How to Get a Girlfriend

Co-authored by Kate Dreyfus and Danielle Blinka, MA, MPA

Last Updated: April 18, 2024 Fact Checked

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Living a single life can be fun, but at a certain point, you might want to get a girlfriend. Easier said than done, right? Actually, you’ve got a better chance at getting a girlfriend than you think! From online dating to approaching girls IRL, we’ll walk you through the best strategies to start finding and flirting with the girl of your dreams. Read on for a complete guide on meeting new girls, improving your flirting game, and landing more dates with the girl you like.

Part 1

Part 1 of 4:

Looking Your Best

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1
Wear clothes that make you feel good about yourself. Go through your closet and pick out clothes that fit you well. Show off who you are, such as your interests or personality. This will help you feel confident about yourself so you can put your best foot forward.^{[1]
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- Don’t worry about your body type because everyone is attractive in their own way.
- For instance, pick something like a concert t-shirt and jeans, a button-up shirt and khakis, or leather and denim. If you’re more effeminate, you might pick pastels or floral prints.
- You might show off your interests by wearing t-shirts featuring your favorite bands or sports jerseys from your favorite team.
2
Practice good personal hygiene to make yourself more appealing. Bathe at least once a day, brush your teeth twice a day, and use personal care products like deodorant. Additionally, make sure your clothes are washed. This will help you appear your best and will show girls that you take good care of yourself.^{[2]
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- You don’t need to douse yourself in cologne or do any manscaping, unless that’s what you want.
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3
Do fun activities or a hobby so you seem interesting. Make a list of things you like to do and topics that interest you. Then, do at least one fun thing every day. This will help you enjoy your life more and will show girls that you’re an interesting person.^{[3]
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- For instance, learn to play an instrument, join a sports team, take up painting, or join a pub quiz team.
Tip: After you’re in a relationship, it’s important that you continue these hobbies. A healthy relationship allows both people to spend time working on themselves.
4
Be comfortable with being alone so you appear confident. If you seem desperate and needy, you may have a hard time making a connection with people. Look for ways to be happy while you’re single. Spend time doing things that interest you, and enjoy your time with friends. Don’t make finding a relationship the most important thing in your life.^{[4]
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- List reasons why it’s good to be single so you don’t feel bad. For instance, you get to spend more time with your friends, you have more time for your hobbies, and you can talk to different girls to see what you like.
- People are more attracted to you when you seem happy with your life, so this can help you get a girlfriend.

Part 2

Part 2 of 4:

Meeting Girls

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Your friends likely know girls they could introduce you to, and this is a common way for people to meet. Get your friends to arrange group outings so you can meet their female friends.^{[5]
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Variation: On social media, interact with girls who comment on your friends’ posts. Respond to the comments to see if the girl will talk to you. If she does, friend or follow her.
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Join clubs or teams to meet girls at school. Look for an after-school club that sounds fun or try out for a sports team. Attend club meetings, events, or games to meet more people. Try to make friends with girls you meet so that you can find a potential girlfriend.^{[6]
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- If you find a girl you like, invite her to do something club- or team-related so you can spend time together. For instance, let’s say you’re in debate club together. You might say, “Do you want to meet at the coffee shop tomorrow to compare cases?”
3
Attend events to meet more girls. If you’re in school, go to events like school dances, football games, and plays. As another option, go to local events like concerts, festivals, or meetups to meet girls. Try to make friends with the girls you meet by starting a conversation about the event.^{[7]
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- If a girl doesn’t seem to want to talk, move on to a different girl. Eventually, you’ll make a new friend.
- You can find public events on Facebook, Meetup.com, or local news sites.
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Offer to help a girl with something. Doing a girl a favor can be a good icebreaker to introduce yourself. Notice if a girl seems to be struggling with something, then offer your assistance. If she accepts your help, introduce yourself and see if she’ll talk to you.^{[8]
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- Say, “I’m Alex. How’s your day going?”
- They mayn’t want to talk, and that’s okay. If they say thank you and want to leave, just say, “You’re welcome” and walk away.
5
Try online dating if you’re 18 or older. The great part about online dating is that everyone is there for the same reason. Message girls who have similar interests to you, and chat with them a bit before asking them out for coffee.^{[9]
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- Keep in mind that it’s normal to message a lot of girls before someone responds. Try not to take it personally because everyone experiences the same thing.

Part 3

Part 3 of 4:

Impressing a Girl

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1
Ask questions to learn more about a girl who interests you. Talk to her about herself, and show genuine interest in her answer. Nod along as she talks, and ask follow up questions to learn more. This will show her that you’re interested in who she is as a person.^{[10]
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- Ask questions like, “What do you like to do for fun?” “What are your goals for the next 5 years?” or “What’s the funniest thing that’s ever happened to you?”
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Focus on girls who have things in common with you. A girl will be more interested in being your girlfriend if you have things in common. Pick girls who have similar interests, hobbies, or personality traits as you do. They don’t need to be exactly like you, but it’s important to have common ground.^{[11]
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- For instance, you might both play the same instrument or both enjoy athletics.
- Everyone wants to be seen, heard, and accepted for who they are. When you show a girl that you are genuinely interested in what she loves, it makes her feel that you care about her.
- Don’t pretend to have something in common with a girl to get her attention. This usually backfires because she’ll eventually realize you were not forthright.
3
Give genuine compliments to girls who interest you. This will make her feel good about herself and it shows her you may be interested in being more than friends. Tell her something nice about herself and try not to focus on her body. Only give 1 compliment at a time so she doesn’t get uncomfortable.^{[12]
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- You might say, “Great answer in class today,” “Your performance was amazing!” or “This t-shirt is awesome.”
4
Show off your sense of humor by telling jokes and stories. Everyone likes to laugh, so using humor can make a girl like you more. Learn a few jokes from the Internet and think about the funniest things that have happened to you. When you’re around the girl you like, share these funny tidbits with her or your group of friends.^{[13]
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- Even bad jokes can be funny if you commit to the punchline. Don’t be afraid to laugh at your own jokes and just be silly.

Part 4

Part 4 of 4:

Asking a Girl Out

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1
Hint that you want a date by asking her to do a fun activity. This will show her you’re interested without you having to directly state it. Mention the activity and ask her if she’s interested in it. If she says yes, suggest you hang out. If she’s not interested, suggest something you know she likes. If she still says she’s not interested, it’s best to move on.^{[14]
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- For instance, say, “The championship game is coming up and I’m thinking about going. Are you interested?”
- As another example, say, “It’s been forever since I went bowling. How about you?”
Be direct and ask for a date if you feel brave. Being direct is the best way to get a date, though you may be rejected. Tell the girl that you’re interested in going out with her, then suggest a date.^{[15]
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Make her feel special on the date by showing her attention. Your date is your chance to make a good impression on her. Be nice to her, and give her your full attention the entire time. Here are some ways to show her you care:
- Keep your phone put away.
- Ask her a lot of questions.
- Look her in the eye while she’s talking.
- Ask her how she’s doing.
- Give her compliments.
4
Ask her for a second date at the end of the night. Let her know you had a good time and want to see her again. Then, follow-up after your date with a text or call to let her know you had a good time.^{[16]
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- Say, “I’d love to take you out again.”
- You can also ask for the second date later, if you prefer. For instance, you might text her afterwards to say you had a good time and ask for the second date.
- If you’re an adult, it may be best to wait a few days.
5
Spend time with her to help your relationship grow. How much time you spend together in person will depend on how old your are and your personal schedule. Text her daily to keep in touch, and interact on social media, if you both use it. Do your best to schedule regular dates or hangouts, even if you're just seeing each other at school. Additionally, make an effort to sit by her when you're in a class or event together.^{[17]
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- You'll likely go on a few dates or message each other for awhile before you ask her to be your girlfriend. Try to be patient because rushing things can push her away.
- Talking, texting, and hanging out together will help you deepen your connection with her, which can help you get her to be your girlfriend.
6
Ask her to be your girlfriend in person when you feel ready. Bring her somewhere you can be alone, then let her know that you really like her. Tell her that you hope you can be exclusive, then ask if she'll be your girlfriend.^{[18]
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- Say, "I have so much fun with you, and I think it's time that we make this official. Will you be my girlfriend?"
7
Text her to see if she'll be your girlfriend if you're shy. Texting is a great option for expressing your interest without having to face her personally. Type out how you feel about her, then ask her to be your girlfriend. Don't text her again until you get a response.^{[19]
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- You might say, "These past few weeks have been amazing. Wanna make it official and be my girlfriend?"
8
Stay calm and respect her feelings if she says no. While rejection feels terrible, it's something everyone goes through. Remind yourself that she likely isn't trying to hurt your feelings, and she may have reasons that have nothing to do with you. Accept her answer gracefully, then reach out to someone who cares about you for support.^{[20]
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- Say, "I understand. Thanks for being honest with me."
- If you don't want to talk to someone about your feelings, do something active, like going for a run, that can help you cope with your emotions.

What Can I Do To Make Myself Look More Attractive? (Men)

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Tips

Don’t try to rush into a relationship. A healthy relationship takes time to grow and develop into something real.

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Focus on living a life that you enjoy rather than on getting a girlfriend. This will help you find love better than trying to force a relationship with someone.

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If she has a partner, don't attempt to break them up.

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Warnings

Don't talk about past relationships, if you have had any. This is a no-no and a sure turn-off. You will only project the impression that you are unable to let go.

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Helpful 19 Not Helpful 3
Getting a girlfriend for social pressure, i.e. from the influence of your friends or your family, is counterproductive. With that, you'll only achieve unhappiness, a very bitter suffering, and if you get married, you may end up wanting to get divorced rather quickly.

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Helpful 17 Not Helpful 4
Don’t get mad at her if she rejects you. Everyone has a right to their own feelings.
- If she rejects you as a romantic partner, see if you can perhaps be friends. If this isn't possible, respect her wishes.
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Make sure that she's actually single before pursing a romantic relationship with her, to avoid an awkward, tense situation between you, her and her current romantic partner.
- Be very careful if she suddenly says that she's "single and unattached". Most of the girls use that argument as a trap to deceive. It can also result in all parties involved being hurt, and it can damage the girl's reputation.
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