If you ever wondered about Chip Kelly’s ability to get players to buy-in, wonder no more, my little friends, because Chip, 51 and slightly portly in a Barney Rubble sort of way*, apparently has enough persuasion skills to get Jill Cohen, of Oregon, to go all-in on the unofficial Chip of the NFL.
Since last night, multiple readers have come forward with information on Cohen, whom we’re learning is supposedly in a long-distance relationship with the best football coach on Earth (OK, maybe second best). Last year, the folks over at Broken Bell Philly provided some gossipy details that I’d take with a huge helping of salt. However, they were also given some pictures of Jill, presumably from Facebook, and yep, she’s my age:
Per her LinkedIn page, Jill graduated from Oregon in 2004, which would make her roughly 32. Best part? She’s Oregon’s Assistant Director of Development and Donor Relations, which is sooooo delightfully cliché. Like if you asked Disney to create a princess for King Chip, Jill is what they would come up with. I can only assume that she’d also be a health enthusiast who sells organic smoothie powder on Etsy and weekends (v.) with Phil Knight’s wife on Cannon Beach, where every summer the pair organizes a Nike sponsored 10k to benefit women suffering from plantar fasciitis. Her best friend would be a wisecracking zebra. She’s the one, Chip! She’s the one!!! It ain’t get more perfect than this. Someone get Pixar on the phone!
Like one of those eccentric billionaires who can’t be more than 10 miles from the ocean for extended periods of time, Chip can’t go a day without quacking to one of the many Ducks in his life. Ducks fly together. You’re goddamn right they do, Gordon Bombay!
Never a better time to buy this shirt.
UPDATE: We’re reminded that Chip’s ex worked at… wait for it: Nike. From who else but Mark Saltveit:
On July 24, 2008, Kelly announced his engagement to Karen “Kobi” Biagini, a University of New Hampshire grad who works as a merchandiser for Nike to this day. Those plans seemed to fade away after he got the Oregon head coaching job, though nothing further was announced.
She’s also a New Hampshire grad with a degree in Kinesiology. God this dude stays in his lane.
*Credit to a commenter for that perfect comparison