Just so you know, What to Expect may make commissions on shopping links on this page.
Normal for family photos or overbearing?
I’ve noticed that at a lot of holiday visits or other “special” visits with my husband’s family, my MIL usually finds a way to be the one holding my daughter in pictures with all of us in them. My husband and I are not big picture takers. We get family photos on holidays and MIL will even gladly take pictures of just our nuclear family if we ask. But it’s weird going through my phone’s pictures and realizing that any time we got a picture with DH’s family for the first 9 months of my daughter’s life, either MIL is holding DD and standing next to me or DH is holding DD and standing between MIL and me.
I finally told husband when DD was 9 months old (around Halloween) that I wanted to be able to hold DD in family pictures even with in-laws sometimes and so I was assertive about holding her in family photos with in-laws for the holidays. Recently on Mother’s Day, though, MIL was already holding DD when she suggested a family photo and I just let her keep holding her because everyone was in place. MIL never asks if I want to hold DD. I know if I asked MIL for DD or even just took her from MIL with no explanation, things would likely be fine, but I think MIL would be disappointed. I think she probably doesn’t have a whole lot of pictures of her and DD apart from selfies, so I’m guessing that’s maybe what’s behind it, but as someone who’s not a big selfie-taker, I really don’t have a whole lot of pictures of just DD and me either. My own mom will sometimes hold DD in pictures that I’m also in, but will more often leave her to be held by me. MIL consistently tries to already be holding DD for the picture before suggesting a picture.
I’ve had many issues with my in-laws ever since FH and I got engaged because they tend to be overbearing with unrealistic expectations. This particular issue honestly really isn’t a major concern of mine since it would be such an easy thing to change and I’ve had success in being more assertive about this before. Am I being selfish for wanting to hold my daughter in family pictures? Would it be harsh to MIL to be assertive more often about me holding DD instead? Is it weird that she tries to be the one to hold her every time? Any similar experiences or general opinions are welcome! I’m curious to know what is normal in other people’s experiences.
My mil tries this too. I just ask for him back. It’s like she wants to make it seem like she’s more the mom than I am. She can say whatever, but I know how it really is.
Yeah she waits til she has your kids then says, 'let's get photos'. Either jump in first when you are holding baby or just ask for her back.
You come first when it comes to memories (and preserving them) with your child. Hold LO.
My mil does this too. Drives me insane
I just say 'ok, picture time!' And take my baby back. My mom and MIL get lots of pictures of themselves holding my daughter, so I just grab her when we do family pics.
this is perfect! I will be doing it this way from now on.
Mine do this too. Even going as far as to hold grandchildren who are 7 and 9 years old. So weird.
Mine does the same thing! I usually try to maintain a good balance so she gets some pictures with LO, but I also make sure I’m taking LO frequently. It kinda depends on the occasion and what’s important to me. When LO was 9 months old we had a family photoshoot with DH’s family and aside from pictures of grandparents with grandchildren I made sure either DH or myself was holding LO. No need for MIL to hold her in EVERY picture while hubby and me stand there awkwardly by her side.
It's not like we're using film anymore. Can you take a few different ones?
I honestly would never have noticed this and think it’s more an issue that’s deeper. If you’ve had success before enforcing this then I doubt it’s intentional as mil isn’t trying to circumvent you or fight you when you ask. It seems more it’s just opportunal in nature. Sometimes when we’re doing something it can trigger a thought and holding lo may just trigger her going oh yeah I want pics. I wouldn’t devote anything further to this and if it bothers just request lo back. I don’t think all pics need either scenario either and I’d just do what’s comfy for you here each time. Mil holding lo doesn’t diminish you as mom so I’d question why this specific action is triggering. It’s probably bc she has made you feel less in the past and this is a physical reminder etc.
As far as normality I think it’s pretty common for others to hold lo in extended family pics. Sometimes it’s older kids, like nieces/nephews, or other adults. I’ve seen all kinds in regards to this and I don’t think there’s any set norm for it. Basically it’s who wants to deal with the baby lol
I always let my mom hold my daughter in family photos and I try to do the same with my MIL too but make sure to get multiples where I am holding my daughter or ones of just our nuclear family. I don’t like my MIL but in this example I’m not territorial over my daughter because she always prefers me and no one is going to think my daughter isn’t mine based on photos. But we all have our things that bother us. I would just make sure to take your daughter when it’s photo time
Trending On What to Expect
