Why do I push away nice men?

Your attraction to 'bad guys' could be masking the fact that you have a deep-seated fear of commitment. So the nice guys who are caring and reliable send you running in the opposite direction.

You tell yourself that they will be boring and uninteresting or too demanding or want to get too close to you, so you stop yourself embarking on a relationship with them.

You need to explore the reasons for this: perhaps you have been badly let down in the past or you experienced your parents' acrimonious divorce. Alternatively you were perhaps subjected to physical or emotional abuse as a child or witnessed this happening to your mother.

So the only attention you received from a man was to be treated badly. Though this wasn't what you wanted it was at least attention, and sadly the only thing you knew.

So your yearning for love and attention only really feels satisfied when you are in a high voltage relationship, but these are destructive and you will only get hurt over and over again.

Adults often repeat learned childhood patterns, even unsatisfactory ones because they are more used to them than moving forward to new and healthy relationships.

You have achieved the first step in recognising you have a problem, now try and break the pattern by turning down the bad guys and giving the others a chance.

You might need a little help with this so ask your GP to refer you for some personal counselling. Alternatively write with a stamped addressed envelope to The British Association of Counselling, 1 Regent Place, Rugby, Warwickshire CV21 3AP for a list of counsellors in your area.

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