " I hope that she is still happy that you visit the palace " and then adds " Sigbert seems to keep to his own schedule " we may have to leave a letter with his servant " she said thinking about it " of course he may well be just following Judith of Kent around like a lost puppy . Some men like pious women" She looked at Bart "but do make contact with them and show them a good time soon"

 

[2022/01/26 18:19] Leowyn of Wiltshire (gengar.ghostly): Leowyn gave a light wave to the Iberian guard. "Farewell." She smiled to Sifilda. "Some do like pious women, some like whores." She side-eyed Wulfsige with one brow cocked. "I know my sister will be here soon...Perhaps she wants to betroth Saethryth to Sigbert?" She then remembered her mother requested to see Wulfsige as well. "Or maybe you?" Her mouth gaped looking to the siblings.

 

[2022/01/26 18:38] Maxime (maxime.wildrose): " Well which is the older sister - you maybe right you know" she said thinking on it and tapping her fingers against her lips . She looked at Leowynn - " how do you feel about it . You did say that they keep you in the dark

 

[2022/01/26 18:44] Wulfsige of Wessex (lucius.templar): "What me..." scoffed Wulfsige, clueless. "No one is going to marry you if you keep that face on. You look like a bulfrog...." He was curious about Leowyn's sister as well now. "Does your sister look like a bulfrog too?"

 

[2022/01/26 18:59] Leowyn of Wiltshire (gengar.ghostly): /me tutted against her cheek. "Sae is older." She breathed a sigh of relief. When she heard Wulfsige say she looked like a bullfrog. She huffed and puffed her cheeks, not helping the bullfrog look. "It is alright if no one wants to marry me. I'll live in a cottage, and garden. Keep some animals...live a peaceful life without stress..." She smiled almost too peacefully. "Who ever has to marry you, has to deal with a sullen clod who is only worth something because he is an aethling!" She wrinkled her nose up, and turned on her heels, stomping home.

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Domitian (Latin: Domitianus; 24 October 51 – 18 September 96) was the Roman emperor from 81 to 96. He was the son of Vespasian and the younger brother of Titus, his two predecessors on the throne, and the last member of the Flavian dynasty. During his reign, the authoritarian nature of his rule put him at sharp odds with the Senate, whose powers he drastically curtailed.

 

Domitian had a minor and largely ceremonial role during the reigns of his father and brother. After the death of his brother, Domitian was declared emperor by the Praetorian Guard. His 15-year reign was the longest since that of Tiberius. As emperor, Domitian strengthened the economy by revaluing the Roman coinage, expanded the border defenses of the empire, and initiated a massive building program to restore the damaged city of Rome. Significant wars were fought in Britain, where his general Agricola attempted to conquer Caledonia (Scotland), and in Dacia, where Domitian was unable to procure a decisive victory against King Decebalus. Domitian's government exhibited strong authoritarian characteristics. Religious, military, and cultural propaganda fostered a cult of personality, and by nominating himself perpetual censor, he sought to control public and private morals. As a consequence, Domitian was popular with the people and army, but considered a tyrant by members of the Roman Senate.

 

Domitian's reign came to an end in 96 when he was assassinated by court officials. He was succeeded the same day by his advisor Nerva. After his death, Domitian's memory was condemned to oblivion by the Senate, while senatorial and equestrian authors such as Tacitus, Pliny the Younger, and Suetonius propagated the view of Domitian as a cruel and paranoid tyrant. Modern revisionists instead have characterized Domitian as a ruthless but efficient autocrat whose cultural, economic, and political programs provided the foundation of the peaceful second century.

 

Domitian was born in Rome on 24 October 51, the youngest son of Titus Flavius Vespasianus—commonly known as Vespasian—and Flavia Domitilla Major. He had an older sister, Domitilla the Younger, and brother, also named Titus Flavius Vespasianus.

 

Decades of civil war during the 1st century BC had contributed greatly to the demise of the old aristocracy of Rome, which a new Italian nobility gradually replaced in prominence during the early part of the 1st century. One such family, the Flavians, or gens Flavia, rose from relative obscurity to prominence in just four generations, acquiring wealth and status under the emperors of the Julio-Claudian dynasty. Domitian's great-grandfather, Titus Flavius Petro, had served as a centurion under Pompey during Caesar's civil war. His military career ended in disgrace when he fled the battlefield at the Battle of Pharsalus in 48 BC.

 

Nevertheless, Petro managed to improve his status by marrying the extremely wealthy Tertulla, whose fortune guaranteed the upward mobility of Petro's son Titus Flavius Sabinus I, Domitian's grandfather. Sabinus himself amassed further wealth and possible equestrian status through his services as tax collector in Asia and banker in Helvetia (modern Switzerland). By marrying Vespasia Polla he allied the Flavian family to the more prestigious gens Vespasia, ensuring the elevation of his sons Titus Flavius Sabinus II and Vespasian to senatorial rank.

 

The political career of Vespasian included the offices of quaestor, aedile, and praetor, and culminated in a consulship in 51, the year of Domitian's birth. As a military commander, Vespasian gained early renown by participating in the Roman invasion of Britain in 43. Nevertheless, ancient sources allege poverty for the Flavian family at the time of Domitian's upbringing, even claiming Vespasian had fallen into disrepute under the emperors Caligula (37–41) and Nero (54–68). Modern history has refuted these claims, suggesting these stories later circulated under Flavian rule as part of a propaganda campaign to diminish success under the less reputable Emperors of the Julio-Claudian dynasty and to maximize achievements under Emperor Claudius (41–54) and his son Britannicus.

 

By all appearances, the Flavians enjoyed high imperial favour throughout the 40s and 60s. While Titus received a court education in the company of Britannicus, Vespasian pursued a successful political and military career. Following a prolonged period of retirement during the 50s, he returned to public office under Nero, serving as proconsul of the Africa Province in 63, and accompanying the emperor Nero during an official tour of Greece in 66.

 

That same year Jews from the Province of Judaea revolted against the Roman Empire, sparking what is now known as the First Jewish–Roman War. Vespasian was assigned to lead the Roman army against the insurgents, with Titus—who had completed his military education by this time—in charge of a legion.

 

Of the three Flavian emperors, Domitian would rule the longest, despite the fact that his youth and early career were largely spent in the shadow of his older brother. Titus had gained military renown during the First Jewish–Roman War. After their father, Vespasian, became emperor in 69 following the civil war known as the Year of the Four Emperors, Titus held a great many offices, while Domitian received honours, but no responsibilities.

 

By the time he was 16 years old, Domitian's mother and sister had long since died, while his father and brother were continuously active in the Roman military, commanding armies in Germania and Judaea. For Domitian, this meant that a significant part of his adolescence was spent in the absence of his near relatives. During the Jewish–Roman wars, he was likely taken under the care of his uncle Titus Flavius Sabinus II, at the time serving as city prefect of Rome; or possibly even Marcus Cocceius Nerva, a loyal friend of the Flavians and the future successor to Domitian.

 

He received the education of a young man of the privileged senatorial class, studying rhetoric and literature. In his biography in the Lives of the Twelve Caesars, Suetonius attests to Domitian's ability to quote the important poets and writers such as Homer or Virgil on appropriate occasions, and describes him as a learned and educated adolescent, with elegant conversation. Among his first published works were poetry, as well as writings on law and administration.

 

Unlike his brother Titus, Domitian was not educated at court. Whether he received formal military training is not recorded, but according to Suetonius, he displayed considerable marksmanship with the bow and arrow. A detailed description of Domitian's appearance and character is provided by Suetonius, who devotes a substantial part of his biography to his personality:

 

He was tall of stature, with a modest expression and a high colour. His eyes were large, but his sight was somewhat dim. He was handsome and graceful too, especially when a young man, and indeed in his whole body with the exception of his feet, the toes of which were somewhat cramped. In later life he had the further disfigurement of baldness, a protruding belly, and spindling legs, though the latter had become thin from a long illness.

 

Domitian was allegedly extremely sensitive regarding his baldness, which he disguised in later life by wearing wigs. According to Suetonius, he even wrote a book on the subject of hair care. With regard to Domitian's personality, however, the account of Suetonius alternates sharply between portraying Domitian as the emperor-tyrant, a man both physically and intellectually lazy, and the intelligent, refined personality drawn elsewhere.

 

Historian Brian Jones concludes in The Emperor Domitian that assessing the true nature of Domitian's personality is inherently complicated by the bias of the surviving sources. Common threads nonetheless emerge from the available evidence. He appears to have lacked the natural charisma of his brother and father. He was prone to suspicion, displayed an odd, sometimes self-deprecating sense of humour, and often communicated in cryptic ways.

 

This ambiguity of character was further exacerbated by his remoteness, and as he grew older, he increasingly displayed a preference for solitude, which may have stemmed from his isolated upbringing. Indeed, by the age of eighteen nearly all of his closest relatives had died by war or disease. Having spent the greater part of his early life in the twilight of Nero's reign, his formative years would have been strongly influenced by the political turmoil of the 60s, culminating with the civil war of 69, which brought his family to power.

 

On 9 June 68, amid growing opposition of the Senate and the army, Nero committed suicide and with him the Julio-Claudian dynasty came to an end. Chaos ensued, leading to a year of brutal civil war known as the Year of the Four Emperors, during which the four most influential generals in the Roman Empire—Galba, Otho, Vitellius and Vespasian—successively vied for imperial power.

 

News of Nero's death reached Vespasian as he was preparing to besiege the city of Jerusalem. Almost simultaneously the Senate had declared Galba, then governor of Hispania Tarraconensis (modern northern Spain), as Emperor of Rome. Rather than continue his campaign, Vespasian decided to await further orders and send Titus to greet the new Emperor.

 

Before reaching Italy, Titus learnt that Galba had been murdered and replaced by Otho, the governor of Lusitania (modern Portugal). At the same time Vitellius and his armies in Germania had risen in revolt and prepared to march on Rome, intent on overthrowing Otho. Not wanting to risk being taken hostage by one side or the other, Titus abandoned the journey to Rome and rejoined his father in Judaea.

 

Otho and Vitellius realized the potential threat posed by the Flavian faction. With four legions at his disposal, Vespasian commanded a strength of nearly 80,000 soldiers. His position in Judaea further granted him the advantage of being nearest to the vital province of Egypt, which controlled the grain supply to Rome. His brother Titus Flavius Sabinus II, as city prefect, commanded the entire city garrison of Rome. Tensions among the Flavian troops ran high but so long as either Galba or Otho remained in power, Vespasian refused to take action.

 

When Otho was defeated by Vitellius at the First Battle of Bedriacum, the armies in Judaea and Egypt took matters into their own hands and declared Vespasian emperor on 1 July 69. Vespasian accepted and entered an alliance with Gaius Licinius Mucianus, the governor of Syria, against Vitellius. A strong force drawn from the Judaean and Syrian legions marched on Rome under the command of Mucianus, while Vespasian travelled to Alexandria, leaving Titus in charge of ending the Jewish rebellion.

 

In Rome, Domitian was placed under house arrest by Vitellius, as a safeguard against Flavian aggression. Support for the old emperor waned as more legions around the empire pledged their allegiance to Vespasian. On 24 October 69, the forces of Vitellius and Vespasian (under Marcus Antonius Primus) met at the Second Battle of Bedriacum, which ended in a crushing defeat for the armies of Vitellius.

 

In despair, Vitellius attempted to negotiate a surrender. Terms of peace, including a voluntary abdication, were agreed upon with Titus Flavius Sabinus II but the soldiers of the Praetorian Guard—the imperial bodyguard—considered such a resignation disgraceful and prevented Vitellius from carrying out the treaty. On the morning of 18 December, the emperor appeared to deposit the imperial insignia at the Temple of Concord but at the last minute retraced his steps to the Imperial palace. In the confusion, the leading men of the state gathered at Sabinus' house, proclaiming Vespasian as Emperor, but the multitude dispersed when Vitellian cohorts clashed with the armed escort of Sabinus, who was forced to retreat to the Capitoline Hill.

 

During the night, he was joined by his relatives, including Domitian. The armies of Mucianus were nearing Rome but the besieged Flavian party did not hold out for longer than a day. On 19 December, Vitellianists burst onto the Capitol and in a skirmish, Sabinus was captured and executed. Domitian managed to escape by disguising himself as a worshipper of Isis and spent the night in safety with one of his father's supporters, Cornelius Primus.

 

By the afternoon of 20 December, Vitellius was dead, his armies having been defeated by the Flavian legions. With nothing more to be feared, Domitian came forward to meet the invading forces; he was universally saluted by the title of Caesar and the mass of troops conducted him to his father's house. The following day, 21 December, the Senate proclaimed Vespasian emperor of the Roman Empire.

 

The Conspiracy of Claudius Civilis (detail), by Rembrandt (1661). During the Batavian rebellion, Domitian eagerly sought the opportunity to attain military glory, but was denied command of a legion by superior officers.

 

Although the war had officially ended, a state of anarchy and lawlessness pervaded in the first days following the demise of Vitellius. Order was properly restored by Mucianus in early 70 but Vespasian did not enter Rome until September of that year. In the meantime, Domitian acted as the representative of the Flavian family in the Roman Senate. He received the title of Caesar and was appointed praetor with consular power.

 

The ancient historian Tacitus describes Domitian's first speech in the Senate as brief and measured, at the same time noting his ability to elude awkward questions. Domitian's authority was merely nominal, foreshadowing what was to be his role for at least ten more years. By all accounts, Mucianus held the real power in Vespasian's absence and he was careful to ensure that Domitian, still only eighteen years old, did not overstep the boundaries of his function. Strict control was also maintained over the young Caesar's entourage, promoting away Flavian generals such as Arrius Varus and Antonius Primus and replacing them with more reliable men such as Arrecinus Clemens.

 

Equally curtailed by Mucianus were Domitian's military ambitions. The civil war of 69 had severely destabilized the provinces, leading to several local uprisings such as the Batavian revolt in Gaul. Batavian auxiliaries of the Rhine legions, led by Gaius Julius Civilis, had rebelled with the aid of a faction of Treveri under the command of Julius Classicus. Seven legions were sent from Rome, led by Vespasian's brother-in-law Quintus Petillius Cerialis.

 

Although the revolt was quickly suppressed, exaggerated reports of disaster prompted Mucianus to depart the capital with reinforcements of his own. Domitian eagerly sought the opportunity to attain military glory and joined the other officers with the intention of commanding a legion of his own. According to Tacitus, Mucianus was not keen on this prospect but since he considered Domitian a liability in any capacity that was entrusted to him, he preferred to keep him close at hand rather than in Rome.

 

When news arrived of Cerialis' victory over Civilis, Mucianus tactfully dissuaded Domitian from pursuing further military endeavours. Domitian then wrote to Cerialis personally, suggesting he hand over command of his army but, once again, he was snubbed. With the return of Vespasian in late September, his political role was rendered all but obsolete and Domitian withdrew from government devoting his time to arts and literature.

 

Where his political and military career had ended in disappointment, Domitian's private affairs were more successful. In 70 Vespasian attempted to arrange a dynastic marriage between his youngest son and the daughter of Titus, Julia Flavia, but Domitian was adamant in his love for Domitia Longina, going so far as to persuade her husband, Lucius Aelius Lamia Plautius Aelianus, to divorce her so that Domitian could marry her himself. Despite its initial recklessness, the alliance was very prestigious for both families. Domitia Longina was the younger daughter of Gnaeus Domitius Corbulo, a respected general and honoured politician who had distinguished himself for his leadership in Armenia. Following the failed Pisonian conspiracy against Nero in 65, he had been forced to commit suicide. She was also a granddaughter of Junia Lepida, a descendant of Emperor Augustus. The new marriage not only re-established ties to senatorial opposition, but also served the broader Flavian propaganda of the time, which sought to diminish Vespasian's political success under Nero. Instead, connections to Claudius and Britannicus were emphasised, and Nero's victims, or those otherwise disadvantaged by him, rehabilitated.

 

In 80, Domitia and Domitian's only attested son was born. It is not known what the boy's name was, but he died in childhood in 83. Shortly following his accession as Emperor, Domitian bestowed the honorific title of Augusta upon Domitia, while their son was deified, appearing as such on the reverse of coin types from this period. Nevertheless, the marriage appears to have faced a significant crisis in 83. For reasons unknown, Domitian briefly exiled Domitia, and then soon recalled her, either out of love or due to rumours that he was carrying on a relationship with his niece Julia Flavia. Jones argues that most likely he did so for her failure to produce an heir. By 84, Domitia had returned to the palace, where she lived for the remainder of Domitian's reign without incident. Little is known of Domitia's activities as Empress, or how much influence she wielded in Domitian's government, but it seems her role was limited. From Suetonius, we know that she at least accompanied the Emperor to the amphitheatre, while the Jewish writer Josephus speaks of benefits he received from her. It is not known whether Domitian had other children, but he did not marry again. Despite allegations by Roman sources of adultery and divorce, the marriage appears to have been happy.

 

The Triumph of Titus, by Sir Lawrence Alma-Tadema (1885), depicting the Flavian family during the triumphal procession of 71. Vespasian proceeds at the head of the family, dressed as pontifex maximus, followed by Domitian with Domitia Longina, and finally Titus, also dressed in religious regalia. An exchange of glances between Titus and Domitia suggests an affair upon which historians have speculated. Alma-Tadema was known for his meticulous historical research on the ancient world.

 

Before becoming Emperor, Domitian's role in the Flavian government was largely ceremonial. In June 71, Titus returned triumphant from the war in Judaea. Ultimately, the rebellion had claimed the lives of tens of thousands, perhaps hundreds of thousands, a majority of whom were Jewish. The city and temple of Jerusalem were completely destroyed, its most valuable treasures carried off by the Roman army, and nearly 100,000 people were captured and enslaved.

 

For his victory, the Senate awarded Titus a Roman triumph. On the day of the festivities, the Flavian family rode into the capital, preceded by a lavish parade that displayed the spoils of the war. The family procession was headed by Vespasian and Titus, while Domitian, riding a magnificent white horse, followed with the remaining Flavian relatives.

 

Leaders of the Jewish resistance were executed in the Forum Romanum, after which the procession closed with religious sacrifices at the Temple of Jupiter. A triumphal arch, the Arch of Titus, was erected at the south-east entrance to the Forum to commemorate the successful end of the war.

 

Yet the return of Titus further highlighted the comparative insignificance of Domitian, both militarily and politically. As the eldest and most experienced of Vespasian's sons, Titus shared tribunician power with his father, received seven consulships, the censorship, and was given command of the Praetorian Guard; powers that left no doubt he was the designated heir to the Empire. As a second son, Domitian held honorary titles, such as Caesar or Princeps Iuventutis, and several priesthoods, including those of augur, pontifex, frater arvalis, magister frater arvalium, and sacerdos collegiorum omnium, but no office with imperium.

 

He held six consulships during Vespasian's reign but only one of these, in 73, was an ordinary consulship. The other five were less prestigious suffect consulships, which he held in 71, 75, 76, 77 and 79 respectively, usually replacing his father or brother in mid-January. While ceremonial, these offices no doubt gained Domitian valuable experience in the Roman Senate, and may have contributed to his later reservations about its relevance.

 

Under Vespasian and Titus, non-Flavians were virtually excluded from the important public offices. Mucianus himself all but disappeared from historical records during this time, and it is believed he died sometime between 75 and 77. Real power was unmistakably concentrated in the hands of the Flavian faction; the weakened Senate only maintained the facade of democracy.

 

Because Titus effectively acted as co-emperor with his father, no abrupt change in Flavian policy occurred when Vespasian died on 24 June 79. Titus assured Domitian that full partnership in the government would soon be his, but neither tribunician power nor imperium of any kind was conferred upon him during Titus' brief reign.

 

Two major disasters struck during 79 and 80. In October/November 79, Mount Vesuvius erupted, burying the surrounding cities of Pompeii and Herculaneum under metres of ash and lava; the following year, a fire broke out in Rome that lasted three days and destroyed a number of important public buildings. Consequently, Titus spent much of his reign coordinating relief efforts and restoring damaged property. On 13 September 81, after barely two years in office, he unexpectedly died of fever during a trip to the Sabine territories.

 

Ancient authors have implicated Domitian in the death of his brother, either by directly accusing him of murder, or implying he left the ailing Titus for dead, even alleging that during his lifetime, Domitian was openly plotting against his brother. It is difficult to assess the factual veracity of these statements given the known bias of the surviving sources. Brotherly affection was likely at a minimum, but this was hardly surprising, considering that Domitian had barely seen Titus after the age of seven.

 

Whatever the nature of their relationship, Domitian seems to have displayed little sympathy when his brother lay dying, instead making for the Praetorian camp where he was proclaimed emperor. The following day, 14 September, the Senate confirmed Domitian's powers, granting tribunician power, the office of Pontifex maximus, and the titles of Augustus ("venerable"), and Pater Patriae ("father of the country").

 

As Emperor, Domitian quickly dispensed with the republican facade his father and brother had maintained during their reign. By moving the centre of government (more or less formally) to the imperial court, Domitian openly rendered the Senate's powers obsolete. In his view, the Roman Empire was to be governed as a divine monarchy with himself as the benevolent despot at its head.

 

In addition to exercising absolute political power, Domitian believed the emperor's role encompassed every aspect of daily life, guiding the Roman people as a cultural and moral authority. To usher in the new era, he embarked on ambitious economic, military, and cultural programs with the intention of restoring the Empire to the splendour it had seen under the Emperor Augustus.

 

Despite these grand designs, Domitian was determined to govern the Empire conscientiously and scrupulously. He became personally involved in all branches of the administration: edicts were issued governing the smallest details of everyday life and law, while taxation and public morals were rigidly enforced. According to Suetonius, the imperial bureaucracy never ran more efficiently than under Domitian, whose exacting standards and suspicious nature maintained historically low corruption among provincial governors and elected officials.

 

Although he made no pretence regarding the significance of the Senate under his absolute rule, those senators he deemed unworthy were expelled from the Senate, and in the distribution of public offices he rarely favored family members, a policy that stood in contrast to the nepotism practiced by Vespasian and Titus. Above all, however, Domitian valued loyalty and malleability in those he assigned to strategic posts, qualities he found more often in men of the equestrian order than in members of the Senate or his own family, whom he regarded with suspicion, and promptly removed from office if they disagreed with imperial policy.

 

The reality of Domitian's autocracy was further highlighted by the fact that, more than any emperor since Tiberius, he spent significant periods of time away from the capital. Although the Senate's power had been in decline since the fall of the Republic, under Domitian the seat of power was no longer even in Rome, but rather wherever the Emperor was. Until the completion of the Flavian Palace on the Palatine Hill, the imperial court was situated at Alba or Circeii, and sometimes even farther afield. Domitian toured the European provinces extensively, and spent at least three years of his reign in Germania and Illyricum, conducting military campaigns on the frontiers of the Empire.

 

For his personal use, he was active in constructing many monumental buildings, including the Villa of Domitian, a vast and sumptuous palace situated 20 km outside Rome in the Alban Hills.[citation needed]

In Rome itself, he built the Palace of Domitian on the Palatine Hill. Six other villas are linked with Domitian at Tusculum, Antium, Caieta, Circei, Anxur and Baiae. Only the one at Circei has been identified today, where its remains can be visited by the Lago di Paola.

 

The Stadium of Domitian was dedicated in 86 AD as a gift to the people of Rome as part of an Imperial building program, following the damage or destruction of most of the buildings on the Field of Mars by fire in 79 AD. It was Rome's first permanent venue for competitive athletics, and today occupied by the Piazza Navona.

 

In Egypt too, Domitian was quite active in constructing buildings and decorating them. He appears, together with Trajan, in offering scenes on the propylon of the Temple of Hathor at Dendera. His cartouche also appears in the column shafts of the Temple of Khnum at Esna.

 

Upon his accession, Domitian revalued the Roman currency by increasing the silver content of the denarius by 12%. Domitian's tendency towards micromanagement was nowhere more evident than in his financial policy. The question of whether Domitian left the Roman Empire in debt or with a surplus at the time of his death has been fiercely debated. The evidence points to a balanced economy for the greater part of Domitian's reign. Upon his accession he revalued the Roman currency dramatically. He increased the silver purity of the denarius from 90% to 98% – the actual silver weight increasing from 2.87 grams to 3.26 grams. A financial crisis in 85 forced a devaluation of the silver purity and weight to 93.5% and 3.04 grams respectively.

 

Nevertheless, the new values were still higher than the levels that Vespasian and Titus had maintained during their reigns. Domitian's rigorous taxation policy ensured that this standard was sustained for the following eleven years. Coinage from this era displays a highly consistent degree of quality including meticulous attention to Domitian's titulature and refined artwork on the reverse portraits.

 

Jones estimates Domitian's annual income at more than 1.2 billion sestertii, of which over one-third would presumably have been spent maintaining the Roman army. The other major expense was the extensive reconstruction of Rome. At the time of Domitian's accession the city was still suffering from the damage caused by the Great Fire of 64, the civil war of 69 and the fire in 80.

 

Much more than a renovation project, Domitian's building program was intended to be the crowning achievement of an Empire-wide cultural renaissance. Around fifty structures were erected, restored or completed, achievements second only to those of Augustus. Among the most important new structures were an odeon, a stadium, and an expansive palace on the Palatine Hill known as the Flavian Palace, which was designed by Domitian's master architect Rabirius.

 

The most important building Domitian restored was the Temple of Jupiter on the Capitoline Hill, said to have been covered with a gilded roof. Among those completed were the Temple of Vespasian and Titus, the Arch of Titus and the Flavian Amphitheatre (Colosseum), to which he added a fourth level and finished the interior seating area.

 

In order to appease the people of Rome an estimated 135 million sestertii was spent on donatives, or congiaria, throughout Domitian's reign. The Emperor also revived the practice of public banquets, which had been reduced to a simple distribution of food under Nero, while he invested large sums on entertainment and games. In 86 he founded the Capitoline Games, a quadrennial contest comprising athletic displays, chariot racing, and competitions for oratory, music and acting.

 

Domitian himself supported the travel of competitors from all corners of the Empire to Rome and distributed the prizes. Innovations were also introduced into the regular gladiatorial games such as naval contests, nighttime battles, and female and dwarf gladiator fights. Lastly, he added two new factions to the chariot races, Gold and Purple, to race against the existing White, Red, Green and Blue factions.

 

The military campaigns undertaken during Domitian's reign were generally defensive in nature, as the Emperor rejected the idea of expansionist warfare. His most significant military contribution was the development of the Limes Germanicus, which encompassed a vast network of roads, forts and watchtowers constructed along the Rhine river to defend the Empire. Nevertheless, several important wars were fought in Gaul, against the Chatti, and across the Danube frontier against the Suebi, the Sarmatians, and the Dacians.

 

The conquest of Britain continued under the command of Gnaeus Julius Agricola, who expanded the Roman Empire as far as Caledonia, or modern day Scotland. Domitian also founded a new legion in 82, the Legio I Minervia, to fight against the Chatti. Domitian is also credited on the easternmost evidence of Roman military presence, the rock inscription near Boyukdash mountain, in present-day Azerbaijan. As judged by the carved titles of Caesar, Augustus and Germanicus, the related march took place between 84 and 96 AD.

 

Domitian's administration of the Roman army was characterized by the same fastidious involvement he exhibited in other branches of the government. His competence as a military strategist was criticized by his contemporaries however. Although he claimed several triumphs, these were largely propaganda manoeuvres. Tacitus derided Domitian's victory against the Chatti as a "mock triumph", and criticized his decision to retreat in Britain following the conquests of Agricola.

 

Nevertheless, Domitian appears to have been very popular among the soldiers, spending an estimated three years of his reign among the army on campaigns—more than any emperor since Augustus—and raising their pay by one-third. While the army command may have disapproved of his tactical and strategic decisions, the loyalty of the common soldier was unquestioned.

 

Once Emperor, Domitian immediately sought to attain his long delayed military glory. As early as 82, or possibly 83, he went to Gaul, ostensibly to conduct a census, and suddenly ordered an attack on the Chatti. For this purpose, a new legion was founded, Legio I Minervia, which constructed some 75 kilometres (46 mi) of roads through Chattan territory to uncover the enemy's hiding places.

 

Although little information survives of the battles fought, enough early victories were apparently achieved for Domitian to be back in Rome by the end of 83, where he celebrated an elaborate triumph and conferred upon himself the title of Germanicus. Domitian's supposed victory was much scorned by ancient authors, who described the campaign as "uncalled for", and a "mock triumph". The evidence lends some credence to these claims, as the Chatti would later play a significant role during the revolt of Saturninus in 89.

 

One of the most detailed reports of military activity under the Flavian dynasty was written by Tacitus, whose biography of his father-in-law Gnaeus Julius Agricola largely concerns the conquest of Britain between 77 and 84. Agricola arrived c. 77 as governor of Roman Britain, immediately launching campaigns into Caledonia (modern Scotland).

 

In 82 Agricola crossed an unidentified body of water and defeated peoples unknown to the Romans until then. He fortified the coast facing Ireland, and Tacitus recalls that his father-in-law often claimed the island could be conquered with a single legion and a few auxiliaries. He had given refuge to an exiled Irish king whom he hoped he might use as the excuse for conquest. This conquest never happened, but some historians believe that the crossing referred to was in fact a small-scale exploratory or punitive expedition to Ireland.

 

Turning his attention from Ireland, the following year Agricola raised a fleet and pushed beyond the Forth into Caledonia. To aid the advance, a large legionary fortress was constructed at Inchtuthil. In the summer of 84, Agricola faced the armies of the Caledonians, led by Calgacus, at the Battle of Mons Graupius. Although the Romans inflicted heavy losses on the enemy, two-thirds of the Caledonian army escaped and hid in the Scottish marshes and Highlands, ultimately preventing Agricola from bringing the entire British island under his control.

 

In 85, Agricola was recalled to Rome by Domitian, having served for more than six years as governor, longer than normal for consular legates during the Flavian era. Tacitus claims that Domitian ordered his recall because Agricola's successes outshone the Emperor's own modest victories in Germania. The relationship between Agricola and the Emperor is unclear: on the one hand, Agricola was awarded triumphal decorations and a statue, on the other, Agricola never again held a civil or military post in spite of his experience and renown. He was offered the governorship of the province of Africa but declined it, either due to ill health or, as Tacitus claims, the machinations of Domitian.

 

Not long after Agricola's recall from Britain, the Roman Empire entered into war with the Kingdom of Dacia in the East. Reinforcements were needed, and in 87 or 88, Domitian ordered a large-scale strategic withdrawal of troops in the British province. The fortress at Inchtuthil was dismantled and the Caledonian forts and watchtowers abandoned, moving the Roman frontier some 120 kilometres (75 mi) further south. The army command may have resented Domitian's decision to retreat, but to him the Caledonian territories never represented anything more than a loss to the Roman treasury.

 

The most significant threat the Roman Empire faced during the reign of Domitian arose from the northern provinces of Illyricum, where the Suebi, the Sarmatians and the Dacians continuously harassed Roman settlements along the Danube river. Of these, the Sarmatians and the Dacians posed the most formidable threat. In approximately 84 or 85 the Dacians, led by King Decebalus, crossed the Danube into the province of Moesia, wreaking havoc and killing the Moesian governor Oppius Sabinus.

 

Domitian quickly launched a counteroffensive, personally travelling to the region accompanied by a large force commanded by his praetorian prefect Cornelius Fuscus. Fuscus successfully drove the Dacians back across the border in mid-85, prompting Domitian to return to Rome and celebrate his second triumph.

 

The victory proved short-lived, however: as early in 86 Fuscus embarked on an ill-fated expedition into Dacia. Fuscus was killed, and the battle standard of the Praetorian Guard was lost. The loss of the battle standard, or aquila, was indicative of a crushing defeat and a serious affront to Roman national pride.

 

Domitian returned to Moesia in August 86. He divided the province into Lower Moesia and Upper Moesia, and transferred three additional legions to the Danube. In 87, the Romans invaded Dacia once more, this time under the command of Tettius Julianus, and finally defeated Decebalus in late 88 at the same site where Fuscus had previously perished. An attack on the Dacian capital Sarmizegetusa was forestalled when new troubles arose on the German frontier in 89.

 

In order to avert having to conduct a war on two fronts, Domitian agreed to terms of peace with Decebalus, negotiating free access of Roman troops through the Dacian region while granting Decebalus an annual subsidy of 8 million sesterces. Contemporary authors severely criticized this treaty, which was considered shameful to the Romans and left the deaths of Sabinus and Fuscus unavenged. For the remainder of Domitian's reign Dacia remained a relatively peaceful client kingdom, but Decebalus used the Roman money to fortify his defenses.

 

Domitian probably wanted a new war against the Dacians, and reinforced Upper Moesia with two more cavalry units brought from Syria and with at least five cohorts brought from Pannonia. Trajan continued Domitian's policy and added two more units to the auxiliary forces of Upper Moesia, and then he used the build up of troops for his Dacian wars. Eventually the Romans achieved a decisive victory against Decebalus in 106. Again, the Roman army sustained heavy losses, but Trajan succeeded in capturing Sarmizegetusa and, importantly, annexed the Dacian gold and silver mines.

 

Domitian firmly believed in the traditional Roman religion, and personally saw to it that ancient customs and morals were observed throughout his reign. In order to justify the divine nature of the Flavian rule, Domitian emphasized connections with the chief deity Jupiter, perhaps most significantly through the impressive restoration of the Temple of Jupiter on the Capitoline Hill. A small chapel dedicated to Jupiter Conservator was also constructed near the house where Domitian had fled to safety on 20 December 69. Later in his reign, he replaced it with a more expansive building, dedicated to Jupiter Custos.

 

The goddess he worshipped the most zealously, however, was Minerva. Not only did he keep a personal shrine dedicated to her in his bedroom, she regularly appeared on his coinage—in four different attested reverse types—and he founded a legion, Legio I Minervia, in her name.

 

Domitian also revived the practice of the imperial cult, which had fallen somewhat out of use under Vespasian. Significantly, his first act as an Emperor was the deification of his brother Titus. Upon their deaths, his infant son, and niece, Julia Flavia, were likewise enrolled among the gods. With regards to the emperor himself as a religious figure, both Suetonius and Cassius Dio allege that Domitian officially gave himself the title of Dominus et Deus ("Lord and God"). However, not only did he reject the title of Dominus during his reign, but since he issued no official documentation or coinage to this effect, historians such as Brian Jones contend that such phrases were addressed to Domitian by flatterers who wished to earn favors from the emperor.

 

To foster the worship of the imperial family, he erected a dynastic mausoleum on the site of Vespasian's former house on the Quirinal, and completed the Temple of Vespasian and Titus, a shrine dedicated to the worship of his deified father and brother. To memorialize the military triumphs of the Flavian family, he ordered the construction of the Templum Divorum and the Templum Fortuna Redux, and completed the Arch of Titus.

 

Construction projects such as these constituted only the most visible part of Domitian's religious policy, which also concerned itself with the fulfilment of religious law and public morals. In 85, he nominated himself perpetual censor, the office that held the task of supervising Roman morals and conduct. Once again, Domitian acquitted himself of this task dutifully, and with care. He renewed the Lex Iulia de Adulteriis Coercendis, under which adultery was punishable by exile. From the list of jurors he struck an equestrian who had divorced his wife and taken her back, while an ex-quaestor was expelled from the Senate for acting and dancing.

 

As eunuchs were popularly used as servants, Domitian punished people who castrated others and wanted to ban the eunuchs themselves. Subsequent emperors made similar prohibitions, but Domitian may have been the first to do so. Despite his moralizing, Domitian had his own favorite eunuch boy, Earinus, who was commemorated by the contemporary court poets Martial and Statius.

 

Domitian also heavily prosecuted corruption among public officials, removing jurors if they accepted bribes and rescinding legislation when a conflict of interest was suspected. He ensured that libellous writings, especially those directed against himself, were punishable by exile or death. Actors were likewise regarded with suspicion. Consequently, he forbade mimes from appearing on stage in public. Philosophers did not fare much better. Epictetus, who had set himself up in Rome as a professor of philosophy, remarked that philosophers were able to "look tyrants steadily in the face", and it was Domitian's decree of 94, expelling all philosophers from Rome, that caused Epictetus to shift his base to the recently founded Roman city of Nicopolis, in Epirus, Greece, where he lived simply, worked safely and died of old age.

Coin of Domitian, found in the Buddhist stupa of Ahin Posh, dedicated under the Kushan Empire in 150–160, in modern Afghanistan.

 

In 87, Vestal Virgins were found to have broken their sacred vows of lifelong public chastity. As the Vestals were regarded as daughters of the community, this offense essentially constituted incest. Accordingly, those found guilty of any such transgression were condemned to death, either by a manner of their choosing, or according to the ancient fashion, which dictated that Vestals should be buried alive.

 

Foreign religions were tolerated insofar as they did not interfere with public order, or could be assimilated with the traditional Roman religion. The worship of Egyptian deities in particular flourished under the Flavian dynasty, to an extent not seen again until the reign of Commodus. Veneration of Serapis and Isis, who were identified with Jupiter and Minerva respectively, was especially prominent.

 

4th century writings by Eusebius maintain that Jews and Christians were heavily persecuted toward the end of Domitian's reign. The Book of Revelation and First Epistle of Clement are thought by some to have been written during this period, the latter making mention of "sudden and repeated misfortunes", which are assumed to refer to persecutions under Domitian. Although Jews were heavily taxed, no contemporary authors give specific details of trials or executions based on religious offenses other than those within the Roman religion. Suetonius mentions having seen in his youth a nonagenarian being stripped by a procurator to see if he was circumcised.

 

On 1 January 89, the governor of Germania Superior, Lucius Antonius Saturninus, and his two legions at Mainz, Legio XIV Gemina and Legio XXI Rapax, revolted against the Roman Empire with the aid of the Germanic Chatti people. The precise cause for the rebellion is uncertain, although it appears to have been planned well in advance. The Senatorial officers may have disapproved of Domitian's military strategies, such as his decision to fortify the German frontier rather than attack, as well as his recent retreat from Britain, and finally the disgraceful policy of appeasement towards Decebalus.

 

At any rate, the uprising was strictly confined to Saturninus' province, and quickly detected once the rumour spread across the neighbouring provinces. The governor of Germania Inferior, Aulus Bucius Lappius Maximus, moved to the region at once, assisted by the procurator of Rhaetia, Titus Flavius Norbanus. From Spain, Trajan was summoned, while Domitian himself came from Rome with the Praetorian Guard.

 

By a stroke of luck, a thaw prevented the Chatti from crossing the Rhine and coming to Saturninus' aid. Within twenty-four days the rebellion was crushed, and its leaders at Mainz savagely punished. The mutinous legions were sent to the front in Illyricum, while those who had assisted in their defeat were duly rewarded.

 

Lappius Maximus received the governorship of the province of Syria, a second consulship in May 95, and finally a priesthood, which he still held in 102. Titus Flavius Norbanus may have been appointed to the prefecture of Egypt, but almost certainly became prefect of the Praetorian Guard by 94, with Titus Petronius Secundus as his colleague. Domitian opened the year following the revolt by sharing the consulship with Marcus Cocceius Nerva, suggesting the latter had played a part in uncovering the conspiracy, perhaps in a fashion similar to the one he played during the Pisonian conspiracy under Nero.

 

Although little is known about the life and career of Nerva before his accession as Emperor in 96, he appears to have been a highly adaptable diplomat, surviving multiple regime changes and emerging as one of the Flavians' most trusted advisors. His consulship may therefore have been intended to emphasize the stability and status quo of the regime. The revolt had been suppressed and the Empire returned to order.

 

Since the fall of the Republic, the authority of the Roman Senate had largely eroded under the quasi-monarchical system of government established by Augustus, known as the Principate. The Principate allowed the existence of a de facto dictatorial regime, while maintaining the formal framework of the Roman Republic. Most Emperors upheld the public facade of democracy, and in return the Senate implicitly acknowledged the Emperor's status as a de facto monarch.

 

Some rulers handled this arrangement with less subtlety than others. Domitian was not so subtle. From the outset of his reign, he stressed the reality of his autocracy. He disliked aristocrats and had no fear of showing it, withdrawing every decision-making power from the Senate, and instead relying on a small set of friends and equestrians to control the important offices of state.

 

The dislike was mutual. After Domitian's assassination, the senators of Rome rushed to the Senate house, where they immediately passed a motion condemning his memory to oblivion. Under the rulers of the Nervan-Antonian dynasty, senatorial authors published histories that elaborated on the view of Domitian as a tyrant.

 

Nevertheless, the evidence suggests that Domitian did make concessions toward senatorial opinion. Whereas his father and brother had concentrated consular power largely in the hands of the Flavian family, Domitian admitted a surprisingly large number of provincials and potential opponents to the consulship, allowing them to head the official calendar by opening the year as an ordinary consul. Whether this was a genuine attempt to reconcile with hostile factions in the Senate cannot be ascertained. By offering the consulship to potential opponents, Domitian may have wanted to compromise these senators in the eyes of their supporters. When their conduct proved unsatisfactory, they were almost invariably brought to trial and exiled or executed, and their property was confiscated.

 

Both Tacitus and Suetonius speak of escalating persecutions toward the end of Domitian's reign, identifying a point of sharp increase around 93, or sometime after the failed revolt of Saturninus. At least twenty senatorial opponents were executed, including Domitia Longina's former husband Lucius Aelius Lamia Plautius Aelianus and three of Domitian's own family members, Titus Flavius Sabinus, Titus Flavius Clemens and Marcus Arrecinus Clemens. Flavius Clemens was a cousin of Domitian, and the emperor had even designated Clemens' two young sons as his successors, calling them as "Vespasian" and "Domitian". Some of these men were executed as early as 83 or 85, however, lending little credit to Tacitus' notion of a "reign of terror" late in Domitian's reign. According to Suetonius, some were convicted for corruption or treason, others on trivial charges, which Domitian justified through his suspicion:

 

He used to say that the lot of Emperors was most unfortunate, since when they discovered a conspiracy, no one believed them unless they had been murdered.

 

Jones compares the executions of Domitian to those under Emperor Claudius (41–54), noting that Claudius executed around 35 senators and 300 equestrians, and yet was still deified by the Senate and regarded as one of the good Emperors of history. Domitian was apparently unable to gain support among the aristocracy, despite attempts to appease hostile factions with consular appointments. His autocratic style of government accentuated the Senate's loss of power, while his policy of treating patricians and even family members as equals to all Romans earned him their contempt.

 

According to Suetonius, Domitian worshipped Minerva as his protector goddess with superstitious veneration. In a dream, she is said to have abandoned the emperor prior to the assassination.

Domitian was assassinated on 18 September 96 in a conspiracy by court officials. A highly detailed account of the plot and the assassination is provided by Suetonius. He alleges that Domitian's chamberlain Parthenius played the main role in the plot, and historian John Grainger cites Parthenius' likely fear over Domitian's recent execution of Nero's former secretary Epaphroditus as a possible motive. The act itself was carried out by a freedman of Parthenius named Maximus, and a steward of Domitian's niece Flavia Domitilla, named Stephanus.

 

According to Suetonius, a number of omens had foretold Domitian's death. The Germanic soothsayer Larginus Proclus predicted the date of Domitian's death and was consequently sentenced to death by him. Several days prior to the assassination, Minerva had appeared to the emperor in a dream. She announced that she had been disarmed by Jupiter and could no longer give Domitian her protection. According to an auspice he had received, the Emperor believed that his death would be at midday. As a result, he was always restless around that time. On the day of the assassination, Domitian was distressed and repeatedly asked a servant to tell him what time it was. The servant, who was himself one of the plotters, lied to the emperor, telling him that it was already late in the afternoon. Apparently put at ease, the Emperor went to his desk to sign some decrees. Stephanus, who had been feigning an injury to his arm for several days and wearing a bandage to allow him to carry a concealed dagger, suddenly appeared:

 

...he pretended that he had discovered a plot, and was for that reason granted an audience: whereupon, as the amazed Domitian perused a document he had handed him, Stephanus stabbed him in the groin. The wounded Emperor put up a fight, but succumbed to seven further stabs, his assailants being a subaltern named Clodianus, Parthenius's freedman Maximus, Satur, a head-chamberlain and one of the imperial gladiators.

 

During the attack, Stephanus and Domitian had struggled on the floor, during which time Stephanus was stabbed by the emperor and died shortly afterward. Domitian's body was carried away on a common bier and unceremoniously cremated by his nurse Phyllis. Later, she took the emperor's ashes to the Flavian Temple and mingled them with those of his niece, Julia. He was 44 years old. As had been foretold, his death came at midday.

 

Cassius Dio, writing nearly a hundred years after the assassination, suggests that the assassination was improvised, while Suetonius implies it was a well-organized conspiracy, citing Stephanus' feigned injury and claiming that the doors to the servants' quarters had been locked prior to the attack and that a sword Domitian kept concealed beneath his pillow as a last line of personal protection against a would-be assassin, had also been removed beforehand.

 

Dio included Domitia Longina among the conspirators, but in light of her attested devotion to Domitian—even years after her husband had died—her involvement in the plot seems highly unlikely. The precise involvement of the Praetorian Guard is unclear. One of the guard's commanders, Titus Petronius Secundus, was almost certainly aware of the plot. The other, Titus Flavius Norbanus, the former governor of Raetia, was a member of Domitian's family.

 

Upon the death of Domitian, Nerva was proclaimed Emperor by the Senate.

The Fasti Ostienses, the Ostian Calendar, records that on the same day as Domitian's assassination, the Senate proclaimed Marcus Cocceius Nerva emperor. Despite his political experience, this was a remarkable choice. Nerva was old and childless, and had spent much of his career out of the public light, prompting both ancient and modern authors to speculate on his involvement in Domitian's assassination.

 

According to Cassius Dio, the conspirators approached Nerva as a potential successor prior to the assassination, suggesting that he was at least aware of the plot. He does not appear in Suetonius' version of the events, but this may be understandable, since his works were published under Nerva's direct descendants Trajan and Hadrian. To suggest the dynasty owed its accession to murder would have been less than sensitive.

 

On the other hand, Nerva lacked widespread support in the Empire, and as a known Flavian loyalist, his track record would not have recommended him to the conspirators. The precise facts have been obscured by history, but modern historians believe Nerva was proclaimed Emperor solely on the initiative of the Senate, within hours after the news of the assassination broke. The decision may have been hasty so as to avoid civil war, but neither appears to have been involved in the conspiracy.

 

The Senate nonetheless rejoiced at the death of Domitian, and immediately following Nerva's accession as Emperor, passed damnatio memoriae on Domitian's memory; his coins and statues were melted, his arches were torn down and his name was erased from all public records. Domitian and, over a century later, Publius Septimius Geta were the only emperors known to have officially received a damnatio memoriae, though others may have received de facto ones. In many instances, existing portraits of Domitian, such as those found on the Cancelleria Reliefs, were simply recarved to fit the likeness of Nerva, which allowed quick production of new images and recycling of previous material.[181] Yet the order of the Senate was only partially executed in Rome, and wholly disregarded in most of the provinces outside Italy.

 

According to Suetonius, the people of Rome met the news of Domitian's death with indifference, but the army was much grieved, calling for his deification immediately after the assassination, and in several provinces rioting. As a compensation measure, the Praetorian Guard demanded the execution of Domitian's assassins, which Nerva refused. Instead he merely dismissed Titus Petronius Secundus, and replaced him with a former commander, Casperius Aelianus.

 

Dissatisfaction with this state of affairs continued to loom over Nerva's reign, and ultimately erupted into a crisis in October 97, when members of the Praetorian Guard, led by Casperius Aelianus, laid siege to the Imperial Palace and took Nerva hostage. He was forced to submit to their demands, agreeing to hand over those responsible for Domitian's death and even giving a speech thanking the rebellious Praetorians. Titus Petronius Secundus and Parthenius were sought out and killed. Nerva was unharmed in this assault, but his authority was damaged beyond repair. Shortly thereafter he announced the adoption of Trajan as his successor, and with this decision nearly abdicated (Wikipedia).

} These are events set shortly after my previous issue “Atychiphobia”, wherein Clayface’s personalities are put in flux. {

 

*Overview of the slums bordering Midway City, Michigan, on an unusually humid night. A perfect blend of place, time and atmosphere that would discourage most from partaking in a recreational stroll. Additionally, as a landmark notable for housing not one but two guilds dedicated to super-heroics, crimes here are exclusive committed by the ignorant, or the heedless.

 

*Cut to a dolly zoom of an unimpressive three-story apartment building. We see a woman, clad in red and white athletic wear, scaling the forest of brick and metal with swift, elastic maneuvers. A final sling of her arm, and she stretches up to a fire escape. A noise complaint from the neighboring structure was placed not ten minutes before, and this heroine, known as Elasti-Girl, arrived at the scene alongside Midway police officers. Taking into account the warnings made by concerned residents that the prior commotion had sounded excessively violent, Elasti-Girl insists upon entering the premises first, and the officers, in turn, have not forgotten her past reliability, as well as stubbornness in matters of crisis. They accommodate her selflessness, and form a perimeter around the building in preparation.

 

*This is not to be a routine arrest. What will occur in a few short moments is, in every sense of the word, a coincidence. Stars have seemingly aligned in order for the forthcoming events to take place; two vessels that crossed on a treacherous sea, in years past, are to be reacquainted on this unanticipated evening.

 

*Low-angle shot as Elasti-Girl vaults through the window in question, compressing herself on the landing in order to remain inaudible. The living room which she finds herself in is no more homely than the sticky air and concrete to be found outside. No lights are switched on, though she can distinguish cheap furniture, chipped wallpaper, and a worn rug. Rounding the divide to the kitchen, the odor belonging to scorched, spoiled meat reaches our heroine. Nearly stumbling over a sizable lump on the tile, she retreats a step, then kneels to make out its condition.

 

*A stray gust of wind upsets the blinds leading to the street-side balcony, and the minuscule glow of the lampposts lining the sidewalk below identify Elasti-Girl’s find: A man in a tattered bathrobe, unscathed on his limbs and body, but the face… The face is more scab than skin. The nose, lips, hair, earlobes and eyelids are seared off. Miraculously, patches of the marred, red flesh pulsate with blood flow, and shallow breath expels from between the protruding teeth. Elasti-Girl swivels to check the oven, and sure enough, it is still warm from its now-apparent deleterious usage.

 

*In the corner of her eye, she sees, from the same aperture in the blinds which revealed the victim, an object of human height. She reaches a hand across the room and pulls back the obstruction, to be met with what could be mistaken for a large melted candle. A few cautious steps towards the thing causes Elasti-Girl to recoil, in spite of herself, as she now perceives a face side-eyeing her within the heap of grunge. Twin yellow orbs sit deep inside their sockets, and the dribbling mouth beneath them calls the unsettled heroine by name.

 

Myself: Rita…

  

} MANY YEARS EARLIER {

  

Rita Farr made note of the sound stage’s patent aroma of cedar and hand sanitizer, as she lugged a suitcase containing one-third of her worldly possessions the last few steps of her journey to a movie studio in Atlanta, Georgia. Boom mics, ladders and lunches were being whisked about on all sides of her, not in a manner of tumult, but rather like schools of fish with a daily routine. Ms. Farr expected as much, and during her flight, began enforcing a mental note not to be swept up by the current, as she had been with previous bit parts handed to her.

 

Rita (to self): Seven time’s a charm…

 

Finding a calmer spot, Rita unceremoniously drops her baggage, and peers upward at the reconstructed Spanish galleon positioned triumphantly as a centerpiece to the hangar. Cast and crew mill about the deck as they do on the ground level, tying ropes and checking props. Just as a sense of tranquility begins to seep into her consciousness, Rita detects movement in her direction in the corner of her vision. She faces the approaching man, rigid like a soldier in line-up, awaiting the inevitable tirade on the subject her five-minute tardiness, or how a fellow actor has had a breakdown. Instead, she is greeted by a small bow, that which may have seemed curt or sarcastic, if not for the candid grin on the dark-haired stranger’s face. He straightens, first his back, then his Georgian-era apparel, and speaks.

 

Stranger: I gather from your less than period-accurate garb, as well as that holdall, that you are a new arrival? One with a face like yours would not be working behind the camera.. Ms. Rita Farr, I should think? Marvelous! There’s no cause for alarm; you are presently quite ahead of our schedule.

 

Rita (still processing the first half of his chatter): Um, yes, I’m Rita. My agent was told one of the lead actresses was indisposed, though it wasn’t really made clear over the phone.. This isn’t an audition? I’m the only one they contacted? The thing is, I’ve never been given a part that was billed before the end crawl of the credits…

 

Stranger (beaming): It all sounds akin to what we call a “big break”, Ms. Farr!

 

Rita (to self): Not a first-name-basis type of place. I guess that’s alright.

 

Stranger: .. And, you would be correct on the subject of your predecessor. As cruel as it may come across, none of us were surprised to see Ms. Mona Taylor’s drinking habits get the better of her. I don’t like to speak ill of those unable to defend themselves; however, most denizens of this little production will tell you it is well rid of her presence.

 

Rita: Well, that… sort of puts a damper on my thankfulness for the opportunity…

 

The stranger ignores this, instead turning to welcome another actor passing by.

 

Stranger: Ms. Farr, this is Takeo Sato, a performer all the way from Tokyo, playing the part of one of our film’s roguish corsairs. Sato, Ms. Farr is Ms. Taylor’s stand-in.

 

Takeo (equally pleasant): A delight to make your acquaintance.

 

Rita nods politely, almost missing a second man, dressed just like Takeo, take an indirect route around their group, halting behind the yet-to-be-introduced stranger. He seemed the same age as Rita (years younger than the other actors), but a permanently sour expression and hunched frame made him appear infirm, unwell. Takeo and the stranger took no notice of him.

 

Stranger (to Takeo): Has “he” yet to master his choreography?

 

Takeo: Mr. Lord is working fervently, for one his age.

 

The two direct their attention to the ship’s deck, Rita following suit.

 

Stranger (waving a hand to an older gentleman in green and yellow, fencing with a stuntman near the rigging): Our fearless leader, Jonathan Lord.

 

Rita (agog): I had no idea he was attached to this! Or that he was still in the business.

 

Stranger: He is quite adamant to not wash up like many a typecast action star has. His friend Simon Trent, for example, has gone that way I’m afraid. Thus, a twelfth “Silverblade” motion picture was thrust into production, at his request.

 

Takeo: It saddens me to see a legend such as him work not out of passion, rather out of necessity.

 

Rita watches Lord trip the stuntman with a swipe of his rapier. She hated to see a ghost of an actor too, but there was still plenty of fight left in Lord.

 

The stranger once again takes control of the conversation, steering the ensemble towards two other actors chatting by the vessel’s bow. One, a man in deep blue carrying a haughty look about him; and a woman in red, with jet-black locks and a dour mien. Rita saw that the sour-faced man was still tailing the group from behind the talkative stranger, yet remained even further away from these two.

 

Stranger (nodding at each respectfully): Ms. Farr, meet Farley Fairfax, and Madame Laura De Mille. Th-

 

Laura (speaking over his exposition, in a French accent): Rita? Oh yes, Mona’s replacement. We’re finally rid of “ehr majesty”.

 

Rita: It’s nice to meet you; what is your roll in-

 

Laura: You ahre not going to be anothair detriment to zis picture, like she was, no? Your face, it is too sweet and unspoiled to be full of hot air yet.

 

Rita: That’s… relieving.

 

Farley: We hope you take a liking to our little company here. Always a pleasure, ushering in bright young people to the world of stage and screen. Farley Fairfax; more than happy to show you the ropes.

 

Rita: Oh I’m, eh, not exactly new to all this, but that’s generous of-

 

Stranger (once again intercepting the conversation, with a somewhat hurried and ruffled tone): There will be no showing of the ropes from you, Fairfax. Really, you seem to be swayed by the delusion that your smirk will every time win you an immediate “fidus Achates”.

 

Farley: My VERY old friend, I wouldn’t presume to hold the monopoly on using a few flashy words and shiny teeth to make a good impression.

 

Stranger: It’s a wonder to myself and the world of science that you attract anything, Fairfax.

 

Rita (over her shoulder and under her breath): You’re the one that introduced me to the two of them…

 

She is surprised to hear Takeo smother a laugh upon catching her comment, unbeknownst to the rest of their gathering.

 

As the situation seemed to be headed towards a scuffle between the stranger, Farley, and a simultaneously disinterested and aggravated Laura De Mille, the most colorful character yet to appear totters up to the impending drama; A bucktoothed fellow wearing green and lavender, and a battered brown hat atop his head. Farley and the others seem to drop their quarrel punctually upon his arrival, and Rita, at this point, is on the verge of booking a flight straight back to Michigan.

 

Laura: Not ‘im again! I cannot listen to zat imbecile one more MINUTE.

 

Rita: Who-?

 

Stranger (upon the bucktoothed man’s obtrusion): Mr. Spelvin, you’ve… found a way into the lot. Once again. Much to the dissension of the studio, as you may recall.

 

Mr. Spelvin: Hey, it’s “George” to my friends, remember? How’s it hangin’ kids? Boy, this is a real get-together, isn’t it?

 

Laura: You ahre like a goat, Monsieur Spelvin. A black ‘ole for wit and the relevance of whatevair space you occupy.

 

Mr. Spelvin: Always good for a yuck, Laura! Ha!

 

Farley: Spelvin, really, you can’t carry on like this. How many times now have you disrupted a take? Which line do you plan to botch this time?

 

Mr. Spelvin (finger guns): I read you, Farls, and I gotcha covered!

 

He moves to put a hand on the dark-haired stranger’s shoulder.

 

Mr. Spelvin: I asked a pal of ours to put in a good word for me with Mr. Lord.. for all those little unforeseen mix ups I’ve been affiliated with in the past, y’know how it is.. So, Lord gave me a bit, right, chum?

 

Stranger: I did not speak with Mr. Lord, Spelvin.

 

Mr. Spelvin: You eh… didn’t…

 

Stranger: I will not prevaricate. You are unwelcome to this location and its occupants, for the duration of our filming. It is expected of you to cease these infringements that only further solidify a poor image of your person. They have all, and will all, be in vain.

 

Mr. Spelvin (his bubbly facade now crumbling away): Now… look, I know you’re only teasing to toughen me up, but see this? The costume people don’t even need to make me a getup; I put this together at home! I-I thought the purple would be a nice contrast to the Silverblade costume, and well, the hat is iffy, I’ll grant you, but if we got like some safety pins we could bend it into a tricorne…

 

Stranger: Spelvin, Mr. Lord does not wish you to be here! You are a frustrated man incapable of bearing success.

 

Farley and Laura look crossly between the verbal duelists. The sour-faced man still lingers behind the stranger, hardly looking troubled in the slightest. Rita, by comparison, senses the imminent eruption. Takeo’s brow furrows.

 

Mr. Spelvin: Well… in all fairness, I was prepared for you saying something like that. Heheh, you… you might say I’m PACKING accordingly, heheheh…

 

His hands shift to their coat pockets. Rita feels opposing forces within her wanting to run, and to make a grab for whatever Spelvin is about to reveal. The sensation is like a frigid, iron grip on her very essence.

 

Mr. Spelvin (unadulterated bitterness clouding his words): Dismissal. That’s all life’s dealt me. A little thing I’ve picked up over the years, though… all that pain, that feeling of ostracism… nothing a little accelerant and igniter can’t wash away. Leastways, that’s how it works for me.

 

He cocks his head to the stranger, who still stands firmly in opposition of the madman. A scream within Rita, desperate to warn everyone, never makes it out.

 

Mr. Spelvin: Nighty-night, Sloane.

 

His hands whip out a can of hairspray and a lighter, aimed straight for the stranger, “Sloane”. As Spelvin flicks the mechanism, and a burst of flame reaches out to mar Sloane, Takeo leaps between them, palms out as though he is catching a softball. The fire sputters mid-flight and bends into tendrils, wrapping around Takeo’s fingertips. They absorb into his skin, leaving a faint orange glow. All but Takeo himself stand with mouths agape.

 

Mr. Spelvin: You’ve gotta be SHI-

 

With the debate having transitioned into an uproar, two stunt performers drop from the deck above and pin Spelvin to the floor before he can recuperate. His arms and legs flail, with the expected result of more pressure being applied to detain him.

 

Stuntwoman: Give it up; my friend here survived a POW camp breakout in Vietnam before he was doing fake falls, and I chewed up pipsqueaks like you when I was still in middle school. It’s pointless, mister. Futile.

 

Mr. Spelvin: NRAAAAGHH-

 

“Sloane”: My… undying gratitude… Ms. Sutton, Mr. Savage.

 

The stuntman gives a taciturn nod back, while wrestling Spelvin away.

 

Sloane: And… Takeo…

 

Rita looks about with Sloane for the superhuman within their midst, to see that Takeo Sato has been swamped with onlookers expressing their shock, and agents already trying to nab him for their next picture. Takeo seems overwhelmed, not wishing to drag out his moment of glory. Laura and Farley have gone off skulking away from the hubbub, obviously envious of Takeo’s attention.

 

Rita: So… “Sloane”.

 

Sloane (no longer his composed self): … You must forgive me, how silly; yes, that is my name. Paul Sloane, at your service…

 

Rita: NO one knew Takeo had… those powers?? It looks like this is his first time exposing them..

 

Sloane (trying to make merry): No people like show people, Ms. Farr, as they say, eh?..

 

Jonathan Lord calls down to Sloane from the mast.

 

Lord: Everything in order, Mr. Sloane?

 

Sloane: Eh, yes Mr. Lord..

 

Lord: No injuries? Good; let’s round up our people. We have a film to shoot.

 

Rita (to Sloane): Do you need to sit down? You’re pale.

 

Sloane: That would be an immense aid to my wits, thank you. Mr. Lord expects order, however, and-

 

Rita: … and I can chip in. I may be new around here, but I can carry my share of responsibilities. I also didn’t just have my life threatened. Come on, it’s the least a regular, un-powered human like me can do.

 

Sloane, wordless and debilitated, gives a look of appreciation, and moves away to a more restful area.

 

Rita spies the sour-faced man. He seems to notice her watching, and begins to move after Sloane.

 

Rita: Hey, he never introduced you.

 

The man stops. He offers only a glimpse of his eyes, still standing in profile to her.

 

Rita: You’re a friend of Paul? Sloane?

 

Man: .. Yeah. He’s… the best man I know. I wouldn’t be in show business, without him.

 

Rita: Why didn’t you announce yourself?

 

Man (shrug): I just follow along. That’s what I’m good at. Sloane knows how to best handle… stuff.

 

Rita (big sigh): Are we talking about the same gentleman who nearly got himself charbroiled a minute ago? To tell the truth, I can do without all the fancy talk and putting-on-airs. You got a name?

 

Myself (many years ago): … Basil.. Bas is fine.

  

} PRESENT DAY {

  

Rita stands stunned, nay, horrified, by the sight of me.

 

Myself: Oh, there’s no need for those dramatics. You would have, by now, heard tell of my “condition”; the exploits of Gotham’s Batman and his nemeses are national news after all. Thought our paths would never converge again, did you? That I would remain in Gotham to the last? How you must have prayed for that. No, that place, inciting mayhem, challenging The Bat… this offers me no solace any longer. Most of us CAN’T leave, you know. Riddler stays out of internalized necessity; Black Mask, for fear of losing his empire. Catwoman for “this” reason, Freeze for another… But I am privileged to come and to go as I please. It’s something I’m quite good at.

 

Rita: You’ve just assaulted someone, Basil. He’s nearly dead.

 

Myself: I’m… sorry, I don’t remember how to respond… to some things… The other ones are talking, and it’s hard to concentrate on… just one…

 

I trail off. Still wary of me, Rita’s eyes drift to the chair-side table beside her. On it, an unlit lamp, and a framed photo. The one I subconsciously began staring at.

 

Rita (trembling): Basil… Oh my god, Basil, do you know who’s house this is? That’s Paul Sloane you've done this to. Basil, why?

 

What are the words I had planned for this? They were just there…

 

Rita: Basil, you’re not well. I need to take you away from here. Paul needs medical attention.

 

Myself (unable to hold the tide of voices in my head at bay): Oh, she’s trying to mask her abhorrence for us with stoicism, bless her. How very genuine, personal. This moves us greatly.

 

Rita: WHY, Basil?

 

Myself (I’m… sad now?): … I thought… if I got rid of him, maybe I… wouldn’t be a lie. I can’t be whole. Not while HE’s here.

 

Rita (pleading): Even before you had this gift, you felt you had to be someone else to be worthwhile. You DON’T. You can leave all of this behind. Find the real you again and hold onto it.

 

Myself: YOU THINK I’VE NEVER TRIED? Tried to find normalcy in this maelstrom of raving madness that persists both within me and in the outside world? Let me spell something out for you, “Ms. Farr”; There is to be no normalcy in the lives of people like us. Do you recollect Farley Fairfax? Takeo? In years gone by, both have since died in unrelated attacks by DEMONS. Mona Taylor is imprisoned for crimes committed on behalf of a costumed gang in Gotham. You yourself were blessed with abilities from exposure to volcanic vapors, and you STILL battle your old rival Laura De Mille on occasion, assisted by your very own band of incorrigibly heroic freaks. Really, Rita, your taste in companionship…

 

Rita: Don’t do this to yourself.

 

Myself (droning): Mr. King Savage, our stuntman friend, was inducted into a covert special forces unit later on, and was never heard from again. Oh, have you ever heard of the actor Steven "Champ" Hazard? He vanished into thin air one day, quite literally. Delores Winters. It was hearsay for a while that her mind was stolen by a telepath…

 

Rita: I can’t help you anymore, Basil. The police will be taking over in a minute, and I can’t stop them. I wouldn’t want to.

 

She sounds hurt, though I can’t seem to distinguish why anymore.

 

Myself (wetly laughing): You need not feel guilt, this form is merely residue, only a spent shard of Basil, and it will die hastily. This one couldn’t kill Sloane, and we banish any part of us that harbors those pointless sentiments for the old days, you see… The rest of us is already down there. An officer, a citizen, it makes no difference…

 

Rita watches as I relax into a puddle, drizzling through the balcony slats down to the pavement.

 

Myself (faintly): You won’t find me. You won’t see me, ever again.

 

Pounding footsteps come from beyond the front door Rita has failed to unlock. Police shout for Elasti-Girl to dictate the situation.

 

Rita (without so much as a slight crack in her voice): I haven’t seen Basil in years.

ok...since i've been tagged a whole bunch of times and never did anything about it....here goes:

 

16. these sort of things give me hives. i'm going to go take a benadryl and come back after work to finish the other 15.

 

15. working at a hallmark store during the holidays is enough to make one slit their own throat....with a rusty fork. and yes, i did actually type out #16 this morning and am just now getting around to the rest. ....and yes, i think i do have hives.

 

14. i'm insanely addicted to tazo chai tea and have been for ....mmmm....about 15 years now. i simply can not function w/out having it first thing in the morning. ....and you do not want to come near me until i've finished at least my first cup.

no worries, it's the only thing i'm addicted to (other than doritos), i gave up crack last new years ...tee hee ;)

 

13. i have a wicked dislike for country music even though i'm forced to listen to it in my office at work (thanks a bunch cindy). the retardation level of the lyrics is enough to make my teeth itch sometimes. there is actually a song that says something about "slapping your grandma". nice. it's almost as bad as "gangsta rap" ...and please, don't get me started on that either.

i'd rather listen to polka.

 

12. my favorite color is red...although i can fall inlove w/a menagerie of shades from a to z on any given moment...but red, well...i always come back to red.

 

11. I'm a lunatic when it comes to my hair....and yes, i color it red. well, it's not really permanent color as i'm scared to death to do anything damaging to my hair and refuse to trust my hairdresser (who i've been going to for well over ten years) when he swears to god permanent color won't harm a hair on my head. we do "glazings" which add color and shine and i do them often. the girls there probably hate me because it's very stainable and it pretty much looks like they've slaughtered a pig when they're done with me. but i always come out smiling :)

 

10. i fell apart when i turned 25. i found my first gray hair and discovered i needed glasses. since then i find new grays every day and quietly "thank" my dad for them as he was completely gray when i was very small. (i actually thought he was blond and when i wrote that on some little science chart my mom said "honey, daddy isn't blond...he's gray"). ah kids. anyway...those damn grays do get covered w/my fun little red glaze but not for long...which is why permanent color is inevitable ...grrrrrrrrr

 

9. my favorite flowers are cala lilies. although, like with colors, i can easily be stopped dead in my tracks for any flower...actually even just any weed. but calas always grab my attention. they are so different, bold, and strong...in appearance but in actuality they are very delicate and can bruise just by the slightest touch.

 

8. i've always wanted a white dove for a pet. i'm still not exactly sure why....but i always have. and for every holiday i've asked for one....but never gotten it. maybe someday :)

 

7. i am not a religious person yet i have my own set of beliefs and thoughts, none of which i'll get into because talking about them borders on preachy and there is nothing i dislike more than someone preaching something to the rest of the planet. everyone has the right to their own beliefs and i'm more than ok w/whatever they may be, however different from my own. just don't try to make me believe what you believe and i'll do the same.

 

6. i wish i were smarter. growing up w/a father and brother that were practically geniuses sucked. i will never be one of those people that can read something and understand it. i have to pick it up, play with it, mess with it until i can't see straight anymore, f@ck it up royally at least 78 times and then and only then will i say "ohhhh i get it".

 

5. i almost didn't graduate high school because of.....wait for it....wait for it.....

PHOTOGRAPHY class.

i had to show up an hour before the ceremony started and find my seat to see if my cap and gown were there (to see if i'd be graduating or attending summer school ...for the third time). my parents were at home w/a houseful of out of town guests ready to skin me alive if i came back and told them "it ain't happenin". ha! ...as if i would have gone back home! hahah :)

 

4. i've never been so happy to see a year come to an end as i am this one. wow, i'm pretty sure i've said that every year but this year...i think takes the cake.

after 16 years w/dan....we are getting divorced.

........that is the first time i've actually typed or said that out loud (not being in a one to one conversation).

sorry to anyone that didn't know and is finding out this way but hey....coulda been worse right? i can't imagine anyone that follows my flickr page being too shocked as i say a lot thru images, lyrics, quotes ...and well, my words.

 

3. i went thru a wicked depression in my early 20's. i never turned to drinking or drugs or anything like that but i was a completely different person than i am today. i was angry, hot headed, judgmental, opinionated and just ...ugh...ugly. i barely recognize that girl anymore.

 

2. i miss my parents every day....still.

 

1. i am not who people think i am.

i think that most people ...in my real life...come up with thoughts, stories or ideas as to who i really am because they don't really know much about me.

this is my own fault as i'm not a talker. i don't like to share personal things....and personally i just don't understand peoples desires to know every little detail of ones life...it's just stupid. go watch e entertainment and find out what the stars are up to...it's far more exciting.

as strange as it may sound, i found that thru flickr i do actually like to share things and i find it really easy and fun to do thru my images.i barely hold back here as opposed to real life.

i'm an insanely private person. i'm not shy, or bitchy or mean or selfish...i'm private and there is a big difference.

people take that personally and treat my silence as some sort of a crime?!?

the only crime is being judged unfairly.

just because no one has ever seen me shed a tear doesn't mean i'm not sensitive.

and it doesn't mean that i don't cry when no one is looking.

things aren't always what they seem.

 

there.....there's my 16 things.

aren't ya sorry you asked ;)

  

The following is a chat log from our April 16th bookclub event. Photo credit: Pauline Clary

__________

  

Zoe Foodiboo: I think we might be a smaller group today than last week. Two people gave me poems to read on their behalf.

 

Zoe Foodiboo: But, I think we should start with the people who are present today. Last week we read our poem, told the group why we chose it, then let the group share their thoughts. Shall we follow the same format today or....?

 

Zoe Foodiboo: Hello Herr Bereznyak, welcome.

 

Florian Blaisdale: Sure, I also have a youtube clip of my poem

 

Klaus Bereznyak: Evening all!

 

Scout MacLeod (Maplekey Resident): Oh, there he went

 

Pauline Clary: Abend!

 

Pauline Clary: Sounds good to me, Zoe

 

Zoe Foodiboo: Great! Who would like to go first?

 

Scout MacLeod (Maplekey Resident): Oh there you are, Klaus. I thought you'd left us for a minute

 

Florian Blaisdale: May I go first?

 

Klaus Bereznyak: I'm hiding in this chair :-)

 

Florian Blaisdale: Just to get it over with1

 

Zoe Foodiboo: /me giggles

 

Scout MacLeod (Maplekey Resident): /me knows the feeling

 

Zoe Foodiboo: Please do, Herr Blaisdale!

 

Florian Blaisdale: I have chosen something from 1920s Berlin Cabaret as poetry!

 

Galina Eiffel (natbun Resident): very good

 

Scout MacLeod (Maplekey Resident): oh wow

 

Scout MacLeod (Maplekey Resident): excellent

 

Pauline Clary: great

 

Florian Blaisdale: A selection from the cabaret song cycle "Lieder eines armen Mädchens" (A Poor Maiden's Songs) by Friedrich Hollaender …

 

Zoe Foodiboo: oh exciting

 

Florian Blaisdale: Have you heard of Hollaender?

 

Zoe Foodiboo: /me shakes her head

 

Scout MacLeod (Maplekey Resident): no

 

Florian Blaisdale: First a little about Hollaender: He composed music for productions by Max Reinhardt, was very involved in German Kabarett in the 20s, and wrote the film score for "Der blaue Engel"(1929) including the song "Ich bin von Kopf bis Fuß auf Liebe eingestellt"("Falling in Love Again") sung by Marlene Dietrich …

 

Zoe Foodiboo: ohhhh

 

Galina Eiffel (natbun Resident): sounded familiar

 

Florian Blaisdale: He left Germany because of his Jewish descent and emigrated to the USA in 1934, where he wrote music for more than 100 films, including many tunes for Marlene Dietrich, like

both words and music for the rather wry, socially critical songs "Black Market," "Illusions," and "The Ruins of Berlin" in the film "A Foreign Affair"...

 

Klaus Bereznyak: Prolific by all accounts!

 

Florian Blaisdale: That's the background

 

Florian Blaisdale: Now to Hollaender's 1920s cabaret song cycle and my selected poem: The cycle "Lieder eines armen Mädchens," written in between 1921 and 1924, ingeniously portrays the societal realities of poverty, suffering, depravity, and death from the perspective of a poor orphan girl named Lieschen Puderbach, who speaks/sings in a lower class Berlin dialect. The cycle is very dark, bit not without touches of wry humor here and there. Hollaender borrowed the name "Lieschen Puderbach" from a character in a Else Lasker-Schüler play, but most similarities end there. Now to the song in the cycle I have selected (it was hard to choose just one!), "Wenn ick mal tot bin" ("Once I'm Dead") …

 

Florian Blaisdale: (you can probably tell I rehearsed today)

 

Zoe Foodiboo: /me smiles

 

Florian Blaisdale: In "Wenn ick mal tot bin," orphan Lieschen morbidly fantasizes about her death and funeral, when people will finally pay attention to her. Here's a link if you would like to hear the poem in German: youtu.be/zJBV6ABuY7M The text ends at 1:42.

 

Zoe Foodiboo: /me nods

 

Florian Blaisdale: (listens to poem)

 

Florian Blaisdale: When the misc gets loud and clapping starts, the text ends

 

Florian Blaisdale: This is performed by German actress/singer Meret Becker (aside: I caught Meret once on tour with Nina Hagen singing Brecht/Weill songs)

 

Zoe Foodiboo: It sounds lighthearted and dreamy

 

Zoe Foodiboo: I can't understand her of course :P

 

Scout MacLeod (Maplekey Resident): it does

 

Zoe Foodiboo: almost childlike

 

Teruumi Simoneaux (Korina Asamoah): I speak german fluently but I didn't understand much

 

Florian Blaisdale: Why I chose this: German cabaret was a field of study of mine as a German grad student

 

Scout MacLeod (Maplekey Resident): no kidding, wow!

 

Klaus Bereznyak: That struck me too - the childlike voice

 

Florian Blaisdale: Yes, it was in Berliner dialect and very fast

 

Florian Blaisdale: Let me explain it a bit

 

Zoe Foodiboo: /me leans in

 

Scout MacLeod (Maplekey Resident): /me leans forward curiously

 

Florian Blaisdale: Let me describe the text you just heard in English stanza by stanza: In the first of five stanzas, Lieschen describes how her whole school class will come out to see her all laid out in her coffin in a white silk dress, and how very nice that will be once she is dead: "Wenn ick mal tot bin, det wird zu scheen!"

 

Florian Blaisdale: In the following stanza, Pastor Eisenlohr reads Bible verse over her coffin, but Lieschen stays still because now that she's dead she can do what she likes.

 

Florian Blaisdale: but the most important stanza comes next …

 

Florian Blaisdale: The most important stanza, I think is the third, which I translate here:

 

When I am dead, they light candles with yellow flames

And put them right and left of me, very close,

Then a golden glow falls on my dead bones

And our teacher begins to cry terribly!

Only Auntie is very happy, because once I'm dead,

Once I'm dead, I don’t eat anymore.

 

Galina Eiffel (natbun Resident): /me nods

 

Scout MacLeod (Maplekey Resident): oh my god

 

Zoe Foodiboo: awww

 

Klaus Bereznyak: Ouch

 

Florian Blaisdale: There is the most socially critical point in the text

 

Florian Blaisdale: Two stanzas to go …

 

Scout MacLeod (Maplekey Resident): yes! Wow

 

Florian Blaisdale: In the following stanza, Lieschen describes how she wills her worldy goods to her friend Truden -her doll without a head, her red hairband, and her mother-of-pearl button - because Truden should think about her once she's dead.

 

Florian Blaisdale: In the last stanza, Lieschen exclaims: Once I'm dead, then my life finally begins ("wenn ick mal tot bin, fängt erst mein Leben an"). She describes how the angels will sing and the violins play when she floats into heaven and how the saints will all match in to recieiver her. The poem ends with "Wenn ick mal tot bin, is mein schönster Tach" ("Once I'm dead, that will be my finest day).

 

Florian Blaisdale: *march not match

 

Florian Blaisdale: That's it!

 

Zoe Foodiboo: that poor child…

 

Scout MacLeod (Maplekey Resident): so sad

 

Florian Blaisdale: Yes, what do you all think?

 

Klaus Bereznyak: And then the music plays!

 

Scout MacLeod (Maplekey Resident): I love it! Was this in song form?

 

Galina Eiffel (natbun Resident): very nice and beautiful

 

Florian Blaisdale: Yes, Klaus, in several arrangements

 

Florian Blaisdale: My favorite is by neo-cabaret artist Tim Fischer

 

Florian Blaisdale: Yes, Scout, too!

 

Klaus Bereznyak: And this was Cabaret! It always astounds me how dark that "entertainment" wass.

 

Scout MacLeod (Maplekey Resident): I would love to see this!

 

Teruumi Simoneaux (Korina Asamoah): Very beautiful and also sad. I think it's also naive and childish in a way. Almost self-indulgent?

 

Florian Blaisdale: Yes, very dark - this was one of the lighter numbers of the cycle

 

Galina Eiffel (natbun Resident): frl Foodiboo, when everyone else has recited I may be able to recite one from my memory

 

Florian Blaisdale: Yes, innocent in a way - a child crying for attention

 

Scout MacLeod (Maplekey Resident): That's kind of party of why I like it

 

Scout MacLeod (Maplekey Resident): part

 

Zoe Foodiboo: /me nods at Galina and smiles okay

 

Florian Blaisdale: I'm done if we should move on

 

Klaus Bereznyak: I hear Teruumi, there - It borders on melodrama in my ears.

 

Klaus Bereznyak: But I liked it, too.

 

Florian Blaisdale: yes - melpdrama

 

Teruumi Simoneaux (Korina Asamoah): Yes, I agree!

 

Zoe Foodiboo: Well thank you, Herr Blaisdale. I really enjoyed that!

 

Florian Blaisdale: Something new for everybody, i hope

 

Zoe Foodiboo: Klaus, would you like to go next?

 

Scout MacLeod (Maplekey Resident): Yes! I'm writing this name down. Thank you!

 

Klaus Bereznyak: Gladly - thank you

 

Klaus Bereznyak: This will be a different kettle of fish so to speak

 

Klaus Bereznyak: Perhaps an interesting contrast to go to next

 

Zoe Foodiboo: /me smiles

 

Galina Eiffel (natbun Resident): sounds very promising

 

Zoe Foodiboo: It's all be great so far

 

Florian Blaisdale: yes!

 

Klaus Bereznyak: We ll ... I was curious as to whether our notable professor Herr Einstein could turn his hand to poetry as well as to everyting else.

 

Klaus Bereznyak: Alas - a few verses can be salvaged from his writing, but they are nothing to write home about.

 

Zoe Foodiboo: /me nods

 

Klaus Bereznyak: Nevertheless, he has inspired many. So this is apoem by Howard Moss - long time editor of the Poetry section of the New Yorker

 

Klaus Bereznyak: I'll let it speak for itself and perhaps say one or two comments after

Florian Blaisdale: New Yorker! love it already

 

-: /me Einstein’s Bathrobe

 

Zoe Foodiboo: /me helps herself to pie and nods

 

-: /me BY HOWARD MOSS

 

Scout MacLeod (Maplekey Resident): /me listens

 

Klaus Bereznyak: Points at the chat window

 

-: /me

-: /me I wove myself of many delicious strands

-: /me Of violet islands and sugar-balls of thread

-: /me So faintly green a small white check between

-: /me Balanced the field’s wide lawn, a plaid

-: /me Gathering in loose folds shaped around him

Cliff Eclipse: is offline.

-: /me Those Princeton mornings, slowly stage-lit, when

-: /me The dawn took the horizon by surprise

-: /me And from the marsh long, crayoned birds

-: /me Rose up, ravens, maybe crows, or raw-voiced,

-: /me Spiteful grackles with their clothespin legs,

-: /me Black-winged gossips rising out of mud

-: /me And clattering into sleep. They woke my master

-: /me While, in the dark, I waited, knowing

-: /me Sooner or later he’d reach for me

-: /me And, half asleep, wriggle into my arms.

-: /me Then it seemed a moonish, oblique light

-: /me Would gradually illuminate the room,

-: /me The world turn on its axis at a different slant,

-: /me The furniture a shipwreck, the floor askew,

-: /me And, in old slippers, he’d bumble down the stairs.

-: /me Genius is human and wants its coffee hot—

-: /me I remember mornings when he’d sit

-: /me For hours at breakfast, dawdling over notes,

-: /me Juice and toast at hand, the world awake

-: /me To spring, the smell of honeysuckle

-: /me Filling the kitchen. A silent man,

-: /me Silence became him most. How gently

-: /me He softened the edges of a guessed-at impact

-: /me So no one would keel over from the blow—

-: /me A blow like soft snow falling on a lamb.

-: /me He’d fly down from the heights to tie his shoes

-: /me And cross the seas to get a glass of milk,

-: /me Bismarck with a harp, who’d doff his hat

-: /me (As if he ever wore one!) and softly land

-: /me On nimble feet so not to startle. He walked

-: /me In grandeur much too visible to be seen—

-: /me And how many versions crawled out of the Press!

-: /me A small pre-Raphaelite with too much hair;

-: /me A Frankenstein of test tubes; a “refugee”—

-: /me A shaman full of secrets who could touch

-: /me Physics with a wand and body forth

-: /me The universe’s baby wrapped in stars.

-: /me From signs Phoenicians scratched into the sand

-: /me With sticks he drew the contraries of space:

-: /me Whirlwind Nothing and Volume in its rage

-: /me Of matter racing to undermine itself,

-: /me And when the planets sang, why, he sang back

-: /me The lieder black holes secretly adore.

-: /me

-: /me At tea at Mercer Street every afternoon

-: /me His manners went beyond civility,

-: /me Kindness not having anything to learn;

-: /me I was completely charmed. And fooled.

-: /me What a false view of the universe I had!

-: /me The horsehair sofa, the sagging chairs,

-: /me A fire roaring behind the firesecreen—

-: /me Imagine thinking Princeton was the world!

-: /me Yet I wore prescience like a second skin:

-: /me When Greenwich and Palomar saw eye to eye,

-: /me Time and space having found their rabbi,

-: /me I felt the dawn’s black augurs gather force,

-: /me As if I knew in the New Jersey night

-: /me The downcast sky that was to clamp on Europe,

-: /me That Asia had its future in my pocket.

 

Klaus Bereznyak: FIN

 

Teruumi Simoneaux (Korina Asamoah): me claps

 

Zoe Foodiboo: /me applauds

 

Galina Eiffel (natbun Resident): /me applauds

 

Florian Blaisdale: Wonderful!

 

Pauline Clary: *•.¸'*•.¸ ♥ ¸.•*´¸.•*

Pauline Clary: .•*♥¨`• BRAVO!!!! •¨`♥*•.

Pauline Clary: ¸.•*`¸.•*´ ♥ `*•.¸`*•.¸

  

Scout MacLeod (Maplekey Resident): Wow!

 

Pauline Clary: oops

 

Zoe Foodiboo: /me grins at Pauline

 

Klaus Bereznyak: /me smiles appreciatively

 

Florian Blaisdale: Love all of the Princeton imagery - have seen the statue of Einstein sitting on a park bench in Princeton

 

Klaus Bereznyak: It's certainly evocative of place and that was its instant appeal for me

 

Zoe Foodiboo: Nice!

 

Klaus Bereznyak: Overall, the mundane in the life of a giant

 

Scout MacLeod (Maplekey Resident): I love so much of this-- "he'd cross the seas for a glass of milk."

 

Klaus Bereznyak: But I like the way the poem escalates rapidly to metaphysics - from the humble threads, to the great man's mind

 

Zoe Foodiboo: I love those types of details, especially from the lives of thinkers and creative types

 

Klaus Bereznyak: Yes!

 

Florian Blaisdale: Mu favorite verses: And when the planets sang, why, he sang back

The lieder black holes secretly adore.

 

Zoe Foodiboo: Wonderful, Herr Bereznyak - thank you for sharing!

 

Klaus Bereznyak: My pleasure!

 

Florian Blaisdale: Yes, beautiful!

 

Zoe Foodiboo: Ruumi went last week so....Pauline? Did you bring a poem?

 

Scout MacLeod (Maplekey Resident): Thank you!

 

Zoe Foodiboo: whispers: She might be taking photos

 

Zoe Foodiboo: Okay, let's go back to her in a bit....Scout?

 

Scout MacLeod (Maplekey Resident): Okay…

 

Zoe Foodiboo: It's okay if you didn't bring a poem, by the way :)

 

Zoe Foodiboo: Oh good.

 

Scout MacLeod (Maplekey Resident): I think I want to explain why I chose my poem before I read it. Because I don't want my poem choice to make it seem like I'm being a smart aleck.

 

Zoe Foodiboo: haha

 

Scout MacLeod (Maplekey Resident): My poem is relevant to the 1920s, but isn't German-specific.

 

Scout MacLeod (Maplekey Resident): I chose this poem because I think it demonstrates pretty well a thing that I love very much about the time we live in.

 

Pauline Clary: Oh sorry, I was clicking away *giggles*

 

Scout MacLeod (Maplekey Resident): :)

 

Pauline Clary: No, I didn't bring a poem

 

Scout MacLeod (Maplekey Resident): That is: It's unsentimental, straightforward and witty.

 

Zoe Foodiboo: /me nods

 

Zoe Foodiboo: Okay

 

Zoe Foodiboo: Great, Scout!

 

Scout MacLeod (Maplekey Resident): In other words, it cuts through the fussy, florid, sentimental Victorian ideals that many of us were raised on.

 

Scout MacLeod (Maplekey Resident): You might know it.

 

Zoe Foodiboo: Ah, IC. okay

 

Scout MacLeod (Maplekey Resident): Okay here goes:

 

Scout MacLeod (Maplekey Resident): Oh, life is a glorious cycle of song,

A medley of extemporanea;

And love is a thing that can never go wrong;

And I am Marie of Roumania.

 

Scout MacLeod (Maplekey Resident): (Dorothy Parker)

 

Scout MacLeod (Maplekey Resident): That's the whole thing.

 

Zoe Foodiboo: oh!

 

Zoe Foodiboo: /me applauds

 

Klaus Bereznyak: Hurray

 

Scout MacLeod (Maplekey Resident): Have any of you read any other Dorothy Parker poems?

 

Pauline Clary: ★(`'·.¸(`'·.¸ * ¸.·'´)¸.·'´)★

Pauline Clary: APPLAUSE!!!

Pauline Clary: ★(¸.·'´(¸.·'´ * `'·.¸)`'·.¸)★

 

Klaus Bereznyak: Two truths and a lie?

 

Scout MacLeod (Maplekey Resident): I think all lies

 

Klaus Bereznyak: Three lies - four lies?

 

Florian Blaisdale: I'm sure I have! Lover her witticisms

 

Galina Eiffel (natbun Resident): very witty

 

Klaus Bereznyak: I wanted the first two to be truths but I couldn't run with the third

 

Scout MacLeod (Maplekey Resident): Men seldom make passes at girls who wear glasses.

 

Scout MacLeod (Maplekey Resident): Another one.

 

Klaus Bereznyak: Ha ha

 

Scout MacLeod (Maplekey Resident): /me smiles.

 

Florian Blaisdale: Algonquin Round Table wit tonight!

 

Scout MacLeod (Maplekey Resident): Yes!!

 

Pauline Clary: What does the last line mean?

 

Pauline Clary: "And I am Marie of Roumania."

 

Scout MacLeod (Maplekey Resident): It means that: she is NOT Marie of Roumania, and the other things aren't true either.

 

Pauline Clary: ah ok *taps her own head*

 

Klaus Bereznyak: Just a celebrity of the time? I wonder - like if I were to say I'm the king of Sweden

 

Florian Blaisdale: (my ex-partner did a dissertation on Marie of Romania, I think)

 

Scout MacLeod (Maplekey Resident): It helps if you read a bunch of her poems and get a feel for her voice. :)

 

Galina Eiffel (natbun Resident): Marie was (is) the queen of Romania

 

Klaus Bereznyak: Remarkable, Florian!

 

Florian Blaisdale: Dorothy Parker - what a voice of the 1920s!

 

Scout MacLeod (Maplekey Resident): YES!! I love her so much.

 

Zoe Foodiboo: /me grins

 

Zoe Foodiboo: Thanks, Scout!

 

Zoe Foodiboo: Well, Galina, why don't you go next and then I'll read the two from our absent bookworms

 

Klaus Bereznyak: It's a school night for me! New things to explore!

 

Galina Eiffel (natbun Resident): yes

 

Galina Eiffel (natbun Resident): I'm not going to do any preambling

 

Galina Eiffel (natbun Resident): not even going to say who wrote it, maybe you'll recognize

  

Galina Eiffel (natbun Resident): it's called "Attitude to a miss"

 

Galina Eiffel (natbun Resident): That night was to decide

if she and I

were to be lovers.

 

Galina Eiffel (natbun Resident): Under cover

of darkness

no one would see, you see.

 

Galina Eiffel (natbun Resident): I bent over her, it’s the truth,

and as I did,

it’s the truth, I swear it,

I said

like a kindly parent:

 

Galina Eiffel (natbun Resident): “Passion’s a precipice –

so won’t you please

move away?

Move away,

Please!”

 

Galina Eiffel (natbun Resident): the end

 

Zoe Foodiboo: /me grins and applauds

 

Galina Eiffel (natbun Resident): You know who wrote it?

 

Teruumi Simoneaux (Korina Asamoah): /me applauds

 

Klaus Bereznyak: /me cheers

 

Scout MacLeod (Maplekey Resident): no!

 

Zoe Foodiboo: Mo?

 

Scout MacLeod (Maplekey Resident): haha

 

Galina Eiffel (natbun Resident): He also wrote "Conversation with Comrade Lenin"

 

Zoe Foodiboo: /me giggles

 

Teruumi Simoneaux (Korina Asamoah): /me snickers

 

Galina Eiffel (natbun Resident): Vladimir Mayakovsky

 

Pauline Clary: wow

 

Galina Eiffel (natbun Resident): bolshevik poet

 

Scout MacLeod (Maplekey Resident): oh wow

 

Zoe Foodiboo: What a wonderful array of poems today!

 

Scout MacLeod (Maplekey Resident): a wide range of poets!

 

Galina Eiffel (natbun Resident): very

 

Teruumi Simoneaux (Korina Asamoah): Indeed!

 

Galina Eiffel (natbun Resident): I'm a bit disappointed that you didn't recite any poem by Einstein after all

 

Zoe Foodiboo: aw

 

Klaus Bereznyak: Oh I shall have to keep looking

 

Galina Eiffel (natbun Resident): that would have been very interesting

 

Klaus Bereznyak: Or write one posthumously on his behalf!

 

Galina Eiffel (natbun Resident): not that I didn't like the one you recited

 

Pauline Clary: Yes, very interesting indeed

 

Pauline Clary: I will ask him

 

Klaus Bereznyak: Sorry to get your hopes up - the only on by Einstein that I found didn't seem to do him justice

 

Klaus Bereznyak: Yes please do, Pauline!

 

Galina Eiffel (natbun Resident): Do you know him?

 

Pauline Clary: I work at the Kaiser Wilhelm Institute, so I see him form time to time

 

Scout MacLeod (Maplekey Resident): oh!

 

Zoe Foodiboo: ohhh

 

Klaus Bereznyak: Oh, wow!

 

Klaus Bereznyak: Raid his waste paper bin if you get the chance - htere may be a poem or two in there!

 

Scout MacLeod (Maplekey Resident): /me nods!

 

Zoe Foodiboo: haha

 

Zoe Foodiboo: Welcome, Herr Kondor

 

Galina Eiffel (natbun Resident): needle in a haystack

 

Scout MacLeod (Maplekey Resident): welcome!

 

Steadman Kondor: hallo, pardon i'm blind.

 

Florian Blaisdale: Look who just got here - Hallo, Steadman!

Zoe Foodiboo: Ah, okay

 

Zoe Foodiboo: Well, let's see....I'll share Alas's first

 

Pauline Clary: Hallo Steadman

 

Steadman Kondor: hallo :)

 

Klaus Bereznyak: Hallo Steadman

 

Zoe Foodiboo: She found a poem in German and then translated it with the help of a friend....I think that's what she told me.

 

Zoe Foodiboo: She didn't have time to send her thoughts though so I'll just read the poem.

 

Zoe Foodiboo: Let's see....

 

Zoe Foodiboo: ummmm...hmmm, no title.

 

Zoe Foodiboo: /me flips the paper over

 

Zoe Foodiboo: Well, it's by Emmy Hennings

 

Zoe Foodiboo: Here's the German first:

 

Zoe Foodiboo: Ich bin so vielfach in den Nächten.

Ich steige aus den dunklen Schächten.

Wie bunt entfaltet sich mein Anderssein.

So selbstverloren in dem Grunde,

Nachtwache ich, bin Traumesrunde

Und Wunder aus dem Heiligenschrein.

Und öffnen sich mir alle Pforten,

Bin ich nicht da, bin ich nicht dorten?

Bin ich entstiegen einem Märchenbuch?

Vielleicht geht ein Gedicht in ferne Weiten.

Vielleicht verwehen meine Vielfachheiten,

Ein einsam flatternd, blasses Fahnentuch . . .

 

Zoe Foodiboo: /me is visibly impressed by her own pronunciation and preens

 

Florian Blaisdale: by Emmy Hennings

 

Scout MacLeod (Maplekey Resident): /me is also impressed by Zoe's German.

 

Florian Blaisdale: Me too!

 

Zoe Foodiboo: /me clears her throat and continues reading

 

Zoe Foodiboo: Here is the English translation…

 

Galina Eiffel (natbun Resident): is that needed?

 

Zoe Foodiboo: I am so often in the nights.

I climb out of the dark shafts.

 

Zoe Foodiboo: How colorfully my otherness unfolds.

So deeply lost in the depths,

 

Zoe Foodiboo: I am the nightwatch on the dream sphere,

a miracle of the sacred shrine.

 

Zoe Foodiboo: When all the gates are opened,

Am I not here, am I not yonder?

 

Zoe Foodiboo: Am I descended from a fairy tale?

Perhaps a poem come to distant domains.

 

Zoe Foodiboo: Perhaps blow away my multiplicities,

A solitary fluttering pale bunting…

 

Zoe Foodiboo: END

 

Teruumi Simoneaux (Korina Asamoah): /me smiles and applauds

 

Zoe Foodiboo: /me looks up from reading

 

Florian Blaisdale: Nice!

 

Steadman Kondor: /me claps

 

Klaus Bereznyak: Well read!

 

Scout MacLeod (Maplekey Resident): /me claps too

 

Zoe Foodiboo: Well, that was a good choice, wasn't it....

 

Scout MacLeod (Maplekey Resident): Yes! Wow, she translated that?

 

Pauline Clary: /me claps

 

Scout MacLeod (Maplekey Resident): pretty darn good

 

Zoe Foodiboo: I think that's what she said?

 

Steadman Kondor: it's similar to my google translate

 

Florian Blaisdale: Yes, a good translation

 

Klaus Bereznyak: " Am I descended from a fairy tale?" a question we could all very well ask!

 

Zoe Foodiboo: With the help of an RL friend

 

Steadman Kondor: it is good fun to put it through the google translate then smooth over

 

Teruumi Simoneaux (Korina Asamoah): /me looks up and waves at Gustav

 

Zoe Foodiboo: oh hello Herr Gustav!

 

Scout MacLeod (Maplekey Resident): oh, that's a good idea

 

Gustav von Rosenheim (gustav2005 Resident): /me quietly sits

 

Zoe Foodiboo: Welcome

 

Florian Blaisdale: Hallo, Gustav!

 

Gustav von Rosenheim (gustav2005 Resident): hello *waves*

 

Scout MacLeod (Maplekey Resident): welcome Gustav!

 

Pauline Clary: Hallo Gustav!

 

Zoe Foodiboo: I have one more poem to read but you can go first if you brought one, Herr Gustav

 

Steadman Kondor: the Multiplicities got to me

 

Steadman Kondor: i wonder if there is a older meaning

 

Steadman Kondor: it has a lot of modern (post modern) connoctation to me

 

Gustav von Rosenheim (gustav2005 Resident): Oh, no, I haven't, Zoe.

 

Gustav von Rosenheim (gustav2005 Resident): Please continue.

 

Zoe Foodiboo: Okay

 

Klaus Bereznyak: /me ponders the multiplicities

 

Zoe Foodiboo: Herr Blaisdale, what do you think about that translation of multiplicities?

 

Galina Eiffel (natbun Resident): So sorry, I have to go now, thank you for the beautiful poems

 

Scout MacLeod (Maplekey Resident): Oh, bye, Galina!

 

Zoe Foodiboo: bye Galina

 

Florian Blaisdale: multiplicities? Vielfaeltigkeiten?

 

Steadman Kondor: /me smiles and turns to herr florian

 

Steadman Kondor: ja

 

Florian Blaisdale: Sorry, was a way for a moment

 

Zoe Foodiboo: that's the correct translation?

 

Pauline Clary: Ciao, Galina

 

Florian Blaisdale: it is the translation for intricacies

 

Zoe Foodiboo: ah, I see

 

Steadman Kondor: oh that is good

 

Klaus Bereznyak: Seemingly there's no direct equivalence in English?

 

Zoe Foodiboo: /me nods

 

Zoe Foodiboo: That's the challenge in translation

 

Scout MacLeod (Maplekey Resident): especially when poetry is about the exact right word choice

 

Klaus Bereznyak: I have a better impression of the word now though, thank you Florian and Steadman

 

Zoe Foodiboo: /me nods

 

Zoe Foodiboo: Great!

 

Zoe Foodiboo: Okay, last poem?

 

Florian Blaisdale: Vielzahl seems to also be the German equivalent, but that could mean bounty, surfeit, etc.

 

Zoe Foodiboo: Abi wrote some notes too

 

Steadman Kondor: herr abi translated?

 

Zoe Foodiboo: /me unfolds a piece of paper and reads on behalf of Abi…

 

Zoe Foodiboo: Oh, I'm not sure? He is taking German classes and he does have Duncan to help him

 

Zoe Foodiboo: okay, here goes

 

Zoe Foodiboo: "I've chosen a poem by Henriette Hardenberg.

 

Zoe Foodiboo: That's actually her pseudonym; she was born in 1894 as Margarete Rosenberg. Henriette Hardenberg is a name she started using in 1913.

 

Steadman Kondor: (i love the different female poets we are sharing!)

 

Zoe Foodiboo: I chose her for several reasons: she was a Berliner - at least for the first 25 years of her life or so. After Berlin she moved to Munich, and then to London. She was an expressionist poet who wrote some of her best works in the 1920s and 30s.

 

Zoe Foodiboo: She was a friend of Rilke's, and had a lot of friends in artistic circles of the time.

 

Zoe Foodiboo: Coming from a Jewish family, she fled from Germany to England in 1937, and about 10 years later she became a British citizen.

 

Zoe Foodiboo: Although she stayed in Britain until her death, she kept writing in German.

 

Zoe Foodiboo: She lived quite long. When she died in 1993 at the age of 99, Die Zeit newspaper called her “the last Expressionist poet”. Sure, by 1993 all the others were long dead.

 

Pauline Clary: wow

 

Zoe Foodiboo: Some of her works, especially from the time of the WW1 deal explicitly with the war; they are quite dark, as can be expected.

 

Zoe Foodiboo: But this one is called Southern Heart (Südliches Herz), which is also the name of one of her best known collections of poems.

 

Zoe Foodiboo: Here it goes…

 

Zoe Foodiboo: Blossom deep down,

mountain tops swaying,

wind stretched out in rest,

the tree stands frozen.

Then suddenly a flowering,

and in my heart's center

you burn in me, tree.

Nowhere is there rest in me,

I cry out in flames,

a sea swelling in all things.

Then they too - blossom and

tree - twitch, having already

reddened with sweetness.

 

Steadman Kondor: /me blushes. Sorry it seems very phallic to me@

 

Zoe Foodiboo: That's the end of the poem. Then Abi goes on to say....

 

Scout MacLeod (Maplekey Resident): oh i hadn't even thought of that!

 

Zoe Foodiboo: "I'll admit that when I first read it, I just thought it was a sort of nature poem. And I guess it can be that, but it's also about passion, which occurred to me later. All this symbolism can be seen as an image of ecstasy.

 

Zoe Foodiboo: "

 

Zoe Foodiboo: /me looks up from the paper in her hand

 

Steadman Kondor: /me coughs

 

Zoe Foodiboo: And that's all he had to say!

 

Teruumi Simoneaux (Korina Asamoah): It does seem quite erotic. It reminds me of a similar poem by Henrikas Radauskas

 

Zoe Foodiboo: /me blushes faintly

 

Steadman Kondor: nods. very energetic and vigorous ecstacy... images

 

Pauline Clary: /me giggles

 

Florian Blaisdale: ,,, reddened in sweetness

 

Gustav von Rosenheim (gustav2005 Resident): wow

 

Steadman Kondor: twitch!

 

Scout MacLeod (Maplekey Resident): haha!

 

Scout MacLeod (Maplekey Resident): seems obvious now

 

Zoe Foodiboo: oh my

 

Scout MacLeod (Maplekey Resident): /me fans self

 

Klaus Bereznyak: You read it so well, Zoe - didn't falter at all

 

Steadman Kondor: yes, she doesn't have a dirty mind like some of us

 

Scout MacLeod (Maplekey Resident): haha!

 

Zoe Foodiboo: /me leans toward Scout, "We'll have to reread this at the next ladies meeting!"

 

Teruumi Simoneaux (Korina Asamoah): /me laughs

 

Scout MacLeod (Maplekey Resident): /me nods seriously

 

Teruumi Simoneaux (Korina Asamoah): Zoe is a very proper lady

 

Steadman Kondor: for me this is a clincher, "nowhere is there rest in me!"

 

Zoe Foodiboo: /me flutters her lashes innocently

 

Steadman Kondor: one imagines her flailing and flapping about in the throes of emotion

 

Zoe Foodiboo: Herr Kondor! Really!

 

Scout MacLeod (Maplekey Resident): I'm imagining no such thing!

 

Steadman Kondor: /me murmurs, "i respond sensitively to poetry"

 

Scout MacLeod (Maplekey Resident): haha

 

Zoe Foodiboo: /me tsks at Herr Kondor

 

Zoe Foodiboo: Well, on that note....thank you all for sharing your wonderful finds! I really enjoyed each and every poem.

   

This is the story of how I came to know and accept Jesus Christ as my Lord and Saviour. It is a story of God’s faithfulness to an unworthy and unfaithful young man. It is a story of the Holy Spirit patiently and lovingly changing my mind and heart and arranging circumstances to lead me to Christ so I can be saved.

 

Introduction

 

My name is Fadi and I was born in late 1982 in Baghdad, Iraq, but I grew up in Kirkuk, a city about 240km north of Baghdad. My grandfather was Syriac Orthodox but my father was raised as a Roman Catholic because my grandmother, the one who cared about religion, was a Roman Catholic so she raised him and us--my sister and I--as Roman Catholics. My mother’s family is also Roman Catholic.

 

In Iraq a person’s religion is part of their identification documents. Because of this a lot of people would be known by a certain faith even though they do not believe in it or practice it. A lot of Christians in Iraq are what I call devoted to their denominations, but as far as born-again is concerned I do not recall knowing anyone who was born-again. I also do not recall anyone ever teaching salvation is by faith in Jesus’ death on the Cross through God’s grace. Simply put, there was no Gospel: there was no good news because there was no message of salvation. And because there was no message of salvation people did not get saved and there were no born-again Christians. I also do not recall any teachings about the Holy Spirit; the only time I heard of the Holy Spirit is when we said “in the name of the Father, and of the Son, and of the Holy Spirit”. I actually thought the Holy Spirit was an invisible force; I did not understand that the Holy Spirit is a person of the triune God!

 

Feeling Detached

 

My ethnical background is Chaldean. Chaldeans are an ethnical group of a minority Christian community in Iraq. However, I never felt like I was a Chaldean. The main reason has to do with the fact I do not speak Aramaic—the mother tongue of Chaldeans. I never learnt Aramaic because my family does not speak it either; we speak Arabic (the official language of Iraq). That is why I always felt an outcast in Sunday school, and my Muslim friends often asked me, “How can you be Christian if you do not speak Aramaic?” So since my childhood I never felt like I belonged to any group: I did not feel like I was a Chaldeans, a Roman Catholic, or an Iraqi. I simply could not associate myself with any group whether ethnic, religious, or political. I simply saw myself as a human and that was good enough for me.

 

This detachment from certain groups was negative socially as I could not relate to any group of people and I always saw myself as an outsider; therefore, I did not feel compelled to join any cause or group activity.

 

Feelings of Inferiority

 

I was a very shy and sensitive child and I never felt comfortable in social settings. Here is something that happened that set the course for my life. I have never told this story to anyone but I believe it is important to understand who I was before coming to Christ:

 

On my fifth or sixth birthday party my cousin bought me a set of army vehicles and GI Joes as a gift and I loved it. I was playing with the toys and the house was full of people and everybody was having fun socializing and eating. When my mom saw me playing with the toys she told my aunt (her older sister), “Why did you burden yourself? You shouldn’t have gone through the trouble and spent the money and buy a gift.” I was confused: I did not know if I had done something wrong by accepting and enjoying the gift and if I should return it or what—after all I was only five years old! And I was not a street-smart child—I was very naive and innocent. Of course my mom was saying a typical thing in the Middle East: she was not trying to minimize my importance to her or the importance of my birthday. (And I am sure countless mothers have said something similar in front of their children.) But I was a very sensitive child and to my 5 years old brain I interpreted her words as saying: I am not important; I had done something bad; I am not worthy; I am causing people trouble and costing them money--I am a burden.

 

You would think such a small insignificant incident would not have a long lasting effect, but ever since that day I always felt like I was a burden, always felt guilty, unworthy and stupid. So I shied away from people even more, and became nervous in social settings. And of course, the less social I became the less self-confident I became and started having really low self-esteem and self-image. However, out of all the negative feelings I have about myself the worst is the feeling of being stupid. I am not sure why I feel stupid sometimes but the feeling comes suddenly and so powerfully it is literally paralysing.

 

To make things worse as I became a teenager I started gaining weight and I developed trichotillomania which caused my already low self-confidence to plummet even more, and I became even more withdrawn from people and detached from my surroundings. It is such a vicious cycle: the more anti-social I became the lower my self-confidence became, and the lower my self-confidence became the more anti-social I became; the less social I became the worse my trichotillomania habit got, and the worse my trichotillomania habit got the less social I became! I felt like I was standing in a hole and digging myself deeper in.

 

Obedient but Stubborn

 

I was a good and obedient kid so I rarely gave my parents hard time and I was never the rebellious type. I remember overhearing my mom telling our neighbour that she would have more children if she could guarantee they will be like me. I always listened and respected authority so that made me a good student on top of the fact I always studied really hard. I was very peaceful and a peacemaker. I avoided conflict and I was fair: for me or against me. I always tried to look at things objectively which made my friends trust me. I enjoyed telling jokes but I also was a deep thinker. I was quite liked and respected by my peers. Somehow everybody seemed to know me.

 

I was very stubborn: I would not listen to anyone if I believed they were wrong. I had to be convinced and it was not always easy. My family used to joke that if doctors looked inside my head they would not find a brain but a rock--I was that stubborn! But I was never stubborn for the trivial things in life--I was only stubborn if I disagreed on things that mattered. I was never the follower type even though I never liked being a leader. I was not impressed by popular opinions and never tried to chase after the latest trends. For some reason what the world had to offer did not impress me—I wanted more from life than materialistic things and passing pleasures. I was not tempted to try things that I believed were wrong: to me wrong was wrong whether I am permitted to do it or not.

 

I was a good storyteller and communicated my thoughts well but I almost never shared my inner feelings with anyone—I kept everything on the inside and dealt with it by myself. I loved to help and could empathize with others. I was always attracted to the meek and outcast than the proud and popular. I love to comfort others and encourage them. I was cautious and had a heightened sense of danger. There are a couple of instances when God by His grace warned me beforehand to avoid—if I had went along with others to these two places I would have been hurt really bad. The young liked my company and the adults trusted me. I was the kind of a boy where the neighbourhood girls could give me a friendly smile without having to worry about me interpreting it the wrong way.

 

Even though I was smart, worked hard, punctual, and a perfectionist I still lacked confidence: I did not believe I was worthy or capable of succeeding.

 

God Is Real

 

In the 1980s Diego Maradona, the captain of the Argentina soccer team, was the biggest soccer star, especially after the 1986 FIFA World Cup where he single-handedly lead Argentina to win the title defeating West Germany in the final. So he was my hero because soccer is the most popular sport in Iraq. In the 1990 FIFA World Cup final it was Argentina versus Germany again and Argentina lost 1-0 because of a last minute penalty kick. Maradona, my hero, cried and so I was going to cry too (don’t forget I was only 7 years old at the time!) but I did not want my family to see me crying so I ran upstairs. (Because Iraq’s summer is hot and often times there was no electricity, a lot of people sleep on the rooftops. It is easy to set up beds on the roof since the houses have flat roofs with brick walls.) It was night time and I threw myself on my bed crying—it was very quiet because people were still watching the FIFA World Cup event. I bitterly asked God why He let Maradona lose--as a child I didn’t know any better! Then I got tired of crying so I just laid on my back on the bed and looked up: the sky was dark and full of stars. I could hear distance noises from the TVs but it was quiet where I was. I kept looking at the sky and kind of forgot about Maradona’s loss because it was such a peaceful sight. Then it suddenly became a fearful sight: I was lying on a bed that is sitting on a roof with nothing tangible attaching me to earth which itself was floating in a vast and dark universe! That is when I understood that there is a God: a God had designed and created the heavens and the earth. Until then I was told that God existed but on that night I understood that He existed.

 

Who was He? I did not know but I knew He existed and He was great.

 

Doubts, Disappointments, and Rebellion

 

My dad was a devoted Catholic and he was an altar boy as a child but after two wars and the economic sanctions under a ruthless dictator he started to doubt his faith. So after the Gulf War, when I finally got to spend some time with him and know him, he imparted his doubts onto me. I was still young, in my early teens, so I was easily impressible and so I embraced his doubts as mine. On top of my new doubts I was becoming very disappointed with the Roman Catholic denomination for many reasons.

 

When I was 12 years old I enrolled in Sunday school in the summer break to be prepared for my first communion. They seated me in the front and paired me with this beautiful girl who was my age. There was a boy named Emmanuel who was trouble (he was always up to no good) and they had seated him in the back. As usual I kept my distance from troublesome kids and minded my own business. I did not talk much anyway especially to the girls because I was very shy. We rehearsed everything and everything was going according to plan. On the day of the first communion a nun came and kind of escorted me by the shoulders all the way to the back of the column and gave Emmanuel my spot at the front. I did not know why and, as usual, I did not protest. Not long after I found out the reason: Emmanuel’s uncle was a deacon, so when his parents saw their son standing in the back of the line they asked his uncle to move Emmanuel to the front to stand next to the beautiful girl.

 

I was not disappointed with Emmanuel, after all he was just a boy like me, or his parents, after all they are just ordinary people, but I was very disappointed with the nun and his uncle the deacon for showing favouritism. There were other incidents that disappointed me. One time in Christmas mass I was sick with the flu and I had asthma so I got up to go outside to catch my breath and go to the washroom. As I opened the side door a priest was walking in so he asked me where I was going, so I explained to him that I was sick and needed some fresh air and he said, “You liar! You probably want to skip mass to hang out with the bad kids!” I was taken back by his comment, first because he accused me of lying which is something I did not do and hated, second he had no reason to assume I was a liar, and third I did my best to avoid bad crowds. I was very disappointed by how unclean the priest’s heart was.

 

Even though I became more and more disappointed with the Catholic denomination, I actually stayed a very devoted Catholic: I would still pray to the saints and follow the Catholic decrees. Instead, I started crumpling against God, doubted the Bible and especially disliked the Lord Jesus Christ to the point of disliking my name because Fadi means “Saviour” in Arabic! I had two dear friends, Ayad and Furat, who used to always try to restore my faith: they reasoned with me and quoted scripture but nothing helped. I was too stubborn to listen, too blind to see, and too self-righteous to believe—I had made up my mind that God was wrong and I was right, He was the bad guy and I was the good guy. I believed in Him, I just did not like Him!

 

Not by Works

 

Around the time of my first communion, my grandmother read the story of Joseph son of Jacob to my sister and me. I was very impressed by Joseph and set him as my role-model (until today) and I became more interested in spirituality, the Bible, and the Christian faith. In summer time I started going to church every morning and confessing my sins until the priest told me to stop confessing my sins every day! I started reading Catholic prayer books and did the Sacred Heart of Jesus month and the Immaculate Heart of Mary month readings and prayers. I reciting those shorts Catholic prayers such as “Holy Mary, pray for us” all the time. I felt peace when I did those religious tasks and felt closer to God.

 

One Sunday school they were giving New Testaments away so I took one (even though we had half a dozen Bibles at home) just because it had an orange cover and I love the colour orange! Having nothing to do in Iraq’s hot summer afternoons and excited about my orange-cover Bible I started reading the New Testament. A couple of weeks later I asked my grandmother, “What do I have to do to go to heaven?” And she gave me the classic Middle Eastern answer, “When you die God will weigh your good words versus your bad works. If your good works are more than your bad works then you go to heaven. And if your bad works are more than your good works then you go to hell.” That sounded fair to me so I made up my mind that next morning I would be the best righteous Fadi I could be!

 

The next morning I woke up early because lazy was “bad works”. I helped my sister with cleaning and resisted to rush to the streets to play with my friends, because helping and self-control were “good works”! I prayed my morning prayer and read some Catholic prayer book. I was obedient to my sister and did not give her hard time (probably the hardest thing to resist doing!) I also pushed all evil thoughts away from my mind and asked for forgiveness right away from any evil thought. Everything was going according to plan but by noon I was getting exhausted; a sinful human living a righteous life is as exhausting as if I had tried to live as a pig—it was contrary to my nature so it was a spiritual fight every second of it! But I still “prevailed” until the afternoon when the doorbell rang.

 

I looked from the kitchen window and saw it was a beggar boy; it was common for beggars in Iraq to go house to house asking for money or food especially in the years of the economic sanctions. Of course on that day I had to outgive myself so I took double the amount of money I usually gave and went outside. It was very sunny and bright and it was hot. I tiptoed so I would not burn my feet because the ground was very hot. I gave the boy the money and quickly looked through the door to see if my friends were outside or not. They were not so I headed back inside.

 

As I entered the hallway I realized I could not see anything because my eyes had not adjusted yet to the darkness so I thought to myself “Be careful, you don’t want to hit your little toe against the stairwell!” So I slowed my steps down and still could see very little and that is when a verse from the Bible I had read few days ago flashed through my mind. It was Luke 17:7-10:

 

“Suppose one of you has a servant plowing or looking after the sheep. Will he say to the servant when he comes in from the field, ‘Come along now and sit down to eat’? Won’t he rather say, ‘Prepare my supper, get yourself ready and wait on me while I eat and drink; after that you may eat and drink’? Will he thank the servant because he did what he was told to do? So you also, when you have done everything you were told to do, should say, ‘We are unworthy servants; we have only done our duty.’”

 

And just like that it occurred me: all my “good” works are not credited to me as righteousness! So I knew then that salvation is not attained by works because good works is my duty! However, I still did not know how to go to heaven!

 

After that day I stopped trying to live a righteous life by obeying man-made strict religious laws. I was angry that I was given wrong information about how to go to heaven—there is no scale of good versus bad works! And how could my grandmother a devoted Catholic for over 70 years not know that? So I started paying more attention at mass and realized there is no message of how to go to heaven. Most of the time the priest made little sense and talked about things that were irrelevant to my daily life. To make it worse most of the mass rituals were carried out either in Latin or Aramaic and I did not understand either! Also, it seemed that the priest answer to all life problems was: “God wants to test your patience!” Why did this happen to me? “God wants to test your patience!” Why did God say this in the Bible? “You shouldn’t question God. God wants to test your patience!” What does this mean? “God wants to test your patience!”

 

So I vowed after that day to never trust anyone with any spiritual teaching: I was going to test the faiths to see which one, if any, has any validity. If I found a faith that had any authority to its teachings then I would accept it as the truth and follow it. I did not mind people lying to me or misleading me in trivial matters, but going to hell was serious business—I wanted to know where I went after I died!

 

The Reality of Death

 

(Warning: This section is graphic so reader discretion is advised!)

 

If you live in Iraq you cannot ignore death. Growing up in the 1980s during the Iran-Iraq war I occasionally saw taxis driving by with Iraq flag-covered coffins on top. That did not scare me as it was a common sight. However, three incidents occurred that made me understand that death is real, it is a serious problem, and it is inevitable.

 

The first incident happened while watching TV at dinner time: the news showed two Iraqi soldiers captured by the Iranians. The first soldier was shot on the spot which kind of fazed me because I was about 7 or 8 years old and had never seen a person killed before, but the second soldier had his hands tied to two Jeeps. One of his arms was severed when the two vehicles moved apart, and he was shot afterwards. I was in shock because I had not known before that humans can be so evil and can inflict such violence and pain on another human. I thought people died peacefully in their sleep!

 

The second incident happened in 1991 during the Kurdish uprising right after the Gulf War; I was 8 years old. After Iraq’s loss in the Gulf War the Kurds in the north and the Shias in the south were convinced that the Iraqi army was weakened to the point where they can overthrow Saddam Hussein. So the Kurds advanced south toward Baghdad and in the process took control of the city I lived in, Kirkuk. However, a couple of weeks after retreating the army advanced into the city to regain control. One day in the battle between the Iraqi army and the Kurd rebels (known as Peshmerga) I went up to the roof of our house without my mom’s knowledge to see an army helicopter firing its weapons. I did not know at the time that weapons were horrible—I thought weapons were “cool”. There were no deaths in our neighbourhood so I did not give thought to the consequences of war. Not long after the firefight started the army took Kirkuk back and for few days everybody was scared and the streets were quite empty. It was an unusually quiet time for a city that just went through the turmoil of mass looting and a civil war.

 

Few days after the army recaptured Kirkuk, our neighbour--who lived across the street from our house--wanted to go see his daughter’s family who lived in Arafa (a mostly Christian neighbourhood on the outskirt of Kirkuk) to check on them because there were no phone lines and he was worried about them. His name was Matta (which means Matthew in Arabic) and he was an older man in his 60s or 70s, but because the government car he drove was stolen during the looting he asked if he can fill our car with gas to go see his daughter. My mom agreed (my dad was not home because he had to join the army) and her and I went with him. The streets were quiet but as soon as we reached the main road I saw two bodies covered in blankets. I was taken back by the view of two dead bodies lying on the side walk of the city’s main road. I had been through that street many times, and I never thought I would one day see dead bodies lying on the side walk!

 

After Matta checked on his family we drove back and a checkpoint was set up at a roundabout so we stopped. As Matta talked to the soldier I looked to my left outside the car window to see a dead young Kurd in the centre of the roundabout. He was may be in his late 20s or early 30s. He had a dark curly hair and dark skin and had facial hair. I do not know how long he was dead for but he was not dead for long even though the blood running from his body was kind of thick and dry. I mostly remember the flies flying in and around his face—and I think this image imprinted this incident in my memory. Because I thought, “How helpless is a dead person? He can’t even shoo away a fly from his face? Is this how I will end up?” The answer was “yes”—that is the fate of all human beings. Death is our biggest problem.

 

I was 8 years old then so I was not ready to see that but I understood then what death was, and I had never understood what death means before then. I knew when people died they were buried but I did not understand that death is ugly and tragic. For some reason, I kept trying to figure out who the dead young Kurd looked like then I realized he did not look like anyone I had known—he was a unique human being and his death was a loss not only to his loved ones but to humanity as a whole. I also understood that death is an ugly problem every human has to face. I realized when people die they do not just disappear as in action movies—in one scene they are killed and in the next scene they are gone. Death is real, ugly, tragic, and inevitable. I believe that incident trigger me to think about life’s meaning, searching for God, and know my place in the universe. But most importantly I really wanted to know what happens to me after death! I wanted to know if there was something more after life, or a corpse is all I was going to end up as!

 

The third incident I definitely was not ready for. I was may be 9 or 10 years old when they showed on the news images of the Amiriyah shelter bombing which happened during the Gulf War. The shelter was located in the Amiriyah neighbourhood and it was bombed by two “smart bombs”: the first bomb cut through the 3m of reinforce concrete while the second one went through the hole made by the first bomb. Over 400 civilians, mostly women and children, died. The images shown on TV were graphic: amputated and charred bodies of mothers and children fused together; human skin stuck on walls; burned corpses of screaming victims.

 

Again I was in shocked of the graphic violence of the incident and I was scared. At night I could not sleep because images of the dead kept flashing in my mind—images of their faces and corpses haunted me. And it was winter time so my mom would turn the electric heater from the evening until morning to warm up the bed room during the night, but I was too scared to uncover myself because of the images of the dead. I could not have a good night sleep because it was too hot to sleep and I was too scared to come out from underneath the blanket! As usual, I never shared my struggles and feelings with anyone. This went on for a couple of months until summer.

 

After that summer I was never again scared of the dark or death, but death became a reality of life that I could not ignore. Death has its way of maturing a person: you never live life the same after taking death into consideration. So many things and dreams become unimportant and so many things and dreams become important if you only keep in mind that you will die. So knowing who God is, who I am to Him, why He created me, and where I am heading after death became very important topics to me.

 

A Precious Gift

 

Around the age of 14 I started to become lonely because as teenagers all my close friends (aged 13 to 17) were interested in doing teenager things but I was never interested in joining them. Suddenly they stopped playing sports and decided to go downtown to chase after girls, which I wanted no part in. They spent time, energy, and money to look their best and buy the latest fashion to impress girls, which did not appeal to me. The summer break and fall of when I was 14 was very depressing; I was alone and the fall weather was gloomy and cloudy with no sun. I spent a lot of time thinking about life and asking: it can’t be that a great God exists but He is not interested in me! It makes no sense for Him to create me and create all those amazing and beneficial things for me then forgets me! There must be more to life than chasing girls and getting the latest in fashion! I know I am going to die but what am I supposed to do with my life in the meantime? And how do I go to heaven?

 

We only had one complete Bible in our house which belonged to my grandmother and it was a really old book; the other Bibles we had were only the New Testament. My sister wanted to read the Old Testament so she asked our neighbour and my friend, Furat, to get her one. (For some reason the Old Testament was not easily acquired at that time, may be because Iraq is a predominantly Muslim country and the Old Testament is all about God’s chosen people—the nation of Israel.) Furat was active in the church and had many friends so he was able to get a hold of a new copy of the complete Bible. He refused to get paid back for the price of the book (even though 400 dinars at the time was a lot of money)—he said it was a gift. For some reason my sister did not read the Old Testament so I took ownership of it. I started reading it starting with Genesis and I was amazed by it: here was an account of earth and human history from Adam, the first man, to 2,000 years ago! I remember sharing with two of my younger Muslim friends about how amazing the Bible was and they listened, but few weeks later we left Iraq to Jordan.

 

I cried a lot on the way to Jordan: I missed my home, my friends, my neighbours, and my country. Until that moment in my life Iraq is all I had known. We did not have the Internet so all things I did and knew were Iraqi things done the Iraqi way! We settled in Amman the capitol of Jordan and started our immigration papers to come to Canada where the rest of my mother’s family is. Few months later my aunt’s family joined us in Amman (they were the last family we had in Iraq) to do their immigration papers to go to Sweden where my cousin lives; it was my aunt (my mom’s oldest sister), her husband (who is also my dad’s uncle), and my two cousins. Being the insecure and shy kid I was meant I made no friends in Jordan, and being bitter toward the church meant I did not even go to church with my family. I would watch them take the stairs down to the main road (Amman is built on mountains so there are long stairs wherever you go) but I could never bring myself to go with them. Also, my insecurities and low confidence prevented me from meeting new people and made me feel very uncomfortable in social settings.

 

I simply stayed home and read the Old Testament for hours every day; I would read over a dozen of chapters every day. I was amazed by the God of the Old Testament and I wanted to become a Jewish Rabbi because I had found the true God! My uncle told me, “Israel has borders with Jordan. It’s not that far if you are serious about becoming a Rabbi!” I liked the God of the Old Testament but I still did not like Jesus Christ; I guess it was Satan’s last efforts to prevent me from getting saved.

 

Also, because I spent a lot of time by myself I started to realize that my mind and thoughts were always changing (which is a common thing for any human especially a teenager), but I was not reaching a point of knowing. I tried to explain life and live by following rules I had learnt from experiences but my experiences always changed and I always changed so my rules changed and I was again at the start point: Why did this happen? How should I respond to this situation? Is this action right or wrong? I did not know the answers to these questions and more. I was frustrated because my life events had no clear purpose or pattern I could understand and follow. Every time I looked back at myself from a month ago I realized I had yet again changed in no certain direction—I just randomly changed. This pattern of continuous random change scared me: how will I know to make the right decisions in the future if my thoughts keep changing? How will I choose the correct career and wife if I do not know who I am and what I am looking for! It is like trying to measure a length using a ruler that is always changing! Experiences, feelings, opinions and beliefs were not good enough for me: I wanted to know, I wanted truth!

 

Wrong Attitude

 

While I was getting all this information about God and how He works from reading the Old Testament, I still had the wrong attitude toward God. One day my sister came back from church and told me how it was wrong to pray to the saint and that was a shocking thing to say to a “devoted” Roman Catholic! I was upset with her words and told her, “How can you say we should not pray to the Virgin Mary?!” As far as I was concerned, what she was saying was sacrilegious! It is sad how I liked Mary, the mother of Jesus, and the other “saints”, but I did not like the Lord Jesus Christ Himself!

 

One evening in Amman, our neighbour--an Iraqi Catholic named Emad--came to visit us. He was in his 30s and was sitting at the table looking outside the window while I was sitting on a mattress on the floor (we did not have much in Jordan). I was making my case against God, the Lord Jesus Christ, and the Bible—mostly doubts I had heard my dad say (I was not that original!) I kept going on and on but he rarely looked at me and he did not seem fazed by my arguments against God. When I finally finished talking he looked at me and said in a scoffing manner, “So you are telling me that you know better than the Son of God?” WOW! That was all I needed to hear!

 

First, I shut my mouth because I realized I was “arguing” with a man twice my age which is a shameful thing to do in the Middle East. Second, and most importantly my spirit was quieted because I realized there is a huge problem with my belief system: how could I say that I believe God is great and all-knowing and all-powerful yet claim to know more than Him? How could I trust His knowledge if I knew more than Him? What’s the point of following God if I am smarter than Him? Why would He gives us truth in some things while mislead us in other things? Jesus Chris is the Son of God—I am not fighting against a man but God Himself!

 

So two things happened that evening: first, I started liking Jesus Christ because I finally understood He deserved the respect I gave the God of the Old Testament because He is the Son of God; second, I stopped questioning God’s Word to prove I am right and God is wrong, and started asking God to explain to me His Word. There is a big difference between the two: questioning comes with the wrong attitude of fighting against God, while asking comes with the right attitude of desiring to know God. On that day I humbled myself and gave God the respect He deserves—I laid down my arrogance and self-centeredness.

 

So far God had arranged my circumstances and changed me to know He is real, give me enough discernment to know we are not saved by works, gave me time to think about life and death and what happens after death, have knowledge of His Word (especially the Old Testament which I was not familiar with before), quieted my spirit and humbled me, but I still did not know what is the next step. The big questions were always: How do I go to heaven? What does all this mean to me?

 

Three Books, One Message

 

My aunt’s family had a Syrian neighbour who was Christian (born-again or not, I do not know) and his immigration papers came to Sweden so he took his family and stuff and immigrated to Sweden but left some things behind. One of the things he left behind were six books (two copies of three books) written by Josh McDowell titled: Evidence That Demands A Verdict, More Than A Carpenter, and Jesus: A Biblical Defense of His Deity. My uncle took one of each copy and gave me the other, so I started reading those books. It all made sense because I had just finished reading the Old Testament and knew the prophecies about Jesus—I finally understood who the Gospel writers were quoting! But I still needed something more to be convinced, more than good arguments and a testimony—I wanted tangible evidence. So what really made an impact on me are these three points:

 

1) Prophecies. Prophecies are very important because a lot of people can write “holy” books but what prove their authority are prophecies because no one knows the future but God. And this was not one prophecy or two, but hundreds that all came true in one person--the person of Jesus Christ! And they were not some random prophecies that did not have anything to do with each other. No, they were all parts of one plane: God’s plan to save mankind from sin and hell through the death of His Son Jesus Christ. The strange part is that they were written by different men in different places from different times, so how could all these prophecies agree on the message and make so much sense unless they were inspired by God!

 

Prophecies also give witness to Jesus Christ. So many religions were started by one person with no witnesses to His authority; Jewish law required at least two witness for a trial otherwise it would be one person’s word versus another person’s word. By what authority does a person start a religion? Self-righteousness? One’s own words? Who is to back him up? That is why some religions started by the sword: if people were not convinced by evidence they were persuaded by fear. But that is not how it is with Jesus Christ (apart from His miracles and the Father witnessing to Him) those prophecies witness to Him as the promised coming Saviour. And He did not need to harm anyone for people to follow Him.

 

2) The character, life, and death of Jesus Christ and His followers. Nothing made sense: why would His disciples die for Him? He did not give them money, fame, or earthly power, or allowed them to have carnal desires, or anything of that nature. On the contrary, they lived difficult lives full of hunger, chased, persecuted, put on trials and executed but still refused to deny Him as their Lord! And Why would He or they die for a lie? Were they crazy or delusional? They did not sound like it! Unless, they saw something supernatural in the person of Jesus Christ and the Holy Spirit is real. Nothing else could explain to me their lives. Jesus Christ definitely was not crazy for how can a crazy man teach such noble things? And He definitely was not lying for how can a liar—a sinner--perform miracles?

 

3) How bizarre is Christianity comparing to all other world religions! Seriously, have you thought about how difficult it is for a dozen of men who lived in different times and places to conspire to write about the same God with the same salvation plan? And what an unlikely story for one person to come up with, yet they all had to agree on the following:

 

a. God is three Persons in One. Father, Son, and Holy Spirit.

b. The Son of God became a human. That is God in His entire glory and greatness manifest Himself as a human child.

c. The Son of God is born of a virgin! (Do you see now how bizarre it is for a man to come up with this story?)

d. He is born in a manger. He leads a simple and poor life, often times persecuted. (Remember, we are not talking about some monk here, we are talking about God Himself taking a form of a meek human being!)

e. He was a miracle worker to the likes of nobody! He opened the eyes of the blind, raised the dead, and walked on water.

f. Salvation is not by human works but by faith in the Son of God, that is: believing God’s Son died for your sins. (When was the last time you heard of a religion that teaches salvation is not by human good works?) All world religions teach: we must reach up to God—humanly it makes sense! While Christianity teaches that God reached down to us!

g. Not only the Son of God dies but He rose from the dead!

h. His followers will be indwelt by the Holy Spirit who will live the life of Christ through them!

 

And the list goes on and on—such an unlikely story to be written and die for! I do not know about you but if I made my own religion it would not sound something like this! It would be a simple “do good, go to heaven; do bad, go to hell”. Love those who love you (who teaches to love their enemies and expects large followers?) There is one god made up of one person (so much easier to be accepted than three persons make one God!) And enjoy life on earth as much as you can (power, fame, comfort, all kind of pleasures) because I know the there is no god and no heaven or hell—I made them up!

 

Christianity’s unusual doctrine and events are not made for the sake of making it a “strange” religion. Each one of these doctrines and events had a purpose and was designed this way. There is a reason for the virgin birth. There is a reason for the death on the cross. There is a reason why the Lord Jesus Christ rose from the dead. There is a reason the Son of God had to die and not somebody else. There is a reason why we cannot gain righteousness by works. And the list goes on and on: everything has a purpose to fulfill God’s divine plan to save mankind.

 

A lot of religions have very noble and admirable teachings but they still lack authority. You see the problem is that truth is truth: it is not about how much I like it, whether I accept it or not, or I agree with it or not. Jesus Chris is the truth and I could not avoid this fact.

 

Saved at Last

 

One day I was laying on a straw carpet close to a window in the afternoon and the sun rays were shinning on me and I was reading the last chapter of the last of the three books. At the end of the book, the author Josh McDowell wrote his own testimony of coming to Christ and his struggle to forgive his old drunkard father prior to coming to Christ. He asked if the reader wanted to give their lives to Jesus Christ and there was a short prayer (also known as the sinner’s prayer) and I desperately needed this 3- 4 years spiritual crisis to be over with because I had made up my mind that Jesus Christ is Lord and Saviour and I need to surrender my life to Him. So I prayed asking God to forgive my sins because I was a sinner and I accepted the death of His Son, Jesus Christ, on the Cross as payment for my sins, and I invited the Holy Spirit into my heart to change me into the likeness of Jesus Christ. For the first two days I was the happiest I had ever been--I felt like I was floating on air; as if the weight of the world was taken off my shoulders!

 

I did not know what happened to me but I knew few things right away: I was happy and worry free; I had peace and joy; and I started to see things differently. Suddenly I started to know good from evil and it stayed that way--the next day, next week, or next month--the good did not become evil and evil become good. I grew in my knowledge of the truth but the truth never changed.

 

A couple of months later we immigrated to Canada. In Canada, I still did not know what had just happened to me, and if there were other people out there who had gone through the same experience of salvation. Because I still did not go to church and did not socialize with others, I had no idea what was going on and so I kept praying the sinner’s prayer every day to remind myself that I was saved by faith through God’s grace and not by works. Not long after coming to Canada (may be a year or so) I was watching TV on a Sunday evening when I came across the InTouch program by Dr. Charles Stanley. That is when I understood what happened and I gradually grew in my Christian faith and still growing. One Sunday while I was listening to Charles Stanley on TV my uncle asked me, “Do you really believe in this nonsense?” I simply answered, “Yes, I do.” My uncle’s words and attitude reminded me of myself, not long ago, before coming to Christ: I also was an enemy of Christ, but God in His grace not only sent His Son to die for my sins but also sent the Holy Spirit to draw me to Him so I believe and be saved.

 

Giving up my Roman Catholic identity was a much harder battle. I still prayed to the Virgin Mary for three years, mainly out of habit, after coming to Christ. Until one day when I realized it was idolatry and had no spiritual value.

 

The work God had done in my life in the last 15 years and His love and faithfulness are more than I can include here. The testimony you read here is just the beginning because I could write about His love forever.

 

* * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * *

 

Final Words

 

Here I would to discuss issues that are related to my testimony but I did not include them in the testimony because I did not want to disturb the flow of the story.

 

The Birthday Incident

 

I had forgotten about the birthday incident, but about two years ago I prayed, “Lord, why do I hate my birthday? Why don’t I celebrate it like everybody else? Why don’t I like receiving gifts? Why do I always feel guilty and as if I am a burden on others?” A couple of weeks after I prayed that prayer I remembered the birthday incident—it all makes sense now. God has been faithful in every single way. He has been faithful in trying to heal my heart and emotional scars.

 

Salvation Is God’s Work

 

Salvation is the work of the Holy Spirit. The Bible says, "No one can come to me unless the Father who sent me draws them, and I will raise them up at the last day.” (John 6:44) I did not come to Christ through my own intelligence or effort—my testimony is a testimony of God’s faithfulness. When I did not understand He exists and He is great, He showed me His amazing creation. When I did not know where my life was headed, He showed me the reality of death. When I was busy, He provided me with a quiet time and the opportunity to read. When I did not understand who the Lord Jesus Christ is, He gave me the Old Testament to read and understand that Jesus Christ is the promised Messiah. When I had doubts, He gave me books that answered my questions. When I had the wrong heart attitude, He humbled me. When I was too shy to go to church, He reached me through books. When I fought against Him, He was patient because He saw my ignorance and confusion and lovingly led me to become His child. (Romans 2:4)

 

I would love to tell you that I was this genius kid who had this great spiritual discernment and understood God’s mind! But it was not like this at all! God saw my confusion, took me to a place and a time and patiently waited for me to open my eyes and see, then He did the same thing over and over again until I reached a point where I was ready to accept His Son, Jesus Christ, as my Lord and Saviour! How much more shall I say about God’s goodness and faithfulness?

 

Everything happened to me was God’s divine work to bring me to Himself through His Son, Jesus Christ. It was not my self-effort—I simply responded to His moves and when I did not He waited and used other methods to reach me. None of the things I mentioned in my testimony can be considered “miraculous”, actually a doubting person can simply look at these events as mere coincidences. However, so many things happen around us are God’s divine work and design but we cease to see them as such—we brushed them off as coincidence. Even painful events God can use for our good. There were many instances before I came to Christ where God worked in my life—not because I was His child but because He wanted to lead me to Himself to become His child.

 

The sinner’s prayer does not save anyone—the “sinner’s prayer” can simply express the desires of those who are ready to be born-again. Simply asking someone to read the “sinner’s prayer” will do no good if the Holy Spirit has not led that person to the point in their lives where they are ready to repent of their sins and turn to Christ as their only hope of salvation. Also, saying the “sinner’s prayer” is not a proof that someone is saved; the Bible says that the fruit of the Spirit--that is, us abiding in Christ so the Holy Spirit can live Christ’ life through us--is the proof that we are saved.

 

“And you also were included in Christ when you heard the message of truth, the gospel of your salvation. When you believed, you were marked in him with a seal, the promised Holy Spirit.” (Ephesians 1:13)

 

None of that “I prayed the sinner’s prayer” or “I felt Goosebumps” is evidence of our salvation. If you have to keep rededicating your life to Christ then maybe you do not want to be part of Christ—may be you are not saved, may be you are not a child of God. I am not saying the sinner’s prayer does not work: what I am saying is that it only works for those who the Holy Spirit has prepared to be born-again.

 

The Bible says, “Very truly I [Jesus Christ] tell you, no one can see the kingdom of God unless they are born again.” (John 3:3) And in verse 6 it says, “Flesh gives birth to flesh, but the Spirit gives birth to spirit.”

 

Why did our Lord use the birth experience to explain the born-again experience? Because being born-again is the work of the Spirit—it is not your work and it is not someone else’s work. Others can help the Spirit (just like a doctor and nurses help a pregnant woman), but it is the Spirit who has to do the work (just like it is the mother who has to give birth). And just like there is a nine month period of time for a child to be ready to be born, so there is also a preparation period for our sinful hearts to turn to and accept Christ. A person does not come out of a strip club for a smoke, then you ask him if he wants to go to heaven (who doesn’t?) then ask him to read the sinner’s prayer if he wants to go to heaven, then he goes back to the strip club and does so for the rest of his life and then you declare him to be born-again! It does not work this way!

 

Remember, it is not your work to save someone else. Often times you are only one link in the process of leading someone to Christ. Do not be discouraged or dishearten if you do not see the fruit of your labour right away; after all, sinners are not rejecting you—they are rejecting Jesus Christ.

 

"If the world hates you, keep in mind that it hated me first.” (John 15:18)

 

I thank the Lord that by His grace and mercy He kept giving me chances to come to Him after rebelling against Him for years. Just like He never gave up on me, we should never give up on another person who is so blinded by Satan that he or she cannot see the truth of God’s Word.

 

The hymn “At Calvary” perfectly explains my salvation experience.

 

Peace Through Works

 

Believe it or not, I actually had peace before I came to Christ! It was not permanent and it was not fulfilling. It was peace acquired through doing good works and following decrees; it was peace tied to my performance, feelings, and circumstances. I had peace if I read the Catholic prayer books or read the Immaculate Heart of Mary devotional book. It was a momentary peace tied to my works. The Lord Jesus Christ does not say we will not have peace in this world but that the peace He gives us is different than the world’s peace.

 

“Peace I leave with you; my peace I give you. I do not give to you as the world gives. Do not let your hearts be troubled and do not be afraid.” (John 14:27)

 

Of course this worldly and work-based peace is very damaging because it deceives us into thinking that we can acquire more peace if we do more good works. So we end up becoming more religious and busier trying to please God all the while we are heading straight to hell. The peace I have now is not based on me or my circumstances—the peace I have now is based on God’s Word. I live by faith knowing that I am saved only because Jesus Christ, the sinless Son of God, paid for my sins on the cross. Nothing can take this away from me. Worldly peace is a counterfeit trying to mimic true peace which is the fruit of the Holy Spirit through abiding in Christ, but it will never be able to withstand trials and the test of time.

 

Satan will give you his version of peace--actually he will give you anything--to keep you away from Christ. The worldly peace I had was misleading: it misled me into believing I could have peace apart from Christ, and it misled me into thinking I could approach God my way.

 

Approaching God

 

The problem we have is not that we do not know God, but that God does not know us! If I went to the White House asking to see the president of the United States telling the guards that I knew him, will the guards let me in? Of course not! For me to get in the guards have to first verify if the president knows me! We have not separated ourselves from God; no, He separated Himself from us! He is the one who banished Adam and Even from the Garden of Eden—they did not leave voluntary! He is the one who has problem with sin because He is the Holy and Righteous one; we are sinners—sin is what we do, we love it!

 

If I am a man who wants to ask a lady’s hand in marriage then I have to meet her requirements and the requirements of her parents. Why is that? Because I am the one who wants to marry her and so I have to measure up to her expectations of being a godly husband and father and a leader and protector of the family. Therefore, I cannot approach her my way—I cannot offer what I want to offer. No, I have to approach her the way she expects and offers her what she wants! It is the same thing when we approach God: we have to approach Him the way He says is acceptable to Him and that is through His Son Jesus Christ.

 

In all religions God forgives by forgetting; that is, God’s mercy is not balanced by His justice. His justice book is not balanced—it does not add up to zero! Our sins are somehow forgiven but are not paid for! In Christianity God forgives by placing the punishment for sin on His Son Jesus Christ. His justice and requirement punishment for sin, namely death, is balanced by the death of His Son. God’s holiness, justice, mercy, and love are all satisfied. His justice book is balanced because Jesus paid it all!

 

In all religions God is holy and hates sin but He is not so holy and hates sin to the degree where He can’t just forget about it! If you do a bit of this and that and ask for forgiveness then He is merciful and will just forgive you! But in Christianity God is so holy and hates sin so much that there is no way He is just forgetting about it—justice must be served and the punishment for sin is death! He is infinitely holy and we are infinitely sinful, therefore, we are infinitely separated from Him. But He is also infinitely merciful and loving and to save us He sent His only begotten Son, the sinless Jesus Christ, to die for our sins. This way His justice is satisfied because sin’s death punishment is satisfied through the Cross, and the infinite gap between sinful man and holy God is spanned. It is not only spanned but God came to live inside man through the person of the Holy Spirit!

 

“For God so loved the world that he gave his one and only Son, that whoever believes in him shall not perish but have eternal life.” (John 3:16)

 

“For the wages of sin is death; but the gift of God is eternal life through Jesus Christ our Lord.” (Romans 6:23)

 

“…the Spirit of truth...lives with you and will be in you.” (John 14:17)

 

Not Blind Faith

 

I do not like the phrase “blind faith”. I actually had not heard of this phrase until I came to Canada! I do not like the phrase because I do not agree with it. To agree with it is to say that God is unwise, unreasonable, and scared!

 

God knows that there are many beliefs and religions out there, so if He did not give us enough evidence of who He is and His plan then we would not be able to discern which prophet is sent from Him and which is not! Which faith is true and which is not! They all cannot be true because they have conflicting teachings! All gods cannot be the One true God! It would be unwise of Him not to give us evidence of His truth when He knows we could easily follow the wrong faiths. And it would be unreasonable of Him to not to give us reasonable proofs of His identity and will and still expect us to know Him and obey Him! Unless He is scared that we find out He is not real! May be He is keeping us at bay because He does not want us to discover the reality that He does not exist! Growing up in the Roman Catholic denomination I had a feeling that God was very insecure, so you can imagine my shock when I read Malachi 3:10 in the Old Testament, “Test me in this," says the LORD Almighty!

 

The reason I am bringing this up is that our faith should not be a blind faith—it must be built on a foundation. Sometimes in life when we go through trials and pain we have to preserve through faith—you may call it “blind” faith—but how do you know the Bible is God’s Word? I will go back to the three points that convinced me of the authority of the Bible and that Jesus Christ is the Son of God.

 

Suppose I told you, “Our friend Chris will come in a rental car” and he shows up in a rental car, what would the first thing you would ask? It would be, “How did you know?” Why? Because you know that the chances of me guessing accurately on that day Chris will show up in a rental car are very slim. Now suppose I also said, “Christ will show up in a yellow shirt” and he does, now you know that I did not simply guess but I knew these things! It is the same with prophecies: they are God’s way of wanting us to know who is sent by Him and who is not because we know that no one knows the future but Him—it is not blind faith if you know!

 

For the sake of the argument, let us assume that Jesus Christ had planned to fulfill some prophecies to impersonate the coming Messiah, namely: to die on the cross. How did he manage to plan the prophecies concerning His birth? Let us assume His disciples lied in the gospels about Him fulfilling His birth prophecies. Why would they die for a lie? Not only they would have died for a lie, but they gained nothing a human would want in return: long comfortable life, wealth, power and fame. They received none of that! Jesus Christ promised them two things: eternal life and persecution! Eternal life they could not see but persecution was very much real! To make their story even more bizarre they were not only following but also worshipping who in public opinion was a convicted and executed criminal! When was the last time the idea of worshiping an executed criminal appealed to you? Exactly! They saw and experienced someone very real--the Son of God and the Holy Spirit—to give up everything including their lives for this God!

 

Personal testimony is good but I wanted to base my faith on more than stories. I am sorry to word it this way, I am not trying to dismiss testimonies—they are the work of God—otherwise I would not have written my testimony. But I understood that people are emotional creatures and anything could change us, I knew that first hand because my thoughts were always changing. If someone told you his testimony of how boxing changed his life, how he was a street kid but now he has a purpose and stays away from bad influence, does this make boxing a religion or his trainer a prophet? Of course not! Testimonies are good to strengthen our faith, but not to base our faith on them because for every Christian testimony I can bring you a testimony of someone of a different religion. God wants us to know!

 

Why Christ?

 

I often asked myself: Why did I doubt the Bible? And why did I hate the Lord Jesus Christ? If I was disappointed with the Roman Catholic denomination, then why did I not hate being a Roman Catholic? If I was disappointed with the priest who called me a liar, then why did I not hate him? If I was disappointed with the nun who moved me to the last row at my first communion, then why did I not hate her? If the teachings and decrees of the Roman Catholic denomination did not make sense to me, then why did I not hate those teachings? Why did I not hate Moses, or King David, or Elijah, or the apostle Paul? If I had doubts, why did I not doubt God’s existence? Why did I not doubt the teachings of the Roman Catholic denomination? Why did I instead hate the person of Jesus Christ and doubt God’s Word?

 

The answer is simple: Satan blinded me and focused my doubts on God’s Word and turned my disappointments as hatred toward the Lord Jesus Christ because Satan knew that God’s Word can lead me to Jesus Christ who can save me. Satan did not care if I was a devoted Roman Catholic or not. Satan did not care if I believed in God, a god, or gods. The Bible says, “You believe that there is one God. Good! Even the demons believe that--and shudder.” (James 2:19)

 

These things do not save me! What saves us from our sins is faith in Jesus Christ as the Son of God and His death on the Cross as payment for our sins. How do we come to this knowledge? Through God’s Word! And that is why Satan is willing to give us everything else but knowledge of God’s Word and faith in the Lord Jesus Christ as Lord and Saviour.

 

Death

 

When I came to Canada at the age of 15 I was surprised that Canadians live as if they are not going to die: they live only for this world and for now.

 

The objective is not to focus on death--death is only a gateway--but to focus on our lives after death. Not long ago my 11 years old nephew told me about all those things he wants to accomplish when he grows up—things the world is concerned with—and how he would retire as a rich old man. So I asked him, “And then?” He thought about it for a second then answered, “I guess I die.” I asked him again, “And then?” And he looked baffled because he had thought of everything except death and he definitely did not think about eternity. He made the classical error of seeing death as an end when in reality it is the beginning. Satan distracts us with so many present worldly things just so we do not plan for eternal heavenly glory!

 

If we remember every morning that one day we will die then we will be more focused spiritually and make decisions with eternity in mind. Praying, giving, serving, forgiving, and loving will become our priority.

 

The Difference

 

So how am I different now than before coming to Christ? Well, I am saved now and have the Holy Spirit and God is working in me, through me, and in my life. But also God addressed my problems.

 

Do I still have trichotillomania? Yes, I do. It is not as bad as before and I have learned not to focus on it. Satan wants us to focus on our problems—whether big or small—but the Lord has taught me to focus on Him so I do not miss His plan for my life. Do I still have low self-confidence? Yes, I do. However, I have learned to be confident in the Lord. Before I could not make decisions because I had no self-confidence and no other source of confidence, but now I have the Lord as my source of confidence. The good part is that I am always drawing closer to Him because I know I will not be able to function and make important decisions without Him; this way I also know those decisions will be blessed because their source was Him. Do I still feel anxious in a crowd? Yes, but now I can have courage in Him. Just like He replaced my low self-confidence with His sufficient confidence, He also replaced my anxiety with His sufficient courage.

 

Am I still shy and feel awkward in social settings? Yes. But I learned that God can use us different ways: maybe I do not have what it takes to stand in front of a crowd and talk, but I can write! Not everyone comes to faith by hearing—some, like me, come to faith by reading! God does not see my shyness as a problem, after all He created me and He knows I am an introvert. Personality traits are not a sin: being funny versus serious is not a sin, being an introvert versus extrovert is not a sin, being talkative versus quiet is not a sin, excelling in math versus the arts is not a sin! He created every one of us to be unique, to fulfill a certain purpose in His plan to preach the gospel to the lost. Sin is a problem, shyness is not—not once did the Holy Spirit convict me of my shyness as being a sin! He did not solve my shyness problem because to Him it is not a problem.

 

Do I still feel guilty over past sins and do I still feel stupid? Yes, sometimes I do. Satan would bring something silly that happened in my childhood to mind to make me feel guilty or stupid, and the Holy Spirit would always remind me that I am forgiven by the blood of Jesus Christ and I have a new identity in Him. Those feelings and thoughts do not hinder me: I can confront them now with God’s truth and quickly move on. As many times as Satan attacks me I keep reminding myself that the war has been won 2,000 years ago at Calvary and Satan is just trying to win a pity battle here and there. There is nothing Satan can do to send me to Hell, but he sure will try to make me ineffective for God’s Kingdom.

 

Am I still searching for the truth? No, I found Him who is the truth. Does a runner keep running after reaching the finish line? Of course not! Before coming to Christ my thoughts were always changing: my thoughts were going in random circles toward no clear end. But now my thoughts are growing and being build up to know more of His truth. While I am still learning and growing, the knowledge the Holy Spirit taught me is not obsolete, on the contrary He is building my current knowledge on the previous lesson He taught me. My thoughts and knowledge are growing toward more of His truth; these are not some baseless thoughts with my ever-changing experiences as their reference. No, these are God’s truths written in His Word and carried out in my life.

 

The hymn “It Is Well with My Soul” best describes my Christian walk.

 

Lastly but Not Least

 

I am still friends with Ayad and Furat. In fact, they both now live in Toronto as I do! It is strange how 20 years ago they preached to me but now I preach to them the Good News of salvation by faith alone!

 

One day in Amman a tailor lady told my mom, “Why isn’t your son enrolled in school here? You don’t know how long you will stay in Jordan. Don’t waste his youth—let him continue his education here!” I often reflect back on those words: how many of us, with good intentions, give similar advice? Imagine if I had gone to school for that one year we spent in Jordan: imagine how busy I would have been, imagine how little time I would have had to read God’s Word, reflect on it, and read those evangelical books. Often times we try to help others but in reality we are interfering with God’s work. Give God the space and time to do His work—trust Him. He has never ever let me down. I was delayed a year in high school, so what? I gained eternal life instead! Do not rush God’s work; not everyone has to graduate from high school at the age of 18, go to university and graduate at the age of 22, find an office job and get married at the age of 26!

 

I will leave you with Proverbs 3:5-6:

 

“Trust in the Lord with all your heart and lean not on your own understanding; in all your ways submit to him, and he will make your paths straight.”

 

(Toronto, ON; winter 2015.)

 

USS Missouri (BB-63) ("Mighty Mo" or "Big Mo") is a United States Navy Iowa-class battleship and was the third ship of the U.S. Navy to be named in honor of the U.S. state of Missouri. Missouri was the last battleship commissioned by the United States and was best remembered as the site of the surrender of the Empire of Japan which ended World War II.

 

Missouri was ordered in 1940 and commissioned in June 1944. In the Pacific Theater of World War II she fought in the battles of Iwo Jima and Okinawa and shelled the Japanese home islands, and she fought in the Korean War from 1950 to 1953. She was decommissioned in 1955 into the United States Navy reserve fleets (the "Mothball Fleet"), but reactivated and modernized in 1984 as part of the 600-ship Navy plan, and provided fire support during Operation Desert Storm in January/February 1991.

 

Missouri received a total of 11 battle stars for service in World War II, Korea, and the Persian Gulf, and was finally decommissioned on 31 March 1992, but remained on the Naval Vessel Register until her name was struck in January 1995. In 1998, she was donated to the USS Missouri Memorial Association and became a museum ship at Pearl Harbor.

 

Contents

 

1 Construction

2 World War II (1944–1945)

2.1 Shakedown and service with Task Force 58, Admiral Mitscher

2.2 Service with the Third Fleet, Admiral Halsey

2.3 Signing of the Japanese Instrument of Surrender

3 Post-war (1946–1950)

4 The Korean War (1950–1953)

5 Reactivation (1984 to 1990)

6 Gulf War (January–February 1991)

7 Museum ship (1998 to present)

8 Appearances in popular culture

9 Awards

10 See also

11 Notes

12 References

13 Further reading

14 External links

 

Construction

Main articles: Iowa-class battleship and Armament of the Iowa-class battleship

 

Missouri was one of the Iowa-class "fast battleship" designs planned in 1938 by the Preliminary Design Branch at the Bureau of Construction and Repair. She was laid down at the Brooklyn Navy Yard on 6 January 1941, launched on 29 January 1944 and commissioned on 11 June with Captain William Callaghan in command. The ship was the third of the Iowa class, but the fourth and final Iowa-class ship commissioned by the U.S. Navy.[1][2][3][4] The ship was christened at her launching by Mary Margaret Truman, daughter of Harry S. Truman, then a United States Senator from Missouri.[5]

 

Missouri's main battery consisted of nine 16 in (406 mm)/50 cal Mark 7 guns, which could fire 2,700 lb (1,200 kg) armor-piercing shells some 20 mi (32.2 km). Her secondary battery consisted of twenty 5 in (127 mm)/38 cal guns in twin turrets, with a range of about 10 mi (16 km). With the advent of air power and the need to gain and maintain air superiority came a need to protect the growing fleet of allied aircraft carriers; to this end, Missouri was fitted with an array of Oerlikon 20 mm and Bofors 40 mm anti-aircraft guns to defend allied carriers from enemy airstrikes. When reactivated in 1984 Missouri had her 20 mm and 40 mm AA guns removed, and was outfitted with Phalanx CIWS mounts for protection against enemy missiles and aircraft, and Armored Box Launchers and Quad Cell Launchers designed to fire Tomahawk missiles and Harpoon missiles, respectively.[6]

 

Missouri was the last U.S. battleship to be completed.[2][7] Wisconsin, the highest-numbered U.S. battleship built, was completed before Missouri; BB-65 to BB-71 were ordered but cancelled.

World War II (1944–1945)

Shakedown and service with Task Force 58, Admiral Mitscher

 

After trials off New York and shakedown and battle practice in the Chesapeake Bay, Missouri departed Norfolk, Virginia on 11 November 1944, transited the Panama Canal on 18 November and steamed to San Francisco for final fitting out as fleet flagship. She stood out of San Francisco Bay on 14 December and arrived at Pearl Harbor, Hawaii on 24 December 1944. She departed Hawaii on 2 January 1945 and arrived in Ulithi, West Caroline Islands on 13 January. There she was temporary headquarters ship for Vice Admiral Marc A. Mitscher. The battleship put to sea on 27 January to serve in the screen of the Lexington carrier task group of Mitscher's TF 58, and on 16 February the task force's aircraft carriers launched the first naval air strikes against Japan since the famed Doolittle raid, which had been launched from the carrier Hornet in April 1942.[5]

 

Missouri then steamed with the carriers to Iwo Jima where her main guns provided direct and continuous support to the invasion landings begun on 19 February. After TF 58 returned to Ulithi on 5 March, Missouri was assigned to the Yorktown carrier task group. On 14 March, Missouri departed Ulithi in the screen of the fast carriers and steamed to the Japanese mainland. During strikes against targets along the coast of the Inland Sea of Japan beginning on 18 March, Missouri shot down four Japanese aircraft.[5]

 

Raids against airfields and naval bases near the Inland Sea and southwestern Honshū continued. When the carrier Franklin incurred battle damage, the Missouri's carrier task group provided cover for the Franklin's retirement toward Ulithi until 22 March, then set course for pre-invasion strikes and bombardment of Okinawa.[5]

 

Missouri joined the fast battleships of TF 58 in bombarding the southeast coast of Okinawa on 24 March, an action intended to draw enemy strength from the west coast beaches that would be the actual site of invasion landings. Missouri rejoined the screen of the carriers as Marine and Army units stormed the shores of Okinawa on the morning of 1 April. An attack by Japanese forces was repulsed successfully.[5]

A Japanese Zero about to hit Missouri 11 April 1945

 

On 11 April, a low-flying kamikaze, although fired upon, crashed on Missouri's starboard side, just below her main deck level. The starboard wing of the plane was thrown far forward, starting a gasoline fire at 5 in (127 mm) Gun Mount No. 3. The battleship suffered only superficial damage, and the fire was brought quickly under control.[5] The remains of the pilot were recovered on board the ship just aft of one of the 40 mm gun tubs. Captain Callaghan decided that the young Japanese pilot had done his job to the best of his ability, and with honor, so he should be given a military funeral. The following day he was buried at sea with military honors.[8]

 

About 23:05 on 17 April, Missouri detected an enemy submarine 12 mi (19 km) from her formation. Her report set off a hunter-killer operation by the light carrier Bataan and four destroyers, which sank the Japanese submarine I-56.[5]

 

Missouri was detached from the carrier task force off Okinawa on 5 May and sailed for Ulithi. During the Okinawa campaign she had shot down five enemy planes, assisted in the destruction of six others, and scored one probable kill. She helped repel 12 daylight attacks of enemy raiders and fought off four night attacks on her carrier task group. Her shore bombardment destroyed several gun emplacements and many other military, governmental, and industrial structures.[5]

Service with the Third Fleet, Admiral Halsey

 

Missouri arrived at Ulithi on 9 May and then proceeded to Apra Harbor, Guam, arriving on 18 May.[5] USS Louisville delivered Bull Halsey’s 50 officers and 100 staff to USS Missouri BB 63 at Guam from Man of War.[9] That afternoon Admiral William F. Halsey, Jr., Commander Third Fleet, brought his command into the Missouri.[10] She passed out of the harbor on 21 May, and by 27 May was again conducting shore bombardment against Japanese positions on Okinawa. Missouri led the 3rd Fleet in strikes on airfields and installations on Kyūshū on 2–3 June. She rode out a fierce storm on 5 and 6 June that wrenched the bow off the cruiser Pittsburgh. Some topside fittings were smashed, but Missouri suffered no major damage. Her fleet again struck Kyūshū on 8 June, then hit hard in a coordinated air-surface bombardment before retiring towards Leyte. She arrived at San Pedro Bay, Leyte on 13 June, after almost three months of continuous operations in support of the Okinawa campaign.[5]

 

Here she rejoined the powerful 3rd Fleet in strikes at the heart of Japan from within its home waters. The fleet set a northerly course on 8 July to approach the Japanese main island, Honshū. Raids took Tokyo by surprise on 10 July, followed by more devastation at the juncture of Honshū and Hokkaidō, the second-largest Japanese island, on 13–14 July. For the first time, naval gunfire destroyed a major installation within the home islands when Missouri joined in a shore bombardment on 15 July that severely damaged the Nihon Steel Co. and the Wanishi Ironworks at Muroran, Hokkaido.[5]

 

During the nights of 17 and 18 July, Missouri bombarded industrial targets in Honshū. Inland Sea aerial strikes continued through 25 July, and Missouri guarded the carriers as they attacked the Japanese home islands.[5]

Signing of the Japanese Instrument of Surrender

Main article: Japanese Instrument of Surrender

Missouri (left) transfers personnel to Iowa in advance of the surrender ceremony planned for 2 September.

Allied sailors and officers watch General of the Army Douglas MacArthur sign documents during the surrender ceremony aboard Missouri on 2 September 1945. The unconditional surrender of the Japanese to the Allies officially ended the Second World War.

 

Strikes on Hokkaidō and northern Honshū resumed on 9 August, the day the second atomic bomb was dropped.[5]

 

After the Japanese agreed to surrender, Admiral Sir Bruce Fraser of the Royal Navy, the Commander of the British Pacific Fleet, boarded Missouri on 16 August and conferred the honour of Knight of the British Empire upon Admiral Halsey. Missouri transferred a landing party of 200 officers and men to the battleship Iowa for temporary duty with the initial occupation force for Tokyo on 21 August. Missouri herself entered Tokyo Bay early on 29 August to prepare for the signing by Japan of the official instrument of surrender.[5]

 

High-ranking military officials of all the Allied Powers were received on board on 2 September, including Chinese General Hsu Yung-Ch'ang, British Admiral-of-the-Fleet Sir Bruce Fraser, Soviet Lieutenant-General Kuzma Nikolaevich Derevyanko, Australian General Sir Thomas Blamey, Canadian Colonel Lawrence Moore Cosgrave, French Général d'Armée Philippe Leclerc de Hautecloque, Dutch Vice Admiral Conrad Emil Lambert Helfrich, and New Zealand Air Vice Marshal Leonard M. Isitt.

 

Fleet Admiral Chester Nimitz boarded shortly after 0800, and General of the Army Douglas MacArthur, the Supreme Commander for the Allies, came on board at 0843. The Japanese representatives, headed by Foreign Minister Mamoru Shigemitsu, arrived at 0856. At 0902, General MacArthur stepped before a battery of microphones and opened the 23-minute surrender ceremony to the waiting world by stating,[5] "It is my earnest hope—indeed the hope of all mankind—that from this solemn occasion a better world shall emerge out of the blood and carnage of the past, a world founded upon faith and understanding, a world dedicated to the dignity of man and the fulfillment of his most cherished wish for freedom, tolerance, and justice."[11]

 

During the surrender ceremony, the deck of Missouri was decorated with a 31-star American flag that had been taken ashore by Commodore Matthew Perry in 1853 after his squadron of "Black Ships" sailed into Tokyo Bay to force the opening of Japan's ports to foreign trade. This flag was actually displayed with the reverse side showing, i.e., stars in the upper right corner: the historic flag was so fragile that the conservator at the Naval Academy Museum had sewn a protective linen backing to one side to help secure the fabric from deteriorating, leaving its "wrong side" visible. The flag was displayed in a wood-framed case secured to the bulkhead overlooking the surrender ceremony.[12] Another U.S. flag was raised and flown during the occasion, a flag that some sources have indicated was in fact that flag which had flown over the U.S. Capitol on 7 December 1941. This is not true; it was a flag taken from the ship's stock, according to Missouri's Commanding Officer, Captain Stuart "Sunshine" Murray, and it was "...just a plain ordinary GI-issue flag".[13]

 

By 09:30 the Japanese emissaries had departed. In the afternoon of 5 September, Admiral Halsey transferred his flag to the battleship South Dakota, and early the next day Missouri departed Tokyo Bay. As part of the ongoing Operation Magic Carpet she received homeward bound passengers at Guam, then sailed unescorted for Hawaii. She arrived at Pearl Harbor on 20 September and flew Admiral Nimitz's flag on the afternoon of 28 September for a reception.[5]

Post-war (1946–1950)

Missouri moves through the Panama Canal en route to the United States in October 1945.

 

The next day, Missouri departed Pearl Harbor bound for the eastern seaboard of the United States. She reached New York City on 23 October and hoisted the flag of Atlantic Fleet commander Admiral Jonas Ingram. Four days later, Missouri boomed out a 21-gun salute as President Truman boarded for Navy Day ceremonies.[5]

 

After an overhaul in the New York Naval Shipyard and a training cruise to Cuba, Missouri returned to New York. During the afternoon of 21 March 1946, she received the remains of the Turkish Ambassador to the United States, Münir Ertegün. She departed on 22 March for Gibraltar, and on 5 April anchored in the Bosphorus off Istanbul. She rendered full honors, including the firing of 19-gun salutes during the transfer of the remains of the late ambassador and again during the funeral ashore.[5]

 

Missouri departed Istanbul on 9 April and entered Phaleron Bay, Piraeus, Greece, the following day for an overwhelming welcome by Greek government officials and anti-communist citizens. Greece had become the scene of a civil war between the communist World War II resistance movement and the returning Greek government-in-exile. The United States saw this as an important test case for its new doctrine of containment of the Soviet Union. The Soviets were also pushing for concessions in the Dodecanese to be included in the peace treaty with Italy and for access through the Dardanelles strait between the Black Sea and the Mediterranean. The voyage of Missouri to the eastern Mediterranean symbolized America's strategic commitment to the region. News media proclaimed her a symbol of U.S. interest in preserving both nations' independence.[5]

 

Missouri departed Piraeus on 26 April, touching at Algiers and Tangiers before arriving at Norfolk on 9 May. She departed for Culebra Island on 12 May to join Admiral Mitscher's 8th Fleet in the Navy's first large-scale postwar Atlantic training maneuvers. The battleship returned to New York City on 27 May, and spent the next year steaming Atlantic coastal waters north to the Davis Strait and south to the Caribbean on various Atlantic command training exercises.[5] On 13 December, during a target practice exercise in the North Atlantic, a star shell accidentally struck the battleship, but without causing injuries.[14]

Missouri was accidentally grounded early on the morning of 17 January 1950.

 

Missouri arrived at Rio de Janeiro on 30 August 1947 for the Inter-American Conference for the Maintenance of Hemisphere Peace and Security. President Truman boarded on 2 September to celebrate the signing of the Rio Treaty, which broadened the Monroe Doctrine by stipulating that an attack on any one of the signatory American countries would be considered an attack on all.[5]

 

The Truman family boarded Missouri on 7 September 1947 to return to the United States and disembarked at Norfolk on 19 September. Her overhaul in New York—which lasted from 23 September to 10 March 1948—was followed by refresher training at Guantanamo Bay. The summer of 1948 was devoted to midshipman and reserve training cruises. Also in 1948, the Big Mo became the first battleship to host a helicopter detachment, operating two Sikorsky HO3S-1 machines for utility and rescue work.[15] The battleship departed Norfolk on 1 November 1948 for a second three-week Arctic cold-weather training cruise to the Davis Strait. During the next two years, Missouri participated in Atlantic command exercises from the New England coast to the Caribbean, alternated with two midshipman summer training cruises. She was overhauled at Norfolk Naval Shipyard from 23 September 1949 to 17 January 1950.[5]

 

Throughout the latter half of the 1940s, the various service branches of the United States had been reducing their inventories from their World War II levels. For the Navy, this resulted in several vessels of various types being decommissioned and either sold for scrap or placed in one of the various United States Navy reserve fleets scattered along the East and West Coast of the United States. As part of this contraction, three of the Iowa-class battleships had been de-activated and decommissioned; however, President Truman refused to allow Missouri to be decommissioned. Against the advice of Secretary of Defense Louis Johnson, Secretary of the Navy John L. Sullivan, and Chief of Naval Operations Louis E. Denfeld, Truman ordered Missouri to be maintained with the active fleet partly because of his fondness for the battleship and partly because the battleship had been christened by his daughter Margaret Truman.[16][17]

 

Then the only U.S. battleship in commission, Missouri was proceeding seaward on a training mission from Hampton Roads early on 17 January 1950 when she ran aground 1.6 mi (2.6 km) from Thimble Shoal Light, near Old Point Comfort. She hit shoal water a distance of three ship-lengths from the main channel. Lifted some 7 feet (2.1 m) above waterline, she stuck hard and fast.[5] With the aid of tugboats, pontoons, and a rising tide, she was refloated on 1 February 1950 and repaired.[5]

The Korean War (1950–1953)

 

In 1950, the Korean War broke out, prompting the United States to intervene in the name of the United Nations. President Truman was caught off guard when the invasion struck,[18] but quickly ordered U.S. forces stationed in Japan into South Korea. Truman also sent U.S.-based troops, tanks, fighter and bomber aircraft, and a strong naval force to Korea to support the Republic of Korea. As part of the naval mobilization Missouri was called up from the Atlantic Fleet and dispatched from Norfolk on 19 August to support UN forces on the Korean peninsula.[5]

 

Missouri arrived just west of Kyūshū on 14 September, where she became the flagship of Rear Admiral Allan Edward Smith. The first American battleship to reach Korean waters, she bombarded Samchok on 15 September 1950 in an attempt to divert troops and attention from the Incheon landings. This was the first time since World War II that Missouri had fired her guns in anger, and in company with the cruiser Helena and two destroyers, she helped prepare the way for the U.S. Eighth Army offensive.[5]

 

Missouri arrived at Incheon on 19 September, and on 10 October became flagship of Rear Admiral J. M. Higgins, commander, Cruiser Division 5 (CruDiv 5). She arrived at Sasebo on 14 October, where she became flagship of Vice Admiral A. D. Struble, Commander, 7th Fleet. After screening the aircraft carrier Valley Forge along the east coast of Korea, she conducted bombardment missions from 12 to 26 October in the Chongjin and Tanchon areas, and at Wonsan where she again screened carriers eastward of Wonsan.[5]

 

MacArthur's amphibious landings at Incheon had severed the North Korean Army’s supply lines; as a result, North Korea’s army had begun a lengthy retreat from South Korea into North Korea. This retreat was closely monitored by the Peoples Republic of China (PRC), out of fear that the UN offensive against Korea would create a US-backed enemy on China’s border, and out of concern that the UN offensive in Korea could evolve into a UN war against China. The latter of these two threats had already manifested itself during the Korea War: U.S. F-86 Sabres on patrol in "MiG Alley" frequently crossed into China while pursuing Communist MiGs operating out of Chinese airbases.[19]

 

Moreover, there was talk among the U.N. commanders—notably General Douglas MacArthur—about a potential campaign against the People's Republic of China. In an effort to dissuade UN forces from completely overrunning North Korea, the People's Republic of China issued diplomatic warnings that they would use force to protect North Korea, but these warnings were not taken seriously for a number of reasons, among them the fact that China lacked air cover to conduct such an attack.[20][21] This changed abruptly on 19 October 1950, when the first of an eventual total of 380,000 People's Liberation Army soldiers under the command of General Peng Dehuai crossed into North Korea, launching a full-scale assault against advancing U.N. troops. The PRC offensive caught the UN completely by surprise; UN forces realized they would have to fall back, and quickly executed an emergency retreat. UN assets were shuffled in order to cover this retreat, and as part of the force tasked with covering the UN retreat Missouri was moved into Hungnam on 23 December to provide gunfire support about the Hungnam defense perimeter until the last UN troops, the U.S. 3rd Infantry Division, were evacuated by way of the sea on 24 December 1950.[5]

Missouri fires her guns against enemy positions during the Korean War. Notice the effect on the seawater under the guns.

 

Missouri conducted additional operations with carriers and shore bombardments off the east coast of Korea until 19 March 1951. She arrived at Yokosuka on 24 March, and 4 days later was relieved of duty in the Far East. She departed Yokosuka on 28 March, and upon arrival at Norfolk on 27 April became the flagship of Rear Admiral James L. Holloway, Jr., commander, Cruiser Force, Atlantic Fleet. During the summer of 1951, she engaged in two midshipman training cruises to northern Europe. Under the command of Captain John Sylvester, Missouri entered Norfolk Naval Shipyard 18 October 1951 for an overhaul, which lasted until 30 January 1952.[5]

 

Following winter and spring training out of Guantanamo Bay, Missouri visited New York, then set course from Norfolk on 9 June 1952 for another midshipman cruise. She returned to Norfolk on 4 August and entered Norfolk Naval Shipyard to prepare for a second tour in the Korean combat zone.[5]

 

Missouri stood out of Hampton Roads on 11 September 1952 and arrived at Yokosuka on 17 October. Vice Admiral Joseph J. Clark, commander of the 7th Fleet, brought his command onboard on 19 October. Her primary mission was to provide seagoing artillery support by bombarding enemy targets in the Chaho-Tanchon area, at Chongjin, in the Tanchon-Sonjin area, and at Chaho, Wonsan, Hamhung, and Hungnam during the period 25 October through 2 January 1953.[5]

 

Missouri put in to Incheon on 5 January 1953 and sailed thence to Sasebo, Japan. General Mark W. Clark, Commander in Chief, U.N. Command, and Admiral Sir Guy Russell, the Royal Navy commander of the British Far East Station, visited the battleship on 23 January. In the following weeks, Missouri resumed "Cobra" patrol along the east coast of Korea to support troops ashore. Repeated bombardment of Wonsan, Tanehon, Hungnam, and Kojo destroyed main supply routes along the eastern seaboard of Korea.[5]

 

The last bombardment mission by Missouri was against the Kojo area on 25 March. On 26 March, her commanding officer–Captain Warner R. Edsall–suffered a fatal heart attack while conning her through the submarine net at Sasebo. She was relieved as the 7th Fleet flagship on 6 April by her older sister New Jersey.[5]

 

Missouri departed Yokosuka on 7 April and arrived at Norfolk on 4 May to become flagship for Rear Admiral E. T. Woolridge, commander, Battleships-Cruisers, Atlantic Fleet, on 14 May. She departed on 8 June on a midshipman training cruise, returned to Norfolk on 4 August, and was overhauled in Norfolk Naval Shipyard from 20 November 1953 to 2 April 1954. As the flagship of Rear Admiral R. E. Kirby, who had relieved Admiral Woolridge, Missouri departed Norfolk on 7 June as flagship of the midshipman training cruise to Lisbon and Cherbourg. During this voyage Missouri was joined by the other three battleships of her class, New Jersey, Wisconsin, and Iowa, the only time the four ships sailed together.[22] She returned to Norfolk on 3 August and departed on 23 August for inactivation on the West Coast. After calls at Long Beach and San Francisco, Missouri arrived in Seattle on 15 September. Three days later she entered Puget Sound Naval Shipyard where she was decommissioned on 26 February 1955, entering the Bremerton group, Pacific Reserve Fleet.[5]

 

Upon arrival in Bremerton, Missouri was moored at the last pier of the reserve fleet berthing. This placed her very close to the mainland, and she served as a popular tourist attraction, logging about 180,000 visitors per year, who came to view the "surrender deck" where a bronze plaque memorialized the spot (35° 21' 17" N, 139° 45' 36" E) where Japan surrendered to the Allies, and the accompanying historical display that included copies of the surrender documents and photos. A small cottage industry grew in the civilian community just outside the gates, selling souvenirs and other memorabilia. Nearly thirty years passed before Missouri returned to active duty.[5]

Reactivation (1984 to 1990)

Missouri in dry dock during her modernization at the Long Beach Naval Shipyard in 1985

 

Under the Reagan Administration’s program to build a 600-ship Navy, led by Secretary of the Navy John F. Lehman, Missouri was reactivated and towed by the salvage ship Beaufort to the Long Beach Naval Yard in the summer of 1984 to undergo modernization in advance of her scheduled recommissioning.[5] In preparation for the move, a skeleton crew of 20 spent three weeks working 12-to-16 hour days preparing the battleship for her tow.[23] During the modernization Missouri had her obsolete armament removed: 20 mm and 40 mm anti-aircraft guns, and four of her ten 5-inch (130 mm) gun mounts.[24]

Crewmen man the rails as Missouri formally recommissions in San Francisco, California

 

Over the next several months, the ship was upgraded with the most advanced weaponry available; among the new weapons systems installed were four MK 141 quad cell launchers for 16 AGM-84 Harpoon anti-ship missiles, eight Armored Box Launcher (ABL) mounts for 32 BGM-109 Tomahawk missiles, and a quartet of Phalanx Close In Weapon System (CIWS) Gatling guns for defense against enemy anti-ship missiles and enemy aircraft.[24] Also included in her modernization were upgrades to radar and fire control systems for her guns and missiles, and improved electronic warfare capabilities.[24] During the modernization Missouri's 800 lb (360 kg) bell, which had been removed from the battleship and sent to Jefferson City, Missouri for sesquicentennial celebrations in the state, was formally returned to the battleship in advance of her recommissioning.[25] Missouri was formally recommissioned in San Francisco on 10 May 1986. "This is a day to celebrate the rebirth of American sea power", Secretary of Defense Caspar W. Weinberger told an audience of 10,000 at the recommissioning ceremony, instructing the crew to "listen for the footsteps of those who have gone before you. They speak to you of honor and the importance of duty. They remind you of your own traditions."[26] Also present at the recommissioning ceremony was Missouri governor John Ashcroft, U.S. Senator Pete Wilson, Secretary of the Navy John Lehman, San Francisco mayor Dianne Feinstein, and Margaret Truman.[27]

 

Four months later Missouri departed from her new home port of Long Beach for an around-the-world cruise, visiting Pearl Harbor Hawaii; Sydney, Hobart, and Perth, Australia; Diego Garcia; the Suez Canal; Istanbul, Turkey; Naples, Italy; Rota, Spain; Lisbon, Portugal; and the Panama Canal. Missouri became the first American battleship to circumnavigate the globe since Theodore Roosevelt's "Great White Fleet" 80 years before – a fleet which included the first battleship named USS Missouri (BB-11).[5]

Missouri undertaking an underway replenishment with Kitty Hawk from the MSC ship USNS Kawishiwi

 

In 1987, Missouri was outfitted with 40 mm grenade launchers and 25 mm chain guns and sent to take part in Operation Earnest Will, the escorting of reflagged Kuwaiti oil tankers in the Persian Gulf.[28] These smaller-caliber weapons were installed due to the threat of Iranian-manned, Swedish-made Boghammar cigarette boats operating in the Persian Gulf at the time.[29] On 25 July, the ship departed on a six-month deployment to the Indian Ocean and North Arabian Sea. She spent more than 100 continuous days at sea in a hot, tense environment – a striking contrast to her world cruise months earlier. As the centerpiece for Battlegroup Echo, Missouri escorted tanker convoys into the Strait of Hormuz, keeping her fire control system trained on land-based Iranian Silkworm missile launchers.[30]

 

Missouri returned to the United States via Diego Garcia, Australia and Hawaii in early 1988. Several months later, Missouri's crew again headed for Hawaiian waters for the Rim of the Pacific (RimPac) exercises, which involved more than 50,000 troops and ships from the navies of Australia, Canada, Japan and the United States. Port visits in 1988 included Vancouver and Victoria in Canada, San Diego, Seattle, and Bremerton.[5]

 

In the early months of 1989, Missouri was in the Long Beach Naval Shipyard for routine maintenance. On 1 July 1989, while berthed at Pier D, the music video for Cher's If I Could Turn Back Time was filmed aboard Missouri and featured the ship's crew. A few months later she departed for Pacific Exercise (PacEx) '89, where she and New Jersey performed a simultaneous gunfire demonstration for the aircraft carriers Enterprise and Nimitz. The highlight of PacEx was a port visit in Pusan, Republic of Korea. In 1990, Missouri again took part in the RimPac Exercise with ships from Australia, Canada, Japan, Korea, and the U.S.[5]

Gulf War (January–February 1991)

 

On 2 August 1990 Iraq, led by President Saddam Hussein, invaded Kuwait. In the middle of the month U.S. President George H. W. Bush, in keeping with the Carter Doctrine, sent the first of several hundred thousand troops, along with a strong force of naval support, to Saudi Arabia and the Persian Gulf area to support a multinational force in a standoff with Iraq.

 

Missouri's scheduled four-month Western Pacific port-to-port cruise set to begin in September was canceled just a few days before the ship was to leave. She had been placed on hold in anticipation of being mobilized as forces continued to mass in the Middle East. Missouri departed on 13 November 1990 for the troubled waters of the Persian Gulf. She departed from Pier 6 at Long Beach, with extensive press coverage, and headed for Hawaii and the Philippines for more work-ups en route to the Persian Gulf. Along the way she made stops at Subic Bay and Pattaya Beach, Thailand, before transiting the Strait of Hormuz on 3 January 1991. During subsequent operations leading up to Operation Desert Storm, Missouri prepared to launch Tomahawk Land Attack Missiles (TLAMs) and provide naval gunfire support as required.[5]

Missouri launches a Tomahawk missile.

 

Missouri fired her first Tomahawk missile at Iraqi targets at 01:40 am on 17 January 1991, followed by 27 additional missiles over the next five days.[5]

 

On 29 January, the Oliver Hazard Perry-class frigate Curts led Missouri northward, using advanced mine-avoidance sonar. In her first naval gunfire support action of Desert Storm she shelled an Iraqi command and control bunker near the Saudi border, the first time her 16 in (410 mm) guns had been fired in combat since March 1953 off Korea.[31] The battleship bombarded Iraqi beach defenses in occupied Kuwait on the night of 3 February, firing 112 16 in (410 mm) rounds over the next three days until relieved by Wisconsin. Missouri then fired another 60 rounds off Khafji on 11–12 February before steaming north to Faylaka Island. After minesweepers cleared a lane through Iraqi defenses, Missouri fired 133 rounds during four shore bombardment missions as part of the amphibious landing feint against the Kuwaiti shore line the morning of 23 February.[5] The heavy pounding attracted Iraqi attention; in response to the battleship’s artillery strike, the Iraqis fired two HY-2 Silkworm missiles at the battleship, one of which missed,.[32] The other missile was intercepted by a GWS-30 Sea Dart missile launched from the British air defence destroyer HMS Gloucester[5] within 90 seconds and crashed into the sea roughly 700 yd (640 m) in front of Missouri.[33]

Missouri firing her 16-inch guns during Desert Storm, 6 February 1991.

 

During the campaign, Missouri was involved in a friendly fire incident with the Oliver Hazard Perry-class frigate Jarrett. According to the official report, on 25 February, Jarrett's Phalanx CIWS engaged the chaff fired by Missouri as a countermeasure against enemy missiles, and stray rounds from the firing struck Missouri, one penetrating through a bulkhead and becoming embedded in an interior passageway of the ship. Another round struck the ship on the forward funnel, passing completely through it. One sailor aboard Missouri was struck in the neck by flying shrapnel and suffered minor injuries. Those familiar with the incident are skeptical of this account, however, as Jarrett was reportedly over 2 mi (3.2 km) away at the time and the characteristics of chaff are such that a Phalanx would not normally regard it as a threat and engage it.[34] There is no dispute that the rounds that struck Missouri did come from Jarrett, and that it was an accident. The suspicion is that a Phalanx operator on Jarrett may have accidentally fired off a few rounds manually, although there is no evidence to support this.[35][36]

 

During the operation, Missouri also assisted coalition forces engaged in clearing Iraqi naval mines in the Persian Gulf. By the time the war ended, Missouri had destroyed at least 15 naval mines.[33]

 

With combat operations out of range of the battleship’s weapons on 26 February, Missouri had fired a total 783 rounds of 16 in (410 mm) shells and launched 28 Tomahawk cruise missiles during the campaign,[37] and commenced to conduct patrol and armistice enforcement operations in the northern Persian Gulf until sailing for home on 21 March. Following stops at Fremantle and Hobart, Australia, the warship visited Pearl Harbor before arriving home in April. She spent the remainder of the year conducting type training and other local operations, the latter including 7 December "voyage of remembrance" to mark the 50th anniversary of the Pearl Harbor attack in 1941. During that ceremony, Missouri hosted President George H. W. Bush, the first such presidential visit for the warship since Harry S. Truman boarded the battleship in September 1947.[5]

Museum ship (1998 to present)

See also: Iowa-class battleship § Cultural significance

Missouri in Pearl Harbor, Hawaii; aft deck and 16-inch (410 mm) gun turret

 

With the collapse of the Soviet Union in the early 1990s and the absence of a perceived threat to the United States came drastic cuts in the defense budget, and the high cost of maintaining and operating battleships as part of the United States Navy's active fleet became uneconomical; as a result, Missouri was decommissioned on 31 March 1992 at Long Beach, California.[1] Her last commanding officer, Captain Albert L. Kaiss, wrote in the ship's final Plan of the Day:

 

Our final day has arrived. Today the final chapter in battleship Missouri’s history will be written. It's often said that the crew makes the command. There is no truer statement ... for it's the crew of this great ship that made this a great command. You are a special breed of sailors and Marines and I am proud to have served with each and every one of you. To you who have made the painful journey of putting this great lady to sleep, I thank you. For you have had the toughest job. To put away a ship that has become as much a part of you as you are to her is a sad ending to a great tour. But take solace in this—you have lived up to the history of the ship and those who sailed her before us. We took her to war, performed magnificently and added another chapter in her history, standing side by side our forerunners in true naval tradition. God bless you all.

— Captain Albert L. Kaiss[26]

 

Missouri facing the sunken Arizona.

 

Missouri returned to be part of the reserve fleet at Puget Sound Naval Shipyard, Bremerton, Washington, until 12 January 1995, when she was struck from the Naval Vessel Register. She remained in Bremerton, but was not open to tourists as she had been from 1957 to 1984. In spite of attempts by citizens' groups to keep her in Bremerton and be re-opened as a tourist site, the U.S. Navy wanted to pair a symbol of the end of World War II with one representing its beginning.[38][dead link] On 4 May 1998, Secretary of the Navy John H. Dalton signed the donation contract that transferred her to the nonprofit USS Missouri Memorial Association (MMA) of Honolulu, Hawaii. She was towed from Bremerton on 23 May to Astoria, Oregon, where she sat in fresh water at the mouth of the Columbia River to kill and drop the saltwater barnacles and sea grasses that had grown on her hull in Bremerton,[33] then towed across the eastern Pacific, and docked at Ford Island, Pearl Harbor on 22 June, just 500 yd (460 m) from the Arizona Memorial.[26] Less than a year later, on 29 January 1999, Missouri was opened as a museum operated by the MMA.

Plaque commemorating the surrender of Japan to end World War II

 

Originally, the decision to move Missouri to Pearl Harbor was met with some resistance. The National Park Service expressed concern that the battleship, whose name has become synonymous with the end of World War II, would overshadow the battleship Arizona, whose dramatic explosion and subsequent sinking on 7 December 1941 has since become synonymous with the attack on Pearl Harbor.[39] To help guard against this impression Missouri was placed well back from and facing the Arizona Memorial, so that those participating in military ceremonies on Missouri's aft decks would not have sight of the Arizona Memorial. The decision to have Missouri's bow face the Arizona Memorial was intended to convey that Missouri watches over the remains of Arizona so that those interred within Arizona's hull may rest in peace.[40]

 

Missouri was listed on the National Register of Historic Places on 14 May 1971 for hosting the signing of the instrument of Japanese surrender that ended World War II.[39] She is not eligible for designation as a National Historic Landmark because she was extensively modernized in the years following the surrender.[40]

 

On 14 October 2009, Missouri was moved from her berthing station on Battleship Row to a drydock at the Pearl Harbor Naval Shipyard to undergo a three-month overhaul. The work, priced at $18 million, included installing a new anti-corrosion system, repainting the hull, and upgrading the internal mechanisms. Drydock workers reported that the ship was leaking at some points on the starboard side.[41] The repairs were completed the first week of January 2010 and the ship was returned to her berthing station on Battleship Row on 7 January 2010. The ship's grand reopening occurred on 30 January.[42]

Appearances in popular culture

 

Missouri was central to the plot of the film Under Siege, and the ship was prominently featured in another movie, Battleship. As Missouri has not moved under her own power since 1992, shots of the ship at sea were obtained with the help of three tugboats.[43]

Awards

 

Missouri received eight battle stars for her service in World War II, five for her service during the Korean War, and three for her service during the Gulf War.[40] Missouri also received numerous awards for her service in World War II, Korea, and the Persian Gulf

This is the 4th year that I have put together a list of my favorite songs of the year based on my “meta-review” of every “best of” and “most popular” list I could find.

 

This year, I listened to songs from more than 50 such year-end lists, including the lists from music-savvy friends, President Obama’s year-end favorites list, NYT, the Guardian, NPR, Rolling Stone, Spin, Pitchfork, Megacritic, the various Billboard charts, Robert Christgau (the Dean Emeritus of rock critics), and many more

 

Last year, I discovered Popnable, a Bulgarian ranking service that shows the top songs by YouTube views from more than 90 countries. For the first time, it truly became possible for me to hear the most popular pop songs from all over the world.

 

Popnable also enormously expanded the number of songs that become contenders for the annual favorites list. I’ve always had a hard limit of 100 songs on the annual favorites list, but 2019 was the first year that I actually had to apply it.

 

Of course, this is my personal favorites list, which I do not pretend is any kind of “best of” list. Everyone’s personal preferences are different.

 

I tend to be biased in favor of traditional country music, Americana, trap, reggaeton, punk, garage bands/lofi, strong bass lines, feedback and distortion, sweet harmonies, hooks, echo, short songs, and silly juvenile songs (especially about sex).

 

I tend to be biased against long songs, slow songs (especially shoe gaze), intellectual jazz, remakes, modern country music, old school hip hop, gangsta rap, political songs, songs that use the N-word and the B-word, heavy production (autotuning, syndrums, etc.), and most of all songs that are not on Spotify. But there are many songs on this list that overcome my negative biases.

 

The entire 2019 list, except one song (#99) is available as a public Spotify playlist called “2019 Snopes Favorites”. I find that links to Spotify often don’t work, but you might try it here –

 

open.spotify.com/playlist/7sgQQHQGEjHsCznyRTXJXF?si=vkIyV...

 

Here is the 2019 list, in reverse order, with a little commentary on each song.

 

100. Patient O - Paper Cut –

 

When I was assembling this list, this classic garage band song made the first two cuts on its own merits. However, once I did some research about the band, all objectivity vanished and there was no doubt the song was going to make the 2019 list.

 

The sweet-voiced lead singer, Tess Majors, was stabbed to death in December in NYC by a 14-year-old boy. Tess, a freshman at Barnard, was 18 when she died. The band was from Charlottesville, Virginia.

 

99. Mandili Trio - Samshoblo (The Motherland)

 

- www.youtube.com/watch?v=o-Za95GJ_Bo&list=RDo-Za95GJ_B...

 

This is the only song on this list that is not on Spotify. The Mandili Trio is three young women who film themselves (apparently with a hand-held cell phone) walking around the Georgia countryside singing folk songs and shamelessly flirting with the camera. I think they’re a big deal in Georgia (they dominate the Popnable Georgia chart).

 

98. Stella Donnelly – Tricks

 

Donnelly (now 27) grew up in small towns in Wales and Australia.

 

97. The HU – Yuve Yuve Yu

 

The HU combine heavy metal with traditional Mongolian throat singing.

 

96. Santana - Do You Remember Me

 

A time machine back to 1969.

 

95. Vampire Weekend - Harmony Hall

 

Preppy band from the late 2000s comes back with more catchy pop.

 

94. Big Thief – Not

 

Big Thief is a four-piece band whose members mostly are Berklee College of Music grads. They make complicated and atmospheric, but hooky, music.

 

93. Dyler - Kan Yo Mkan

 

Dyler is coming out of the same post-Millenial genre as the better known Lil Nas X and 100 Gecs. At 16, he was an Instagram influencer who was prosecuted by the Saudi government for posting a (non-revealing) photo of himself sitting on the toilet.

 

At 18, he is making sprung, Tik Tok(ish) rap songs that are going to #1 on the Popnable Saudi Arabia chart.

 

92. Angelica Garcia - Jicama

 

Beautiful, wispy song from a Richmond, Virginia singer of Mexican and Salvadoran ancestry. Thanks to President Obama for bringing Ms. Garcia to my attention on his interesting 2019 faves list.

 

91. Dejan Matic - Gde Ste Sada Prijatelji (Where Are You Now Friends)

 

In listening to the Popnable charts for the various former Yugoslavia countries, I’ve really gotten to like the sound of the chant-like songs in Serbo-Croatian (as the common language used to be called).

 

Dejan Matic and his twin brother, who both went blind shortly after their birth, are popular singers in Bosnia and Herzegovina.

 

90. Anitta – Combatchy

 

Very popular Brazilian pop singer. “Combatchy” currently has more than 58 million plays on Spotify.

 

89. Dona Onete – Jamburana

 

Dona Onete had a long career as a Brazilian history teacher, folklorist, and author of children’s books. She cut her first album when she was 73 years old. She was 81 when she recorded “Jamburana.”

 

88. FLA - Ice Cream Man

 

The Popnable charts are very educational. Who would have guessed that the Mongolian pop charts are dominated by Atlanta/Colombia-style trap? “Ice Cream Man” is very catchy, but also don’t miss FLA’s “Ilt Lit,” his hilariously obscene declaration (in English) of his love for trap.

 

87. Orville Peck - Dead of Night

 

Orville Peck is a pseudonym for a (self-declared) gay country singer who performs wearing a fringed Lone Ranger mask to conceal his identity. He sounds very much like the Magnetic Fields, whose “69 Love Songs” is one of my favorite albums.

 

86. Tinariwen & Cass McCombs - Kel Tinawen

 

Tinariwen are Tuareg musicians from northern Mali who have been performing since 1979. Cass McCombs is an eclectic American musician who has performed with bands ranging from the Decemberists to Cat Power to the Meat Puppets.

 

85. Rat Queen - Northeast Ohio Rocks

 

It’s hard to find out much about Rat Queen. Their Bandcamp page says they are Eleanor Linafelt and Robyn Newcomb and that they are “sometimes in D.C.” But some googling suggests they are from Wooster, Ohio. “Northeast Ohio Rocks” is their most popular song on Spotify, but it currently has only 2,000 plays (which is very unfair).

 

84. Miranda Lambert - It All Comes Out in the Wash

 

If you wear a white shirt to a crawfish boil

Stonewashed jeans while you're changing the oil

When you find yourself dating the bridesmaid's ex

You accidentally bring him to the wedding, whoops

If you pour yourself a Merlot to go

You dip your fries in your ketchup on a bumpy road

You spill the beans to your mama, sister got knocked up

In a truck at the 7-Eleven, don't sweat it

'Cause it'll all come out, all come out in the wash

 

83. Nella - Voy

 

Originally from Venezuela, Nella is another talented grad of the Berklee College of Music. Voy is from her debut album.

 

82. Sailors – Wamlambez

 

“Wamlambez” has been a huge hit in Kenya, with numerous homemade tribute videos popping up, including one of a former prime minister and another of mourners at a funeral dancing the wamlambez. There is even a Chipmunks version of the song.

 

“Wamlambez” is the most popular song of the popular “gengeton” genre of music. Gengeton is characterized by its own slang words (all with dirty meanings).

 

kiss100.co.ke/wamlambez-lolo-lalez-here-is-an-updated-she...

 

The Kenyan government has attempted to ban “Wamlambez” and other gengeton songs.

 

www.bbc.com/news/world-africa-46371971

 

The YouTube video for “Wambalez” is joyfully in-your-face.

 

www.youtube.com/watch?v=ilnOAwKuZLQ

 

81. Sault - Don’t Waste My Time

 

Sault released two hooky, funky albums in 2019, but is not releasing any information about who they are.

 

80. Paul Cauthen - Cocaine Country Dancing

 

Country music appears to be branching out to varieties of substance abuse other than alcoholism.

 

79. The Paranoid Style - An Endless Cycle of Meaningless Behavior

 

“Endless Cycle,” by DC’s The Paranoid Style, is about Ayn Rand, Alan Greenspan, and Paul Ryan.

 

78. Mdou Moctar - Kamane Tarhanin

 

Guitar hero Mdou Moctar is a Tuareg musician from Niger. “Kamane Tarhanin” is very good, but his live show is in a different universe. Go see him live if you ever have a chance.

 

77. The Golden Glows - When I Went to Leland

 

The Golden Glows recorded an album of remakes of the field work songs of prisoners at Parchman Prison in Mississippi. “When I Went to Leland” is a complete reworking of this field recording by Alan Lomax in 1947. research.culturalequity.org/get-audio-detailed-recording....

 

76. The Regrettes - California Friends

 

The Regrettes are a punky four-piece power pop band from LA. Except for the drummer, they are all women.

 

75. NOËP featuring Chinchilla - fk this up

 

I still tell my English as a Second Language classes that the F-word is a highly offensive word that they should never use, but I feel like I’m lying to them. The F-word is so ubiquitous in pop music, movies, podcasts, etc. that it really can’t be viewed as a curse word any more.

 

NOËP is an electro-pop musician from Tallinn, Estonia. Chinchilla is a female singer from London who styles herself as an “urban”singer (whatever that means).

 

74. Oumar Konate & Makan Camara - Koima Djinn

 

Omar Konate is a superstar in Mali.

 

73. The bird and the bee - Hot for Teacher

 

Boy-girl hipster duo from LA with a swing band-ish update on Van Halen’s classic, with new, more literate, but even smarmier lyrics.

 

72. Bones UK - Pretty Waste

 

Somewhat bizarrely, Bones UK, whose most listened-to song on Spotify has only 6 million plays and whose 2019 debut album was self-released, was nominated for a 2020 Grammy for “Best Rock Performance.” They didn’t win, but still it’s weird.

 

71. Blackbear - hot girl bummer

 

This sweetly melodic pop song prominently features the F-word. Blackbear is really Matthew Tyler Musto, who grew up in Florida, Atlanta, and LA.

 

70. Better Oblivion Community Center - Dylan Thomas

 

Better Oblivion Community Center is a two person group with longtime emo star Conor Oberst (Bright Eyes) and indie musician Phoebe Bridgers.

 

69. 21 Savage - a lot

 

21 Savage is an Atlanta rapper. He uses the N-word a lot more often than I’m comfortable with, but this is a hooky and funny (if disturbingly self-loathing) song.

 

68. Purple Mountains – That’s Just the Way That I Feel

 

David Berman of the Silver Jews had been a recluse with chronic depression for over a decade when he formed a new band, Purple Mountains, and recorded a jaunty album filled with erudite and witty wordplay about how much he wanted to die. He died of suicide the day before the Purple Mountains were to begin their tour in support of the new album.

 

“The end of all wanting is all I’ve been wanting,

And that’s just the way that I feel. ”

 

It’s a brilliant, funny, sad album.

 

67. Sneaks - Holy Cow I Never Saw a Girl Like Her

 

Sneaks is DC-based musician Eva Moolchan. She deserves huge credit for realizing that the great hook of “Holy Cow I Never Saw a Girl Like Her” could be fully explored in only 55 seconds.

 

66. Lana Del Rey - hope is a dangerous thing for a woman like me to have - but I have it

 

Honestly, I’m really kind of embarrassed to have not one but two Lana Del Rey songs on this year’s fave list.

 

65. Blake Shelton - God’s Country

 

Blake Shelton’s producers are masters of the echo chamber (or whatever the modern electronic equivalent of an echo chamber is).

 

64. Sego - Neon Me Out

 

Originally two guys from Provo, Utah, Sego is now a bass-heavy four-member band based in LA.

 

63. that dog. - Just the Way

 

LA-based alt-rock band. Lead singer Anna Waronker is the daughter of recording industry fat cat Lenny Waronker, so I’d love to be able to dismiss them as no-talent beneficiaries of nepotism, but they’re actually really good.

 

62. Midland - Cheatin’ Songs

 

Midland’s 2019 album “Let It Roll” fell well short of their brilliant 2017 neo-traditional country “On the Rocks,” but “Cheatin’ Songs” is a really good reworking of one of the most well worn country genres. “Sometimes her jacket smells like cigarettes, but she hates the smoke.”

 

61. Hamada Helal - Ashrab Shay

 

I listened to a boatload of hits in Arabic from the Popnable charts this year and my ears got familiar with the circular rhythms of those pop songs. This one by Hamada Helal, an Egyptian singer, was my favorite.

 

60. Lana Del Rey - Fuck it I love you

 

Lake Placid, New York’s brightest star. And Lake Placid has hosted the Winter Olympics twice, in 1932 and 1980.

 

59. Enzo Inshall – Vanodherera

 

Zimbabwean dancehall chanter. He has gotten in trouble with the government for videos that were perceived as having excessive sexual innuendo.

 

58. Our Native Daughters - Black Myself

 

Our Native Daughters is a superstar group made up of four female African-American (biracial?) musicians. Rhiannon Giddens (formerly of the Carolina Chocolate Drops) is one of the best musicians working in America today. Allison Russell (who’s actually Canadian) makes gorgeous music with her husband as the Birds of Chicago. Leyla McCalla is very talented New Orleans-based folk musician.

 

“Black Myself” is by Amethyst Kiah, from Johnson City, Tennessee, a banjo player who is the only member of Our Native Daughters whose work I’m not familiar with.

 

57. Ashley McBryde - One Night Standards

 

In the 21st century, it’s not only the girls who all get prettier at closing time.

 

56. The Shivas - Gloria

 

The Shivas are a hard working, steadily touring band from Portland, Oregon.

 

55. The Lumineers – Gloria

 

The Lumineers are a very popular folk rock band from Denver. They specialize in shimmering beautiful multi-part harmonies. They’ve toured with Tom Petty and U2.

 

54. Miranda Lambert - Tequila Does

 

Miranda Lambert had a great year, topped by this classic country alcoholic song. “Hand me a sombrero, 'cause Jose Cuervo is taking me home tonight.” She has two songs on this year’s faves list.

 

53. Injury Reserve featuring Rico Nasty – Jawbreaker

 

Injury Reserve is a hip hop trio from Tempe, Arizona.

 

52. Rhiannon Giddens (with Francesco Turrisi) - Brown Baby

 

My wife and I have been worshipful fans of Rhiannon Giddens ever since she led the string band Carolina Chocolate Drops (we saw them play on the high school football field in Fredericksburg, Virginia before an audience of maybe 75 people; Toni talked to them afterward about maybe coming to her elementary school to play for the students and they were open to the idea).

 

It’s not that surprising to see Giddens progress to being maybe the most impressive musician working in America today. In 2019, she put together the African-American female super group Our Native Daughters and made the brilliant album “There Is No Other,” with Francesco Turrisi, a jazzy Italian multi-instrumentalist. Giddens glides between traditional music of the Americas, Europe, Africa, and the Arabic world and it’s breathtaking.

 

51. Ace Mo & John FM - Where They At???

 

There have been more house music “where the _____ girls at?” songs than I can keep up with. Ace Mo and John FM carry the meme to a whole new level, starting with the fairly standard, “Where the black girls at, nomadic girls at, Puerto Rican girls at, Dominicana girls at” to the somewhat more quirky, “Romani girls at, Estonian girls at,” to the truly bizarre, “where the cop killers at,” “exotic dancers at,” “where the freedom fighters at,” “where the sex workers at,” “where the brown berets at,” and on and on for a full 7 entertaining minutes.

 

50. Craig Finn – Blankets

 

Craig Finn is the front man for the Hold Steady. I think I prefer his less staccato, more atmospheric storytelling on his solo albums.

 

49. Rhiannon Giddens (with Francesco Turrisi) - Little Margaret

 

The New Yorker ran this fascinating biographical piece on Rhiannon Giddens this past year: www.newyorker.com/magazine/2019/05/20/rhiannon-giddens-an...

 

Giddens has five songs on this year’s faves list – three with Francesco Turrisi and two with her supergroup Our Native Daughters.

 

48. 100 gecs – ringtone

 

100 gecs is an American experimental musical duo, originally from suburban St. Louis. This is one of two 100 gecs songs on this year’s list.

 

47. Lizzo – Boys

 

Lizzo seems like she came out of nowhere this year to become a superstar, but her first album was released in 2013 and Time magazine named her a “musician to watch” in 2014. She has two songs on this year’s faves list.

 

46. Michete - Come Get It, Daddy

 

Homophobes and the humorless should avoid this song.

 

45. Spoon - No Bullets Spent

 

Austin’s finest haven’t put out an album since 2017, so this fine single was very welcome.

 

44. Sevdaliza – Martyr

 

Sevdaliza (born Sevda Alizedah) was born in Tehran, but moved to the Netherlands at age 5. After playing basketball in college and for the Dutch national team, she began to make highly polished, sinuous music.

 

43. Todrick Hall - Nails, Hair, Hips, Heels

 

Hall is a former American Idol contestant and has appeared on several RuPaul-related shows. He played Lola, a drag queen cabaret performer, in the Broadway production of Kinky Boots.

 

42. Blanco Brown - The Git Up

 

“The Git Up,” Brown’s debut single, has more than 161 million plays on Spotify and hit #1 on Billboard’s Hot Country Songs chart. Several critics have called it a sequel to “Old Town Road.”

 

41. black midi - Near DT, MI

 

black midi is a guitar-heavy band from London, with strong influences from Eighties groups (notably the Cure), and an impressively talented drummer. Their debut album Schlagenheim is very good, but it frankly feels underpowered compared to their blistering live performances.

 

The critical buzz about black midi started with this compelling 26-minute live video released by Icelandic radio station KEXT, which is way better than the studio album:

 

www.youtube.com/watch?v=TMn1UuEIVvA

 

Their live performance here in DC at U Street Music Hall was also far superior to their studio album (which is not to say the studio material isn’t excellent, but that this is an amazing live group).

 

40. Sefa & DopeNation – Shuga

 

Sefa is a rising star in Ghana. She is a big girl who plays off a flagrantly sexpot image, as the “Shuga” video makes clear (she’s the lady in the orange swimsuit):

 

www.youtube.com/watch?v=nPcT0fhSpG0

 

She believes that fashion and music go hand in hand and is committed to wearing racy clothes that slay every day. “I just prove to people that your size doesn’t matter. Where what you love and love what you wear. Because it doesn’t matter what you wear, how well you rock it makes it nice.”

 

www.pulse.com.gh/lifestyle/fashion/20-questions-on-fashio...

 

Sefa also released a long video interview declaring her intention to finally lose her virginity in 2019, at age 24.

 

www.ghanaweb.com/GhanaHomePage/entertainment/I-m-still-a-...

 

39. Tove Lo - Glad He’s Gone

 

Tove Lo is a Swedish grunge-pop singer who has battled YouTube because of the sexual content of some of her videos. She was on my 2016 and 2017 faves lists and returns this year with this explicit but decidedly anti-sex song.

 

38. Ed Sheeran featuring Camila Cabello - South of the Border

 

Sheeran released an album of duets with other big pop stars. The duet with former Fifth Harmony member Camila Cabello was the best of the bunch.

 

37. Rhiannon Giddens (with Francesco Turrisi) - Pizzica di San Vito

 

There are many excellent performances of the traditional Italian tarantella, “Pizzica di San Vito,” but Giddens’ and Turrisi’s sparse take is unique.

 

36. Morgan Wallen - Whiskey Glasses

 

- Alcoholic country music is alive and well (and well represented on this year’s list).

www.youtube.com/watch?v=FjBp30kjzTc

 

35. that dog. - If You Just Didn’t Do It

 

The song with punchy melodies and crisp songwriting is the second from that dog on this year’s list. Apparently, the group was a big deal in the Nineties, though I don’t remember ever hearing of them before.

 

34. Orezi & Sheebah - Sweet Sensation

 

Nigerian pop star Orezi and Ugandan pop star Sheebah team up for this sweet reggaeton tribute to … ummm … good sex.

 

www.youtube.com/watch?v=6ZThZa6Ti8Y

 

33. La Santa Cecilia - I’ve Been Thinking

 

La Santa Cecilia is a Grammy-winning, self-described bolero-punk/bossa-nova/soul band based in LA. The fathers of three of the four members died this year and “I’ve Been Thinking” is about their grief.

 

32. Chuck Mead - Shake

 

Mead, a native of Lawrence, Kansas, was formerly a member of BR549, a virtuoso country group active from 1993 to 2006. “Shake” is from Mead’s fourth solo album, Close to Home, which has 11 songs on it. The album is so good that 8 of the 11 songs from Close to Home made my first cut of my favorite songs from 2019. I finally got it down to only two Mead songs on the final list, but it was tough.

 

31. Our Native Daughters - Moon Meets the Sun

 

The Songs of Our Native Daughters by “supergroup” Our Native Daughters is an exploration of female African-American history. As you’d probably expect from such an intellectual enterprise, some of the songs come across as a little academic. But two songs (both on this year’s list) “Black Myself” and “Moon Meets the Sun” are gems.

 

“You put the shackles on our feet, But we're dancing, You steal our very tongue..., You steal our children, But we're dancing, You make us hate our very skin But we're dancing, But we're dancing.”

 

30. Tanya Tucker - I Don’t Owe You Anything

 

Tucker’s 2019 comeback was delightful. Her Grammy-winning “Bring My Flowers Now” was the last song cut from this year’s 100 faves list. “I Don’t Owe You Anything” is even better, the perfect “drop dead, asshole” song.

 

29. Stef Chura - 3D Girl - My girl is three dimensional

 

“3D Girl” is great, although I have to admit that its lyrics are so cryptic that I have no idea what it’s about.

 

Detroit-based Stef Chura’s second album Midnight is produced by Will Toledo, frontman of Car Seat Headrest, one of my favorite current bands. Chura has a tough, spiky, guitar-driven sound that is reminiscent of Courtney Barnett and, perhaps unsurprisingly, Car Seat Headrest.

 

Midnight is terrific. Chura has three songs on this year’s list and it took a real effort to limit her to only three songs.

 

28. Poppy - Concrete

 

Poppy grew up in Nashville and relocated to LA when she was 18, where she established a wildly popular YouTube channel “Poppy.” She has also created a member organization known as “PoppyChurch.” Poppy has also published a graphic novel and has starred in The Jester’s Tale, “an augmented reality experience.”

 

Poppy is deeply silly, but “Concrete” is a good song. Some critics have called it part of the “baby metal” genre, but I’d say she’s channeling Queen. (Update: My son informs me that Poppy is the creation of a male Svengali. So were the Monkees.)

 

27. Arthur Hanlon - Como Suena el Piano

 

Irish-American from Detroit who has become a prominent Latin jazz band leader.

 

26. YG, Tyga & Jon Z - Go Loko

 

Mariachi meets trap (warning for sensitive ears, this song is filthy).

 

25. Tom Petty & the Heartbreakers - For Real

 

I miss Tom Petty so much.

 

24. DakhaBrakha - ПЛИВе ЧОВеН

 

I have no idea what this gorgeous song by a group from Kiev is about. Google translates the title (in Ukrainian) as “Swimming Man.”

 

23. Purple Mountains – Darkness and Cold

 

Purple Mountains have three songs on this year’s faves list. All three are so witty that they are fun to listen to, even though they’re all about deep depression and suicide. But the promotional video for “Darkness and Cold” is hard to watch:

 

www.youtube.com/watch?v=JZKMa-ByLBQ

 

22. Mikolas Josef - Abu Dhabi

 

Josef (a Czech) has spent years busking throughout Europe. This insanely catchy song should be his breakthrough to the big time, but it inexplicably has fewer than 2 million listens on Spotify.

 

21. Stef Chura - Scream

 

- Detroit girl (watch the video)

www.youtube.com/watch?v=s0X5tCHTJvg

 

20. Billie Eilish - Bury a Friend

 

It’s fascinating that Billie Eilish and her brother were homeschooled. I can’t say they are particularly well adjusted socially.

 

19. Fontaines D.C. - The Boys in the Better Land

 

“You're not alive until you start kicking, When the room is spinning and the words ain't sticking, And the radio is all about a runaway model, With a face like sin and a heart like a James Joyce novel, Saying "Sister, sister, how I missed ya, missed ya, Let's go wrist to wrist and take the skin off of my blister.” If you're a Rock Star, Porn Star, Superstar, Doesn't matter what you are, get yourself a good car, get outta here.”

 

Despite their name, Fontaines D.C. are Irish and have nothing to do with Washington, D.C. They added “D.C.” to their name when they learned that another band in LA had the same name. “D.C.” stands for “Dublin City.”

 

18. Mountain Goats - An Antidote to Strychnine

 

Cult hero John Darnielle (who is the only consistent member of the Mountain Goats – one of my top five active bands) has a podcast called “I Only Listen to the Mountain Goats.”

 

17. Dry Cleaning - Magic of Meghan

 

This cerebrally jagged tribute to Meghan Markle is the polar opposite of the Sex Pistols’ “God Save the Queen.”

 

16. girl in red - bad idea

 

- From Wikipedia:” Marie Ulven Ringheim (born 16 February 1999), known professionally as Girl in Red (often stylized in all lowercase as girl in red), is a Norwegian indie pop singer-songwriter…. Ringheim has been named a "queer icon" by Paper, and a "phenomenon" that is "one of the most astute and exciting singer-songwriters working in the world of guitar music" by New York Times. She is known for appealing to young teenagers with her "bedroom pop anthems about queer romance and mental health." Her music, which is made from the comfort of her bedroom has amassed over 150 million streams as of October 2019.”

 

girl in red has two songs on this year’s faves list.

 

15. Stef Chura - Sweet Sweet Midnight

 

Will Toledo of Car Seat Headrest duets with Chura on this song about a friend who died while on vacation. The melodies and screams are both good.

 

14. 100 gecs - stupid horse

 

Best YouTube reader comment on “stupid horse” (from JoetheToe):

 

“The 21st century has peaked, cancel the next 81 years.”

 

www.youtube.com/watch?v=aSZI6sYgXCA

 

13. Natti Natasha - Oh Daddy (Spanglish version)

 

Cover songs are usually a turnoff for me. But this transmogrification of Richie Valens’ “Donna” (1958) by Dominican star Natti Natasha is exhilarating.

 

12. Shawn Mendes & Camila Cabello - Señorita

 

It seems like Cuban-American Cabello did duets with every singer in the world this year. She should gotten lead billing on this seductive song.

 

Apparently, she and Mendes are now a thing:

 

www.justjared.com/2020/02/15/shawn-mendes-camila-cabello-...

 

11. Otoboke Beaver - Don’t light my fire

 

There is a tradition of good Japanese noise bands, but these three women are the best ever. www.youtube.com/watch?v=fkWfFXnLpYg

 

10. Chuck Mead - Billy Doesn’t Know He’s Bad

 

“Psychopathy is a constellation of psychological symptoms that typically emerges early in childhood and affects all aspects of a sufferer’s life including relationships with family, friends, work, and school. The symptoms of psychopathy include shallow affect, lack of empathy, guilt and remorse, irresponsibility, and impulsivity.”

 

09. Gary Clark, Jr. - This Land

 

Ordinarily, I would dock even a great song a few notches for overt political content, but this song so perfectly fits my politics (and my anger about where we are) that I made an exception and left it alone and undocked as one of my ten fave songs of 2019. WARNING: This song features repeated use of the n-word and not the bowdlerized version of the word that ends with an “a.”

 

08. Lizzo - Juice

 

“Gotta blame it on the goose”

 

07. Kevin Morby - Oh My God

 

My wife actively participated in the final stage of assembling this year’s favorites list, once I’d culled the candidates down to the last 250 or so songs. As soon as I cued up this ethereal song by Kevin Morby, Toni immediately said, “That really sounds like that Ethiopian nun” -- referring to Ethiopian composer (and nun) Emahoy Tsegué-Maryam Guèbrou, who is still alive at age 93 and is well worth googling to discover her amazing body of work. Toni’s right, Morby is clearly channeling Guebrou here.

 

[NOTE: A big thank you to Matt Fenton, my favorite opposing counsel of the year, for turning me on to Morby.]

 

06. The Specials - 10 Commandments

 

Around 1980, we bought a used 1976 Volvo from a guy we found in the Washington Post classified ads. It was by far the nicest car we’d ever had (I think it cost more than a thousand dollars). But it turned out that 1976 was the only lemon year that Volvo ever had. Problems were unending. The air conditioning broke on a nightmarishly hot family trip to Mississippi (Elizabeth screamed her protest for hours).

 

But the silver lining was that a tape got stuck in the Volvo’s cassette player and couldn’t be ejected for months -- and it was the Specials’ wonderful first album.

 

“10 Commandments” is a worthy successor to that opinionated and beautiful masterpiece. How many other bands from 1979 are still making great music with sharp elbows?

 

05. Movimiento Feminista - Un Violador en tu Camino

 

Live from Chile - www.youtube.com/watch?v=0zad42X6Rpg

 

04. Billie Eilish - Bad Guy

 

“In the United States, "Bad Guy" ended the record-breaking 19-week run of "Old Town Road" by Lil Nas X featuring Billy Ray Cyrus.” [Billboard headline]

 

Eilish has two songs on this year’s faves list.

 

03. Lil Nas X featuring Billy Ray Cyrus - Old Town Road

 

“Winner's Circle: Lil Nas X's 'Old Town Road' Breaks Record With 17th Week Atop Billboard Hot 100” [Billboard headline]

 

02. girl in red - dead girl in the pool

 

www.youtube.com/watch?v=Pzq4TEU-wHo FWIW - girl in red also had the #2 song on my faves list from 2018 (“i wanna be your girlfried”)

 

01. Purple Mountains - Margaritas at the Mall

 

The Purple Mountains album is really a solo album by David Berman (formerly of the Silver Jews). Coupled with the last episode of The Good Place, this album might make 2019-2020 the era of the jaunty, life-affirming suicide.

 

“How long can a world go on under such a subtle God? How long can a world go on with no new word from God?”

   

"Poland is the geographic heart of Europe, but more importantly, in the Polish people, we see the soul of Europe. Your nation is great because your spirit is great and your spirit is strong. For two centuries, Poland suffered constant and brutal attacks. But while Poland could be invaded and occupied, and its borders even erased from the map, it could never be erased from history or from your hearts. In those dark days, you have lost your land but you never lost your pride.

So it is with true admiration that I can say today, that from the farms and villages of your countryside to the cathedrals and squares of your great cities, Poland lives, Poland prospers, and Poland prevails. Despite every effort to transform you, oppress you, or destroy you, you endured and overcame. You are the proud nation of Copernicus -- think of that -- Chopin, Saint John Paul II. Poland is a land of great heroes. And you are a people who know the true value of what you defend.

The triumph of the Polish spirit over centuries of hardship gives us all hope for a future in which good conquers evil, and peace achieves victory over war. For Americans, Poland has been a symbol of hope since the beginning of our nation. Polish heroes and American patriots fought side by side in our War of Independence and in many wars that followed. Our soldiers still serve together today in Afghanistan and Iraq, combating the enemies of all civilization … It's a fellowship that exists only among people who have fought and bled and died for freedom.

The signs of this friendship stand in our nation's capital. Just steps from the White House, we've raised statues of men with names like Pułaski and Kościuszko. The same is true in Warsaw, where street signs carry the name of George Washington, and a monument stands to one of the world's greatest heroes, Ronald Reagan.

And so I am here today not just to visit an old ally, but to hold it up as an example for others who seek freedom and who wish to summon the courage and the will to defend our civilization. The story of Poland is the story of a people who have never lost hope, who have never been broken, and who have never, ever forgotten who they are…This is a nation more than one thousand years old. Your borders were erased for more than a century and only restored just one century ago.

In 1920, in the Miracle of Vistula, Poland stopped the Soviet army bent on European conquest. Then, 19 years later in 1939, you were invaded yet again, this time by Nazi Germany from the west and the Soviet Union from the east … Under a double occupation the Polish people endured evils beyond description: the Katyn forest massacre, the occupations, the Holocaust, the Warsaw Ghetto and the Warsaw Ghetto Uprising, the destruction of this beautiful capital city, and the deaths of nearly one in five Polish people. A vibrant Jewish population — the largest in Europe — was reduced to almost nothing after the Nazis systematically murdered millions of Poland's Jewish citizens, along with countless others, during that brutal occupation.

In the summer of 1944, the Nazi and Soviet armies were preparing for a terrible and bloody battle right here in Warsaw. Amid that hell on earth, the citizens of Poland rose up to defend their homeland. I am deeply honored to be joined on stage today by veterans and heroes of the Warsaw Uprising. What great spirit. We salute your noble sacrifice and we pledge to always remember your fight for Poland and for freedom … This monument reminds us that more than 150,000 Poles died during that desperate struggle to overthrow oppression.

From the other side of the river, the Soviet armed forces stopped and waited. They watched as the Nazis ruthlessly destroyed the city, viciously murdering men, women, and children. They tried to destroy this nation forever by shattering its will to survive. But there is a courage and a strength deep in the Polish character that no one could destroy. The Polish martyr, Bishop Michael Kozal, said it well: "More horrifying than a defeat of arms is a collapse of the human spirit."

Through four decades of communist rule, Poland and the other captive nations of Europe endured a brutal campaign to demolish freedom, your faith, your laws, your history, your identity — indeed the very essence of your culture and your humanity. Yet, through it all, you never lost that spirit. Your oppressors tried to break you, but Poland could not be broken. And when the day came on June 2nd, 1979, and one million Poles gathered around Victory Square for their very first Mass with their Polish Pope, that day, every communist in Warsaw must have known that their oppressive system would soon come crashing down. They must have known it at the exact moment during Pope John Paul II's sermon when a million Polish men, women, and children suddenly raised their voices in a single prayer. A million Polish people did not ask for wealth. They did not ask for privilege. Instead, one million Poles sang three simple words: "We Want God."

In those words, the Polish people recalled the promise of a better future. They found new courage to face down their oppressors, and they found the words to declare that Poland would be Poland once again. As I stand here today before this incredible crowd, this faithful nation, we can still hear those voices that echo through history. Their message is as true today as ever. The people of Poland, the people of America, and the people of Europe still cry out "We want God."

Together, with Pope John Paul II, the Poles reasserted their identity as a nation devoted to God. And with that powerful declaration of who you are, you came to understand what to do and how to live. You stood in solidarity against oppression, against a lawless secret police, against a cruel and wicked system that impoverished your cities and your souls. And you won …

A strong Poland is a blessing to the nations of Europe, and they know that. A strong Europe is a blessing to the West and to the world. One hundred years after the entry of American forces into World War I, the transatlantic bond between the United States and Europe is as strong as ever and maybe, in many ways, even stronger. This continent no longer confronts the specter of communism. But today we're in the West, and we have to say there are dire threats to our security and to our way of life. You see what's happening out there. They are threats. We will confront them. We will win. But they are threats.

We are confronted by another oppressive ideology — one that seeks to export terrorism and extremism all around the globe. America and Europe have suffered one terror attack after another. We're going to get it to stop. During a historic gathering in Saudi Arabia, I called on the leaders of mo