In 1988 something truly spectacular happened: We watched Die Hard and met Bruce Willis’ salty, sassy John McClane. The New York detective was the stuff of nightmares for bad guys everywhere…especially Hans Gruber (RIP Alan Rickman). He was a boss’ worst nightmare. He cursed worse than any sailor or trucker we’ve ever met, even as adults. And, you guys, he was so freaking cool. The movie was full of quotable lines, which earned it instant icon status and us a firm talking to or a mouthful of soap if our moms ever heard. That didn’t exactly stop us, though… did it?
John McClane started off old and crotchety and has only gotten better with age. We’re now thirty-something years and five movies into the franchise. He’s like a fine wine because he only gets better with age. Was A Good Day To Die Hard our final chance to hang with John McClane? We hope not. We need to keep watching him age to know how we’re supposed to do it properly. The film also started one of the longest-running debates in film history: is Die Hard a Christmas movie? In fact, according to the latest search data available, there are nearly 2,500 Google searches for that same question a month. A month!
Warning: (Read this in a John McClane voice). Obviously, this isn’t PG-13. Get over it and don’t read it around children.
Iconic Quotes From Die Hard
1. Dwayne T. Robinson: How do you know that?
Sgt. Al Powell: A hunch, things he said. Like being able to spot a phony ID.
Dwayne T. Robinson: Jesus Christ, Powell, he could be a fucking bartender for all we know!
2. John McClane: Glass, who gives a shit about glass?
3. Hans Gruber: Mr. Mystery Guest? Are you still there?
John McClane: Yeah, I’m still here. Unless you wanna open the front door for me.
4. Dwayne T. Robinson: This is Deputy Chief of Police, Dwayne T. Robinson, and I am in charge of this situation.
John McClane: Oh, you’re in charge? Well, I got some bad news for you Dwayne, from up here it doesn’t look like you’re in charge of jack shit.
5. John McClane: Now I know how a TV dinner feels.
6. Hans Gruber: We do NOT alter the plan!
Karl: And, if HE alters it?
7. John McClane: Welcome to the party pal!
8. Hans Gruber: Uh, no, I’m afraid not. But, you have me at a loss. You know my name but who are you? Just another American who saw too many movies as a child? Another orphan of a bankrupt culture who thinks he’s John Wayne? Rambo? Marshal Dillon?
John McClane: Was always kinda partial to Roy Rogers actually. I really like those sequined shirts.
9. Hans Gruber: Now I have a machine gun. Ho-ho-ho.
10. John McClane: [huddled in an air vent, recalls his wife’s invitation] Come out to the coast, we’ll get together, have a few laughs…
11. Hans Gruber: You asked for miracles, I give you… the FBI.
12. Hans Gruber: [Hans’ radio turns on] I thought I told all of you, I want radio silence until further…
John McClane: Ooooh, I’m very sorry Hans. I didn’t get that message. Maybe you should’ve put it on the bulletin board. I figured since I’ve waxed Tony and Marco and his friend here, I figured you and Karl and Franco might be a little lonely, so I wanted to give you a call.
12. Store clerk: (looking at Twinkies) I thought you guys just ate donuts?
13. Hans Gruber: (On the radio) You are most troublesome for a security guard.
14. Hans Gruber: Who are you, then?
John McClane: Just a fly in the ointment, Hans. A monkey in the wretch. A pain in the ass.
15. John McClane: It’s okay, I’m a cop. Trust me, I’ve been doing this for eleven years.
16. Takagi: You want money? What kind of terrorists are you?
Hans Gruber: Who said we were terrorists?
17. John McClane: I’m a cop from New York.
Hans Gruber: New York?
John McClane: Got invited to the Christmas party by mistake. Who knew? (Hans looks at John’s bare feet) Better than getting caught with your pants down. (Laughs) I’m John McClane.
18. Sergeant Al Powell: Hey Roy, how you feeling?
John McClane: Pretty fuckin’ unappreciated, Al.
19. Hans Gruber: I spent a weekend at a combat ranch. You know that game with the guns that shoot red paint? Probably seems kind of stupid to you.
20. Holly Gennero McClane: You’ll have to forgive Ellis. He gets very depressed this time of year. He thought he was God’s greatest gift. You know?
21. John McClane: I think he’s got his eye on you.
Holly Gennero McClane: That’s okay. I have my eye on his private bathroom.
22. John McClane: No. [hands him the gun] Time for the real thing, Bill. All you gotta do is pull the trigger.
23. Marco: No more table! Where are you going to go now? Let me give you some advice: Next time you have the chance to kill someone, don’t hesitate!
John McClane: (Kills him) Thanks for the advice.
24. John McClane: Why don’t you take THIS under consideration, motherfucker?
25. John McClane: You throw quite a party. I didn’t realize they celebrated Christmas in Japan.
Joseph Takagi: Hey, we’re flexible. Pearl Harbor didn’t work out so we got you with tape decks.
26. John McClane: “Nine million terrorists in the world and I gotta kill one with feet smaller than my sister.”
27. John McClane: No fucking shit lady, does it sound like I’m ordering a pizza?
28. Ellis: Hey babe, I negotiate million-dollar deals for breakfast. I think I can handle this Eurotrash.
29. John McClane: You’re pretty tricky with that accent. You oughtta be on fuckin’ TV with that accent.
30. Hans Gruber: You Americans are all alike. Well, this time John Wayne does not walk off into the sunset with Grace Kelly.
John McClane: That’s Gary Cooper, asshole.
31. Holly Gennero McClane: Only John can make somebody that crazy.
32. Hans Gruber: Do you really think you have a chance against us Mr. cowboy?
John McClane: Yippie Ki Yay Motherfucker!
33. Hans Gruber: I am going to count to three. There will not be a four.
34. Tony: You won’t hurt me.
John McClane: Oh, yeah? Why not?
Tony: Because you’re a policeman. There are rules for policemen.
John McClane: Yeah. That’s what my captain keeps telling me.
35. Dwayne T. Robinson: We’re gonna need some more FBI guys, I guess.
36. Hans Gruber: I wanted this to be professional, efficient, adult, cooperative. Not a lot to ask.
37. Hans: The following people are to be released from their captors: In Northern Ireland, the seven members of the New Provo Front. In Canada, the five imprisoned leaders of Liberte de Quebec. In Sri Lanka, the nine members of the Asian Dawn movement…
John McClane: (listening on the radio) What the fuck?
Karl: (mouthing silently) Asian Dawn?
Hans: (covers the radio) I read about them in Time magazine.
38. Hans Gruber: Alas, your Mr. Takagi did not see it that way… so he won’t be joining us for the rest of his life.
39. Hans Gruber: We can go any way you want it. You can walk out of here or be carried out. But have no illusions. We are in charge.
40. Dwayne T. Robinson: Oh god I hope that’s not a hostage.
41. Hans Gruber: That’s a nice suit. It’d be a shame to ruin it
42. John McClane: Happy trails, Hans.
43. John McClane: Is the building destroyed?
Sgt. Al Powell: No, but it’s gonna need a new paint job and a shit-load of screen doors.
44. John McClane: Who’s driving his car, Stevie Wonder?
45. John McClane: Asshole? I’m not the one who just got butt-fucked on national TV. Now, you listen to me, jerk-off, if you’re not a part of the solution, you’re a part of the problem. Quit being a part of the fucking problem and put the other guy back on!
46. John McClane: Hans! You motherfucker, you made your point. Now let them pull back!
47. John McClane (after looking down an elevator shaft): Fuck me.
48. John McClane(just before he blows up James and Alexander with the C4): Geronimo, motherfucker!
49. John McClane: I’m on your side assholes!
50. John McClane: You’d have made a pretty good cowboy yourself, Hans.
Hans Gruber: Oh, yes. What was it you said to me before? ‘Yippie-ki-yay, motherfucker.’
51. Theo: All right, listen up guys. ‘Twas the night before Christmas, and all through the house, not a creature was stirring, except… the four assholes coming in the rear in standard two-by-two cover formation.
52. John McClane: Why’d you have to nuke the whole building, Hans?
Hans Gruber: Well, when you steal $600, you can just disappear. When you steal $600 million, they will find you… unless they think you’re already dead.
53. Hans Gruber: When they touch down, we’ll blow the roof, they’ll spend a month sifting through rubble, and by the time they figure out what went wrong, we’ll be sitting on a beach earning twenty percent.
Quotes From Die Hard 2: Die Harder
54. Capt. Grant: Too bad, McClane. I kinda liked you.
John McClane: I’ve got enough friends!
55. John McClane: How can the same shit happen to the same guy twice.
56. Marvin: You like it, huh? How ’bout you give me twenty bucks for it.
John McClane: How ’bout I let you live?
Marvin: Man knows how to barter.
57. Capt. Grant: You are just in the wrong place, at the wrong time.
John McClane: Story of my life.
58. John McClane: Just once, I’d like a regular, normal Christmas. Eggnog, a fuckin’ Christmas tree, a little turkey. But, no! I gotta crawl around in this motherfuckin’ tin can!
59. Flight Attendant: (to Holly) What did you do?
Holly: Knocked out two of his teeth.
Flight Attendant: Would you like some champagne?
60. Lorenzo: Yeah, yeah. I know who you are. You’re the asshole that’s just broke seven FAA and five District of Columbia regulations, running around my airport with a gun, shooting at people. What do you call that shit?
61. McClane: Powell, put down that Twinkie and talk to me!
Powell: John! How the hell you been?
62. Holly McClane: Listen Dick. That is your name? Dick. If you’re gonna continue to get this close do you think you might consider switching aftershaves?
Thornberg: Anything else?
Holly McClane: Stronger mouthwash would be nice.
63. John McClane: (To Captain Lorenzo) Hey Carmine, let me ask you something: What sets off a metal detector first? The lead in your ass or the shit in your brains?