What are the qualities of a good man? What should you look for in a potential partner? How do you separate men from boys? This article will explore the most sought-after qualities in a male partner and what makes those qualities so important. This article covers the 21 personality traits that will help you paint a clear picture of the right man for you.
21 Qualities of a Good Man: What Do Women Want in a Man?
1. Self-Worth
Women want a man who does not base his value and self-worth on whether or not women like him. They want a man who has the self-confidence to enjoy his own company and make it on his own, whereby sharing time with a woman would be a bonus to his life, not a means of escaping inner discomfort or filling a void.
Far too many of us ruin our love life by seeking someone to fill an inner void. A real partnership in which real love exists does not happen that way. It comes from mutual respect, shared values, and a vision for the future. When we enter relationships to fill a void, they are bound to end and lead to serious heartbreak.
So, when looking for a man, try to be patient. Get to know him and scope out his level of self-worth. Be mindful that even though you might be tempted to ‘fix’ him if you think he can, that is an unhealthy relationship dynamic. It might feel nice at first, but you will burn out. It is better to wait for a man who already values himself so that he does not have to depend on you for it.
2. Attractive
Attraction is a key to any romantic relationship. You have to be attracted to your partner if the intimate side of the relationship will work. If you are not attracted to someone, then intimacy can be challenging, and when intimacy fades, so too does the relationship. Needless to say, just because a guy is not Brad Pitt or Idris Elba, that does not mean he is not a good man.
Attractiveness is in the eye of the beholder, but the important thing is that it is there. Equally as important is that he is attracted to you. You do not want to find yourself wondering if he appreciates your looks and worrying about it to the point that you get stressed. A good man to be in a relationship with is the one you are attracted to.
3. Grounded
Grounded people make the world go round. Life is hectic at times, and we are bound to get lost in its chaos now and again. A good man grounds himself when he can help so that he can keep his head on his shoulders even when everyone around him is losing theirs.
No man will be perfectly grounded all the time. Still, a man who makes an effort to practice grounding himself in the present is the type of guy you should look for. He will have a healthy relationship with reality and keep his eye on the big picture regarding decision-making. It means that even when things get tough or uncertain in your relationship, he will have both his and your well-being in mind.
4. Self-Awareness
Self-awareness is a prerequisite for having healthy relationships. A good man, who would make a good partner, is aware of himself. That means he understands his strengths and his weaknesses. He is in touch with his emotions in a way that helps him recognize where he ends, and you begin. He accepts his negative emotions instead of avoiding or suppressing them. That makes him a viable partner because he is unlikely to blame you for his feelings if things get tough with self-awareness.
Instead, he will take a step back and evaluate the situation as mindfully and objectively as possible. That may feel frustrating at times, especially in the heat of conflict when you want immediate answers, but it is better for both parties in the long run when at least one partner knows when to hit the pause button.
5. Boundaries
A good man understands that a partnership is not about becoming one with another person and blurring boundaries but setting mutually healthy boundaries that support the relationship and keep it fresh, exciting, respectful, loving, and compassionate. Not everyone understands the power and importance of healthy boundaries, but that does not mean that you should settle for less. It is better to be patient and wait for a man who knows how to set boundaries than to be impatient and settle for one who does not.
6. Personal Accountability
Personal accountability is one of the most important qualities a person can possess. Most of us know someone who is not personally accountable, which can be frustrating. People who are not personally accountable do not take responsibility for themselves and blame others when things go wrong.
When a man is personally accountable, he understands his role in life. He sees where and how his actions have consequences, and he completely accepts responsibility for himself. That makes him a good partner because even if things get tough, he will look within for what went wrong, and if he realizes he has made a mistake, he will do his best to make amends.
7. Confidence
Confidence is probably the number one most attractive quality in anyone, regardless of gender. With it, a relationship thrives. A good man is confident in himself. Note that confidence in this context does not mean that he is cocky. Cockiness is false confidence based on some ideal version of oneself. Confidence lies in the real self.
A good man works on his confidence, so with or without your approval, he will remain his best self. He is confident because he trusts himself to make the right decisions for his life, which serve his growth rather than jeopardize it.
8. Patience
They say patience is a virtue, but that can be hard to believe when it has been a while since you have had someone in your heart and you are craving that connection. When someone comes along who might be your new lover, it can be tempting to let yourself fall head over heels in love with them, jumping straight into a relationship without giving enough time and space to get to know each other.
One distinct quality of a good man regarding a potential partner is that he will not rush things. He will get to know that you are also a good woman and that he can trust you enough to be vulnerable and intimate with you.
That being said, if you two end up in bed together quite soon, that is completely natural. The important thing is to remember that it takes time to know whether someone is right for you or not. If he professes love for you and makes you his world after a night or two, it might be a sign of a need for a relationship rather than a mature and grounded union.
9. Loyalty
A good man is loyal to the woman he loves. When he makes promises, he follows through, and when he cannot, he makes it up to her. He is not interested in pursuing anybody else because he is confident that he has got a great partner.
People have different opinions on what loyalty means. For some, it is as straightforward as not pursuing another lover. Others feel that merely looking at another person is unfaithful. If you are the jealous type, remember that it is natural for people to look at and appreciate each other. Loyalty does not mean looking at anyone else again. Instead, it means valuing the relationship more than a potential relationship with anyone and citing to making it work.
10. Humility
It is important to be able to laugh at yourself. Life is full of unexpected twists and turns, and if you take it and yourself too seriously, you are bound to feel overwhelmed by it all. It is better and healthier to have some humility and laugh at yourself now and again. A good man knows just that. He respects himself, but he does not take himself too seriously. He can laugh at his shortcomings and turn them into stories about our shared humanity.
11. Open-mindedness
Some men take pride in their solid and stubborn opinions. That is good sometimes, but one of the most appreciated qualities of a good man is open-mindedness. You want a man who can listen to your thoughts and ideas, entertain them, discuss them, and bounce ideas back rather than someone who does not listen or tells you outright that you are mistaken without really considering what you have to say. Open-mindedness is a branch of humility because he understands that he is fallible and is open to learning more.
12. Direct
A good man is not afraid to be direct with you. When a problem arises, he will get straight to it. He talks about what is wrong, but he will not blame you. He will ask for your opinion of the matter and then try to work with you, not against you, to resolve it.
A man who can be direct is a great man to be in a relationship with because you can trust him to be honest. He will not beat around the bush if something is worth it, so even when you enter a conflict, you know it is coming from a place of mutual respect and cooperation, rather than from pent up frustration because he did not speak up earlier.
13. Respect
Respect is fundamental to any healthy relationship. A good man not only respects you for who you are, but he also respects himself and those he surrounds himself with. He knows that respect is earned through honesty and perseverance, not intimidation or fear. He has a lot of personal integrity, which earns him the respect he is given.
14. Drive
Drive is an important quality in a man because it means having a vision. He has eyes on the prize in his life, making it easier for you to trust that he is living his own life. Without drive, we can become complacent and only think about immediate gratification. As far as partners go, the best are those who want to secure a better life for themselves and their partner or family.
15. Vision
Much like the importance of drive, vision is also important. If you are going to enter a relationship with a man and you want it to work as a partnership, then you want to know that your partner has a vision for the future. Not only does he have a vision, but he is actively working toward making that vision a reality.
16. Effort in the Relationship
A good man makes a conscious effort in his relationships. He understands that love does require effort, but not the toxic, painful kind in which we tolerate bad behavior in exchange for love and affection.
Putting effort into a relationship means observing your behavior, considering how and what you contribute to the relationship, and ensuring that communication remains honest and open. A good man understands that any relationship worth having requires conscious, mindful effort and a generous serving of tender loving care.
“People stand in front of an officiant and say ‘I do,’ but that shouldn’t mean ‘I’m done’ when it comes to putting time and effort to grow their relationship.”
Beth Ehemann
17. Support
Life is full of unexpected twists and turns, and you never know when something will go wrong, no matter how you have planned and no matter how much action you have taken. Suffering is simply a part of being human, and there is no avoiding it. So, you will not find a man who will keep you from any suffering, but you may find one who will support you through it.
Support also comes in the form of seeing your dreams and being as supportive as possible. A good man lifts the woman he loves up, not bringing her down.
“Keep away from people who try to belittle your ambitions. Small people always do that, but the really great make you feel that you, too, can become great.”
Mark Twain
18. Good Manners
Have you ever been on a date with a guy who seems to have good qualities and a positive attitude but then acts unbelievably rude to the restaurant staff? Good manners are important not only toward you but to strangers, too. You can get great insight into who a person is by talking to strangers, especially those in the service industry.
19. Shared Values
There is much excitement and novelty in the early days of a relationship—the honeymoon phase. However, as the relationship progresses and becomes more serious, your values must align with your partner’s. A good man to be in a partnership with is one whose values align with your own. That way, you two can work together on achieving shared goals rather than constantly having to adapt and sift around each other. They do not have the same values, but they should be complementary.
20. Vulnerable
Vulnerability can be daunting at times, but a good man accepts it. He understands that being vulnerable is part of being human. He does not shy away from vulnerability but instead embraces it. He knows that his vulnerable side is still lovable, and he wants to share it with you so that the relationship can become stronger. He also understands that hiding his vulnerabilities from you for the sake of saving face is dishonest, and you cannot have a successful relationship with dishonesty.
21. Presentation
Looks are not everything, but that does not mean they are nothing. A good man understands how important it is to present himself well. He has a good fashion sense and can dress to impress. He keeps himself healthy in mind and body to show up in the world as his best self.
Do Women Want a ‘Nice Guy’?
Many guys claim to be a ‘good guy or a ‘nice guy’ but only behave the way they want for approval. These people please their romantic interests or partners because that is how they believe they will get the attention or affection they want. The problem with that behavior is that it is not authentic, and they are just looking for something in return, making it transactional rather than altruistic.
Most women can pick up on that false sense of kindness before those ‘nice guys’ even realize it. However, many women also do not pick up on falseness and are duped into thinking they have met a fantastic guy, who turns out to be not so nice after all.
Conclusion
There is no such thing as the perfect guy. What you want is different from what your friend wants, and no guy is the same (even when you think they are). Still, some general personality traits separate the good guys from the not-so-good guys. Above we included a list of 21 positive qualities a good man possesses. You might think that is a tall order and that no man could possess all of them, but that is not necessarily true.
There are plenty of guys out there who would tick all of those boxes. The problem with finding them is that they rarely look for just anyone. In the same way, you want a partner to share a healthy, mature, adult relationship—the same goes for them. They, too, may have been in a relationship with women who were not ready and ticked the boxes for them regarding what makes a good woman.
As you continue to search for that good man, remember to be patient. The more you focus on yourself and keep yourself healthy in mind, body, and spirit, the more likely you will click with the right guy when he eventually comes along.
