Oh, ’80s bubblegum VHS horror…how I miss your simple, ridiculous charm.
It’s time for the sacred initiation ritual of the Tri-Delt sorority (Tri-Delt, everyone else has!), and co-eds Taffy and Lisa endure the classic spankings and whipped cream delight at the hands of sorority sisters Babs, Rhonda, and Frankie. Meanwhile, brothers in nerdom Calvin, Jimmie, and Keith spy on the ceremony tittering like, well, boys seeing boobs. The boys infiltrate the Sorority house while lashings echo in through the kitchen. And in a fit of gratuitous naked body shower ogling, they get caught, which obviously means they must accompany the girls on their final mission: to break into the mall and steal a precious bowling trophy from the local bowling alley. Because if ‘80s Sororities love anything more than hairspray, it’s bowling.
Thus is the setup for Sorority Babes in the Slimeball Bowl-o-Rama (1987), a slice of Full Moon cheese whose title drips in sharp cheddar like a plate of bowling alley nachos. The title is by far the best thing about what could have been a cut-and-paste Monkey’s Paw eulogy, but its absurdist revelry in its own camp elevates SBSB into “so-good-its-bad” cult classic-ness. This, after all, is what director David DeCoteau is known for.
Fresh off signing a ten-picture deal with Charles Band’s Urban Classic Productions, Band came to DeCoteau with a script that he “need[ed]…to start working on yesterday.” Originally titled The Imp, DeCoteau had one woman in mind to launch his vision into reality: the Queen of Scream herself, Linnea Quigley. DeCoteau gave Quigley the script, allowing her to pick whatever role she wanted. In a rare appearance where we do not see her boobs, she chose Spider.
But if you’re here for butchering and boobies, don’t worry, there’s plenty to go around! Quigley is joined by Michelle Bauer as Lisa, who also has the majestic ability to get naked in all her films. Brinke Stevens, another handmaiden of scream royalty, takes the role of wanna-be prom queen Taffy. The three would also appear together in DeCoteau’s next film, Nightmare Sisters. Horror vet Robin Rochelle (Stille) takes on the role of de-facto sorority leader Babs, whose father apparently runs the mall in which the bowling alley operates and uses this factor to infiltrate the trophy heist with tri-Delt sisters Rhonda and Frankie.
As the two babelicious sorority initiates enter the already broken-into bowling alley with their male companions, they meet Spider looting around the cash registers. Her clear thievery skills help them break into the trophy room, choose the biggest trophy they can find, promptly break it, and unleash the imprisoned Imp who calls himself Uncle Impie. A Yoda-meets-ghoulie hybrid who talks jive like a California raisin, Uncle Impie offers his saviors each a wish.
Despite Calvin’s “maybe the wishes could come true and then go bad on us, I’ve heard that happens sometimes” warning, everyone except for Spider and Calvin wish upon an Imp. And sure as the moon is full, those wishes go bad in gruesome and glorious fashion. Heads roll down bowling lanes, shovels impale faces, co-eds are torn in half, and Molotov cocktails burn minions alive.
Hero nerd Calvin was played by Andras Jones, nearly unrecognizable from his role as kung-fu Rick in A Nightmare on Elm Street 4: Dream Master. He was recommended to the film by Quigley, fresh off her own boob-cameo on NES 4, and is quite a turn for Jones, going from confident, goofy brother to quiet, awkward nerd. And Quigley and Jones get their moment in the sun, riding off into the sunrise while Uncle Impie pleads with the audience to let him out of his new cigar box home.
When I first watched the film, I got that nostalgic, liminal feeling that I knew these places before, and turns out, I had not only seen them…I had bowled there. Filming locations were in North County San Diego at the Plaza Camino Real mall in Carlsbad and Eagle One Bowl in San Marcos (now Bowlero). Due to the low budget, DeCoteau and co. filmed after the alley closed and shot from 9pm to 9am.
If you think this might be worth enjoying with a few beers, you’d be in good company. DeCoteau was continuously drunk while filming, as were most of the cast and crew, having set up an open bar on set which was possibly the most costly asset of the low-budget production. Twelve days of perpetual imbibing while playing against a puppet seems more impressive than living in a green dome trying to play against tennis balls, and is one of the reasons I will always respect the practical effects of the ‘80s over anything modern CGI.
Despite the sheer level of splatter movie talent, the acting is very much b-slate. Blame the drinking or the script, but it really doesn’t matter as the film is entirely endearing trash. And what would a campfest be without the indelible Buck Flowers, at his most bumbling expositional as “Janitor,” who shares the story of the Imp? Imprisoned for 30 years after a terrible bowler, tired of being bullied for his lack of skill, uses the powers of dark magic to summon the creature and take revenge on his bullies.
The soundtrack throughout the picture is so pitch-perfect, it elevates the whole atmosphere. The credits roll over Bob Parr’s “Here in the Darkness” performed by Greg Stone. A poppy, toe-tapping introduction that sets a very particular tone of lighthearted macabre that carries through Zoom Zoom’s “Feel’s Right” and “Sex” plus the ‘60s legend Ronnie Mack’s “I Wanna Dance with You” and “Pretty Girl.” Its tonal perfection adds a kiss of kitsch to the already ludicrous movie.
When your friends ask you, “Hey, what’s the cheesiest, most ridiculous example of sleazeball ‘80s horror?” Sorority Babes in the Slimeball Bowl-o-Rama is easily the first response. Despite a limited release in 1988, the film gained home-video popularity after 1991 after appearing on USA’s Up All Night with Rhonda Shear. The episode also featured Meatballs 3 and was co-hosted by Linnea Quigley. It was the most popular episode to date. It became an underground classic and faded into obscurity again until 2018 with the return of The Last Drive-In with Joe Bob Briggs on Shudder. Playing on his all-night “Dusk till Dawn” marathon in July, a whole new fanbase breathed life into the film 35 years after its release.
While there’s no accounting for taste, bad taste is right up our bowling alley in Sorority Babes in the Slimeball Bowl-o-Rama. It’s a testament to the fact that entertainment and quality are not mutually exclusive, and a film’s staying power in the zeitgeist has everything to do with enjoyment.
