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My Honest Review - Love Is a DecisionDaniel’s Favorites

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Love Is A Decision Paperback – January 1, 2001

by Dr Gary Smalley (Author), Dr John Trent (Author)

4.6 257 ratings

See all formats and editions

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Discover a simple yet profound plan for a marriage of depth, warmth, and excitement! Guide your marriage for a lifetime by learning how to make your spouse feel truly honored, keep courtship alive, rebuild trust, and become best friends with your family.

Love is more than a feeling. It is a choice. And while that sounds less than romantic, nobody gets married and ever plans on getting a divorce—but every marriage is headed for both happy and hard times. According to family counselor and bestselling author Gary Smalley, good marriages are no accident. And deciding to love—in the practical ways outlined here—can result in relationships that are tougher than those tough times.

Using stories from couples he has counseled, spiritual lessons, and emotional word pictures, Smalley teaches biblical principles and practical techniques for building, re-building, and nurturing relationships.

This classic guide, perfect for gifting, is ideal for newly engaged couples, newlyweds, and veteran married couples alike. You will learn how to:

Learn the art of meaningful conversation
Energize your mate in 60 seconds
Find the surprising key to satisfying sex
Discover the surprising secret of a close-knit family
Tap into the unfailing power source behind a great marriage

In this timeless bestseller, Smalley and Trent explain how to take advantage of the unique strengths of women and men to forge stronger marriages that will withstand the greatest tests.

Love is a Decision is also available in Spanish, El amore s una decision.

Print length

224 pages
Language

English
Publisher

Thomas Nelson
Publication date

January 1, 2001
Dimensions

5.5 x 0.7 x 8.3 inches
ISBN-10

0849942683
ISBN-13

978-0849942686
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Editorial Reviews

About the Author

Gary Smalley was one of the country's best-known authors and speakers on family relationships. In addition to writing The Blessing and The Two Sides of Love with John Trent, their book The Language of Love (newly revised and updated) won the Angel Award as the best contribution to family life. His national infomercial, Hidden Keys to Loving Relationships, has been viewed by television audiences all over the world.

John Trent, PhD, a noted speaker and author, is president of StrongFamilies.com. He and Gary Smalley have won Gold Medallion writing awards for their books The Blessing and The Two Sides of Love. Dr. Trent has also written several children's books, including I'd Choose You! based on The Blessing, and his Gold Medallion award-winning book on children's personalities, The Treasure Tree. Dr. Trent maintains a private practice, certifies Lifemapping and Strengths coaches through ICCI, and teaches clinical mental health counselors at Phoenix Seminary and DMin students in marriage and family at Dallas Seminary.

Product details

Publisher ‏ : ‎ Thomas Nelson (January 1, 2001)
Language ‏ : ‎ English
Paperback ‏ : ‎ 224 pages
ISBN-10 ‏ : ‎ 0849942683
ISBN-13 ‏ : ‎ 978-0849942686
Item Weight ‏ : ‎ 7.4 ounces
Dimensions ‏ : ‎ 5.5 x 0.7 x 8.3 inches

Best Sellers Rank: #494,270 in Books (See Top 100 in Books)
- #1,519 in Christian Marriage (Books)
- #2,434 in Love & Romance (Books)
- #2,685 in Marriage

Customer Reviews:
4.6 257 ratings

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4.6 out of 5

257 global ratings

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Tiffany Hutchins

I love this book

Reviewed in the United States on November 25, 2023

Verified Purchase

For anyone that is struggling with their relationship, I would totally recommend this book. The author is so knowledgeable. Made a great difference in my life!

Reviewed in the United States on August 7, 2023

Verified Purchase

I only wished I had read this 30 years ago,so much wisdom and help that would have been so helpful for me in my marriage and my spiritual walk. I love my wife so much and I truly regret my mistakes made for lack of awareness.
Better late than never, I pray.
Recommend it highly to everyone!

Helpful

Monty Rainey

Not Smalley's best work.

Reviewed in the United States on May 30, 2008

Verified Purchase

Gary Smalley has written several outstanding books on building and maintaining a strong marriage. He has certainly earned the reputation of being someone at the forefront of marriage advice. Unfortunately, I do not find this book, LOVE IS A DECISION, to be anywhere near his best work. Here, Smalley teams with co-author John Trent. The work is good, and there is certainly some great advice here for both newlyweds and long term spouses alike, but I find this book to be difficult at times. What I mean is, I've read this book 3 times now. It is only just over 200 pages. Usually, a book of that size I would tear through in one or two days, but it always a week or more to read this one.

I must say, I certainly agree with the premise and foundational message of the book. So much so that I teach it as an integral part of my marriage coaching. Love is a decision. Oh, I know, it doesn't start out that way so much, but that is why our divorce rate is so high today. When we first meet someone, our attraction is emotional. We see qualities about a person that attract us causing an emotional bond to develop. However, usually somewhere between 1 and 3 years into living under the same roof as husband and wife, those characteristics that we once found attractive now are often like fingernails on a chalkboard.

We must keep in mind that we humans are static creatures, not dynamic. We are ever changing and when we build our relationships on characteristics, we don't realize the strain we are putting on our relationships, because, in time, our characteristics will change. Our interests will change. Our physical qualities will change. Even our opinions will change. Like the old saying, "a man in his twenties who is not liberal has no heart, but a man in his thirties who is not conservative has no brain". The point is, we all change. When we base our relationship on characteristics, we are basing it on something that will be much different down the road.

You see, at some point during the first few years of marriage, we lose our emotional attraction and we must find a new path to marital bliss. This is found through our decision to love that person, despite the fact that they are no longer the same person we fell in love with. That is the premise of the book here and Smalley and Trent do site some viable guidelines to that end, but for me, the book falls short.

I'm not one who normally puts down one book to tout another, but in this case, many people reading this review might find their marriage in a dire situation. Therefore, if you do find yourself in a marriage that seems to have lost its love, I would recommend first reading "Marriage Fitness" by Mort Fertel. It covers the same principles, and does it a more usable fashion.

Pastor Monty Rainey

15 people found this helpful

Helpful

Meghan’s View

Must have!

Reviewed in the United States on October 7, 2023

Verified Purchase

This is a great book! Recommend as a wedding gift or Bridal Shower Gift!

Reviewed in the United States on December 27, 2012

Verified Purchase

I really enjoyed this book. Every chapter was explained in great detail; guiding any couple, young or old, how to maintain a healthy relationship with their spouses. There were several key points in this book such as: " Honor is at the heart of all healthy relationships- and genuine love is a decision...not a feeling" (p.8) ,There are "Two Languages in the Same Home" (p.44), and ...Overcoming a Major Destroyer of Relationships (p.73). The author used an ample amount of examples of various couples who have had to overcome obstacles in their marriages. Smalley also provided examples of how couples have had to learn the proper way of caring for their children. Not to mention, he underlined these examples with scriptures.

There is a great use of figurative language in this book for an audience who enjoys "painting pictures" in their minds of how they should follow the specified directions on loving relationships. This book consists of 14 chapters of cogent information for anyone, in a serious relationship, that is ready to change their ways for the benefit of others who are involved with them.

2 people found this helpful

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Prov 31

Say Decision, not Divorce

Reviewed in the United States on February 6, 2014

Verified Purchase

This is sound biblical teaching that can help save your marriage. Too many people, including Christ followers get caught up in emotions and feelings, both of which are constantly changing whereas our decisions tend to be more foundational. Foundational faith comes from God's word alone, not other people's interpretation of God's word, or their opinions of your situation. Too many people throw in the towel when things get tough and that is one of marriage's biggest mistakes. Push past the heartache, the difficult situation, the feelings and the emotions and push into God and His will and way for your marriage and He will direct your path and lead you into the most blessed, beautiful and amazing marriage that you can only comprehend if you will but just hang in there and trust God completely. Gary Smalley will show you how to there, get the book and open up your head and your heart. Unless YOU are willing to change, you are living your future today. Say decision, not divorce, get the book.

13 people found this helpful

Helpful

Paula Welch Reed

Font is hard to read ..

Reviewed in the United States on August 12, 2021

Verified Purchase

The content of the book is excellent. The print in this particular edition is small and hard to read. I will try to find another copy that is easier on my eyes.

Reviewed in the United States on May 3, 2014

Verified Purchase

My wife and I have read a half dozen or so marriage books. Partially because we love each other and want to be the best for each other that we can be, but also because we mentor and coach other people that are part of a group we are in. This is the #1 book we recommend, hands-down. No book is going to be the end-all, be-all for every couple who is searching for tips to improve certain areas of their marriage but as a general all-around great book filled with tips on a broad range of marriage topics, I think this is an excellent place to start your quest for improvement. Start here!

11 people found this helpful

Helpful

Top reviews from other countries

Celix

Amazing book on Marraige

Reviewed in India on May 28, 2014

Verified Purchase

I would recommend this book to any one who wants to get married, is married enjoying his marriage and regretting his marriage. Gives amazing insights how marriage works and doesn't work. Must read

One person found this helpful

Martin Holliss

An amazing guide to life and loving

Reviewed in the United Kingdom on March 4, 2013

Verified Purchase

Not being a practicing Christian made reading this book harder than many, but there are so many practical tips to growing/deepening love that I would recommend it even to an atheist. OK, so I "filtered out" the religious bits but I was still left with a huge amount of thoughts/ideas/tips to think about and that I 've been able to start using immediately.

strikerace

Great book

Reviewed in the United Kingdom on October 12, 2018

Verified Purchase

Great book. I recommend to anyone that is married. Good reminders even for 'perfect' people

One person found this helpful

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