Whether you're starting a new relationship, or in the middle of a serious relationship, there's always a chance that your boyfriend could be cheating on you. If you have reasons to suspect he's cheating, or if you're just wondering if you're over thinking it, follow these easy steps to find out whether or not your man is being faithful.
Method 1 of 4:
Noticing His Appearance
1See if his looks have changed. Your man's appearance can say a lot about whether or not he's cheating. If he didn't care much about his appearance before, but now spends more time grooming than you do, then something is up. He may be improving or changing his looks to please his side piece. Here are some signs that he's grooming for someone else: X Research source
- If he used to be scruffy before, but he's always shaving.
- If he gets routine haircuts now, but let his hair grow shaggy before.
- If his clothes have improved significantly.
- If you catch him starting in the mirror to study his looks.
- If he always looks nice, even when he's supposed to be studying or working overtime.
- A big red flag is if he smells different. Whether his body chemistry has changed slightly from being with another woman, or if he outright smells like perfume, this is a big sign that he's been spending time with someone else.
- If there are stray hairs on his body and clothes that do not belong to you.
2Pay attention to how he treats his body. If your man suddenly cares a lot more about his body than he did before, then he may not be doing it just for you. Unless he's suddenly determined to run a marathon, it's more likely that he's improving his body for another lady. X Research source Here are some signs:
- If he's suddenly working out all the time and cares a great deal about his appearance. Remember that going to the gym could also just be another excuse for seeing his lady.
- If he's dramatically changed his diet to be healthier. He could be doing this to impress someone else.
- If he's weirdly shy with his body around you and doesn't want you to see him with his shirt off, and only wants to have sex in the dark. This could mean that he feels he's being disloyal to his other woman.
3Pay attention to his body language. Your man's body language can go a long way in telling you how he feels about you, and if he's really thinking about someone else instead of you. Here are a few signs that he may be cheating on you: X Research source
- If he doesn't make eye contact when you talk. If he used to be Mr. Eye Contact, but now he always looks away or at the floor when you speak, then he may be doing it out of guilt.
- If he doesn't give you affection. If he used to shower you with affection but rarely touches you, this is a red flag.
- If he shows you affection in private, but not in public. Though some guys are just shy about showing affection in public, if he's all over you when you're home, or even when you're home and hanging out with a few friends, but stands a foot away from you when you're at a restaurant, he may be worried that his other lady will spot you two together.
Method 2 of 4:
Noticing What He Does
1See if there's a change in your sex life. If he has another girlfriend, he may stop spending as much time in the bedroom with you, but it could also make him want to have more sex. Here are some things to look: X Research source
- If you're having a really long dry spell. If he never wants to have sex anymore, he may be getting it somewhere else.
- If he suddenly has a voracious sexual appetite. If he wants to have sex all the time all of a sudden, it may be because his sex drive has gone up from sleeping with another lady.
- If he tries a ton of new moves in bed. He could be picking these up from another girl.
2See if he's much nicer or more helpful. Your boyfriend may have some serious guilt because he's cheating on you, and this will actually make him much nicer to you. If you find that suddenly he's helping out around the house a lot more or doing a ton of favors for you, he may be doing it to compensate. X Research source
- If he cleans your apartment, fixes your car, or buys your groceries and has never done those things before, there may be a reason for it.
- If he's always asking if there's any way he can help.
- If he's suddenly Mr. Romance and brings you candy and flowers, especially after a long period where he was distant.
3See if he's meticulously clean all of a sudden. If your boyfriend never cared about the state of his car or apartment but now he's taking hours to clean it, he may be doing it to clean up for another lady or to hide evidence of her. X Research source
- If his car used to be messy and is now spotless, he may be keeping it fresh for another lady.
- If his apartment is much cleaner than it used to be, and if he always says he needs some time to clean up, he may be cleaning it to get rid of evidence of his other girl. If you really want to find out if he's cheating on you, come over when he says he is "cleaning his apartment" and see what he's really up to.
- If he uses air freshener in his car or home. He may be using it to hide the smell of his lead lady.
4See if his mood changes. Whether he seems to always be in a good mood, or is just moody all the time instead of his usual even-keeled self, then something is up. X Research source Pay attention to his mood to see if something is up:
- If he's sometimes in a ridiculously good mood, like he's walking on sunshine, for no apparent reason. If he's grinning ear to ear and looking off into the distance like he's remembering a fond memory with another girl, then chances are his good mood has nothing to do with you.
- If he's suddenly in a terrible mood. If everything seems fine and he's suddenly furious or very upset, especially after a phone call or text message, then another girl may have had something to do with it.
5See if he engages in generally shady behavior. Shady behavior is pretty easy to spot, and if he's doing at least a few shady things, then it can only add up to him sneaking around to spend time with another girl. Here are some signs: X Research source
- If he's spending a lot of time texting and on the phone. If he stops texting or ends his phone call as soon as you leave the room. X Research source
- If he's suddenly spending a lot of time online. This could be a sign that he's chatting it up with another girl. If he slams his computer shut when you walk into a room, that is a bad sign.
- If he disappears for hours, and is just incommunicado for a day, a night, or even a weekend. If he can't take the time to answer your call or just send you a quick message, then he may be with another girl.
- If he shuts his phone off for hours on end. Why else would he do that?
Method 3 of 4:
Noticing What He Says
1Notice his excuses. Before, he always seemed ready to hang out, and now, his reasons for not being able to see you are piling up. At first, you believed him when he said he had a stomach ache or was too tired to go out, but you're starting to wonder if he's really trying to tell you that he doesn't want to spend time with you because he's busy hanging out with some other girl. Here are some signs that he may be cheating: X Research source
- If he used to save all of his free time for you, but now he's always going out for "boy's night." This is especially suspicious if he doesn't have that many male friends, or never showed much of an interest in hanging out with his bros before.
- If he's suddenly working overtime all the time. Though he's worked overtime occasionally in the past, suddenly things are really busy at work, and he seems to always be there instead of hanging out with you. Of course, many professions have a busy season, and he could be working on a more time-consuming project, but it's more likely that he's using overtime to mean "time with my other girlfriend."
- If he's always too tired to stay out late or hang out and was never tired before, this may be a sign that he's using his energy on someone else.
- If you made a routine of having lunch or dinner together often and now he's never in the mood, or just doesn't feel well or isn't hungry.
- None of these signs alone means that your boyfriend is cheating on you. But if all of these things come up repeatedly, then it either means that he's spending a lot of quality time with someone else, or that he doesn't want to spend time with you anymore. If he's always making excuses for why he doesn't want to hang out with you, then you should ask yourself why you're still in the relationship.
2Notice the things he says. Even when he's not making excuses, your boyfriend could start saying things that make him sound like another person all together. If there's suddenly a change in how he talks to you and how he talks in general, then he may be thinking of another lady. Here are some signs that the things he says may show that he's cheating:
- If he stops complementing you. Did he compliment you all the time before, and now he suddenly stopped any flattery? If he never tells you you're beautiful, or mentions your best features and how awesome you generally are, then maybe he's saving all of his flattery for someone else.
- If he compliments you more often. If he wasn't a big complimenter, but suddenly he's always telling you how amazing you are, he may be doing it out of guilt. If he does this after a long and unexplained absence, then this is particularly suspicious.
- If he just sounds different. If he's saying things he's never said before, using words he's never used before, or even laughing in a new way, then maybe he picked up these words from a special lady.
- If he doesn't return your texts for hours in the middle of a conversation. If you were having a long texting exchange and he's suddenly MIA, it may mean that his new lady just showed up.
Method 4 of 4:
1Ask if he's cheating. Once the signs have added up and you feel like you've already found out that he's cheating, it's time to make him confess. The easiest way is just to have a conversation about it. Then you can avoid snooping through his stuff, getting hurt when you see something you don't like, and spare yourself the extra pain and humiliation. Here's how to do it:
- Catch him off guard. You should still pick the right time and place to do it, but you should ask him when he's not expecting it so he'll be less likely to come up with a brilliant lie.
- Tell him you'd prefer honesty over more lies. Make it sound like he's doing you a favor by confessing---which he really is doing.
- Say, "I think we'll both feel better once this is out in the open." Make it sound like he would be very relieved to stop lying to you. He probably will. Living a double life is exhausting.
- Make eye contact. Be really sincere. Show him that he's really hurting you.
- If you're afraid to ask yourself but don't want to take the extreme route of following him or looking through his things, ask one of your friends, or even one of his friends who you really like. Chances are, if his friend knows about his shady behavior, he may not feel good about it, either.
2Follow him. If you're afraid to have a conversation or feel like you don't have enough evidence, follow him to see what he's really up to. You have to be sneaky about it or he'll know, lose trust in you, and won't give you any evidence. Here's what to do:
- Follow him in a friend's car. If he says he's hanging out with the boys and you really want to see what he's doing, follow him in a friend's car so he doesn't notice it's you.
- "Pop in" on him when he's not expecting it. Come over at random times, like when he says he's cleaning for you or not feeling well. If he's not feeling well, bring over some soup and act like you're trying to be sweet. Whether he's with another girl or not, see how he acts. Is he happy to see you, or angry that you showed up without warning?
- See if he's really working overtime. That's easy. Just drop by his work to give him coffee or a late-night snack to see if he's there. Or just drive by to see if his car is there.
3Snoop through his things. Snooping through your man's things is the quickest way to break trust and put your relationship in jeopardy, but if you're really sure he's cheating and just want to put the nail in the coffin, then go for it. Here's what you do:
- Look through his phone. If he's a good cheater, he'll make it impossible for you to look through his phone, but try anyway. Go through it when he's sleeping, or see if he drops it when he's getting out of the car and pick it up.
- Check his computer. If he's dumb enough to leave his computer open, check out his email and his Facebook messages. This will let you know if he's cheating pretty soon. Also notice if he meticulously deletes all of his emails. That's a little fishy too.
- Look through his stuff. If he's sleeping or not home, go through his desk, his bag, or even his wallet for any signs of affection from another lady.
- Check his bank statements. Do you not remember him spending $200 on you at a romantic Italian place? Then he must have been shelling out cash for another lady.
4Consider hiring a private investigator. Sometimes, you just can't be 100% sure if your boyfriend is cheating, or you cannot find enough proof. If that is the case, hiring a private investigator will help you figure out if he is cheating or not. X Research source
- Hiring a private investigator can be expensive, so make sure you can afford it beforehand.
- If he is making excuses not to spend time with you but is going the extra mile to hang out with his so-called friends, it's likely that he doesn't want to be with you anymore.
- If your boyfriend begins to start acting differently with the way he speaks to you and the way he acts when you are not around that could be a sign.
- If he talks (texts) another girl more than he texts you or when you are out doing something, it's a good sign he might be cheating.
- If he can't look you in your face while you two are talking, that might mean he is cheating on you.
- Don't just randomly ask him, "Hey, you wouldn't happen to be cheating on me, would you?" He's going to say no anyway and he'll think you don't trust him.
- Talk to friends who had found out their boyfriends were cheating to see if they have any advice.
- There are plenty of men out there that can appreciate a real girlfriend. Don't waste your time trying to fix broken boys, let them self destruct, it's inevitable.
- Nothing you can do will dictate his actions. Sometimes, there is simply nothing you can do but walk away. Never, ever, dismiss this as an option.
- If your boyfriend is coming home at extremely late hours after long periods of absence, this may be a sign that he is cheating.
- ↑ https://www.thelist.com/25866/things-men-theyre-cheating/
- ↑ https://www.huffpost.com/entry/6-signs-i-totally-missed_n_6374650
- ↑ https://www.thisisinsider.com/signs-of-cheating-body-language-2018-8
- ↑ https://www.verywellmind.com/warning-signs-your-spouse-is-cheating-2300652
- ↑ https://www.goodtoknow.co.uk/wellbeing/relationships/12-signs-he-could-be-cheating-70026
- ↑ http://citifmonline.com/2016/09/29/ladies-is-he-cheating-on-you-28-signs-you-cant-ignore/
- ↑ https://themindsjournal.com/signs-your-man-is-cheating-on-you/
- ↑ https://www.bolde.com/actually-shady-just-paranoid/
- ↑ https://www.fashionbeans.com/content/8-ways-your-boyfriend-is-micro-cheating-and-totally-getting-away-with-it/
About This Article
To find out if your boyfriend is cheating on you, look for changes in his behavior that might be a red flag, and pay attention to how he uses his phone around you. If your boyfriend starts making less eye contact or having closed body language for no reason, it could mean he’s hiding something. If you haven’t had sex for a while and he never seems in the mood, this is a big red flag too. If he shields his phone when you’re around or stop texting as soon as you walk in the room, he might be guilty. If your boyfriend has started spending more time with his friends or working late a lot, it’s possible he’s seeing someone behind your back. It’s easy to jump to conclusions when you’re looking for hints, but the only way to know for sure is to ask him out right. For more tips, including how to secretly follow your boyfriend if you think he’s meeting someone else, read on.