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Love Undetectable: Notes on Friendship, Sex, and Survival Paperback – Oct. 26 1999

4.4 4.4 out of 5 stars 33 ratings

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"Sullivan offers [a] profound, often beautiful appreciation of friendship. . . . [He can] fascinate us with the range and depth of his mind."--San Francisco Chronicle

A
New York Times Notable Book of the Year  

"One of the great pleasures of this book lies in watching Sullivan's mind at work . . . [his essays] are filled with a passion and heat that most cultural criticism lacks." --Katie Roiphe,
The Washington Post

When former
New Republic editor Andrew Sullivan publicly revealed his HIV positive status in 1996, he intended "to be among the first generation that survives this disease." In this new book, a powerful meditation on the spiritual effect AIDS has on friendship, love, sexuality, and American culture, we follow Sullivan on his path to survival.  

A practicing Catholic, Sullivan reflects on his faith in God, and expresses his bittersweet joy upon learning about new AIDS treatments that he believes led to the virus's recent transformation from a plague into a chronic illness. He revisits Freud to seek the origins of homosexuality and reviews the works of Aristotle, St. Augustine, and W. H. Auden to define friendship for a contemporary, post-plague world. Sullivan's last essay extols the virtues of friendship, elevating platonic love over the romantic, as he memorializes his best friend, who died of AIDS.  Intensely personal and passionately political, Sullivan's essays are not just about his own experiences but also a powerful testament to human resilience, faith, hope, and love.  

"Sullivan has found meaning in chaos. . . . With its paradoxical sense of beauty amid pain, Love Undetectable has something of the quality of a war memoir."  --
The New York Times Book Review  

"On display here are all of the author's many strengths--compelling, poetic prose style, some keen observations on faith. . . . Sullivan offers a moving defense of the open gay male urban sexual culture and his participation in it."  --
The Boston Globe

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Product description

Review

"He wants to see same-sex love fully accepted as a dignified form of human relations...
This book can only help the cause"
-Andrew Delbanco,
The New York Times Book Review

"On display here are all of the author's many strengths--a compelling, poetic prose style, some keen observations on faith, an evocative retelling of his friendship with a man felled by AIDS"
--Liz Galst,
Boston Globe

"Love Undetectable proves that Sullivan has a voice and a heart that can reach across
the borders of experience and politics"
--Michael Bronski, Amazon.com

From the Back Cover

"Sullivan offers [a] profound, often beautiful appreciation of friendship. . . . [He can] fascinate us with the range and depth of his mind."--"San Francisco Chronicle
A "New York Times Notable Book of the Year
"One of the great pleasures of this book lies in watching Sullivan's mind at work . . . [his essays] are filled with a passion and heat that most cultural criticism lacks." --Katie Roiphe, "The Washington Post
When former New Republic editor Andrew Sullivan publicly revealed his HIV positive status in 1996, he intended "to be among the first generation that survives this disease." In this new book, a powerful meditation on the spiritual effect AIDS has on friendship, love, sexuality, and American culture, we follow Sullivan on his path to survival.
A practicing Catholic, Sullivan reflects on his faith in God, and expresses his bittersweet joy upon learning about new AIDS treatments that he believes led to the virus's recent transformation from a plague into a chronic illness. He revisits Freud to seek the origins of homosexuality and reviews the works of Aristotle, St. Augustine, and W. H. Auden to define friendship for a contemporary, post-plague world. Sullivan's last essay extols the virtues of friendship, elevating platonic love over the romantic, as he memorializes his best friend, who died of AIDS. Intensely personal and passionately political, Sullivan's essays are not just about his own experiences but also a powerful testament to human resilience, faith, hope, and love.
"Sullivan has found meaning in chaos. . . . With its paradoxical sense of beauty amid pain, Love Undetectable has something of the quality of a war memoir." --"The New York Times BookReview
"On display here are all of the author's many strengths--compelling, poetic prose style, some keen observations on faith. . . . Sullivan offers a moving defense of the open gay male urban sexual culture and his participation in it." --"The Boston Globe

Product details

  • Publisher ‏ : ‎ Vintage (Oct. 26 1999)
  • Language ‏ : ‎ English
  • Paperback ‏ : ‎ 272 pages
  • ISBN-10 ‏ : ‎ 0679773150
  • ISBN-13 ‏ : ‎ 978-0679773153
  • Item weight ‏ : ‎ 217 g
  • Dimensions ‏ : ‎ 13.18 x 1.57 x 20.32 cm
  • Customer Reviews:
    4.4 4.4 out of 5 stars 33 ratings

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Customer reviews

4.4 out of 5 stars
4.4 out of 5
33 global ratings

Top reviews from Canada

Reviewed in Canada on July 22, 2003
Andrew Sullivan made a reputation for himself by being elevated at a very young age as a senior editor of 'The New Republic', a position he filled from 1991-1996. He continues his journalistic career by writing for 'The Times' (London) and 'New York Times Magazine', as well as contributing articles to a large number of other periodicals.
At the height of his career, Sullivan made the announcement made the announcement that he was HIV-positive. In saying this, he made the assertion: 'I intend to be among the first generation that survives this disease.'
Sullivan has occupied a difficult position politically - tending toward conservatism that doesn't sit well with much of the homosexual community, he also tends toward political positions (such as pro-same sex marriage) that go against much of the conservative sentiment. In this first book, 'Virtually Normal', Sullivan argued for an acceptance of same-sex marriage; he followed that up by editing a collection of essays and contributions by others on the same topic.
However, his latest book, 'Love Undetectable', is a very different book. Insofar as Sullivan's life is inextricably bound up with political, historical, and sociological writing through his profession, that is reflected here, but this is a very non-political book. Consisting of three essays, it is primarily reflexions on the life of a survivor, who has yet to become a successful survivor - Sullivan himself.
Sullivan is bound to alienate all sides in some ways once again with this volume. He takes on both the church and religious side and the gay liberation side in his first essay: When Plagues End. 'The gay liberationists have plenty to answer for in this. For far too long, they promoted the tragic lie that no avenue of sexuality was any better or nobler than any other; that all demands for responsibility or fidelity or commitment or even healthier psychological integration were mere covers for "neoconservatism" or, worse, "self-hatred"; that even in the teeth of a viral catastrophe, saving lives was less important than saving a culture of 'promiscuity as a collective way of life', when, of course, it was little more than a collective way of death.'
Of course, this quotation is bound to please the fundamentalists, who would love to paint the gay community as a 'collective way of death'. But Sullivan doesn't go lightly on the other side, either. Sullivan recalls a time when the AIDS quilt was in Washington, and during a service at that time, in the heart of Washington's gay community, the priest at the church began a sermon with the words, 'Today, few of us know the meaning of a plague like leprosy....' Sullivan of course had words with the priest afterwards, and asked him quite bluntly if he had ever heard of AIDS.
This is a very personal journal of Sullivan's, presenting his arguments in full concert with his emotions and experiences, of friends who have been public and friends who have stayed silent about their orientation and their disease, those who are reckless with their health and those who are determined against their illness, as is Sullivan himself. A remarkable journal of an interesting person.
Reviewed in Canada on June 30, 2002
Probably Sullivan's best book, especially the passages on his own personal struggles with homosexuality. Here at least he is willing to describe the differences between gays and straights more honestly than in his other pieces, and certainly more honestly than most people. In my experience (and I wish it were not so!), gays tend to share some unpleasant character traits, such as effeminacy or lack of masculinity, cliquishness, and lewdness. Sullivan gives some societal causes for these things, such as a harsh childhood environment, and the hostility of parents and public [...]. This can indeed be expected to produce unhappy results, one of which might, perhaps, be promiscuity in certain individuals; but I doubt that the promiscuity would be so widespread and would continue well after adolescence, in much more lax and tolerant times, and even in the face of a deadly venereal disease, were it not for some strong natural and innate predisposition, taste, and desire. I myself have not noticed any correlation between gay promiscuity and childhood unhappiness-except perhaps a slight inverse correlation. When one considers further the lewdness, even pornography, of even the most well-regarded pieces of gay "romance" stories, of gay newspapers and magazines, of gay bars and personal ads, of gay parades and rallies-wherever and whenever gays feel, not oppressed, but most *free* to be themselves with themselves-one is forced to suspect that some unfortunate natural difference between gay men and heterosexual men must be at work.
Sullivan attempts to try to interpret these characteristics in a more favorable light, for example, that gays are more tolerant in their relationships and more realistic. I agree that these qualities can, in limited respects, be good. But from the point of view that is most interesting to me, as someone trying to assess the romantic possibilities, I disagree that something very good can be built on such things. I also disagree that these qualities can be conducive to the best friendships. There is much more kinship between love and friendship than he realizes (for example, true friendship is an exclusive bond between two, not a carefree open network among many).
Reviewed in Canada on November 14, 1998
The best reveiw I have read of Sullivan's book appeared this week in the Washington Post. I have heard Sullivan read from Love twice, and he makes the point that straight female reviewers concentrate more on the substance of the book and are more appreciative than many other readers. If you can locate that review, you may wish to read it. And there is much in his new book to appreciate. The three essays are pieces that recall the best of 19th century essay writing. And Love is also a religious confession, a love story, a prose elegy, and more. Sullivan is best as an essayist, though his personal recollections are as powerfully drawn as many novelists'. One of the highest compliments that can be paid Love was also true of Virtually Normal; even Sullivan's detractors are going to buy the book and devour it. Regardless of which side of the polical spectrum one is on, the strength of Sullivan's writing makes him required reading.
Reviewed in Canada on March 27, 2000
Andrew Sullivan's perspectives are interesting and thought provoking. A panacea for the unexamined life, this is a smart, compassionate, insightful and helpful book. I loved it and highly recommend it.

Top reviews from other countries

Neoplatonic
5.0 out of 5 stars Love Undetectable
Reviewed in the United States on February 12, 2012
Verified Purchase
I recently purchased my third hard copy of "Love Undetectable", not for myself, but rather for an acquaintance of several months, who I had met at an online "hookup" site. It was my recollection of the incredible combination of logic, candor, and a quality I can only describe as a kind of philosophical grace that caused me to obtain a copy for someone who, by a recent confession, revealed that his affections for a straight and married man, twice stricken with cancer, had been unrequited. Worse, in his eyes, was the revelation that, after years of solicitous attention from my troubled friend, the object of his longstanding interest had, for the last year, been secretly conducting an affair (his first) with another man.

For this reason, my new friend was in considerable distress. So much so that, in a rejection of all loving feelings, he had determined to discontinue the intimate habits which had brought us together in the first place. I thought such a stunning piece of transference and role reversal was worthy of Shakespear. To state the obvious, his objections to his friend's discovery of a compatible partner in what may be his last year showed how oblivious he was to the strained affections he himself had unwittingly placed upon me, his married friend's wife and children, and the lover in question.

Had I been inclined to dole out brutal truth I might have pointed this out. Instead, I attempted to help him see that, if in fact this was a transcendent moment for his friend in discovering a new breadth in his capacity for love, that he should be happy for him and take pleasure in the fact that he had very likely helped him come to terms with a latent and unfulfilled condition of his own character. At that moment, this counsel represented considerable heavy lifting on my part. I knew that, if he was to take this to heart and examine these convoluted facts in a compassionate light, it would take just such considerable reinforcement, in the form of objective thought upon the standards and double standards which constitute the norm in our society. I could think of no single reading more capable of guiding this meditation than Andrew Sullivan's "Love Undetectable: Notes on Friendship, Sex, and Survival".

It may be that modern philosophical reasoning is free of the constraint of being qualified through practical application. So much has been said about the uniqueness of each individual's perception, yet Sullivan's work represents a kind of archeological literary dig into the consensual reality of our civilization's treatment of socio-sexual response. It traces the evolution of moral values represented by same sex relationships right through to the chaos of the sexual revolution and on past the plague years of the AIDS virus. It is a kind of summation of a battle that has been fought and won. After so much misunderstanding and suffering, it stands as the terms of a peace treaty that everyone who still finds themselves in conflict should read.
2 people found this helpful
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Kay (name changed)
5.0 out of 5 stars Beautiful book about love and friendship.. just beautiful
Reviewed in the United States on May 6, 2018
Verified Purchase
This is such a beautiful book. The authors journey surviving AIDS and his reflections on being gay during a time when it was not accepted, set the stage for a deep dive into what friendship really means. Quite profound and insightful. I’ve taken pictures of many pages to keep on my phone to browse whenever I want to. Quotes about friendship.. to remind me. His writing has given me great clarity...
3 people found this helpful
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Jacqueline
4.0 out of 5 stars he pointedly makes the case for same sex love and friendship
Reviewed in the United States on September 19, 2014
Verified Purchase
The book is a collection of essays on human sexuality, specifically homosexuality. While Sullivan does write about sex, he pointedly makes the case for same sex love and friendship; and his description of the life and death of his friend (once lover), Patrick, was poignant, touching and a beautiful, thoughtful tribute to love. I found his rejection of the theory that one is genetically predisposed to homosexuality interesting and courageous. He considers the genetic source as facile and incomplete; and argues that environment plays perhaps a larger part but rejecting the oft touted "lifestyle" argument. Homosexuality is not a choice; it just is. It is a touching, heartfelt book.
6 people found this helpful
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Benjamin Christopher Rich
5.0 out of 5 stars Five Stars
Reviewed in the United States on January 31, 2017
Verified Purchase
Great read
C. Pierce
4.0 out of 5 stars Surprisingly informative and relatable essays on love, even though the author is gay and I ...
Reviewed in the United States on September 13, 2014
Verified Purchase
Surprisingly informative and relatable essays on love, even though the author is gay and I am not. I actually enjoyed it.