Celebrate Seinfeld, the Sitcom About Nothing, With Over 100 Quotes from the Show

For a show about nothing, Seinfeld sure knew how to deliver laughs. Regarded as one of the greatest sitcoms of all time, it's no surprise that the series was full of one memorable and hilarious line and catchphrase after another. During its nine-season run, viewers watched Jerry Seinfeld and his eccentric friends George Costanza (Jason Alexander), Elaine Benes (Julia Louis-Dreyfus), and Cosmo Kramer (Michael Richards) navigate their every day and, at times, relatable problems. From double-dipping to dating and yada yada yada, here are over 100 Seinfeld quotes.

Jerry Seinfeld Quotes

1. “Sex, that’s meaningless, I can understand that, but dinner; that’s heavy. That’s like an hour.”

2. “She said I wasn’t sponge-worthy. Wouldn’t waste a sponge on me.”

3. “Oh I gotta get on that internet, I'm late on everything!”

4. “Boutros Boutros-Ghali.”

5. “He's nice, bit of a close talker.”

6. “She had man hands.”

7. “I’m a fancy boy.”

8. “You know, the very fact that you oppose this makes me think I’m on to something.”

9. George: “I have a sixth sense.”
Jerry: “Cheapness is not a sense.”

10. “I’m on no sleep, no sleep!”

11. “You're a nice guy, but I actually only have three friends. I can't really handle any more.”

12. “I can’t be with someone like me. I hate myself!”

13. “Looking at cleavage is like looking into the sun. You don’t stare at it. It’s too risky. You get a sense of it, then you look away.”

14. Jerry: “Is this about me?”
Elaine: “No.”
Jerry: “Then I’ve lost interest.”

15. “That’s a shame.”

16. “If every instinct you have is wrong, then the opposite would have to be right.”

17. “What’s the deal with lampshades? I mean if it’s a lamp, why do you want shade?”

18. "People on dates shouldn’t even be allowed out in public."

19. “Hello, Newman.”

20. “What could possess anyone to throw a party? I mean, to have a bunch of strangers treat your house like a hotel room.”

21. Woman: "You don't know my name, do you?"
Jerry: "Yes I do."
Woman: "What is it?"
Jerry: "It rhymes with a female body part."
Woman: "What is it?"
Jerry: "Mulva."

22. “There’s more to life than making shallow, fairly obvious observations.”

23. “But I don't want to be a pirate!”

24. “She's a sentence finisher. It's like dating Mad Libs.”

25. “People don’t turn down money! It’s what separates us from the animals.”

26. “Hunger will make people do amazing things. I mean, the proof of that is cannibalism.”

27. “If you want to make a person feel better after they sneeze, you shouldn't say 'God bless you.' You should say, 'You're so good looking!”

28. "Breaking up is like knocking over a Coke machine. You can't do it in one push. You gotta rock it back and forth a few times, and then it goes over."

Related: 65 Hilarious Quotes from The Office 

George Costanza Quotes

29. “My dream is to become hopeless.”

30. “Food and sex. Those are my two passions.”

31. “The sea was angry that day my friends.”

32. “Jerry, just remember, it’s not a lie if you believe it.”

33. “I lie every second of the day. My whole life is a sham.”

34. “I’m disturbed, I’m depressed, I’m inadequate. I’ve got it all!”

35. “I feel like my old self again. Totally inadequate, completely insecure, paranoid, neurotic. It’s a pleasure.”

36. “You know I always wanted to pretend that I was an architect.”

37. “When you look annoyed all the time, people think that you’re busy.”

38. “I’m much more comfortable criticizing people behind their backs.”

39. “Yeah, I’m a great quitter. It’s one of the few things I do well. I come from a long line of quitters.”

40. “If she can’t find me, she can’t break up with me.”

41. "You know it's funny, the tomato never took on as a hand fruit."

42. “A George divided against itself cannot stand!”

43. “You're killing independent George!”

44. George: (on Kramer): “He stole your girlfriend?”
Susan: “Yes. She's in love with him.”
George: “Amazing. I drive them to lesbianism, he brings 'em back.”

45. “I happen to dress based on mood.”

46. “Don't insult me, my friend. Remember who you're talking to. No one's a bigger idiot than me."

47. “Like I don’t know I’m pathetic.”

48. "This woman hates me so much, I'm starting to like her."

49. “Borrowing money from a friend is like having sex. It just completely changes the relationship.”

50. “I love a good nap. Sometimes it’s the only thing getting me out of bed in the morning.”

51. Jerry: "You're on a desert island, you can bring five books. Which five do you take?"
George: "I gotta read five books?"

52. “I can't carry a pen. I'm afraid I'll puncture my scrotum.”

53. “People this stupid shouldn't be allowed to live.”

Elaine Benes Quotes

54. “I can't do this anymore, it's too long! Just tell your stupid story about the stupid desert and just die already! Die!”

55. “Stella!”

56. “Is it possible that I’m not as attractive as I think I am?”

57. “I’m Queen of the castle.”

58. “I can’t be with someone who doesn’t break up nicely. It’s an important part of the relationship.”

59. “Fake! Fake! Fake! Fake!”

60. “It’s not fair people are seated first come, first served. It should be based on who's hungriest.”

61. “Maybe the dingo ate your baby!”

62. “I just couldn’t decide if he was really sponge-worthy.”

63. “I’ll go, if I don’t have to talk.”

64. “I once broke up with someone for not offering me pie.”

65. “I’m speechless. I’m without speech.”

66. “I don’t think George has ever thought he’s better than anybody.”

67. “Yada yada yada.”

68. “You’re through, Soup Nazi. Pack it up, no more soup for you. NEXT!”

69. “Three squares? You can’t spare three squares?”

70. "I hate men, but I'm not a lesbian."

71. J. Peterman: “Elaine, can you keep a secret?”
Elaine: “No sir, I can’t.”

72. "We don't know how long this will last. They are a very festive people."

73. Elaine: "Ugh, I hate people."
Jerry: "Yeah, they're the worst."

Cosmo Kramer Quotes

74. “I'm out there Jerry and I'm lovin' every minute of it.”