Small Wonders

His father may have crooned about all the girls he loved before, but Enrique Iglesias has a more modest approach. During an interview on Australian TV years ago, the 41-year-old singer delivered a humble brag for the ages when he claimed, "I have the smallest penis in the world." He wasn't joking. (In 2005, Iglesias gave an interview to the Houston Press in which he made a similar boast: "The next product I'm gonna put my name on is extra-small condoms. I can never find extra-small condoms, and I know it's really embarrassing for people—you know, from experience.") As if that weren't honest enough, Iglesias told the astonished Aussie audience, "I don't even last eight minutes now."

For years, Howard Stern has made fun of his own member, famously declaring he was "hung like a pimple." In a 1994 Rolling Stone cover story, the magazine asked Stern about his surprising honesty: "I think I might as well be up front about it," he replied. "No guy will ever admit to having a small penis. I just went on the record. I might be one of the smallest guys in the world." Stern also revealed that at one point he'd wanted his book Private Parts to be titled Penis "because I thought if it went onto TheNew York Times' best-seller list, it would be `Howard Stern's Penis.' And they'd have to write `Howard Stern's Penis is No. 1.'"

He's friends with a guy named Wee Man, but Jackass star Johnny Knoxville also claims to be one. "I have a penis like an egg in a nest," he told Rolling Stone in 2001. "It looks like a light switch. Seriously." But even little ones can have big problems. In 2010, Knoxville confessed to Vanity Fair about the injuries he's sustained doing his various Jackass stunts. "I broke my penis about three years ago trying to back-flip a motorcycle," he admitted. "So that didn't help its appearance—although it's pretty cute."

After divorcing Tom Arnold in 1994, Roseanne Barr went on Saturday Night Live and revealed that her ex had a three-inch penis. Fortunately, Arnold had a good sense of humor about it and delivered the perfect comeback—"What's small?" he asked. "Hell, even a 747 looks small if it lands in the Grand Canyon." Several years later, he made peace with the incident in his memoir, How I Lost Five Pounds in Six Years: "My penis is fine," Arnold wrote. "Maybe because I undersell it. If someone expects petite and gets medium, they're impressed."

While discussing how he lost his virginity in a 2009 interview with Playboy, Shia LaBeouf overshared about being underwhelming. "I remember putting a pillow underneath her because I had seen that in a porn movie," he told the magazine. "It put her at a weird angle, where I couldn't get in correctly. I'm not extremely well-endowed...and clearly this wasn't the move."

During an appearance on Inside the Actor's Studio, the British comedian spoke pretty frankly about his endowment: 'I don't want to go into it but I'm not built, its average, I'm 5 foot 8 it's in proportion, don't worry about it." He then continued, "I'd look weird with a foot long knob wouldn't I? It'd be ridiculous, also I'd faint if I got an erection as all the blood would be in there. It's fine, it's fine, really it's average."

One more for good measure: Ever since it was removed during an autopsy in 1821, Napoleon Bonaparte's penis has been the stuff of legend. And not for the right reasons. When the French emperor's tiny scepter went on display in a New York exhibition in 1927, Time magazine reported that it resembled a "shriveled eel." According to Tom Perrottet, author of Napoleon's Privates, it was eventually purchased by John Lattimer, a New Jersey doctor who collected odd relics, but he never displayed it. After Lattimer's death, his daughters finally showed Perrottet the puny prize. "It was kind of an amazing thing to behold," he told NPR in 2008. "There it was: Napoleon's penis sitting on cotton wool, very beautifully laid out, and it was very small, very shriveled, about an inch and a half long. It was like a little baby's finger."