Phoebe's songs

This is a list of Phoebe Buffay's songs in Friends. Her songs are mostly known for their odd lyrics and random themes.

Smelly Cat[]

Smelly cat, Smelly Cat,

What are they feeding you?

Smelly Cat, Smelly Cat,

It's not your fault!

They won't take you to the vet,

You're obviously not their favorite pet,

You may not smell like roses,

You're no friend to those with noses!

Sticky Shoes[]

This song appears in "The One With Phoebe's Ex-Partner". It was co-written by Phoebe and her former singing partner, Leslie.

My favorite shoes, so good to me,

I wear them every day.

Down at the heel, holes in the toes,

Don't care what people say.

My feet's best friend, pals to the end,

With them I'm one hot chicky,

Though late one night,

Not much light,

I stepped in something icky!

Sticky Shoes, Sticky Shoes,

Always make me smile

Sticky Shoes, Sticky Shoes,

Next time I'll...

Avoid the...

Pile!

Christmas Song[]

Went to the store,

Sat on Santa's lap,

Asked him to bring my friends

All kinds of crap.

Santa, all you need is to write them a song.

Now you haven't heard it yet, so don't try to sing along,

No, don't sing along...

Monica, Monica,

Have a Happy Hanukkah

Saw Santa Claus,

He said hello to Ross.

And please tell Joey,

Christmas will be snowy!!

And Rachel and Chandler,

(mumbles something) handler!"

Snowman / Mother Suicide Song[]

I made a man with eyes of coal and a smile so bewitchin',

How was I supposed to know that my mom was dead in the kitchen?...

(Advert break)

...my mother's ashes,

even her eyelashes,

are resting in a little, yellow jar.

Sometimes when its freezing,

I feel a little sneezy.

And-(see below)

This song was the one being sung when David interrupted, resulting in the abrupt mid sentence ending.

Two of Them Kissed Last Night[]

There was a girl, we'll call her Betty,

And a guy, let's call him Neil.

Now, I can't stress this point too strongly,

This story isn't real.

Now our Neil must decide

Who will be the girl that he casts aside

Will Betty be the one who he loves truly?

Or will it be the one who we'll call Loolie?

He must decide, he must decide,

Even though I made him up, he must decide...

Brief Songs[]

The following songs were brief, either because they were not shown in full, or Phoebe wrote them short.

The First Song[]

Love is sweet as summer showers

Love is a wondrous work of art

But your love, oh your love, your love...

Is like a giant pidgeon...

Crapping on my heart

Lalalalalalalala

Ooooh

Blackout Song[]

New York City has no power

And the milk is getting sour

But to me it is not scary

'Cause I stay away from dairy

The Woman Smelt Like Garbage[]

It wasn't just that she was fat

The woman smelt like garbage!

Little Fetus[]

Are you in there, little fetus?

In nine months, will you come greet us?

I...will...buy you some Adidas...

Little Black Curly Hair[]

I found you in my bed!

How'd you wind up there?

You are a mystery!

Little black curly hair!

Little black, little black, little black, little black, little black curly hair

Shower Song[]

I'm in the shower, and i'm writing a song,

Stop me if you've heard it,

My skin is soapy and my hair is wet

And tegrin, spelt backwards, is nirget.

(instrumental)

Lather, rinse, repeat

And lather, rinse, repeat

As needed

La la la la la la la la la la la la la la la

Jingle Bitch[]

Jingle bitch screwed me over!!

Go to Hell Jingle whore!

Go to Hell! (3X)

Babies[]

They're tiny and chubby and so sweet to touch

Soon they'll grow up and resent you so much

Now they're yelling at you and you don't know why

And you cry and you cry and you cry

And you cry and you cry...

Parading Goats[]

Parading goats are parading,

Parading down the street.

Parading goats are parading,

Leaving little treats.

Argentina Song[]

And there's a country called Argentina

It's a place I've never seen

But I'm told for fifty pesos

You can buy a human spleeeeen

Human spleen!

Olé!

Crusty Old Man[]

And the crusty old man

Said I'll do what I can

And the rest of the rats played Maracas!

Singing at the Wedding[]

Whenever I get get married

Guess who won't be asked to sing

Somebody named Geller

And somebody else named Bing!

Things you don't wanna do[]

There'll be times when you get older

when you'll want to sleep with people

just to make them like you...

But don't.

Cause that's another thing that you don't wanna do, everybody

That's another thing that you don't wanna do.

Cow in the Meadow goes moo[]

The cow in the meadow goes moo

The farmer hits him on the head, and grinds him up

And that's how we get hamburgers

Now chickens!...

Grandma[]

Now grandmas a person that everyone likes

She brought you a train and a bright shinny bike

But lately she hasn't been coming to dinner

And last time you saw her she looked so much thinner

Now your mom and your dad said she moved to Peru

But the truth is she died and someday you will too

Lalalala lalalala

Kidding themselves[]

Sometimes men love women

And sometimes men love men

Then there are some bisexuals

Though some just say they're kidding themselves

Colors of my bedroom[]

And fuschia and mauve

Those are the 66 colors of my bedroom

Stephanie[]

Stephanie knows all the chords...

Terry's a Jerk[]

Terry's A jerk!

And he won't let me work!

And I hate Central Perk!

[A break in the song]

And you're all invited to bite me!