Are speed dating events a viable option for meeting people?

I did a speed dating event about 8 years ago. I didn't have a ton of dating experience and was looking to practice making conversation with new people.

I picked an event that charged like $40 on the assumption that the attendees would be more serious than the local Meetup that hosted free speed dating events. The event itself was held in a nice bar. A series of small tables were set up, and women stayed seated while men got up and moved to the next table at the end of each round.

It was...fine. The people were generally nice. Each round was 6 minutes each. We were given cards so we could mark down each match and whether or not we wanted to be put in contact later. It was super awkward to fill out the card though. I sure as hell don't want to mark someone as a "no" while they're sitting in front of me. I sure as hell don't want to mark someone as anything while the next guy is taking his seat in front of me.

On the bright side, it's easy to make pleasant small talk for six minutes. On the downside, it's easy to make pleasant small talk for six minutes. So I didn't have a good feel for whether or not I actually wanted to be put in contact with most people. Again, most of the attendees were perfectly nice, although in the short amount of time we had, it was hard to really relax or get a feel for the little things that contribute to attraction like mannerisms and sense of humor.

Maybe this is why at the halftime break, one of the other women in the bathroom exclaimed "Everyone here is nice and I have NO IDEA if I'm attracted to them!"

Small talk went on in 6 minute bursts for like 3 hours. You could not engineer a more effective way to suck the fun out of an evening. At the end, I was more than wiped out. And then I went to the place to drop off cards and hemmed and hawed about whether or not to mark down anyone or not. In the end, I marked a guy who seemed pleasant and had nice eyes.

A few days later I got an email informing me that we'd matched and giving me his contact info. We got in touch and had a really nice first date. After another month+ of dating, we made it official and were boyfriend/girlfriend. We were together for four months, and I still think of him fondly.

It turned out that he was something of a veteran speed dater, and he told me that my hesitance to mark anyone down was typical. According to him, men tend default to marking women as "Yes" unless they do something to disqualify themselves. Meanwhile, women tend to default to marking men as "No" unless they do something to qualify themselves.

Anyway, do I think it was worth it? Sure. I got to practice talking to strangers, and I met someone with whom I had a brief but meaningful relationship. Is it a fun way to spend an evening? Not particularly.

I will also say that the speed dating format introduced me to a wider variety of people than I tend to meet through shared interests, my social circle, or even dating apps. Whether you find that to be a positive thing, a neutral thing, or a negative thing may depend on how effectively those kinds of avenues have been at filtering for people with compatible interests/values.

I went last week for the first time so I'll leave my review here!

So I tried speed dating! Figured I’d do a write up here since a lot of people ask. I went with CitySwoon, which is available in major cities around the world.

It was better than I expected - but I am an extrovert so just talking to random people is exciting for me. You use your phone to find your date. There is no real “algorithm” involved because they mostly just know your age and gender. Apparently, on the site (I didn’t notice) you could pre “I don’t like this person” before the event and when the two women I talked to did that, thinking it would take those guys out of their lineup, they ended up on dates with them anyway so they weren't super happy.

I found the atmosphere to be pretty fun and the host was very friendly and helpful. My friend implied meetups were better to meet women bc they’re “free” but honestly I think it makes it a better experience when you know everyone is single and there to meet dates.

I did really like getting to know people in person, I feel like it cut through so much fluff that would take days on the apps. It’s also interesting bc you just focus on the vibe since you have 10 minutes - you don’t get around to asking about politics or children or even their age on the date (or more specifically, I didn't do this, but I was also never asked about these things by any of the 8 men). I did the 30-42 group, I would estimate the women were an average of 33 and the men were probably averaging 37 but this is just a guesstimate.

The lineup wasn't as bad as I expected. Most people hadn't done it before or did it rarely. I went into it with the expectation that I probably wouldn’t like anyone since I can swipe 50 times on the app before coming across someone, but I think the odds were better than that for sure. I think it helps that everyone there is going to be serious, a little more humble (honestly… we’re at speed dating), and everyone attending is a roughly similar socio-economic class (which makes sense since it’s $40 at the full price before drinks).

I was surprised by how many people weren't local though it made sense in retrospect. Like people driving in from an hour away (we're a major metro). I think 2-3 of my matches weren't within city proper. Then most other people were within a few blocks and just like "why not, it's around the corner." I didn't mind this and I see it as an advantage of this setup - while I'm open to dating outside the city, it's tough to set up a ton of first dates with people that far away so I set my parameters local. But if you knew there was for sure a connection, it's not as big a deal

Overall I think the women were... better looking? Or more classically attractive? Than the men. I felt like there were more women there bc "why not" and more men there bc “fewer options." Hard to say for sure though bc I didn't talk to everyone but the women I did talk to were more there out of curiosity (and of those I talked to, it was their first time) whereas for half the men I talked to, they said they had done it before. Also checks out given how many people I accidentally matched with (see below)

Out of the 8 people I was paired with, 2 were classically good-looking (and honestly I don’t think either were there very seriously). 2-3 people were attractive enough in person but I would have probably not matched with on the apps. One of these guys I was interested enough in to make a match bc it was the only time I was like “oh wow the 10 minutes are up already?”

The other guys I would not have thought I’d be interested in, and I wasn’t, but talking was fine. I do think being in person makes you more open to considering people.

For me the best part was the women I connected with at the start and end. I made some friends and got some numbers (from women). There’s a half hour to chat with anyone at the end before the bar closed, I thought I would talk to guys I hadn’t been seated with but I just ended up talking to women :p

The rating system was a bit confusing nd I didn’t love that you felt like you had to do it while they were still in front of you (apparently you can wait until later!). I would rather just rate people “yes or no” than a scale of 1-5.

Anyway, that came back to bite me. The host told us that we would only match if we gave the SAME score. We even asked a question about this - so I felt comfortable giving my non-matches a 4 so long as they were pleasant. Wrong! You match with anyone who also gave you a 4-5 and can talk to anyone who listed 3. So although I intended to only potentially match 2-3 people, I matched everyone. Lesson learned! But I do have one date planned for this week.

I've done speed dating once before because my friend wanted me to go along with her to try it out. If you're a guy with a bit of charm and a half-decent self-grooming game down, you will clean up in it. Her complaint was most guys don't take care of themselves and are very awkward. So from that point of view, it's easy to stand out and make a good impression.

My issue was I wasn't "wowed" by any of the dates I encountered—but that was only one event and it was during COVID, so I guess in theory you just need one winner to make it worthwhile. And that's not to say they were unattractive or bad matches either, just none that I felt a "spark" towards.

Honestly, based on the experience, I'd recommend it to any guy who wants practice talking to women and building attraction. It's a pretty low-stakes and simple way to get face-to-face time, and it doesn't require buying lots of drinks or a meal while chatting a week in advance.

I have done speed dating once before. It was at an event for the dating website Match.

I was a fun experience, and the women were all really nice.

The biggest issue, and it has been the same issue that I have discovered with most of the Match events that I have gone to is that the men and women that attended it were in different stages of life.

The men were generally similar to me, early to mid 30s looking for someone to start a family with. The women mostly seemed to be older than the men on average and had already done the Marriage and kid stage.

Since it was through the website, there was not the onsite rating thing that other posters are mentioning - you could contact anyone you liked on the website. There was one woman who I would have considered going on a date with who I messaged but she never messaged me back. There were also a couple women from the event who looked at my profile, but it didn't go beyond that.

Even though I didn't meet anybody, I think it was a fun experience, and since I am currently in a dating rut with the OLD, it is something that I will consider trying again this fall / winter

I've tried it 4 times now (one was a few weeks ago) and only gotten 1 date, the first time I went along. Its a massive blow to your confidence and be prepared for that. I've always walked away with friend matches only

32F and I feel the same. OLD is really difficult especially because my standards are higher than what the men offer on apps…I’ve never done speed dating before but I’m curious.

The girls there told me they were just doing it for "fun" most of the time and weren't serious.. i went to like 5

So yeah online dating is still better

I've been to one it was fun I can see from OP how it would be less so for the ladies. Definitely a good way to sharpen your skills.

I just attended one last week! I went out of curiosity. The one guy there I wanted to go on a date with, I didn’t get matched with.

I actually have a date with 1 guy this week (I would never have matched with him through OLD) and another guy is added on IG who again, it super fun and I would never have connected with him online (more just a fun friend flirty thing).

I’d say go for it! I met some cool chicks too. I think I talked to them more.

I've done several. It's worth a shot. I have fun AT the event. Unfortunately even people that I mutually match with have been flaky on the follow-up.

It's a more efficient way to meet several people in a night and get the "coffee date" out of the way.

I have only done an online speed dating event. It was okay. Not my thing.