Monk (TV Series)

Mr. Monk Meets Dale the Whale (2002)

Adam Arkin: Dale 'The Whale' Biederbeck

Photos 

Quotes 

• Dr. Christian Vezza : Biederbeck, you're an abomination. An odious, gluttonous... putrid freak of nature.

  Biederbeck : Wow, it's been a long time since anyone's called me THAT.

• Biederbeck : There's not a prison in the country that can hold me!

  Adrian Monk : There are very few shopping malls that can hold you. But nonetheless, we're gonna give it a try.

  Biederbeck : [enraged]  YOU...! YOU...!

  [reaches out in an attempt to strangle Monk] 

  Sharona Fleming : What's he doing?

  Adrian Monk : [leaning in closer to Dale, staying just out of reach]  I think he's trying to kill me.

  [Dale finally gives up, flopping back on the bed in exhaustion] 

  Adrian Monk : Wasn't really much of a fight, was it?

• Biederbeck : Well, my, my, my, it's the boys in blue!

  [to Monk] 

  Biederbeck : And the former boy in blue! Forgive me if I don't get up.

• [watching a Congressional hearing on TV] 

  Biederbeck : [into phone]  I know your boss is busy, Danny, I'm watching it! Tell him Dale Biederbeck wants an answer now. Not later, now. Is he in or out? If he's in, tell him to... clean his glasses.

  [on the TV, a Congressman's aide leans over and whispers in his ear; the Congressman takes off his glasses and polishes them] 

  Biederbeck : Congratulate the Congressman; he's just been re-elected to a fifth term.

  [hangs up and laughs to himself] 

  Biederbeck : Oh, it's better than the Home Shopping Network.

• Captain Leland Stottlemeyer : I'm here to arrest you for the murder of Judge Catherine Lavinio. That's a warrant, duly sworn.

  Biederbeck : Sweetheart, I'll have to call you back. Doctor, would you call Martin Klein and tell him we're suing the city for malicious prosecution, again?

  Captain Leland Stottlemeyer : I have hired a construction company to take out this door, we're gonna get a crane up here and lower your fat ass down to the street.

• Captain Leland Stottlemeyer : Where were you at around midnight last night?

  Biederbeck : Where was I? Let me think... where was I? Oh, yes, I was here! I haven't left this room in eleven years, I'm five and a half feet wide, in case you didn't notice!

  [to Sharona] 

  Biederbeck : More of me to love, honey.

• Biederbeck : Where were we? Bread and butter.

  Adrian Monk : [shocked]  What?

  Biederbeck : "Bread and butter." Those were Trudy's last words, weren't they? The transcript of the coroner's inquest is a matter of public record. The Internet, Monk; it's the fat man's best friend. It's been troubling me for years. What could she have meant? "Bread and butter."

  Adrian Monk : Go to hell.

  Biederbeck : [laughing]  No doubt I will. I just hope it's handicap-accessible.

• Biederbeck : [to Randy, standing at Dale's window]  Excuse me? Excuse me, PUTZ? You're blocking the view. It's really all I have.

• Adrian Monk : [Monk receives a phone call at Sharona's house]  Hello?

  Biederbeck : Bread and butter. Bread and butter. It's been driving me crazy. What could she have possibly meant? Bread and butter. I figure it was a message. A secret message, just for you.

  Adrian Monk : What can I do for you, Dale?

  Biederbeck : Well, I'm a little worried about Sharona. She sort of fell apart on us last night. I'm really not sure if we can count on her, Adrian.

  Adrian Monk : You have other things to worry about.

  Biederbeck : You can't scare me. Don't even try. You're meek. Meeky meek meek.

• Biederbeck : [referring to Monk]  Hey, did he tell you about his wife and me?

  Sharona Fleming : I know all about it.

  Biederbeck : No, you don't. He didn't tell you. He's too ashamed. See, nine years ago, his beloved Trudy wrote a piece on me in which she said I was, 'the Genghis Khan of world finance.' So I sued her and the rag that published the piece. Now, I knew I couldn't win, but I dragged things on long enough that eventually Mr. and Mrs. Monk had to sell everything. Even that cute little starter house they lived in. You know who owns it now?

  Sharona Fleming : You.

  Biederbeck : Mm-hmm. I use it to store my pornography collection. Which reminds me, are you interested in earning a little extra money?

• Biederbeck : [as Monk enters]  Well, my, my, my! It's the Defective Detective once more. Lay it on me, Einstein!

• Sharona Fleming : What kind of dog is that?

  [she reaches across Biederbeck's stomach to feel it] 

  Biederbeck : Now, sweetheart, if you want to feel my stomach, all you have to do is ask.

  Sharona Fleming : I wasn't...

  Biederbeck : Of course you were! You're wondering what they're all wondering. "My God, can he really be that big?" Let's find out, shall we?

  [lifting the front of his pajamas] 

  Biederbeck : Totally al fresco!