Kahanna Montrese on RuPaul's Drag Race All Stars 8 elimination

The showgirl put on a show, girl, but unfortunately the curtain has closed on Kahanna Montrese's run through RuPaul's Drag Race All Stars 8. Though the season 11 alum had arguably one of the best inter-season glow-ups in Drag Race her-story on the runway, she landed in the bottom for a fourth time after her performance in this week's murder-themed acting challenge — but that doesn't make it feel any less criminal that Kahanna's All Stars journey ended here.

Below, Kahanna tells EW how she felt about her time on the show, the status of her relationship with Heidi N Closet after a public clash on social media, and what really happened during the shocking moment she almost quit in the Werk Room before RuPaul gave her a tough-love pep talk that kept her head — and heart — in the game. Read on for Kahanna's elimination interview, and listen to the full conversation on EW's Quick Drag podcast above.

ENTERTAINMENT WEEKLY: It's been a tough week for you, after a public fallout with Heidi. I'm curious as to how this all escalated, and where your relationship stands?

KAHANNA MONTRESE: Before everything went down, a lot of people don't know, but we were close. I did a viewing party at Roscoe's, and we went over things that happened in the episode, and what I felt happened as to her exit. I don't want to talk negatively on the situation and give it more energy, but I was telling my experience. There were a lot of things I wasn't able to speak about, and that was the first time I spoke up. It just went left, and it was a huge misunderstanding and communication with me and her. I stand by my experience, and I'm 1,000 percent sure she stands by hers. We all have our own perceptions in competition mode. I did reach out to her privately, and I apologized, because I don't condone violence. I was in my feels, there was a lot going on, and to feel like my voice was being silenced, I was a crab fighting to have my presence seen. There has to be a healthy balance of saying what you need to say and not ruffling feathers, and I own my part that I played in it. I'm in a good place, where we are now, because we talked about it, we moved on, and I wish her the best. I truly mean that, because she's a great queen, and how I feel about that situation has nothing to do with how I feel about who she is.

You said on Twitter, "for so long I've been silenced & not taken serious, & I blew up I reached my breaking point. This has been a dark period for me." If you're comfortable, can you elaborate on the dark period you're talking about?

It's not so much any contestant's fault, I was just in this place of giving my best in what I presented, and I was so happy. Even in the times I was in the bottom, I was so happy with what I did on the show. The old Kahanna couldn't even imagine trying to do those challenges. To see that I'd gotten a lot of backlash, for whatever reason, Ru saw something in me and decided that I could stay. People saying I should've went home, it really got to me. I'm doing the best I can. I was honest with my abilities. I knew I wasn't an actor, but RuPaul called me to do Drag Race, so guess what? I'm taking my non-acting ass on that show and I'm going to do what I need to do to get this check.

The argument can be made that your runway looks were the closest we can get to perfection. It's odd that there are some people pointing out the consistency in the showgirl aesthetic is a bad thing. It's weird.

People who are saying that didn't see it for me in the first place. None of that matters. You can't make somebody live for you if they just don't. I'm not going to change who I am to accommodate whatever you like. It took me years to find what my drag is, and I love it. I'm not changing a damn thing. I look sickening! And I know my drag is good. Damn right, I'm going to be a showgirl, because I'm on the Las Vegas strip five nights a week.

You seemed upset by the acting challenge news, you said "this energy ain't it for me," and you decided in the moment to quit the competition. What did you mean by the "energy ain't it" comment?

I was really going through it at that moment. I started to feel like I overstayed my welcome. When everything happened with Jaymes leaving and me staying, I could feel that maybe not everybody wanted that. It really got to me. Here I am, third time in the bottom, it's another acting challenge, what else could I possibly give? I gave my all in the Rusical in the performance challenge, something I'm great at, and I'm in the bottom, so how could I possibly shine? I was struggling with that, and on top of what was going on with Kandy and Alexis, I was at my [breaking] point, because I don't know if I should still be here…. I snapped myself out of it because I was still there, and I didn't see the blessing in being there. There were girls who wanted to be there, and I had to look at that. I'm here in this moment, I worked so hard to get to this place. Season 11 Kahanna would look at me and slap the s--- out of me for wanting to move.

You said that you felt maybe like some people didn't think you belonged there, but everyone voted for Jaymes.

The queens were supportive. It wasn't that. I feel like with the Jaymes situation, it was a lot, with the Rusical, I gave 1,000 percent, and a lot of the girls were supportive in thinking that I did really good. A lot of them said to me on set, behind the scenes, they thought I'd be safe or at least win. I don't think it was anything as far as them playing strategy, I just think they thought I was really good. My runway? They liked it. It wasn't like I was begging to stay, they just thought I did good. There was no tea, she's in an alliance, it was none of that. Not for that elimination, at least.

Is there secret alliance-ery?

Yeah! You know about Jimbo, Kandy, Heidi, I think Alexis had an alliance with somebody. I don't remember exactly who it was, I don't know about her alliance, but I know she had one. I know Lala and Heidi had one, there were a lot of alliances going on.

Did Kahanna have secret alliances?

Girl, no. Because the girl I was in an alliance with voted me off!

Lala?

Me, Lala, Kandy, Heidi, and Jimbo had one.

So, wait, the entire cast was in an alliance

It was definitely no alliance going on, we just had to protect ourselves. $200,000? I'm going to make any kind of side bet to stay.

How far along in the quitting process did you get and what changed your mind?

Oh, I had packed my stuff and everything. I felt so defeated. I didn't see anything else that I could do that would change, especially after the challenge before. I felt in my heart of hearts that I'd finally get my redemption for being in the bottom, and that just didn't happen…. I'm so glad I stayed, because I would've looked back and fully regretted it.

I expected something a little different for an improv challenge, it felt more scripted. What parts did you improvise?

They gave us a basis of what the character personality is, an outline that this will be the theme, but whatever you say, that's you. We improvised our lines, we stayed in the story, but we had free range of what we could say and do, as long as it went with the story. That was so much fun for me, I got to take all of my anger out from the conversation on Lil Poundcake. I was like, Lil Poundcake, you're going to get it from me, girl. I remember looking at her and seeing fire, like, why am I so mad at this doll? I was in character! I was in my Halle Berry era.

What was Mother Coco Montrese's reaction to Snatch Game?

She was actually a lot more supportive than I thought. I thought she'd disown me and take the last name back. She was like, "It was actually really good, you just had one joke that I was like, oh God, that was terrible." I think it was the filter one. She was like, "Oh God, don't you ever say that again!" But, she was happy with it. I remember when I got back from filming, I called her immediately like, "Please, do not disown me, don't be mad," she thought it was going to be a lot worse. It was bad, but it was a lot better than what she thought it was going to be.

This interview has been edited and condensed for length and clarity.

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