16 'Talladega Nights' Quotes That Have Us Shouting, 'Shake 'N Bake!'
Will Ferrell and John C. Reilly are an unstoppable comedy duo in Talladega Nights: The Ballad of Ricky Bobby, in which the former plays the title character, a NASCAR and the latter plays Cal Naughton Jr., his best friend. As with the pair’s most successful films, it’s a fascinating and funny look at the nature of masculinity at the beginning of the 21st century.
Also like their other great films, it has many great quotes. In addition to being quite hilarious, the best of these quotes also manage to reveal something fascinating about the characters who utter them, which is a mark of the film’s surprisingly intelligent writing.
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'Don’t You Put That Evil On Me, Ricky Bobby!'
Who Said it:
Lucius Washington, the leader of Ricky’s pit-crew
Context:
At this point Ricky Bobby has convinced himself he’s paralyzed, even going so far as to be in a wheelchair. When Lucius informs him he's perfectly healthy, he responds, as only Ricky can, by cursing Lucius with the possibility of having sons who will be successful, only for them to have their legs taken away as his have supposedly been. Lucius, understandably, utters this line, after which he once again reminds Ricky in no uncertain terms that he is not, in fact, paralyzed.
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'Well Let Me Just Quote The Late-Great Colonel Sanders, Who Said… 'I’m Too Drunk To Taste This Chicken.''
Who Said it:
Ricky Bobby
Context:
Bobby says this to Jean Girard, the arrogant French driver, played by Sacha Baron Cohen. Unlike the urbane Girard, who issues a quote from William Blake - presumably in an attempt to assert his superiority to the less refined Ricky - Ricky decides to utter words he attributes to Colonel Sanders. The irony, of course, is this quote has no discernible relationship to the issue at hand.
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'So When You Say Psychosomatic, You Mean Like He Could Start A Fire With His Thoughts?'
Who Said it:
Cal Naughton Jr.
Context:
This line comes immediately after the doctor has informed Cal and Lucius that Ricky is not, in fact, paralyzed, though he is currently using a wheelchair. Instead, he has become so convinced of his state he believes it to be true. When the doctor uses the technical term “psychosomatic,” Cal misunderstands this as referring to the ability to start fire with his mind (i.e., pyrokinesis)
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'I Like To Picture Jesus In A Tuxedo T-Shirt Because It Says I Want To Be Formal, But I’m Here To Party.'
Who Said it: Cal Naughton Jr.
Context:
This particular quote emerges during the scene in which Ricky is saying grace. There is some debate about which particular Jesus he should be praying to, and Cal attempts to make peace by saying he envisions Jesus in this particular way, which of course is both ridiculous and hilarious. His good-natured attempt doesn’t go particularly well, however, since Ricky’s wife (at the time) essentially tells him to shut up.
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'Chip, I’m Gonna Come At You Like A Spider Monkey!'
Who Said it:
Texas Ranger
Context:
This quote is uttered in the midst of a fight between Ricky’s rowdy sons and his former father-in-law, Chip. Both of them offer up some choice insults - and Walker even goes so far as to cast aspersions on the Greatest Generation - but Texas Ranger goes the extra mile with his animalistic threat. And, as a final addition, he also remarks he’s “jacked up on Mountain Dew.”
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'Hi, I’m Ricky Bobby. If You Don’t Chew Big Red, Then F**K You.'
Who Said it:
Ricky Bobby
Context:
This quote is from a series of promotional videos Ricky Bobby shoots. Among some of the other amusing products include the knife known as the JackHawk9000, Maypax (the official tampon of NASCAR) and, with Cal Naughton, an injunction not to travel to Tijuana.
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'Help Me Jesus! Help Me Jewish God! Help Me Allah! Help Me Tom Cruise!'
Who Said it:
Ricky Bobby
Context:
Ricky has just crashed his car and is utterly convinced he is on fire. As he continues to run around the racetrack in a desperate attempt to smother the “fire,” his appeals to the divine become ever more random and strangely inclusive, up to and including Tom Cruise. He is very clearly not on fire - as the remarks from the commentariat reveal - even as he also strips down to his underwear and attempts to roll on the ground to put out the nonexistent flames.
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'I Wake Up In The Morning And I Piss Excellence.'
Who Said it:
Ricky Bobby
Context:
Delivered during an interview, this quote is, unsurprisingly, one of Bobby’s trademark assertions of his own greatness, delivered in his distinct earthy and unvarnished style. Not content with this, he also plainly states he’s the best there is and that he is a big, hairy, American winning machine. It’s a peak moment of Ricky Bobby, filled with his usual hubris and absurdity.
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'Aw, Nana, Not My Prison Shank!'
Who Said it:
Texas Ranger
Context:
Texas Ranger exclaims this during his grandmother’s attempts to get him and his brother to behave (something his father has very clearly failed to do). Among other things, she has forced Texas Ranger to throw away the various implements of his mischief-making. Far from showing any mercy, she tersely tells him to throw the knife in the can with the rest of his stuff.
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'Shake N’ Bake!'
Who Said it:
Ricky Bobby and Cal Naughton, Jr.
Context:
This catchphrase, which describes the pair’s signature move, is uttered many times throughout the film, often by Ricky and Cal together. Usually, their declaration is accompanied by a complicated, and sometimes inexplicable, set of hand gestures. It’s an outward visualization of just how well they work together and how unstoppable they are as a team.
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'If You Ain’t First, You’re Last.'
Who Said it:
Reese Bobby
Context:
This line is delivered by Ricky Bobby’s father, Reese, who gives it as a piece of motivational advice to his son. It is, of course, an absolutely absurd piece of advice to give, as Reese himself admits later in the film. What’s more, he was also high when he said it, which robs it of whatever thin veneer of philosophical validity it might have once possessed.
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'I’d Love To Sign Your Baby. You’re Not Gonna Want To Wash That Forehead.'
Who Said it:
Ricky Bobby
Context:
As the quote suggests, this takes place when Ricky is being mobbed by his supporters, all of whom want a piece of this successful race car driver. For the baby’s part, they are completely unconscious as Ricky scrawls his signature across its forehead. For Bobby it’s clearly a moment in which he is riding high on his success, and his assertion that she won’t want to wash the kid’s forehead is another reminder of how he favorably views himself.
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'Dear Lord Baby Jesus, Or As Our Brothers In The South Call You, Jesús, We Thank You So Much For This Bountiful Harvest Of Dominos, KFC, And The Always Delicious Taco Bell.'
Who Said it:
Ricky Bobby
Context:
As one might assume, this quote occurs as Ricky and the rest of his family sit down for what will prove to be a particularly contentious family meal. While Ricky intones his gratitude to the Almighty in all of His forms, the camera pans over the bounty (which, his wife asserts, she has put a great deal of effort into procuring). Though he’s grateful for the meal, it isn’t long before even the prayer itself is becoming another source of tension.
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'With All Due Respect, I Didn’t Realize You’d Gotten Experimental Surgery To Get Your Balls Removed.'
Who Said it:
Ricky Bobby
Context:
Like so many of the other notable insults in Talladega Nights, this one is delivered by Ricky Bobby to the snooty and grasping Larry Dennit, Jr. Dennit has once again taken exception to Ricky’s abrasive style, and there’s something quite hilarious about the juxtaposition between Dennit’s smarmy attitude and Ricky’s belligerence. To make matters worse, Ricky even goes so far as to juxtapose Dennit’s attitude to his father’s, even as he also takes a pot-shot at his (obviously inebriated) wife.
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'That Idea Ain’t Worth A Velvet Painting Of A Whale And A Dolphin Getting It On.'
Who Said it:
Ricky Bobby
Context:
Delivered to Larry Dennit Jr., the owner of Dennit Racing, who has already shown he cares about nothing more than accruing points. Having lost patience with Ricky, he turns to the snooty French driver Gerard to gain the prestige he so desperately desires. Ricky, of course, sees this is a terrible idea - not least because it punctures his own vanity - which leads him to deliver this line. Dennit, of course, is unimpressed.
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'My Husband Gregory And I Want What Any Couple Wants: To Retire To Stockholm And Develop A Currency For Dogs And Cats To Use.'
Who Said it:
Jean Girard
Context:
This quote is part of an extended exchange between Girard and Ricky. This particular riposte is a declaration of his eventual goals; after beating Ricky, his only true challenger, he simply wants to have a peaceful life with his husband. As silly as this statement is, it is followed by an ever more absurd exchange as the two men wander more than a bit off-topic, even going so far as to talk about the merits of the film Highlander. There’s even a moment when Girard asks Bobby to be his Katie Couric.
