“Bring home the bacon.” — me to my future husband, except I won’t just be talking about money.
The world’s obsession with salt-cured pork knows no bounds, and as a citizen of the world, I follow suit.
There is something about the salty, greasy meat that kicks every endorphin into high gear, which is why it has evolved beyond a breakfast staple and incorporated into practically everything from soups and salads to dips and even cookies.
Donald Link, owner of Link Restaurant Group and New Orleans’ most famous pork-utilizing chef, shares this sentiment. But he’s also particular about the types he’ll buy if not serving the signature heritage variety found at his six restaurants.
“I look for simple versions and thicker slices,” he says. “Avoid big-name brands and packages with too many words on them, like maple pecan bourbon oak smoked peppered blah, blah, blah.”
And while his bacon shines most on a summer BLT at La Boulangerie or with fried oysters at Cochon, his preferred preparation method for home cooks is to simply fry it up on a stovetop.
“The oven is good for large batches but I always take the time to fry mine on the stovetop in a cast-iron pot, then lay them on paper towels to cool,” he shares. “The longer you leave them in, the crispier it will be. But if you fry it too long, it will get bitter and then burn.”
Bacon ultimately comes down to personal preference. Some prefer thick, smoked and hearty, while others prefer thin and crispy. Despite Link’s recommendation to avoid big-name brands, going to a local butcher isn’t always realistic for the typical time-pressed consumer. So I purchased 10 of the most readily available packages I could find and put them to the ultimate taste test. Here’s how they ranked.
I’ll give Smithfield points on crispiness, but this would be the last option I’d pick if stranded on a deserted island with nothing but store-bought bacon (which is a scenario that doesn’t seem half-bad, TBH). It was entirely too thin with a grease puddle that rivaled my Sicilian forehead. The price was right, though, for anyone on a budget and in need of a little special sustenance.
9. Jimmy Dean Applewood Smoked Premium Bacon
When I grew up and experimented with cooking, my parents would often comment, “Did you lose the salt shaker in this?” I’d like to pose this same question to Jimmy Dean’s recipe developers because this tasted nearly identical to the time I licked my Himalayan salt lamp out of curiosity. If masking each strip with waffles and eggs is your a.m. norm, then this will be A-OK. But if you’re looking for more depth, nuance and flavor complexity, read on.
8. Hormel Black Label Natural Hardwood Smoke Thick Cut Bacon
I didn’t mind this package from Hormel, one of many in an impressively extensive line of bacon. But it was very pork-heavy and a touch too salty, resulting in a rating of “just fine.” And unfortunately, “just fines” end up towards the bottom of the pack when compared to more stellar alternatives.
7. D'Artagnan Uncured Applewood Smoked Bacon
What struck me most about D’Artagnan was its commitment to promoting the fact that the bacon was of the aforementioned heritage variety. This led to me going in with somewhat high expectations since the pork at Link’s restaurants tastes so premium and upscale that you sometimes forget it’s simply bacon. The taste of these strips was spot-on — well-balanced, not overwhelmingly smoky, but I did have issues with its inconsistent thinner cuts and chewier texture (which, again, boils down to personal preference). This would be the one I chop up and put into a salad, but probably not eat on its own as a side dish.
6. 365 by Whole Foods Market Uncured Center Cut Smokehouse Bacon
Whole Foods’ take on bacon was unsurprisingly solid. The health-minded chain is always consistent in producing pure-tasting meat products void of any artificiality or funky flavors. That said, it didn’t have much of a gourmet-like quality that would inspire me to order it on a weekly basis. It was the only one of this list (aside from Hormel’s) that I had to come back to immediately and remember what it initially tasted like. But I dug it and would never turn it down if served on a rainy Saturday morning, especially while still in bed.
5. Trader Joe’s Uncured Apple Smoked Bacon
This was absolutely the sweetest of the bunch, which meant it paired flawlessly with maple syrup-doused pancakes. And while its notes of brown sugar may be off-putting for the savory breakfast purist, I say expand your palate horizons and partake in the glorious, almost glazed-like crunch that comes from this extra-thick offering.
4. Applegate Organics Hickory Smoked Uncured Sunday Bacon
I loved, loved, loved this bacon. My only gripe was that it may be a little too rich as part of a bigger breakfast (bacon doesn’t always have to play a starring role), but it was bursting with the salty, smoky, sweet flavors that we all enjoy oh-so-much and tasted almost as if it came straight from the farm (which is a bit morbid, but a testament to its freshness and artisanal-like qualities).
3. Oscar Mayer Naturally Hardwood Smoked Original Bacon
Oscar Mayer was proof that you can’t go wrong with an O.G. In fact, it was the most recognizable of the bunch with a trademark saltiness and delicate crisp that reminded me of the weekend breakfasts of my childhood (along with Dinosaur Eggs oatmeal, of course). It may not have been as smoke-intense as the other contenders, but nostalgia always wins, earning this a well-deserved bronze medal.
2. Wright Brand Real Wood Smoked Applewood Thick Cut Bacon
If loving bacon is wrong, I want it to be Wright. The brand offers one of the best thick-cut options on the market with a somewhat muted smoky flavor so that the pork speaks for itself. This also yielded crisp, crunchy perfection, as opposed to the nausea-inducing, gelatinous and rubbery stuff you sometimes get served from a busy diner with not enough line cooks. Two very enthusiastic forks up.
1. Market Pantry Hardwood Smoked Classic Cut Bacon
Target hit a bullseye with this one. I literally had zero criticisms written on my notepad, which simply read “taste: super yum; texture: super yum.” And if you’re going to leave me — the “world’s most judgmental taste tester” (a superlative given by one of you in an Instagram comment, lol) — almost speechless, then you know you’ve got a certified hit on your hands. That said, if I’m going to be nit-picky, there were a few pieces on the thinner side. But I almost welcomed the texture variety because they all ultimately tasted delicious and reminded me of my favorite no-frills breakfast spot in college that was also “super yum.”