Sex | Just-One-Liners.com

Subject: Sex

The transatlantic crossing was so rough the only thing that I could keep on my stomach was the first mate.

(1893 – 1967) writer, humorist & poet
Activities Sex Travel

The whole dating ritual was different when I was a kid; girls got pinned, not nailed.

(1956 – ) comedian, television host, social critic & political commentator
Age Dating Sex

Now the only thing I miss about sex is the cigarette afterward.

(1936 – ) novelist, essayist & columnist
Characteristics Sex

I watching a weird porn the other day; it was just a fat man crying and wanking at the same time…. then realized I hadn't turned the TV on.

(1973 – ) English writer & stand-up comedian
People Self Sex

The reason people sweat is so they won't catch fire when making love.

(1934 – 2005) American radio personality
Sex

President Clinton apparently gets so much action that every couple of weeks they have to spray WD-40 on his zipper.

(1947 – ) comedian & television host
Insults Sex

In the middle of an asthma attack she got an obscene phone call; the guy said, “Did I call you or did you call me?”

comedian
Health Sex

Among men, sex sometimes results in intimacy; among women, intimacy sometimes results in sex.

(1901 – 2000) English author
Men People Sex Women

It is impossible to believe that the same God who permitted His own son to die a bachelor regards celibacy as an actual sin.

(1880 – 1956) journalist, essayist, editor & satirist
Beliefs God Religion Sex

I regret to say that we of the FBI are powerless to act in cases of oral-genital intimacy, unless it has in some way obstructed interstate commerce.

(1895 – 1972) American director of the Federal Bureau of Investigation
Government Sex

Orgasm: The punchline some women just don’t get, generally because their mates have a tendency to rush through the joke.

(1950 – ) American author, satirist, webmaster & copywriter
Definitions Sex

Niagara Falls: The bride’s second great disappointment.

Definitions Places Sex

When mom found my diaphragm, I told her it was a bathing cap for my cat.

(1961 – ) comedian, writer, radio & television personality & blogger
Sex

Sex again Peg? … we’ve been married seventeen years now; can’t we just be friends?

(1946 – ) American actor
Marriage Sex TV/Movie Quotes

Sex between a man and a woman can be absolutely wonderful; provided you get between the right man and the right woman.

(1935 – ) movie actor, director & comedian
People Sex

Easy: Used to describe a woman who has the sexual morals of a man.

Definitions People Sex Women

Sleeping with George Michael would be like having sex with a groundhog.

George Alan O'Dowd (1961 – ) British singer-songwriter
Insults Sex

I don’t want to have sex; you’re my wife, for God’s sake!

(1946 – ) American actor
Marriage Sex TV/Movie Quotes

Any woman who thinks the way to a man's heart is through his stomach is aiming about 10 inches too high.

writer, humorist, columnist & speaker
Men Sex Things Women

I asked him "Who said you could fool around with my wife" he said everybody.

(1921 – 2004) stand-up comedian & actor
Marriage Sex Situations Wives

Nymphomaniac:  a woman as obsessed with sex as an average man.

(1913 – 1983) journalist & author
Men People Sex Women