it would seem that ive been abandoned once more.
my closest friends knew i was struggling with my demons.
they knew i was falling, and needed help, their help especially.
instead of bringing me closer into a circle so i could be healed, and protected, i was cast out, repeatedly.
i tried, i really tried.
i wanted to be part of their world, but they threw me away again.
an uninvitaion
a forgetting
a leaving behind
we really seem to understand what friendship means to us
what it means
someone we can depend on not to fall when we put weight on him, but when he needs to lean on someones shoulder, he can be left alone. that is the friend i was.
no more
i cant take that anymore
in 20 years of being on this planet, ive never felt so alone, the people closest to me are the ones ive never touched. the ones farthest from me, the group ive come to depend on, where are they?
not here
not with me
not ready to catch, now that im falling
not ready to help me climb my way back
not willing to lend a hand
the only rope they lend me ends in a noose
seems fitting, really
im the one that tied it
and i must be the one to make it useful