Audiences who can remember that feeling – or are young enough to feel that way – will sense that particular level of childlike wonder throughout several moments of Race to Witch Mountain, and if only intention were a guarantee of goodness, the movie would undoubtedly have delivered. Sadly, it does not, and despite a lot of obvious enthusiasm, this sci-fi remake crash-lands harder than the five dead aliens the government dragged out of Roswell all those years ago.
The aliens in this film, however, survive their crash – two humanoid teenagers, Sara and Seth, hunted by government officials, who apparently require The Rock's help to get… somewhere, for some reason. Just where and why is the real sticking point here, as the film seldom stops its family-friendly, action-packed momentum to explain itself or dare – for even the briefest of moments – to make sense. Questions and implausibilities abound (yes, even for a sci-fi film, where some disbelief is certainly demanded) and while the mothers and fathers and sons and daughters may excuse some of these gargantuan issues amongst the major set pieces and chase scenes, one still can't forgive the film its many faults simply because it aims at those who might not notice them.
The essence of the story is simple enough: Two young aliens flee their dying planet to recover information their parents once left behind on Earth about how to fix their homeworld's waning atmosphere. However, since Earth is hospitable enough for their species to survive, a vicious bounty hunter is also in pursuit to lay the foundation for a full-on invasion. If the kids can retrieve the data and return to their downed spaceship – which the government is now holding in their facility at Witch Mountain – they can avoid disaster for both planets. Add a dash of Dwayne Johnson as an unwitting cab driver, a little bit of Carla Gugino as a brainy scientist and Cirian Hinds as the human antagonist and you've got what really, at no point, ever qualifies as an actual race to Witch Mountain.
The film's two major problems are really to be found in its level of writing and in the lackluster direction of helmer Andy Fickman. The plot described above isn't made clear until almost two-third's of the way through the film, leaving an hour-long mish-mash of aliens and secret agents chasing each other, for reasons only loosely explained, through set pieces which have been equally well constructed. The children are saddled with high-brow, overly intelligent and largely affected dialogue which makes the fact that they're actually children – albeit alien children – incredibly unclear until the film's final moments. One assumes that for much of the film, these are simply adult aliens wearing the form of human kids. That's not the case. These are young aliens who look exactly like us – which seems both awfully improbable and terribly convenient.
Nor does Fickman lend any real sense of scale or scope to the film, making what should be grand, epic sequences feel both small and constricted. That after 90 minutes of working up to the confrontation inside Witch Mountain, the film's version of Area 51 feels like a lifeless assortment of hallways and med labs is a huge disappointment to audience expectations. A similar sequence earlier in the film, taking place in an underground alien cave, feels like it was shot in Johnson's dressing room and decorated with discount Christmas lights. The production value here simply isn't up to the task of the film's own ambition, and neither is Fickman. The film starts and stops in strange bursts, and while the action sequences certainly feel fast, they never feel sizeable. They lack weight, suspense and impact.
And it's a shame, really, because you can tell that everyone here is trying their best. In fact, the only thing that really saves the film are the performances. The kids are likeable despite their heavy-handed dialogue; Johnson is appropriately humorous and imposing and Gugino clearly brings her acting chops to the table, playing the mother figure in this bizarre family unit. The enthusiasm both in front of and behind the camera is palpable, and that's much to the movie's credit, but it only makes one wish that it'd delivered more effectively.
But here's the thing... Upon exiting the press screening, this reviewer trailed a few steps behind a mother and her daughter, listening to this adorable little girl talk about how "cool" the movie was and watching the mother nod her head happily in agreement. So while the film is majorly flawed and, from a critical perspective, something of a mess, there will undoubtedly be a portion of the audience who will enjoy this otherworldly race and leave the theater satisfied. But to those looking for a cohesive, well-made piece of popcorn, sci-fi entertainment, you'd be better off racing away from Witch Mountain.
1.5 out of 5 Stars, 3/10 Score
