First, let’s dispense with the obvious: No, “Die Hard” is not a Christmas movie.
And while we’re on the subject, neither are “Gremlins,” “Edward Scissorhands” or “Returns.” So please — save your faux “hot takes” for Twitter.
(If you’re watching a movie in July and someone walks in and asks, “Whaddaya watching that for? It’s a Christmas movie!” — Bingo! Nobody has ever said that about “Die Hard.”)
If you’re looking for a true Christmas movie “hot take” — a controversial, rarely spoken opinion that, upon consideration, is surprisingly accurate — let’s talk about that Frank Capra classic “It’s a Wonderful Life.”
It’s definitely a Christmas movie. But it’s not wonderful. In fact, it’s awful.
(Pause for gasps of horror).
Yes, I like Jimmy Stewart. Yes, I love Christmas. No, I don’t shout, “Shut up, you brats — Santa’s a fake!” when the kids come around caroling.
I just made the mistake of watching the story of George Bailey and actually paid attention to the message. And in a nation where a majority of young people support socialism over capitalism, it’s a message I can’t ignore.
Not that politics are the film’s only problem. The plot of “Wonderful Life” makes about as much sense as Alexandria Ocasio-Cortez explaining the defense budget. The movie should end as soon as Clarence the Angel shows up:
CLARENCE: “It’s old man Potter! He stole the $8,000!”
SHERIFF: [Slaps cuffs on Lionel Barrymore] “Potter, come with me.”
GEORGE BAILEY: “We’re saved, you ol’ Building and Loan!” (Kisses Donna Reed.)
TOWNSPEOPLE CHEER. FADE TO BLACK. THE END.
Instead, we get this 90-minute musing on a life that, even the biggest Capra fan has to admit, is pretty awful. As a kid, George Bailey goes deaf in one ear. Why? Because his brother was showboating on the ice and George had to rescue him.
As a teen, George gets beaten until his deaf ear bleeds. Why? Because he stopped his drunken boss from accidentally poisoning someone.
As a young man, George is stuck with a failing family business. Why? Dad’s heart attack. He can’t have a honeymoon. Great Depression. His kids wear second-hand clothes and get sick from the cold. Why? Because George can’t afford a new house or nice things for his family — thanks to the eternally broke Savings and Loan he has to keep alive for the sake of his neighbors.
When George stands on that snowy bridge contemplating suicide, it’s easy to see why.
What the movie then attempts — and in my mind, fails — to do is make the case that Bailey’s lousy life is actually terrific because his sacrifices made everyone else’s lives better. They have nicer homes and better jobs (and didn’t drown or kill someone) thanks to George’s suffering. And so, when they save him from jail by chipping in their Christmas funds and his brother declares him “the richest man in town!” we’re supposed to feel great.
But why? His life still stinks. He’s not, in fact, rich or even financially secure. His kids are stuck in the drafty house. His business is still struggling. And on top of all that … Potter gets to keep the eight grand!
There are movies with hockey masks and chain saws that have happier endings.
Every time I see a clip of “It’s a Wonderful Life,” all I can think of is the audience for whom it was (apparently) intended: the workers at a Soviet collective circa 1949 who, when the screening ends are told, “See! Who cares that you have no shoes? Back to the factory for Mother Russia!”
The socialist economics of “Wonderful Life” is the same as the Gen-Z powered Green New Deal — limit economic prosperity in the name of a better environment. But all the data show that, as nations become wealthier, their environments become cleaner. It’s America’s carbon emissions that are falling fastest in the developed world, even as our economy hums.
Self-sacrifice is a beautiful thing. It’s at the heart of the Christmas message. But the magic of the American way is that being our best selves creates the best world for the most people.
Somebody needs to make a Christmas movie about that.