Born in Staffordshire, Morrissey, 52, spent his childhood in care. During the 90s he starred in the sitcom Men Behaving Badly. His other TV series include Boon, Waterloo Road and Line Of Duty; he also voiced Bob The Builder. He is currently performing in Neville’s Island at London’s Duke of York’s theatre. He lives in London with his partner, Emma Killick, a lawyer.
When were you happiest?
Now. If I thought there was a time when I was happier, that would be depressing.
What is your greatest fear?
Loneliness.
What is your earliest memory?
I remember, aged two, poking my finger into a sugar bag and licking it.
What is the trait you most deplore in yourself?
I get travel anxious.
What is the trait you most deplore in others?
Religious or political militancy.
What was your most embarrassing moment?
When I was 19 or 20, I was trying to sneak out a little fart in bed, and I shat the bed. I’d been drinking Guinness the night before and was with a girlfriend.
Property aside, what’s the most expensive thing you’ve bought?
For my 40th birthday, I bought a new BMW 745 for £63,000. I’ve just sold it and bought a ride-on lawnmower.
What is your most treasured possession?
My nail kit. I like having nice nails.
What is your screensaver?
Tiggy, my (mostly) Jack Russell.
What would your super power be?
To teleport myself… I could commute from the Caribbean.
What makes you unhappy?
Losing friends. I am getting to the age where some are dying.
What do you most dislike about your appearance?
I’ve always wanted bigger shoulders.
Who would play you in the film of your life?
I don’t think it’s going to get made.
What is your favourite smell?
Baking bread.
What is the worst thing anyone’s said to you?
When I was in my 30s, I went up to Richard Harris at the Toronto International Film Festival and told him how much I admired him, and he said, “Oh fuck off, you little cunt.”
What is top of your bucket list?
I would like to dive in Vietnam and Cambodia.
What was the best kiss of your life?
The first time my son, Sam, kissed me. He’s 25 now.
Which living person do you most despise?
Jihadi John is top of the list.
What is the worst job you’ve done?
I was a kitchen porter for an hour at the Bank of England, when I was 18. In the cafe, someone clicked their fingers and shouted, “Boy, come and clear my table.” I walked out.
When did you last cry, and why?
Probably over something stupid, like an X Factor audition.
What is your greatest achievement?
Producing a fantastic son – he’s a writer and producer.
What keeps you awake at night?
Anxiety before an opening night.
How would you like to be remembered?
As a pleasant enough chap who did my job well.
What is the most important lesson life has taught you?
To be tolerant and patient.
Tell us a secret.
I once asked a magician how he did a certain trick. And he asked me, “Neil, can you keep a secret?” I said, “Yes, I can.” He said, “So can I.”
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