Grab Your Walley World Mugs! We're Serving Up the 100 Best 'National Lampoon's Christmas Vacation' Quotes

Throughout the holiday season, there are plenty of decorative trees to admire and set out, delicious drinks to warm up with (have you tried autumnal apple punch?!), and jam-packed days to spend with the entire family. And if anyone knows what it's like to approach family events with high hopes (and very mixed results), it's Clark Griswold. The beloved National Lampoon dad has had his share of cringe-worthy and entertaining moments, to say the least. Which is why we're here to remind you that even when the holidays seem overwhelming, it could be much worse (squirrel in the house, worse) with the 100 best National Lampoon's Christmas Vacation quotes! 

These celebratory days with relatives can be filled with cheer, happy memories, grimaces, and watching the clock (even if it's just on your bare wrist, like Rusty!)—sometimes all in the same 10 minutes. But it's fun to see families on screen that are trying to keep it together as well! Whether you're anxiously anticipating a big present this year (anyone carrying around an in-ground pool brochure?) or just grateful you're able to celebrate in a house that is always parked in the same place, re-watching this classic flick is a gift that keeps on giving (like a jelly-of-the-month club)!

Some of these lines you probably already know by heart, others may have you feeling like Aunt Bethany, but all of them will help get you in the holiday spirit. So put on your teal hats, fancy pink gloves and faux fur wraps—here are the 100 best Christmas Vacation quotes!

Related: These 100 Best Christmas Quotes are Guaranteed to Get You Into the Holiday Spirit 

100 National Lampoon's Christmas Vacation Quotes

1. "We're kicking off our fun, old-fashioned family Christmas by heading out into the country in the old front-wheel drive sleigh to embrace the frosty majesty of the winter landscape and select that most important of Christmas symbols." — Clark Griswold

2. "We're not driving all the way out here so you can get one of those stupid ties with the Santa Clauses on it, are we Dad?" — Audrey Griswold
"No, I have one of those at home." — Clark Griswold

3. "Hey kids, look! A deer!" — Clark Griswold

4. "Eat my rubber!" — Clark Griswold
"Dad, I think what you mean is 'Burn rubber, and eat my dust...'" — Rusty Griswold
"Whatever, Russ. Whatever." — Clark Griswold

5. "Eat my road, Red Liver Lips!" — Clark Griswold

6. "I don't want to spend the holidays dead!" — Ellen Griswold

7. "Clark! We're stuck under a truck!" — Ellen Griswold

8. "Our Father, who art in Heaven. Hallowed by thy name. And forgive my husband, he knows not what he does." — Ellen Griswold
"Amen!" — Clark Griswold

9. "Clark, Audrey's frozen from the waist down." — Ellen Griswold
"It's all part of the experience, honey!" — Clark Griswold

10. "Dad, that thing wouldn't fit in our yard!" — Rusty Griswold
"It's not going in our yard, Russ. It's going in our living room." — Clark Griswold

11. "Thith tree is a thymbol of the thpirit of the Griswold family Christhmath." — Clark Griswold

Related: The 20 Best Classic and Alternative Christmas Movies To Watch This Year!

12. "Where do you think you're gonna put a tree that big?" — Todd Chester
"Bend over and I'll show ya!" — Clark Griswold

13. "A lot of sap in here! Looks great. A little full. A lot of sap." — Clark Griswold

14. "I think you're forgetting how difficult it's going to be having everybody at the house at the same time." — Ellen Griswold

15. "Honey, they're family—not strangers off the street." — Clark Griswold

16. "Your mother waxes her upper lip?...Hmm doesn't show." — Clark Griswold

17. "You're the last true family man." — Bill

18. "I was just smelling...smiling! I was just blouse...browsing!" — Clark Griswold

19. "It wouldn't be the Christmas shopping season if the stores were any less hooter-hotter! Than they are." — Clark Griswold

20. "I was just looking at something for my wife, God rest her soul." — Clark Griswold
"God, I'm so sorry!" — Mary
"Oh, no, no! She's not dead. Yet. We're just divorced. She's history." — Clark Griswold

21. "Can't see the line, can ya, Russ?" — Clark Griswold

22. "I'll, uh, park the cars, and check the luggage, and, uh...I'll be outside for the season." — Clark Griswold

23. "Think you might be overdoing it, Dad?" — Rusty Griswold

24. "Oops, a little knot here. You work on that." — Clark Griswold

25. "Well, I don't know what to say except it's Christmas, and we're all in misery." — Ellen Griswold

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26. "And why is the carpet all wet, Todd?!" — Margo Chester
"I don't know Margo!" — Todd Chester

27. "If you need any help, just give me a holler, I'll be upstairs—asleep." — Grandpa Clark

28. "I hope nobody I know drives by and sees me standing in the yard staring at the house in my pajamas." — Audrey Griswold
"If they know you're dad, they won't think anything of it." — Grandpa Art

29. "Are you out here for a reason, or are you just avoiding the family?" — Ellen Griswold

30. "Is it plugged in?" — Ellen Griswold

31. "Dad, you taught me everything I know about exterior illumination." — Clark Griswold

32. "The little lights are not twinkling." — Grandpa Art

33. "You better take a rain check on that, Art—he's got a lip fungus they ain't identified yet." — Cousin Eddie

34. "Surprised, Eddie? If I woke up tomorrow with my head sewn to the carpet, I wouldn't be more surprised than I am right now." — Clark Griswold

35. "That's a honey of a tree, Clark." — Cousin Eddie

36. "A little tree water ain't gonna hurt him." — Cousin Eddie

37. "He's cute, ain't he? Only problem is, he's got a little bit of Mississippi leg hound in him. Mood catches him right, he'll grab your leg and just go to town. You don't want him around if you're wearing short pants, if y'know what I mean!" — Cousin Eddie

Related: Here Are The 12 Best Dogs in Christmas Movies and TV Specials!

38. "I just can't believe you're actually standing here in my living room, Eddie." — Clark Griswold

39. "Yeah, I got the daughter in the clinic getting cured off the wild turkey." — Cousin Eddie

40. "And the older boy, bless his soul, is preparing for his career!" — Cousin Eddie
"College?" — Clark Griswold
"Carnival." — Cousin Eddie
"You gotta be proud." — Clark Griswold

41. "Can I refill your eggnog for you? Get you something to eat? Drive you out to the middle of nowhere and leave you for dead?" — Clark Griswold

42. "I borrowed it off a buddy of mine. He took my house, I took the RV." — Cousin Eddie

43. "Now, if you'll excuse me—I'm in the middle of an important call... get me somebody...anybody." — Frank Shirley

44. "I don't know if I ought to go sailing down no hill with nothing between the ground and my brain but a piece of government plastic." — Cousin Eddie

45. "Going for a new amateur recreational saucer sled land speed record—Clark W. Griswold Jr.!" — Clark Griswold

46. "Later, dudes!" — Clark Griswold

47. "Santa Claus! Uncle Clark, are you Santa Claus?" — Ruby Sue

48. "If you're good, Santa knows it. And if you believe in him, and you believe in your mom and you believe in your dad—if you've been good all year round, Santa Claus is going to bring you something." — Clark Griswold

49. "I love it here. You don't got to put on your coat to go to the bathroom, and your house is always parked in the same place." — Ruby Sue

50. "I can't even afford to be an elf." — Clark Griswold

51. "What are you looking at?" — Ellen Griswold
"Oh, the silent majesty of a winter's morn, the clean, cool chill of the holiday air, an a**hole in his bathrobe emptying a chemical toilet into my sewer." — Clark Griswold

52. "In seven years, he couldn't find a job?" — Clark Griswold
"Catherine says he's been holding out for a management position." — Ellen Griswold

53. "This isn't charity, it's family." — Clark Griswold

54. "Here's a little list - alphabetical, starting with Catherine." — Cousin Eddie

55. "Is your house on fire, Clark?" — Aunt Bethany

56. "Is this the airport, Clark?" — Aunt Bethany

57. "I love riding in cars!" — Aunt Bethany

58. "When did you move to Florida?" — Aunt Bethany

59. "Mom? This box is meowing." — Rusty Griswold

60. "Grace? She passed away 30 years ago!" — Aunt Bethany

61. "I pledge allegiance to the Flag of the United States of America, and to the Republic for which it stands, one Nation under God, indivisible, with liberty and justice for all." — Aunt Bethany
"Amen." — Everyone