What the hell is Cats

The Broadway musical Cats has once again been filmed for our entertainment. But the new Universal film starring Taylor Swift and Idris Elba will be much different than the VHS version I inexplicably owned as a child.

If you were not so lucky as to own a copy of the Andrew Lloyd Webber musical growing up, the trailers for the movie may be impossible to understand. Here’s everything we know about the “definitely not CGI” Cats film that will hit theaters this year.

What is Cats?

The original Broadway musical, which clocks in around two hours and 20 minutes (whew!), was created by Andrew Lloyd Webber. It lifts most of its lyrics from Old Possum’s Book of Practical Cats, a 1939 book of poems by T.S. Eliot. These poems tell the stories of typical cat characters, such as “cat that breaks all your shit,” and “cat that gets really hyper at night.”

Webber had been a fan of the book as a child, and in the 1970s he began setting the poems to music. Because of the poetic source material, the musical doesn’t have a strong, shall we say, plot. It’s also entirely sung-through, and much of the story is conveyed through dance.

Cats debuted in 1981 on the West End. Fun fact: Webber had to remortgage his house to secure the funds! The struggle was apparently worth it, as Cats won the Laurence Olivier Award for Best New Musical.

The new live-action Cats movie is directed by Tom Hooper, best known for directing The King’s Speech and Les Misérables. But it’s not the first time Cats has been filmed: In 1998, a version of Cats staged specifically for direct-to-video release was directed by David Mallet, who directed many of David Bowie and Queen’s music videos. We do not yet know the long-term effects of Cats on the children who discovered it on VHS, but speaking only for myself, it made me bisexual.

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What is Cats about?

Cats is an anthology-style musical that takes place over the course of one night. The cats gather in a junkyard and introduce themselves in song, making the case for why each one is worthy to enter the Heaviside Layer, the cat equivalent of Heaven, to be reborn as a younger, hotter cat. The proceedings are overseen by the delightfully rotund and kind Deuteronomy, although the shadow of the dread criminal cat Macavity looms.

Each song is generally about a cat introducing itself, or a cat telling a story about its life. During the night, a washed-up old cat named Grizabella attempts to join the festivities several times, but is rejected. The other cats judge her ragged coat and colorful past, and shun her.

After the lead cats have their moment in the spotlight, Deuteronomy decides that Grizabella deserves to ascend to the Heaviside Layer, and up she goes.

What ... did the Cats look like

In the stage musical, the performers dress in tight fur-patterned suits with fuzzy collars, arm warmers, leg warmers and fuzzy headpieces with ears. They wear cat face paint. These extremely tight catsuits are the source of much childhood confusion or distress surrounding the Cats VHS.

In the film, there are no catsuits or face paint! The cat fur, tails, ears, and whiskers are added digitally.

“It was one of the coolest things I’ve seen,” Taylor Swift, who plays Bombalurina, told Entertainment Weekly. I want to know what else Taylor Swift has seen.

“It’s not animated,” Swift said. “And it’s not motion capture. It’s somehow this new way that hasn’t been done before. And they’re giving us a tail that moves naturally, and ears and whiskers.”

(At this year’s CinemaCon, an event for theatrical exhibitors, Universal showed a behind-the-scenes video of Cats that showed the actors in motion capture suits, which just goes to show, you can’t believe everything Taylor Swift says.)

Andrew Lloyd Webber himself appeared on Good Morning Britain and confirmed that “they’ve got this technique [...] which isn’t like CGI, but it turns you into a cat.”

“So you know it’s Taylor Swift ... but she’s a cat.” He said that Taylor Swift wanted to see that part of the trailer 10 times.

Image: Universal Pictures

How did actors prepare to be in Cats?

“We had this thing called ‘cat school,’” said Taylor Swift, again to EW. “You could learn about how to create the motions of cats, how to think like they think, how to sense things the way that they do, carry yourself the way a cat would. I learned a lot.”

We need to know more.

Why is the “Memory” song such a big deal?

”Memory,” sung by Grizabella, a role usually reserved for a non-dancing actress with killer pipes, is one of the only songs in Cats that doesn’t come from a T.S. Eliot poem. It’s also arguably the best, or at least most memorable song in the show. During the song, Grizabella remembers being young and happy, and vows to live another day in the hopes that she will feel happy again with the sunrise. It’s incredibly sad and beautiful!

After the musical’s debut, “Memory” won Best Song Musically and Lyrically at the 1982 Ivor Novello Awards (give me an excuse to write about Ivor Novello and I’ll do it). Apparently when Andrew Lloyd Webber’s father heard the song, he told him it “sounds like a million dollars,” which is accurate, because it’s the reason people buy tickets to Cats.

Speaking from personal experience, I once made a bunch of people watch clips of Cats during a party, and “Memory” was the only song where everyone shut up and stopped making jokes. It’s very good.

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What does “jellicle” mean?

The cats in Cats are Jellicle Cats. It’s difficult to pinpoint what exactly “jellicle” is supposed to mean, but according to a Telegraph report, the phrase comes from T.S. Eliot’s very young niece trying to pronounce the words “dear little cat.”

From the song “The Jellicle Ball,” we learn that Jellicle Cats are black and white, Jellicle Cats are rather small, Jellicle Cats are merry and bright, and pleasant to hear when they caterwaul (jury is out on that one). That being said, the same song confirms that Jellicle Cats are “of moderate size,” so what is the truth? Additionally, the cats that attend the Jellicle Ball are of a variety of coat patterns — far more than the simple “black and white” that the lyrics suggest.

Which actors play the cats cast in Cats?

Idris Elba as Macavity

A dastardly criminal they call “the Hidden Paw,” Macavity (a mystery cat) is also the “Napoleon of Crime,” making him a feline analog to Arthur Conan Doyle’s Moriarty. It’s interesting to cast such a big name in the Macavity role, because in the stage production he doesn’t have any songs — the role is usually played by a chorus member, who switches back to a regular cat when Macavity is offstage. The movie will likely expand the role to take full advantage of Elba’s capabilities.

Rebel Wilson as Jennyanydots

Jennyanydots is a gleeful seamstress cat who is extremely lazy during the day, but runs around all night long. She also teaches beetles how to dance.

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Judi Dench as Old Deuteronomy

Old Deuteronomy is a loving, soft senior cat who is deeply respected by the community. He (or she in the case of the film) is shown great reverence by the other cats, with the exception of Macavity, who is a menace to the aging feline.

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Ian McKellen as Gus the Theatre Cat

Gus is an elder cat with shaking paws who has made a career on the stage. He sings about his memories of performing as Firefrorefiddle, the Fiend of the Fell, and Growltiger, the scourge of the Thames. In stage productions, Gus, like Macavity, is played by a chorus member who changes for the role. He’s a major tear-jerker! Other cats have to help him around because he’s too old!

Taylor Swift as Bombalurina

Bombalurina is a sexy cat who is horny for Rum Tum Tugger and Macavity, but Rum Tum Tugger rejects her, and she resists Macavity out of female solidarity. In the stage production, Bombalurina and her friend Demeter are the main singers, appearing in most of the songs. Their standout duet is “Macavity.” Historically, Bombalurina is extremely hot, radiates sexual energy, and also made me gay.

Daniela Norman as Demeter

Demeter is Bombalurina’s friend and duet partner — they’re literally always together. She is also a morally flexible cat, but she shares a dark past with Macavity and is actually afraid of him.

James Corden as Bustopher Jones

Another extremely large cat of the upper class who is a member of many clubs. He is nevertheless friendly to his street-living counterparts. Notably, he weighs 25 pounds.

Ray Winstone as Growltiger

Growltiger is a pirate who lives on a barge! The character does not appear in the 1998 Cats film; in the stage production, his song “Growltiger’s Last Stand” is part of Gus’s memory of performing as Growltiger on the stage. Accordingly, he’s usually played by the same actor who plays Gus. Not so in the movie.

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Jennifer Hudson as Grizabella

Grizabella is a lonely old cat who has been shunned by the other Jellicle Cats, possibly because she is implied to be a sex worker, which is bad praxis on the part of the Jellicles. Grizabella is probably the most coveted and well-known role in the play, and is usually played by a celebrity or respected Broadway dame.

Steven McRae as Skimbleshanks

The Railway Cat! Skimbleshanks works on a train and always makes sure it runs on time.

Laurie Davidson as Mr. Mistoffelees

Oh! There never was a cat so clever as magical Mr. Mistoffelees! Mr. M is a lovable young tuxedo cat who is also a magician. He’s cheerful and handsome, and can disappear into thin air!

Robert Fairchild as Munkustrap

Munkustrap is the Cats equivalent of an MC. He’s a cool-headed leader, and introduces basically every damn song (but his personality is frankly boring).

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Jason Derulo as Rum Tum Tugger

Rum Tum Tugger is the handsome bad boy of Cats. He’s an alpha loner who performs a role similar to Munkustrap, but so much hotter. A lot of times he waves his butt and the power of it knocks out any female cats in his vicinity. Still, he respects Old Deuteronomy, even though he mostly stays on the fringe of the Jellicle song-and-dance routine.

In the original stage production, he summons a pastiche of Mick Jagger, with a leopard-patterned chest and a rock star vibe. In a 2014 revival, Andrew Lloyd Webber himself decided it was a good idea to update Rum Tum Tugger and make him a rapper, and also to call this the “street cat” version of Tugger, which seems, I dunno, racially insensitive. This version of Tugger was phased out in 2016 because it was universally despised.

Naoimh Morgan as Rumpleteazer and Danny Collins as Mungojerrie

Mungojerrie and Rumpleteazer are athletic and playful young cats who will destroy everything in your home. They are also thieves, going after both food and valuables indiscriminately.

Jonadette Carpio as Syllabub

Because of her youth, Syllabub doesn’t judge Grizabella as harshly as the others, and is the first to accept her. This is mostly an ensemble role, with one huge, huge exception: She joins in “Memory” in the second act, and her singing is what gives Grizabella hope.

Mette Towley as Cassandra

Cassandra is an elegant cat who looks very distinct from the others, as she has no fluff. Presumably she’s not a hairless cat — she’s certainly a cipher of some kind. In the stage production, hers is a dance-heavy role with no solo songs. She does a lot of dramatic, meaningful posing.

Francesca Hayward as Victoria

Victoria is a demure white cat who can do some truly mind-melting ballet. This is the most difficult dance role in the show.

Laurent Bourgeois as Socrates

This is apparently a role created for the 2019 film, which is nuts because there are so many cats in the musical. Laurent Bourgeois is one of Les Twins, a pair of French dancers who are famous for performing complex, synchronized dance moves. This will no doubt be a dance-heavy role, and I would have suggested he play “Tumblebrutus.” That being said, the Greek philosopher naming gives him synchronicity with ...

Larry Bourgeois as Plato

Plato is another swing role in the stage production. Though the character is in the ensemble for most of the show, he also plays Macavity during the climax, before switching back to Plato. Generally, Plato is a playful young cat. The role is very athletic, which is no doubt why Larry Bourgeois was cast. Expect Plato and Socrates to perform some elite-tier dances together. Sometimes Plato also plays The Rumpus Cat, but that role also goes to...

Bluey Robinson as Alonzo

Alonzo is another chorus member who has some standout moments: Namely, he can portray The Rumpus Cat during a song in which this individual breaks up a fight between some warring neighborhood dogs. He also fights with Macavity when the latter comes to ruin the party.

Eric Underwood as Admetus

Admetus is an ensemble cat with no solos, and in some productions the role has been renamed “Plato.” Which raises the question: What the hell is this movie doing with both Admetus and Plato? Where is Tumblebrutus?

Freya Underwood as Jellylorum

Jellylorum is named after T.S. Eliot’s own cat! She’s a matronly cat who cares for the aging Gus, and stops cat fights from breaking out in the group. She is also one of the first to come around to accepting Grizabella into the group, even though she shuns her at first.

Zizi Strallen as Tantomile and Jaih Betote as Coricopat

A pair of creepy twin kittens who are psychic. I’m not fucking with you. In the musical, they don’t have any solo songs, and mostly do eerie synchronized dance moves. One would have thought these roles perfect for Laurent and Larry Bourgeois, who are, again, literal twins.

Melissa Madden-Gray as Griddlebone

Yet another famous criminal cat, Griddlebone is the lover of Growltiger the pirate. In the stage show, Jellylorum usually performs as Griddlebone, who appears during Gus’s memory of Growltiger’s Last Stand. She’s a vain soprano cat whose performance is a satire of opera divas.

Tommy Franzen, Aaron Jenkins, Chrissy Brooke, Yasmin Harrison as the Ensemble

Kinda seems cheap since there are so many leftover cat names out there, like Carbucketty, Elektra, Etcetera, Exotica (maybe not), Pouncival, and George.

Abigayle Honeywill as Cockroach

I am dying to know what “definitely not motion capture, just a human with cockroach parts” looks like.

Joel Swedensky as Mouse Band (trumpet)

Yes.

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Do cats have ... relationships?

Yes, and it’s so much more complicated than you might assume. In Act 1 there’s a sequence called “The Jellicle Ball,” which is a nine-and-a-half-minute dance sequence. It’s a notoriously difficult sequence that’s broken into many short sections. One of these is commonly known as “sensuals” or the “pas de deux,” or to fans, “the mating dance.” In this section, Victoria does a sensual dance with one of the male cats, generally Plato, Admetus, or Tumblebrutus (where is he!).

This digs into the Cats deep lore: Depending on the staging, different cats appear to pair off. In the headcanons section of the Cats Musical Fandom website, fans have spun out a truly impressive amount of theories based on who interacts with who during the show. For example, Plato and Victoria are often seen together, but Mr. Mistoffelees is the only cat to watch her solo dance, and he touches her leg during “Invitation to the Jellicle Ball.”

And depending on the choreography of a specific production, interactions can change entirely! Oh, well, I never!