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Together: The Healing Power of Human Connection in a Sometimes Lonely World Hardcover – April 21, 2020


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Instant New York Times Bestseller!

The book we need NOW to avoid a social recession, Murthy’s prescient message is about the importance of human connection, the hidden impact of loneliness on our health, and the social power of community.

Humans are social creatures: In this simple and obvious fact lies both the problem and the solution to the current crisis of loneliness. In his groundbreaking book, the 19th surgeon general of the United States Dr. Vivek Murthy makes a case for loneliness as a public health concern: a root cause and contributor to many of the epidemics sweeping the world today from alcohol and drug addiction to violence to depression and anxiety. Loneliness, he argues, is affecting not only our health, but also how our children experience school, how we perform in the workplace, and the sense of division and polarization in our society.

But, at the center of our loneliness is our innate desire to connect. We have evolved to participate in community, to forge lasting bonds with others, to help one another, and to share life experiences. We are, simply, better together.

The lessons in Together have immediate relevance and application. These four key strategies will help us not only to weather this crisis, but also to heal our social world far into the future.

  1. Spend time each day with those you love. Devote at least 15 minutes each day to connecting with those you most care about.
  2. Focus on each other. Forget about multitasking and give the other person the gift of your full attention, making eye contact, if possible, and genuinely listening.
  3. Embrace solitude. The first step toward building stronger connections with others is to build a stronger connection with oneself. Meditation, prayer, art, music, and time spent outdoors can all be sources of solitary comfort and joy.
  4. Help and be helped. Service is a form of human connection that reminds us of our value and purpose in life. Checking on a neighbor, seeking advice, even just offering a smile to a stranger six feet away, all can make us stronger.

 During Murthy’s tenure as Surgeon General and during the research for Together, he found that there were few issues that elicited as much enthusiastic interest from both very conservative and very liberal members of Congress, from young and old people, or from urban and rural residents alike. Loneliness was something so many people have known themselves or have seen in the people around them. In the book, Murthy also shares his own deeply personal experiences with the subject--from struggling with loneliness in school, to the devastating loss of his uncle who succumbed to his own loneliness, as well as the important example of community and connection that his parents modeled. Simply, it’s a universal condition that affects all of us directly or through the people we love—now more than ever.


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Editorial Reviews

Review

“One of our most beloved surgeon generals, Murthy has a big heart and a big message. We have a massive, deadly epidemic hidden in plain sight: loneliness. It is as harmful to health as smoking and far more common. And as his gripping stories of the science and suffering make clear, we can do something about it. Together is fascinating, moving, and essential reading.” — Atul Gawande, author of Being Mortal

“Vivek Murthy reminds us that our national conversation about medicine has been too narrowly focused on hospitals, doctors, and drugs—and not enough on the human connections that sustain us. Together stands with Atul Gawande’s classic Being Mortal.” — Malcolm Gladwell, New York Times bestselling author of The Tipping Point, Outliers, and Talking to Strangers

“Profound, empathic, and ultra-savvy about the plight of disconnect and the power of human connection, this book is a balm and an inspiration. Together offers a convincing diagnosis of a public health epidemic of loneliness in our time, and is also a well-articulated etiology, prognosis, and treatment plan based on kindness and caring for each other.” — Jon Kabat-Zinn, founder of MBSR and author of Full Catastrophe Living and Meditation Is Not What You Think

"Some books enlighten, but others stun. Together is a stunner. It made me rethink much of what I believe about physical health, public policy, and the human condition. By revealing America’s epidemic of loneliness—and then offering an array of remedies for the condition—Murthy has done a great service, and made Together the most important book you’ll read this year.” — Daniel H. Pink, #1 New York Times bestselling author of When and Drive

“In Together, Vivek Murthy has put his finger on an important and under-recognized health hazard. By identifying loneliness as a key factor underpinning so many mental and physical illnesses, he opens the door to acceptance and offers much-needed solutions. We need Murthy’s book now more than ever.” — David A. Kessler, MD, New York Times bestselling author of The End of Overeating, Capture, and Fast Carbs, Slow Carbs

“Sometimes the most obvious thing is the hardest to see. Thank goodness we have Dr. Vivek Murthy to light the way toward understanding loneliness and its dark corners. This book is a gift for us all.” — Susan Cain, New York Times bestselling author of Quiet

“Together is an extraordinary and essential book for our time. With powerful stories and sobering truths, Dr. Murthy does a masterful job of showing how, even in the digital age, there’s no substitute for authentic human connection.” — Ben Silbermann, Co-founder and CEO of Pinterest

“I love both the message and the messenger of this brilliant book. Listen to what Vivek Murthy has to say about social connection—and then take his advice. It’s exactly what the doctor ordered.” — Angela Duckworth, New York Times bestselling author of Grit

About the Author

Dr. Vivek H. Murthy served as the 19th Surgeon General of the United States appointed by President Barack Obama.  As the Vice Admiral of the US Public Health Service Commissioned Corps, he commanded a uniformed service of 6,600 public health officers globally. During his tenure, Dr. Murthy launched the TurnTheTide campaign, catalyzing a movement among health professionals to address the nation’s opioid crisis. He also issued the first Surgeon General’s Report on Alcohol, Drugs, and Health, calling for expanded access to prevention and treatment and for recognizing addiction as a chronic illness, not a character flaw. An internal medicine physician and entrepreneur, Dr. Murthy has co-founded a number of organizations: VISIONS, an HIV/AIDS education program in India; Swasthya, a community health partnership in rural India training women as health providers and educators; software company TrialNetworks; and Doctors for America.

Dr. Murthy received his bachelor’s degree from Harvard and his M.D. and M.B.A. degrees from Yale. He completed his internal medicine residency at Brigham and Women’s Hospital in Boston and later joined Harvard Medical School as faculty in internal medicine. His research focused on vaccine development and later on the participation of women and minorities in clinical trials.  Dr. Murthy resides in Washington, D.C. with his wife and two young children.

Product details

  • Publisher ‏ : ‎ Harper; 1st edition (April 21, 2020)
  • Language ‏ : ‎ English
  • Hardcover ‏ : ‎ 352 pages
  • ISBN-10 ‏ : ‎ 0062913298
  • ISBN-13 ‏ : ‎ 978-0062913296
  • Item Weight ‏ : ‎ 1.11 pounds
  • Dimensions ‏ : ‎ 6 x 1.13 x 9 inches
  • Customer Reviews:

About the author

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Vivek H Murthy M.D.
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Dr. Vivek H. Murthy served as the 19th Surgeon General of the United States appointed by President Barack Obama. As the Vice Admiral of the US Public Health Service Commissioned Corps, he commanded a uniformed service of 6,600 public health officers globally. During his tenure, Dr. Murthy launched the TurnTheTide campaign, catalyzing a movement among health professionals to address the nation’s opioid crisis. He also issued the first Surgeon General’s Report on Alcohol, Drugs, and Health, calling for expanded access to prevention and treatment and for recognizing addiction as a chronic illness, not a character flaw. An internal medicine physician and entrepreneur, Dr. Murthy has co-founded a number of organizations: VISIONS, an HIV/AIDS education program in India; Swasthya, a community health partnership in rural India training women as health providers and educators; software company TrialNetworks; and Doctors for America.

Dr. Murthy received his bachelor’s degree from Harvard and his M.D. and M.B.A. degrees from Yale. He completed his internal medicine residency at Brigham and Women’s Hospital in Boston and later joined Harvard Medical School as faculty in internal medicine. His research focused on vaccine development and later on the participation of women and minorities in clinical trials. Dr. Murthy resides in Washington, D.C. with his wife and two you young children.

Customer reviews

4.7 out of 5 stars
4.7 out of 5
1,256 global ratings

Top reviews from the United States

Reviewed in the United States on March 18, 2024
I am glad I read this book. Chances are, you will, too. It's an important book, especially in this day and age, with the country deeply divided and social media tearing us apart. Modern life is not kind to us and our communities, and loneliness is the result. This book offers many praftical, proven solutions for preventing and combating loneliness, building connections, and healing our nation. A must-read in my opinion.

That said, the book can be a little long-winded, and not all the stories are equally intersting or meaningful. And the author tends to bundle all the effects of abuse, trauma, maltreatment and neglect into an umbrella term of loneliness. Which on the one hand is an interesting perspective, but on the other hand seems like an oversimplification. But perhaps that doesn't matter. They are in any case minor quibbles in what is overall an excellent and important book.
Reviewed in the United States on March 14, 2024
#Speaking/Listening to the Lonely.
#Life is about people
Incredible insight into the minds of those who feel alone in a very connected/ disconnected world.
Reviewed in the United States on January 11, 2021
A truly incredible, powerful, and well-researched book. It answers a lot of questions about loneliness and connection that I have not paid attention to in the past. I feel that anyone can truly benefit from reading and understanding the essential points mentioned in this book: Below are explanations to some of my findings based on what I have read:
• People are wired for connection and relationship. It is biologically in our DNA.
• Research has shown that the mental pain of loneliness over extended periods of time can equal the physical pain of head injury.
• Explains why cults exist, how they grow, and how they prey on the lonely. It also explains why people can be reluctant to leave abusive relationships or circumstances. Some people are more afraid of leaving and being on their own with no support rather than being in abusive situations.
• Explains why some groups view solitary confinement as cruel and unusual punishment. Over time, loneliness can become a severe detriment to physical and mental health.
• Explains why exile was considered a more severe form of punishment than execution. It is easier to die than deal with years or decades in exile with no connection to other human beings.
• Explains why the COVID lockdowns and “social distancing” have physically and mentally impacted even more people than have suffered from the virus itself.
• Explains why wealthy and successful people can be some of the most miserable. The author provided an example of a lottery winner who left his neighborhood for a more affluent one and suffered immensely because he could not find community even though he was materially well off.
• Identifies the potential negative aspects of connection that can be rooted in hatred, anger, and division.
• Differentiates between isolation and loneliness. Unlike loneliness, isolation is important and can help us reflect and build self-awareness.
• Therapy, however valuable, cannot replace truly mutual friendship.
• Explains why economically abandoned communities struggle with addiction and loneliness, which result in health issues and more deaths at younger ages than people in affluent and supported communities.
I’m delighted this man is our country’s Surgeon General once again. We need more people like Dr. Murthy in leadership positions in our government and corporate boards throughout our country. I did not expect this book to be so informative and thought-provoking.
23 people found this helpful
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Reviewed in the United States on December 26, 2022
Good core message.
3 people found this helpful
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Reviewed in the United States on December 29, 2023
Book is in beautiful condition -- I have had great results with this vendor.
Reviewed in the United States on December 5, 2023
This is a must read for anyone who has family, friends or themselves have faced loneliness and its consequences. You are not alone, by any means. Suggests helpful tools
One person found this helpful
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Reviewed in the United States on November 25, 2023
Will buy again this year.
One person found this helpful
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Reviewed in the United States on April 8, 2020
I had the pleasure of seeing Dr Murthy live for the first time at a conference last month in San Francisco, right before such gatherings stopped indefinitely. His heartfelt message about the dangers of loneliness and the importance of connection was so powerful that I had to immediately pre-order his book, sight unseen.
So glad I did! Its timeliness is crazily prescient, especially during the coronavirus crisis when so many people are cooped up at home feeling disconnected from the rest of the world. Dr Murthy even has the generosity of spirit to add a last-minute "Author's Note" to the book literally minutes before its release, with 4 recommendations addressing the social strains we're experiencing:
1) Spend time each day with those you love -- at least 15 minutes.
2) Focus on each other and give one another undivided attention. No multitasking. Especially on Zoom.
3) Embrace solitude. Connecting with yourself is a prerequisite for connecting with others.
4) Help and be helped. Give and receive service to strengthen our social bonds.

This is a book that not only aspires to the best version of ourselves -- stronger, healthier, more connected, and more generous -- but also catalyzes the process of healing the rifts growing in our societies. Get a copy for yourself, and another one for every friend you'd like to connect with more meaningfully.
-- Ali Binazir, M.D., M.Phil., Happiness Engineer and author of 
The Tao of Dating: The Smart Woman's Guide to Being Absolutely Irresistible , the highest-rated dating book on Amazon, and  Should I Go to Medical School?: An Irreverent Guide to the Pros and Cons of a Career in Medicine
74 people found this helpful
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Top reviews from other countries

Kindle Customer
5.0 out of 5 stars Everybody Needs to Read this Book
Reviewed in Canada on January 22, 2022
Great stories about real people. Nothing to dislike.
Super Resources. Loneliness is all around us & we can help.
I have used stories in book for the children's stories I tell in church.
2 people found this helpful
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fs
4.0 out of 5 stars Non siamo vincoli ma sparpagliati
Reviewed in Italy on October 5, 2023
L'Autore ce lo spiega benissimo e fornisce anche alcuni spunti per rimediare il declino della coesione sociale
José Macaya
3.0 out of 5 stars Más sus opiniones y anécdotas que estudios científicos.
Reviewed in Spain on March 3, 2023
El principio del libro empieza prometedor. Da buen respaldo para demostrar que establecer relaciones de confianza es muy positivo para la salud mental y desarrollo de los individuos; así como el impacto negativo de la soledad emocional y de lo importante que es tomar medidas para superarla. Pero a medida que avanza el libro pierde impacto y contundencia.

Para un autor que ha sido Surgeon General en EEUU, encontré el libro demasiado soft. Más sus opiniones y anécdotas que estudios científicos. Me recordaba a la máxima "Data is not the plural of anecdote". Le falta contundencia.

Además está muy centrado en escolares y jóvenes. Con checklists y clasificaciones abcd... Tal vez sea más adecuado para padres con niños escolares que para mí.
Samit Ghosh
5.0 out of 5 stars Outstanding book on importance of friendship, problems of loneliness and need for social emotional learning. A must read for all age/ groups
Reviewed in India on February 3, 2022
In our current technology driven age the importance of fostering meaningful human relationships at all levels of our circle - family, friends, work colleagues, neighbors is highlighted in a very insightful age. The problems of loneliness which are at the root of most of our physical and mental challenges is analysed and simple solutions recommended. It is book which helps us to be better human beings by building supportive and joyful human relationships.
One person found this helpful
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Tess
5.0 out of 5 stars Beautiful and needed
Reviewed in Australia on August 1, 2021
Beautiful book - hard copy recommended for highlighting/underlining/scribbling of notes and for re-reading and sharing with others.