There is a movement among parents to help their kids develop their emotional intelligence in a way we were never taught.

It’s honestly a lot of work, and one of the tenets is that kids aren’t forced to give affection if they don’ want to.

This mom is trying to raise her kids that way, and her MIL is pretty standoffish to begin with.

We spent Thanksgiving with MIL and SFIL. I always tell my kids they don’t ever have to gives hugs or kisses if they don’t want to.

My daughter (5) seems to feel bad for MIL and hug her.

My son (7) chooses not to, and that is his choice. MIL is pretty much the only person he doesn’t hug.

MIL isn’t a terrible person, but I’ve always gotten the feeling that she doesn’t really like any of us, but goes through the motions out of guilt/obligation.

There are some cultural differences, and I know she feels she has a responsibility as a mother even though my husband is an adult.

She helped us buy a house and paid for our wedding, but never comes around.

She is also extremely awkward around children.

At a recent Thanksgiving, her son refused to hug her MIL despite urging from her husband.

Anyway we went because my kids love seeing all of their step cousins, and it is always a good time.

When we got there, my son wouldn’t hug MIL but hugged everyone else.

Note I don’t think she even wants a hug, I think this embarrasses her.

She stood up for her kids and thought it was over.

Her husband tried to guilt trip my son, and I shut that down because I don’t tolerate emotional manipulation.

Then her stepFIL went to the store and brought back candy for everyone but her son.

MIL at some point needed a shallot and sent her husband to the store.

He brought one of his grandkids with him (MIL’s husband has about 7 grandkids and is like catnip to children).

He came back with candy for all of the kids, including my daughter, but none for my son.

They had a standoff over it.

When I gave him a WTF look, he said “but I thought I didn’t owe anyone anything, and I’m not responsible for other people’s feelings.”

This is language I’ve used to explain why I don’t force my kids to give hugs.

My son was clearly very upset, because he was being excluded but also because he likes MILs husband a lot.

MIL’s husband said he doesn’t like how my son treats his wife, and he knows it sucks but kids have to learn hard lessons sometimes.

She stated her kids would never come to their house again.

I took my daughter’s candy away, gave it back to him, and we left. I said that man will never see my son again.

If MIL wants to visit our house she can (not that she ever has, literally ever) but they will never see him again.

The family is convinced she’s overreacting.

This sucks because they have gotten close to his grandchildren, and all three of his children told me that if I do this, they are done with me, when I asked about scheduling play dates.

My husband doesn’t like what he did, but thinks I’m overreacting and he is from a different generation and a different culture.

We should try to talk it out, but I feel like for a grown man to do that to a kid is straight up evil.

Does Reddit agree? You know they’re tell her!

The top comment says this isn’t something you cut off family for.

And this person says alternatives exist for a reason.

Because you can still teach them respect.

You have to teach your kids how to function in the world.

There definitely seems to be more at play here.

I definitely think she’s overreacting.

And whatever she’s teaching her son, this is going to negate it.

If you enjoyed this story, check out this post about a daughter who invited herself to her parents’ 40th anniversary vacation for all the wrong reasons.