One lazy afternoon in January, Amie Costello looked over at her husband, Matt, whom she’d been with for 12 years, and uttered three little words: “I’m not happy.”
Matt, to her surprise — and relief — felt the same.
“We both realized that we wanted different things out of life and love,” Amie, 36, a retail manager from Huntsville, Ala., told The Post. “We just weren’t right for each other [anymore].”
The Costellos had bypassed the “seven-year itch” — which, more than the classic Marilyn Monroe flick, is the notion that after seven years, one or both partners are ready to jump ship. But the couple fell prey to the lesser-known, equally as damaging 12-year itch. The phenomenon tends to affect couples after a dozen or so years of marriage, and it seems to be afflicting Tom Brady, 45, and Gisele Bündchen, 42, who are going through a rocky patch 13 years after their 2009 nuptials. Researchers with the Grant Thornton accountancy group found that “marriages are most likely to fall apart around the 12-year mark,” with pairs citing “growing apart” and “falling out of love” as their reasons for splitting.
Over the years, Amie’s desire to go out every weekend and to travel the world increased, while Matt, 36, whom she described as a “homebody,” settled deeper and deeper into a sedentary life indoors.
And after being high school best friends since 2005, dating for two years starting in 2010 and tying the knot in July 2012, the seemingly perfect lovers filed for divorce this February. The proceedings were finalized in May.
Experts say lack of appreciation is one of the most common causes of breakups after a decade or so.
“In marriage, it’s important that both parties feel seen, heard and appreciated,” Manhattan sex and relationship psychologist Megan Fleming told The Post.
She added that a shortfall of loving recognition can lead to an “invisible divorce.”
That phenomenon, according to the expert, occurs when a husband and wife are no longer connecting emotionally and begin looking outside of the marriage to satisfy their desires. It’s often the step right before an actual divorce is on the table.
“A relationship is like an ecosystem [in that] each part needs to work in harmony with the other in order for it to be successful,” said Fleming. “So if somebody makes a unilateral decision or they’re setting goals for themself without including or considering their partner, the relationship can suffer.”
A consideration deficit appears to have been the issue recently plaguing Brady and Bündchen’s 13-year marriage.
Commotion between the once-glowing lovebirds first erupted in early September after the supermodel fled their family estate in Tampa, Fla., following an “epic fight” with the NFL dynamo. The fallout was apparently rooted in Brady’s recent decision to un-retire from football and resume his quarterback duties with the Buccaneers.
At last check, they were both in Miami but sheltering separately as Hurricane Ian ravaged southwest Florida. They are not legally separated, nor have they filed for divorce, but a source told Page Six, “Tom and Gisele have recently struggled to make their marriage work and have grown apart.”
Fleming said there’s hope, not only for the Brady-Bündchens, but for any couple finding themselves on separate — and increasingly rocky — paths.
“I always suggest couples therapy, but with the agreement that each partner is doing the work to fight for their marriage because it’s worth it,” she said.
Quality time together, the specialist said, must become a priority.
“Set aside time for just the two of you to talk and reconnect,” Fleming said, adding that the conversation shouldn’t center around the kids, the house or long-standing marital complaints.
“Use this time to talk about a vacation or your new hopes, dreams and goals — things that you’re excited to share with your partner,” she urged.