Am I undateable? When you find yourself asking this question, it's time to explore what's really goi
By Marni Battista — Written on Dec 03, 2012
If you’re currently single, feel like it may be a chronic condition, and your mantra is starting to look like “I’m-never-going-to-meet-anyone-anytime-ever,” you’ll want to visit this list of Dating with Dignity’s “real” reasons you may still be single.
1. You’re still reeling from a traumatic break up and can’t let it go.
Yes, he might have been one of your great loves and a (hopefully) wonderful part of your life. But the truth is, sister, from me to you, he’s also no longer a part of your life. Letting go hurts, but remaining stuck on him and your relationship will leave you right there: stuck.
In order to be truly happy, begin to consider what it would like if you were to truly move on with your life. What would you be doing in your free time? Would you be Facebook stalking his friends? Would you be driving by his house or stopping by your old haunts to see if he’s there? Or would you be getting more involved in a hobby or a new project at work?
Whatever you do, it’s critical that you get into the ACTION of moving on; just “thinking about it” or waiting for it to go away simply won’t work. If you need more help, Marni and Christian have some powerful tips for you about how to move on after a break up. Once you’re able to move on, it will be easier to open yourself up to a relationship with someone new.
2. Your dating theories are outdated.
If you’re like some women out there who are waiting for the man of their dreams to accidentally bump into them at Barnes and Noble when they discover they’re both holding the same book and are also (GASP!) absolute soulmates…well, you may be racking up quite a bill in the book department. (And not racking up much else in the relationship department.)
If you still think all you need to do to “get out there” is show up at the grocery store and make eyes at, well, everyone, you have some work to do, sister.
Do you still think that if you “don’t look for it, it will find you,” but you’re taking it to the extreme (as in, staying home every night waiting for someone to knock on the door)? Are you reading “The Rules,” making sure you follow everything to a T? Then it’s probably time for you to let someone else tell you why your love life isn’t where you want it to be.
Dating in the 21st century requires intention, action, and the skills to let men know you are a sexy and powerful woman. What your mother taught you (or didn’t), or what you think worked for you in the past, simply won’t work. Make sure you’re prepared to date with dignity online, offline, in person, and wherever it is you’re meeting men.
3. You’re lying to yourself about what you want.
So maybe you’ve decided that online dating is the right thing for you to try. But if you’re 45 and perhaps interested in getting married in the near future, continuously writing men who say they’re looking for some “casual fun” or an “activity partner,” or who are consistently significantly younger than you, you are either:
a) not actually looking for a serious relationship.
b) thinking you’re compatible with the wrong type of man.
In order to get out of that mindset, take it upon yourself to start writing Mr. Boyfriend Material men: men in your age range (-ish) who are also looking for a serious relationship and whom you’re not judging their profile based on things like how hot he looks with his shirt off or what a fast, fun life he looks like he’s living. You’ll get over that–and probably pretty quickly. Get realigned with what YOU are looking for and what will make YOU happy, and we would venture a guess that you won’t be single for long.