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What Happened to You?: Conversations on Trauma, Resilience, and Healing Hardcover – April 27, 2021


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ONE MILLION COPIES SOLD
#1
NEW YORK TIMES BESTSELLER

Our earliest experiences shape our lives far down the road, and
What Happened to You? provides powerful scientific and emotional insights into the behavioral patterns so many of us struggle to understand.

“Through this lens we can build a renewed sense of personal self-worth and ultimately recalibrate our responses to circumstances, situations, and relationships. It is, in other words, the key to reshaping our very lives.”―Oprah Winfrey

This book is going to change the way you see your life.

Have you ever wondered "Why did I do that?" or "Why can't I
just control my behavior?" Others may judge our reactions and think, "What's wrong with that person?" When questioning our emotions, it's easy to place the blame on ourselves; holding ourselves and those around us to an impossible standard. It's time we started asking a different question.

Through deeply personal conversations, Oprah Winfrey and renowned brain and trauma expert Dr. Bruce Perry offer a groundbreaking and profound shift from asking “What’s wrong with you?” to “What happened to you?”

Here, Winfrey shares stories from her own past, understanding through experience the vulnerability that comes from facing trauma and adversity at a young age. In conversation throughout the book, she and Dr. Perry focus on understanding people, behavior, and ourselves. It’s a subtle but profound shift in our approach to trauma, and it’s one that allows us to understand our pasts in order to clear a path to our future―opening the door to resilience and healing in a proven, powerful way.


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Editorial Reviews

Review

"Where Hope Lives:

What we experience in childhood shapes us forever―and that is especially true for young victims of trauma. It’s a lesson Oprah learned as a child being raised by an abusive grandmother. She developed 'a keen sense of when trouble was brewing'―when she would be subjected to 'whuppings' at times so brutal, the welts left behind would bleed through her clothing.

As a result of this and other abuse she suffered, Oprah has had a lifelong interest in understanding and overcoming the profound effects of early trauma―and helping others do the same.
Now, she’s teamed up with neuroscientist and child trauma expert Bruce Perry, MD, PhD, on this essential book. Revealing, intimate, and educational, it’s a testament to the authors’ wish for readers to come to grips with, and let go of, the past―and to move forward into 'post-traumatic wisdom.'"


―Leigh Haber,
O Magazine

About the Author

Through the power of media, Oprah Winfrey has created an unparalleled connection with people around the world. As host and supervising producer of the top-rated, award-winning The Oprah Winfrey Show, she entertained, enlightened, and uplifted millions of viewers for twenty-five years. Her accomplishments as a global media leader and philanthropist have established her as one of the most respected and admired public figures today.

Bruce D. Perry, M.D., Ph.D., a child psychiatrist and neuroscientist, is the principal of the Neurosequential Network, senior fellow of the ChildTrauma Academy and an adjunct professor of psychiatry at the Northwestern University School of Medicine in Chicago. He is the author, with Maia Szalavitz, of The Boy Who Was Raised as a Dog, a bestselling book based on his work with maltreated children, and Born for Love, about the essential nature of empathy.

Product details

  • Publisher ‏ : ‎ Flatiron Books: An Oprah Book; 1st edition (April 27, 2021)
  • Language ‏ : ‎ English
  • Hardcover ‏ : ‎ 304 pages
  • ISBN-10 ‏ : ‎ 1250223180
  • ISBN-13 ‏ : ‎ 978-1250223180
  • Item Weight ‏ : ‎ 1.3 pounds
  • Dimensions ‏ : ‎ 5.85 x 1.2 x 8.55 inches
  • Customer Reviews:

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Customer reviews

4.7 out of 5 stars
4.7 out of 5
16,108 global ratings
A must read....personally validating
5 Stars
A must read....personally validating
The photo I shared is how my personal childhood trauma played out as an adult when I was 47. This book validates the experiences I had, and that in fact, I'm not an exception at all. My hope and prayer is that with this being on Oprah's list of 2021 best gifts that more folks will take the time to understand how in fact their past can and does play out in their life and in their relationships with others. The best gift any of us can give our children is to break generational cycles of abuse, neglect, and negative patterns. We can't do that without an understanding of how our brains work to deal with trauma we have experienced in our lives. Dr. Perry and Oprah take such a complicated topic and give concrete examples to help folks who haven't had exposure to this topic have a better understanding. You more than likely have had adverse experiences in your life that impact your current relationships. This book will help you have a better understanding of how past experiences play out in current relationships. Additionally, there are examples of how folks have overcome great adversities to go on and thrive. What happens to us doesn't have to define us or our future, we each need to process our past, understand how a wrong, injustice, or adversity, has shaped our worldview, and then make the decision to learn and grow from the experience. It's not easy, and I don't think in the book they allude to the fact that it is, it's very difficult, but as I've come to learn in life, probably like most folks, the rewards come after the difficult work/journeys. Nothing worthwhile in life is usually easy.My personal experience, I was brought up in a middle class white family, graduated college at 23, and on to work full-time, a fulfilling career, until my childhood trauma was triggered when I felt bullied by a $3trillion company. I suffered from dissociative trauma, as a child, fight or flight were not options to the significant abuse I suffered. This bully triggered the bully from my childhood that significantly abused me and I took all the anger from my childhood bully and placed it on this company. Whether I was right or wrong in feeling bullied is moot, book will point to that. I resigned from a career at this company of 11 years, a good career, and went on to file multiple lawsuits consuming two years of my life, the picture shows I took the case all the way to The Supreme Court of the US, after I was rejected in every other court. You see the child who did not have a voice when she was being abused, was determined this time to be heard, hence all the lawsuits begging someone to see how I was being bullied. I wasn't successful, every court denied to allow me to go to discovery, which just again, reactivated my childhood trauma of not being heard. This started for me in 2014, it would take me 4 years to walk through the doors of a trauma counselor where I would connect all the dots and be flooded with past memories, experience PTSD, body sensations, and here I am 3 years later, healthier and whole, but it was the most difficult process I've ever experienced. I was lucky, I had an incredible support system in my husband and friends but I can easily see how this type of event would cripple anyone and how they could be ostracized by friends and family, not that I didn't experience some of that, but those who were there for me helped me overcome.So, yes, I recommend the book because all of us have experienced adversities or trauma and most folks have no idea how it is playing out in their lives today and how they are passing it down to their children. If you take the time to be openminded, reflective, and honest, you will in fact take something away that will make your life better.Thank you Dr. Perry and Oprah, for all the work you have done in this field for decades. I can't imagine how difficult it has to be to hear so many of these stories, live it, and know it, and see how slow our society has been to address mental health. Thank you, thank you, thank you, Oprah for putting it on your 2021 list, and thank you too for sharing your personal story, how you struggled and resolved your relationship with your mother, it moved me to tears, for many reasons. May God bless you each abundantly and may His hand be upon the mission of expanding this topic of What Happened To you?Leigh Ann HarrisNorth Carolina
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Top reviews from the United States

Reviewed in the United States on March 13, 2024
Anyone know n a profession that deals with kids needs to read this book. Anyone who has a responsibility to a child needs to read this book. Excellent explanation of trauma! Easy to read! Quick read!
3 people found this helpful
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Reviewed in the United States on December 9, 2021
The photo I shared is how my personal childhood trauma played out as an adult when I was 47. This book validates the experiences I had, and that in fact, I'm not an exception at all. My hope and prayer is that with this being on Oprah's list of 2021 best gifts that more folks will take the time to understand how in fact their past can and does play out in their life and in their relationships with others. The best gift any of us can give our children is to break generational cycles of abuse, neglect, and negative patterns. We can't do that without an understanding of how our brains work to deal with trauma we have experienced in our lives. Dr. Perry and Oprah take such a complicated topic and give concrete examples to help folks who haven't had exposure to this topic have a better understanding. You more than likely have had adverse experiences in your life that impact your current relationships. This book will help you have a better understanding of how past experiences play out in current relationships. Additionally, there are examples of how folks have overcome great adversities to go on and thrive. What happens to us doesn't have to define us or our future, we each need to process our past, understand how a wrong, injustice, or adversity, has shaped our worldview, and then make the decision to learn and grow from the experience. It's not easy, and I don't think in the book they allude to the fact that it is, it's very difficult, but as I've come to learn in life, probably like most folks, the rewards come after the difficult work/journeys. Nothing worthwhile in life is usually easy.

My personal experience, I was brought up in a middle class white family, graduated college at 23, and on to work full-time, a fulfilling career, until my childhood trauma was triggered when I felt bullied by a $3trillion company. I suffered from dissociative trauma, as a child, fight or flight were not options to the significant abuse I suffered. This bully triggered the bully from my childhood that significantly abused me and I took all the anger from my childhood bully and placed it on this company. Whether I was right or wrong in feeling bullied is moot, book will point to that. I resigned from a career at this company of 11 years, a good career, and went on to file multiple lawsuits consuming two years of my life, the picture shows I took the case all the way to The Supreme Court of the US, after I was rejected in every other court. You see the child who did not have a voice when she was being abused, was determined this time to be heard, hence all the lawsuits begging someone to see how I was being bullied. I wasn't successful, every court denied to allow me to go to discovery, which just again, reactivated my childhood trauma of not being heard. This started for me in 2014, it would take me 4 years to walk through the doors of a trauma counselor where I would connect all the dots and be flooded with past memories, experience PTSD, body sensations, and here I am 3 years later, healthier and whole, but it was the most difficult process I've ever experienced. I was lucky, I had an incredible support system in my husband and friends but I can easily see how this type of event would cripple anyone and how they could be ostracized by friends and family, not that I didn't experience some of that, but those who were there for me helped me overcome.

So, yes, I recommend the book because all of us have experienced adversities or trauma and most folks have no idea how it is playing out in their lives today and how they are passing it down to their children. If you take the time to be openminded, reflective, and honest, you will in fact take something away that will make your life better.

Thank you Dr. Perry and Oprah, for all the work you have done in this field for decades. I can't imagine how difficult it has to be to hear so many of these stories, live it, and know it, and see how slow our society has been to address mental health. Thank you, thank you, thank you, Oprah for putting it on your 2021 list, and thank you too for sharing your personal story, how you struggled and resolved your relationship with your mother, it moved me to tears, for many reasons. May God bless you each abundantly and may His hand be upon the mission of expanding this topic of What Happened To you?

Leigh Ann Harris
North Carolina
Customer image
LAH
5.0 out of 5 stars A must read....personally validating
Reviewed in the United States on December 9, 2021
The photo I shared is how my personal childhood trauma played out as an adult when I was 47. This book validates the experiences I had, and that in fact, I'm not an exception at all. My hope and prayer is that with this being on Oprah's list of 2021 best gifts that more folks will take the time to understand how in fact their past can and does play out in their life and in their relationships with others. The best gift any of us can give our children is to break generational cycles of abuse, neglect, and negative patterns. We can't do that without an understanding of how our brains work to deal with trauma we have experienced in our lives. Dr. Perry and Oprah take such a complicated topic and give concrete examples to help folks who haven't had exposure to this topic have a better understanding. You more than likely have had adverse experiences in your life that impact your current relationships. This book will help you have a better understanding of how past experiences play out in current relationships. Additionally, there are examples of how folks have overcome great adversities to go on and thrive. What happens to us doesn't have to define us or our future, we each need to process our past, understand how a wrong, injustice, or adversity, has shaped our worldview, and then make the decision to learn and grow from the experience. It's not easy, and I don't think in the book they allude to the fact that it is, it's very difficult, but as I've come to learn in life, probably like most folks, the rewards come after the difficult work/journeys. Nothing worthwhile in life is usually easy.

My personal experience, I was brought up in a middle class white family, graduated college at 23, and on to work full-time, a fulfilling career, until my childhood trauma was triggered when I felt bullied by a $3trillion company. I suffered from dissociative trauma, as a child, fight or flight were not options to the significant abuse I suffered. This bully triggered the bully from my childhood that significantly abused me and I took all the anger from my childhood bully and placed it on this company. Whether I was right or wrong in feeling bullied is moot, book will point to that. I resigned from a career at this company of 11 years, a good career, and went on to file multiple lawsuits consuming two years of my life, the picture shows I took the case all the way to The Supreme Court of the US, after I was rejected in every other court. You see the child who did not have a voice when she was being abused, was determined this time to be heard, hence all the lawsuits begging someone to see how I was being bullied. I wasn't successful, every court denied to allow me to go to discovery, which just again, reactivated my childhood trauma of not being heard. This started for me in 2014, it would take me 4 years to walk through the doors of a trauma counselor where I would connect all the dots and be flooded with past memories, experience PTSD, body sensations, and here I am 3 years later, healthier and whole, but it was the most difficult process I've ever experienced. I was lucky, I had an incredible support system in my husband and friends but I can easily see how this type of event would cripple anyone and how they could be ostracized by friends and family, not that I didn't experience some of that, but those who were there for me helped me overcome.

So, yes, I recommend the book because all of us have experienced adversities or trauma and most folks have no idea how it is playing out in their lives today and how they are passing it down to their children. If you take the time to be openminded, reflective, and honest, you will in fact take something away that will make your life better.

Thank you Dr. Perry and Oprah, for all the work you have done in this field for decades. I can't imagine how difficult it has to be to hear so many of these stories, live it, and know it, and see how slow our society has been to address mental health. Thank you, thank you, thank you, Oprah for putting it on your 2021 list, and thank you too for sharing your personal story, how you struggled and resolved your relationship with your mother, it moved me to tears, for many reasons. May God bless you each abundantly and may His hand be upon the mission of expanding this topic of What Happened To you?

Leigh Ann Harris
North Carolina
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354 people found this helpful
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Reviewed in the United States on March 5, 2024
I have to say I related to a lot of things in this book without bringing up personal issues. If it doesn't do it for you personally you'll recognize things in other people very enlightening. A must read. Change my perspective on so many things an outlooks and understanding of people and myself enjoy
4 people found this helpful
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Reviewed in the United States on April 10, 2024
Book was very interesting
Reviewed in the United States on January 29, 2024
Great book. Well written and easy to read. Lots of useful information
Reviewed in the United States on April 5, 2024
Helped me understand trauma and how it affects everyone.
Reviewed in the United States on May 30, 2021
My anxiety started when I was 9, then intermittently reared its ugly head in and out of my life. After the birth of my son, anxiety became a constant companion. I didn’t know what I was feeling, all I knew was that out of nowhere, I would feel scared and nervous, and all of a sudden able to move. This is not how I want be a mom to my kids and all I can think of is that I do not want to be my mom.

I got this book not having any high hopes. It really opened my eyes on what anxiety and depression really is and how things that we never noticed could be a trigger point for a PTSD episode. In the beginning, Dr. Perry mentioned how there was one child who did not get along with the teacher and then the aha moment came when the boy’s dad came for a visit, wearing the same cologne that the teacher had on.

I started highlighting the lines, sentences, and notes on the side the points that resonated with me the most and it is really helpful for me to understand my triggers and my reactions. The biggest take away for me is how trauma affects children and how I can stop some of the cycles that I am creating unknowingly.

I do like the conversation style where Oprah would write in blue from the experiences that she has and Dr. Perry in black in response to it. You feel like you are sitting in on a class or an discussion between the two. The examples they give is poignant and relatable. The font color may not be agreeable with others but blue is suppose to be soothing and provides comfort. It also shows you where oprah starts and where Dr. Perry begins.

I highly recommend this book to anyone who is suffering from trauma in their life. It can be a hard read as I started crying by the second chapter. This also means that it hits a spot that needs to be heal.
27 people found this helpful
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Reviewed in the United States on March 26, 2024
It’s a fresh way to look at phycology

Top reviews from other countries

Lisa Lahey
5.0 out of 5 stars Great combination of a Ph.D. author and Oprah Winfrey's questions and input
Reviewed in Canada on November 10, 2023
I've never been a fan of Oprah's and normally I would have thought anything she co-wrote would be silly and unhelpful but I was wrong. This book was on my reading list for a social services course I was taking and its very insightful. Heartbreaking.
One person found this helpful
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Luis A Ibarra Pardo
5.0 out of 5 stars Interesante
Reviewed in Mexico on March 30, 2023
Muy ilustrativo leer acerca de la importancia del trauma, sus consecuencias y su tratamiento. Ojalá y en la sociedad estuviéramos más informados al respecto. Como se explica en el libro, todo lo q hacemos al final tiene que ver con lo que nos pasó en el pasado. La importancia de nuestras figuras de apego mientras crecemos no puede ser enfatizada lo suficiente. Ojalá todos podamos ser esos adultos que tienen empatía por el de enfrente y podamos formar conexiones sanadoras. Con las explicaciones del Dr. Perry y Oprah, estaremos más cerca de concientizarnos al respecto.
Huda Jamaleddine
5.0 out of 5 stars A spiritual healing experience.
Reviewed in Brazil on November 13, 2021
Reading this œuvre has made me realize key points of my life. I finally understand and accept that, whatever happened to me during my youth, especially as a teenager and young adult, shaped me into what I am today. It somehow gave me the strength to move on and build a loving family of my own.
2 people found this helpful
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Amazon-Kunde
5.0 out of 5 stars Absolut empfehlenswert
Reviewed in Germany on December 29, 2022
Ja "what happened to you"?
Während ich das Buch gelesen habe, habe ich mir diese Frage oft gestellt. Die Konversation zwischen Oprah und Bruce ist extrem spannend und ich empfehle jede/n Trauma-Interessent/in dieses Buch zu lesen.
One person found this helpful
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Amy
5.0 out of 5 stars excelente
Reviewed in Spain on May 24, 2021
excelente libro, se entiende cómo funciona el cerebro muy bien con todos los ejemplos que tiene. Recomiendo 100%
One person found this helpful
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