60+ Epic Die Hard Quotes That'll Have You Yelling Yippee-Ki-Yay

Yippy Ki-Yay, Mother F*ckers! 63 Quotes From Die Hard, The World’s Greatest Christmas Movie

die hard quotes
(20th Century Fox)

In 1988 something truly spectacular happened: We watched Die Hard and met Bruce Willis’ salty, sassy John McClane. The New York detective was the stuff of nightmares for bad guys everywhere…especially Hans Gruber (RIP Alan Rickman). He was a boss’ worst nightmare. He cursed worse than any sailor or trucker we’ve ever met, even as adults. And, you guys, he was so freaking cool. The movie was full of quotable lines, which earned it instant icon status and us a firm talking to or a mouthful of soap if our moms ever heard. That didn’t exactly stop us, though… did it?

John McClane started off old and crotchety and has only gotten better with age. We’re now thirty-something years and five movies into the franchise. He’s like a fine wine because he only gets better with age. Was A Good Day To Die Hard our final chance to hang with John McClane? We hope not. We need to keep watching him age to know how we’re supposed to do it properly. The film also started one of the longest-running debates in film history: is Die Hard a Christmas movie? In fact, according to the latest search data available, there are nearly 2,500 Google searches for that same question a month. A month!

Warning: (Read this in a John McClane voice). Obviously, this isn’t PG-13. Get over it and don’t read it around children.

Iconic Quotes From Die Hard

1. Dwayne T. Robinson: How do you know that?
Sgt. Al Powell: A hunch, things he said. Like being able to spot a phony ID.
Dwayne T. Robinson: Jesus Christ, Powell, he could be a fucking bartender for all we know!

2. John McClane: Glass, who gives a shit about glass?

3. Hans Gruber: Mr. Mystery Guest? Are you still there?
John McClane: Yeah, I’m still here. Unless you wanna open the front door for me.

4. Dwayne T. Robinson: This is Deputy Chief of Police, Dwayne T. Robinson, and I am in charge of this situation.
John McClane: Oh, you’re in charge? Well, I got some bad news for you Dwayne, from up here it doesn’t look like you’re in charge of jack shit.

5. John McClane: Now I know how a TV dinner feels.

6. Hans Gruber: We do NOT alter the plan!
Karl: And, if HE alters it?

7. John McClane: Welcome to the party pal!

8. Hans Gruber: Uh, no, I’m afraid not. But, you have me at a loss. You know my name but who are you? Just another American who saw too many movies as a child? Another orphan of a bankrupt culture who thinks he’s John Wayne? Rambo? Marshal Dillon?
John McClane: Was always kinda partial to Roy Rogers actually. I really like those sequined shirts.

9. Hans Gruber: Now I have a machine gun. Ho-ho-ho.

10. John McClane: [huddled in an air vent, recalls his wife’s invitation] Come out to the coast, we’ll get together, have a few laughs…

11. Hans Gruber: You asked for miracles, I give you… the FBI.

12. Hans Gruber: [Hans’ radio turns on] I thought I told all of you, I want radio silence until further…
John McClane: Ooooh, I’m very sorry Hans. I didn’t get that message. Maybe you should’ve put it on the bulletin board. I figured since I’ve waxed Tony and Marco and his friend here, I figured you and Karl and Franco might be a little lonely, so I wanted to give you a call.

12. Store clerk: (looking at Twinkies) I thought you guys just ate donuts?

13. Hans Gruber: (On the radio) You are most troublesome for a security guard.

14. Hans Gruber: Who are you, then?
John McClane: Just a fly in the ointment, Hans. A monkey in the wretch. A pain in the ass.

15. John McClane: It’s okay, I’m a cop. Trust me, I’ve been doing this for eleven years.

16. Takagi: You want money? What kind of terrorists are you?
Hans Gruber: Who said we were terrorists?

17. John McClane: I’m a cop from New York.
Hans Gruber: New York?
John McClane: Got invited to the Christmas party by mistake. Who knew? (Hans looks at John’s bare feet) Better than getting caught with your pants down. (Laughs) I’m John McClane.

18. Sergeant Al Powell: Hey Roy, how you feeling?
John McClane: Pretty fuckin’ unappreciated, Al.

19. Hans Gruber: I spent a weekend at a combat ranch. You know that game with the guns that shoot red paint? Probably seems kind of stupid to you.

20. Holly Gennero McClane: You’ll have to forgive Ellis. He gets very depressed this time of year. He thought he was God’s greatest gift. You know?

21. John McClane: I think he’s got his eye on you.
Holly Gennero McClane: That’s okay. I have my eye on his private bathroom.

22. John McClane: No. [hands him the gun] Time for the real thing, Bill. All you gotta do is pull the trigger.

23. Marco: No more table! Where are you going to go now? Let me give you some advice: Next time you have the chance to kill someone, don’t hesitate!
John McClane: (Kills him) Thanks for the advice.

24. John McClane: Why don’t you take THIS under consideration, motherfucker?

25. John McClane: You throw quite a party. I didn’t realize they celebrated Christmas in Japan.
Joseph Takagi: Hey, we’re flexible. Pearl Harbor didn’t work out so we got you with tape decks.

26. John McClane: “Nine million terrorists in the world and I gotta kill one with feet smaller than my sister.”

27. John McClane: No fucking shit lady, does it sound like I’m ordering a pizza?

28. Ellis: Hey babe, I negotiate million-dollar deals for breakfast. I think I can handle this Eurotrash.

29. John McClane: You’re pretty tricky with that accent. You oughtta be on fuckin’ TV with that accent.

30. Hans Gruber: You Americans are all alike. Well, this time John Wayne does not walk off into the sunset with Grace Kelly.
John McClane: That’s Gary Cooper, asshole.

31. Holly Gennero McClane: Only John can make somebody that crazy.

32. Hans Gruber: Do you really think you have a chance against us Mr. cowboy?
John McClane: Yippie Ki Yay Motherfucker!

33. Hans Gruber: I am going to count to three. There will not be a four.

34. Tony: You won’t hurt me.
John McClane: Oh, yeah? Why not?
Tony: Because you’re a policeman. There are rules for policemen.
John McClane: Yeah. That’s what my captain keeps telling me.

35. Dwayne T. Robinson: We’re gonna need some more FBI guys, I guess.

36. Hans Gruber: I wanted this to be professional, efficient, adult, cooperative. Not a lot to ask.

37. Hans: The following people are to be released from their captors: In Northern Ireland, the seven members of the New Provo Front. In Canada, the five imprisoned leaders of Liberte de Quebec. In Sri Lanka, the nine members of the Asian Dawn movement…
John McClane: (listening on the radio) What the fuck?
Karl: (mouthing silently) Asian Dawn?
Hans: (covers the radio) I read about them in Time magazine.

38. Hans Gruber: Alas, your Mr. Takagi did not see it that way… so he won’t be joining us for the rest of his life.

39. Hans Gruber: We can go any way you want it. You can walk out of here or be carried out. But have no illusions. We are in charge.

40. Dwayne T. Robinson: Oh god I hope that’s not a hostage.

41. Hans Gruber: That’s a nice suit. It’d be a shame to ruin it

42. John McClane: Happy trails, Hans.

43. John McClane: Is the building destroyed?

Sgt. Al Powell: No, but it’s gonna need a new paint job and a shit-load of screen doors.

44. John McClane: Who’s driving his car, Stevie Wonder?

45. John McClane: Asshole? I’m not the one who just got butt-fucked on national TV. Now, you listen to me, jerk-off, if you’re not a part of the solution, you’re a part of the problem. Quit being a part of the fucking problem and put the other guy back on!

46. John McClane: Hans! You motherfucker, you made your point. Now let them pull back!

47. John McClane (after looking down an elevator shaft): Fuck me.

48. John McClane(just before he blows up James and Alexander with the C4): Geronimo, motherfucker!

49. John McClane: I’m on your side assholes!

50. John McClane: You’d have made a pretty good cowboy yourself, Hans.
Hans Gruber: Oh, yes. What was it you said to me before? ‘Yippie-ki-yay, motherfucker.’

51. Theo: All right, listen up guys. ‘Twas the night before Christmas, and all through the house, not a creature was stirring, except… the four assholes coming in the rear in standard two-by-two cover formation.

52. John McClane: Why’d you have to nuke the whole building, Hans?
Hans Gruber: Well, when you steal $600, you can just disappear. When you steal $600 million, they will find you… unless they think you’re already dead.

53. Hans Gruber: When they touch down, we’ll blow the roof, they’ll spend a month sifting through rubble, and by the time they figure out what went wrong, we’ll be sitting on a beach earning twenty percent.

Quotes From Die Hard 2: Die Harder

54. Capt. Grant: Too bad, McClane. I kinda liked you.
John McClane: I’ve got enough friends!

55. John McClane: How can the same shit happen to the same guy twice.

56. Marvin: You like it, huh? How ’bout you give me twenty bucks for it.
John McClane: How ’bout I let you live?
Marvin: Man knows how to barter.

57. Capt. Grant: You are just in the wrong place, at the wrong time.
John McClane: Story of my life.

58. John McClane: Just once, I’d like a regular, normal Christmas. Eggnog, a fuckin’ Christmas tree, a little turkey. But, no! I gotta crawl around in this motherfuckin’ tin can!

59. Flight Attendant: (to Holly) What did you do?
Holly: Knocked out two of his teeth.
Flight Attendant: Would you like some champagne?

60. Lorenzo: Yeah, yeah. I know who you are. You’re the asshole that’s just broke seven FAA and five District of Columbia regulations, running around my airport with a gun, shooting at people. What do you call that shit?
McClane: Self-defense.

61. McClane: Powell, put down that Twinkie and talk to me!
Powell: John! How the hell you been?

62. Holly McClane: Listen Dick. That is your name? Dick. If you’re gonna continue to get this close do you think you might consider switching aftershaves?
Thornberg: Anything else?
Holly McClane: Stronger mouthwash would be nice.

63. John McClane: (To Captain Lorenzo) Hey Carmine, let me ask you something: What sets off a metal detector first? The lead in your ass or the shit in your brains?

“I Made It!” Golfer in Tears in Call to Dad After Finally Qualifying For PGA

Pro Golfer Calls Dad

After pro golfer Michael Visacki sank a 20-foot putt in a playoff, he accomplished his lifelong goal of qualifying for a PGA event and immediately got on the phone to tell his dad.

Watching him break down in tears is something that will hit you right in the feels. A son at his pinnacle, sharing the moment with his father who has supported him since he was 8 years old.

“I made it,” he said to his dad as he was choking back tears. His dad’s eyes weren’t any drier.

“You did it,” his dad said. “Oh my god, oh my goodness, I’m crying. Congratulations.”

Later, Visacki said in an interview that his parents went above and beyond in supporting his passion at a young age, taking him to tournaments he qualified and helping grow his passion, even when it strained the family budget.

“They have given up everything for me,” he said. “They knew I was able to do it and they were always there for me. My dad cried, my mom cried, and I cried.”

It’s a testament to fighting for your dream and to the difference a parent can make in that journey. It’s one of those cool moments in sports, where you get to see the moment a person accomplishes a near-impossible task.

‘Muppets Haunted Mansion’ Halloween Special Coming to Disney+

Muppets Halloween Special
(YouTube/The Muppets)

Disney may own Marvel and Star Wars and Pixar and Fox and even ESPN, encompassing a variety of studios and properties and personalities and teams and stories, but all of that pales in comparison to the jewel in their crown.

The Muppets.

Last year, Disney finally took advantage of one of the biggest assets by putting the entire catalog of The Muppet Show on Disney+, and now we’ve got news that they’re not content to merely share existing Muppet content; they are going to create some new stuff for us too! And some of it is going to be spooky!

Well, at least one of them is. According to Variety, The Muppets are coming back with a brand new Halloween special called Haunted Mansion, and it will arrive in October.

This is the first time Jim Henson’s beloved characters will appear in a Halloween special, and all the big guns will be there, including Kermit, Miss Piggy, Gonzo, and more. The special revolves around Gonzo, who is challenged to spend a night in a, you guessed, haunted mansion! Also popping up will be Fozzy, Sam the Eagle, the Swedish Chef, along with a smattering of celebrities making cameos, and some original musical numbers.

Check out the announcement, and remember, it’s never too early to start decorating for spooky season!

Cooking, Mayhem, Woody Harrelson in First ‘Venom: Let There Be Carnage’ Trailer

Venom Carnage Trailer
(YouTube/Sony Pictures Entertainment)

The first ‘Venom’ film was a guilty pleasure watch for me.  It didn’t take itself too seriously and it was entertaining.  Sometimes that’s all I want from a movie.  It seems like a lot of other folks felt that way too because Venom was the 7th highest-grossing film of 2018, bringing in $856 million worldwide.

Despite enjoying it though, I was disappointed that Venom had to become its own beast outside of the MCU.  The first film was going to be the start of its own shared universe, which felt odd considering how integral Venom is to Spider-Man and Marvel as a whole.  Well, after watching this new trailer, my fears have been put to rest.  With Disney and Sony striking a deal, it looks like both of these universes are coming together for fans, and Spider-Man and Venom could be crossing paths very soon.

If one thing is apparent from this trailer, it’s that Venom has become a very domesticated Symbiote.  While it only really wanted to eat humans before, now it has a taste for chocolate as well as singing while cooking its own disgusting food at home.

Directed by Andy “Gollum” Serkis, ‘Venom: Let There Be Carnage’ brings back Tom Hardy as the lethal protector Venom, with Woody Harrelson taking on the role of Cletus Kasady/Carnage.  I gotta say, they absolutely nailed the look of Carnage.  He looks awesome and just from his few scenes in this trailer, it looks like Harrelson is chewing the role up.  Plot details are scarce right now (seriously, there isn’t even a plot description on IMDB), but hopefully we’ll find out more soon.

Just some cool little Easter Eggs that I picked up on in the trailer include the nod at the end to the “Church of the New Darkness” which brought on the Cult of Carnage.  There was also the spider being crushed.  You can’t tell me that isn’t foreshadowing the introduction of Spider-Man.  Could this mean the black Spider-Man costume will be making it’s debut in the near future?  I’m geeking out at the thought.

Venom: Let There Be Carnage releases in theaters on September 24th, 2021

After 6 Years, Dad Finishes His Goal to Park in Every Spot at His Grocery Store

Dad Parks Everywhere at Grocery Store

There are certain errands that become so ritualized, you need to do something a little different to stop yourself from sleepwalking through life. A man in London tasked with endless mundane grocery shopping decided to make the most of it. He challenged himself to park in every single spot in the lot. And after six years of hauling groceries, he’s finally achieved his goal.

It started in 2015, he shared on Twitter:

After quite a few years of going each week I started thinking about how many of the different spots I’d parked in and how long it would take to park in them all. My life is one long roller coaster.

He figured out there were 211 possible spots he was eligible to park in. Given that he went about once a week for his regular grocery trip, and the rare occasional extra trip, he estimated it would take about four years to complete. COVID-19 changed that (like it did everything else).

He told The TODAY Show the only rule was that he had to use eligible spots and he had to be there for legitimate shopping.

“I didn’t want to cheat myself by cutting corners, otherwise what’s the point? How could I look my children in the face if I snuck down at midnight when the shop was shut and ticked off a load of spaces?” he said. It took him six years to complete, but his Magnum Opus is in the history books.

Not only did he manage to take a routine chore and inject some fun into it (I mean if you call diligently tracking your parking in a spreadsheet fun), Wild is also doing some good for humanity with his quest. He’s soliciting donations to the Bromley Foodbank from his admirers, and they’ve begun to send in donations (and more are always welcome, food banks definitely need help these days!).

Ultimately, he said, “these little challenges we set ourselves to keep us from going crazy are what make us who we are.”

Now that he’s conquered the grocery store, he’s looking for his next Everest, so six years from now we should be hearing about his next triumph.

Dad Upgrades Pull My Finger Prank

Father Figures: Twin Prediction

“My husband and I started dating at the age of sixteen. I told him that someday, somehow I just knew I was going to have twin boys.

Fast forward nine years and we were married but struggling to get pregnant. My husband went in to the doctor to see why we couldn’t have kids and discovered he had blood cancer. He was given one day to bank sperm before needing to start chemo treatment.

After several years of hardship both physically and mentally, my husband came up to me with tears running down his face saying he really wanted to be a father. Later that week, we started the IVF process and ended up with the twin boys we’d always dreamed of!

Having nearly lost his battle with cancer, my husband knows how important every moment is and he truly makes the most of his time with his boys. He puts down everything to play and interact with them.

They look up to him as their real life superhero and I can’t wait to share with them when they get older how he truly is an inspiration.”

– Jayne Rodarte

Want to share a story about fatherhood? Email [email protected]

Good Samaritan, Dad, Describes Jumping Off Bridge To Save Toddler

Bridge Hero Describes Saving Toddler

A Good Samaritan who leaped from a bridge to save a baby after a car crash has finally come forward. And we’re finally getting more details from one of the wildest stories of the year. The capital-H Hero, Jonathan Bauer, jumped nearly 30-feet off a bridge to save a two-year-old who had been ejected from a car during a five-car crash on the bridge. Bauer is a dad, and it was his dad instincts that took over when he saw the girl in the water.

He gave a press conference so he could praise the first responders who came to the scene of the crash. Bauer, who initially didn’t want to be identified, said the first thing he did after the crash was made sure he and his 12-year-old daughter were OK. Then he went to the truck he saw turn over the railing.

After helping someone out, they just pointed down to the water.

“I saw the car seat and some other items and about six feet away from the car was a little girl,” he said. “She was on her back, completely floating, head completely out of the water, arms moving, legs kicking and a little pink dress.”

Then the girl flipped over and sunk under the surface. That’s when Bauer told his daughter to tell the first firefighter or police officer to arrive what happened. And then Bauer, who is afraid of heights, moved the edge of the bridge, and JUMPED INTO THE BAY BELOW TO SAVE THE BABY.

Total legend move. But when a dad sees a kid facing mortal danger, there are no other options than epic heroism. His own daughter said seeing her dad jump off the bridge was the scariest part of her life.  At the press conference, his wife said he’s afraid of heights.

“I can’t say how proud I am of him,” his wife said, tearing up. “It doesn’t surprise me. If you know him, you know that that is something he would do.”

Bauer said he popped up, swam over to the girl, and put her against his shoulder as he aggressively patted her on the back. She spit up a bunch of water, coughed a lot, and then took a deep breath.

Boaters pulled the two out of the water, and the toddler was flown to a nearby hospital, having her life saved by Bauer.

The mayor of Ocean City called him a “humble hero”, but he’s bigger than that. He is a full legend.

This Toaster Plays the Imperial March From Star Wars and It Slaps

A Star Wars themed toaster that plays the Imperial March

Dads love Star Wars, dads love gadgets, and dads love breakfast. Now, all three come together in a glorious symphony of nerdy goodness.  Sometimes it’s good to just enjoy something with no true point, like playing the iconic “Imperial March” on a toaster.

The video is from the geniuses at Device Orchestra, and it started making the rounds this month after it was picked up by Nerdist. And it’s just fun. That’s all there is to it. A guy figures out a way to make his toaster play one of the great movie themes of all time.

There’s plenty we can debate here, such as whether this toaster has succumbed to the dark side, or whether it can still be redeemed. Maybe we can angle for a sequel, or start a fan campaign to get this toaster to do The Mandalorian music next.

The video does a great job explaining the science behind it, but basically, it’s the toaster’s coil that can be changed into the music maker and controlled by a microcontroller. The toast and toothbrush light sabers are added for effect, which is very appreciated considering how hard this version of Darth Vader’s entrance music really goes. The color guard never gets the same recognition as the marching band.

This is just the first step down your path to the dark side, too. You can do a deep dive into Device Orchestra and watch a bunch of other terrific videos. And then you can sneer at your own toaster for being such a dang underachiever.

Mom Creates Edible Crayons That Are Okay if Kids Shove in Their Mouths

Edible Crayon

For as long as crayons have existed, kids have tried to eat them. If you’re not watching a toddler every single second of the day, they will get to get that crayon in their mouth. Finally, someone has had enough.

Naoko Kimura, a graphic designer in Japan, started a company to create an edible crayon and has a Kickstarter campaign to make the Oyasai crayons available all around the globe. Working from home, Kimura realized she needed a solution to the inevitable hurdle of kids chomping down on their favorite coloring utensils. She created a formula using vegetables and rice, and the colors are added using figments of fruits and vegetable powders and a small amount of added pigment. The colors are even named after foods, to help keep that connection to vegetables.

Of course, Crayola and all the other crayon companies will tell you they are non-toxic. And they are. But I was today years old when I learned there is a stark difference between “edible” and “non-toxic.” Non-toxic is what my kids call my cooking. Edible is what they call their mother’s cooking (toddlers are vicious).

I always assumed crayons were edible already, which may or may not be based on my own field-testing. But ‘non-toxic’ means it’s not going to be an ER trip if your kid nibbles on a violet crayon. Edible means it’s like, actual food. (I mean, these are still meant to be crayons, not colorful snacks).

The crayons may be safe to eat, but that doesn’t mean we ought to give little ones the all-clear either. The rest of their toys are still very much not food, so we don’t want them to get too many ideas. However, you could give these to a toddler for an unsupervised minute, and the only thing you’d have to worry about are your walls.