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“I’m sorry Miss. Greene, with a disease like this you have about a month to live. There is currently no treatment available.”
Beth sprung up in her bed. Her chest heaved as she placed a shaky hand to it. Her eyes quickly fleeted around the room, but instead of the white walls and the bright lights of the hospital she was met with complete darkness. The rough hotel sheets scraped over the back of her thighs as she shifted.
Beth carefully lowered herself back into the bed. Her blonde hair fanned out around the pillowcase. A halo around her head. She stared up at the ceiling as she tried to get her breathing back to normal. Beth wasn’t sure if she could call it a nightmare, it was just an endless replay of her own memories. The real nightmares came when those memories continued into her minds own creation.
Without realizing it Beth had reached out to the other side of the bed, her hand searched for something that wasn't there. So she turned her back to the empty side and tried to sleep. Her phone lit up in the dark.
Daryl: Baby please we can work this out. Talk to me.
That morning Beth ordered room service. A stack of chocolate chip pancakes, hash browns, eggs, and both bacon and sausage. Enough food to make two people have to unbutton their pants. Foods that Beth, who had been a vegan and health nut since should could remember, never allowed herself to have. She savored every last bite and chased it with a bottle of whiskey.
Daryl: Are you okay? Did you make it there okay? Call me.
Beth didn't bother to look before she crossed the street. She didn't use the crosswalk either. She slowly strolled across the busy road and flipped off cars that honked at her. She knew she wouldn't get hit. Those weren't the cards she was dealt. There was a slight stumble in her step as she jumped onto the sidewalk. A few people whispered behind their hands as she made her way past them.
Daryl: Beth. Answer your phone.
The liquor store was only a block away from the hotel she was staying at. Beth walked to it. She whistled Rockin’ Robin as she went. A woman and her young daughter crossed the street before they got close to her.
Daryl: This is childish.
Daryl: Is a new job really worth throwing away everything we had?
Beth spent extra on the expensive brand of vodka with gold flakes in it. She sat on the ground, up against a lamppost. She shoved a powdered donut into her mouth. It rained powdered sugar down on her black shirt. She didn't bother trying to wipe it off.
Daryl: Seriously? We have one little argument and that's it?
The brown bag crinkled under her grip as she poured vodka into her mouth. It tasted horrible. A police officer had already given her an open container violation. Beth nodded and apologized but once he was gone she crumpled up the fine and threw it into a random ally. She shared her liquor with a random bum who asked for some. Sharing is caring.
Daryl: Beth. We're all very worried. At least call your sister.
Beth wrapped the rainbow feathers around her neck. She had seen the feathered scarf through a window on her way back to the hotel. The store owner demanded she give him fifty dollars for it. She smacked a hundred on the table and walked away.
Daryl: A package arrived for you. Where should I send it?
Daryl: I miss you. We can make this work Beth. I can move out with you.
Beth took the stairs. Fourteen flights up. Her legs screamed and burned by the time she got to her luxury suite, but she didn't care. She stumbled in. The bottle of vodka shattered as she carelessly threw it into the kitchen.
Daryl: We can make this work. Just tell me what I need to do. I’ll do anything.
Beth got into the tub with her clothes on. She had made sure it was burning hot. Steam rose to the ceiling. The mirrors fogged up. She let her body melt into the water. Her skin loosened and freed her. She dunked her head under the water, and for a brief moment allowed herself to be dead. Everything was silent and still. Time slipped out through her tears and mixed into the bath water. And for that brief moment she was free. Before it too slipped through her grasp. She wanted to scream but her throat wouldn't open. Her hands wrapped around her neck, her fingers twitched with the urge to rip it open so she could finally scream. She wanted to break her jaw in pieces so it would no longer clamp shut and block her cries. When she rose; she felt silly like a mere child playing pretend.
Daryl: Call me. Please Beth, I'm begging you. Please call me.
Beth poured every single fancy soap and liquid the hotel had provided into the water. She scrubbed her skin raw, till it burnt to even touch it. An attempt to wash away every memory, every sin. She wanted to be clean. Clean of her name. Clean of her life. She left her soaked clothes on the floor.
Daryl:I love you so much, and I don’t want to lose you.
Beth slipped the black satin over her skin. The fabric of the dress clinched around her waist and fell loosely from her hips to her ankles. It was a designer piece. The only designer item Beth had ever owned. Bought just for today.
Daryl: Beth.
She sat for a moment on the patio in silence. She twisted her engagement ring on her finger. She had been twisting it for a while now, the skin underneath it had turned raw. The pads of her finger dug into the jewel. The sun had set and the night life of the city had woken up. She carefully placed the ring on the table.
Daryl: Two Missed Calls
As she sat on the railing, she wondered just how she was able to do this. She questioned why a hotel with such high floors allowed access to the patio. After this there would surely be a safety meeting. Beth felt slightly guilty for the poor souls that would have to sit through that.
Daryl: You left some stuff here. Want me to send it to you?
Beth prayed. She prayed to every god she had ever known. She prayed to the universe. To anything that would listen. After a while, she ran out of prayers. So instead she cursed at herself. She looked down at the street below her, people walked by and looked like nothing but ants. She felt like them. Small and insignificant. She heard her phone ring behind her. She didn't have to look to know it was Daryl.
“Have you heard of the dignified death act? We have resources for you and your family.”
The doctor's words replayed in her mind. And for the first time Beth wished Daryl was here. Here to hold her and comfort her. Like how Beth had done for him when his brother lost a long battle to cancer. He had been sick for so long. Beth had seen what it did to Daryl. And even though he and Merle hadnt had a good relationship. Merle was all he had for a long time.
She had seen how it broke him. She knew Daryl wouldn't have been able to last through another loved one fighting a disease. She had lost her own mother to a disease. She knew what it did to her.
So she lied. She told everyone she had a job opportunity all the way in New York. It broke Beth’s heart to tell Daryl she had to put her career first. She hoped this would be easier on him.
Daryl: Some of these documents look really important. I can bring them to you.
One of Beth’s heels plummeted to the street. She watched it slowly become nothing more than a black speck.
Daryl: Missed Call
Daryl: Missed Call
Daryl: Missed Call
Daryl: Missed Call
Daryl: Beth I found your medical papers.
Daryl: PICK UP!
Daryl: We can get through this
Daryl: Don’t do this
Daryl: I love you so much Beth
Daryl: We can fight this
Daryl: Please Beth answer me