Rocco Baldelli asked to see James Karinchak’s hair this past weekend to see if he had any foreign substance in there, to see if he was cheating, and I said, in my head, “Karinchak is getting a call from the manager, so that makes Baldelli a Karencheck,” and now Karencheck pulled Joe Ryan (7 IP, 0 ER, 2 walks, 9 Ks, ERA at 3.83) from a no-hitter in the 7th with 106 pitches thrown. Karencheck! You wanna make new rules, MLB? (By the way, in the video at top of this post, it’s this week’s podcast, where BDon and I discuss the new rules — it’s about 10 minutes in.) How about this new rule, no matter what, if the player is healthy, they have to pitch if there’s a no hitter? Make that a rule, you sissies! *puts chew in bottom lip, accidentally swallows chew, vomits up chew and vomit spells out “THAT’S WHAT REAL MEN DO”* My vomit is calling you out, Karencheck! Joe Ryan’s peripherals are 9.3 K/9, 2.9 BB/9, 4.40 xFIP and a hilariously terrible ground ball rate (26.6%), so he’s very susceptible to homers, and that burned him at times this year. How’sever, Joe Ryan for 2023 fantasy, I’m still a believer, as long as he doesn’t show up at camp with a dead arm (lots of IP this year). He’s a rookie, who had excellent command in the minors, and hasn’t scratched that surface yet. Joe Ryan for 2023 fantasy will be an ace or need to be shutdown in the spring with arm issues. Roll that dice, you momma’s boys, and don’t make me spell out things in my vomit anymore! Anyway, here’s what else I saw yesterday in fantasy baseball:
Carlos Correa – 2-for-4, 3 RBIs and his 20th homer. Rockies, Yanks and Dodgers. I’m naming the places where I’d be most interested in Correa, if he’s not back with Twins next year. Dodgers seem totally unlikely, due to Cheaty Cheaty Bang Bang Scandal, and Yankees and Rockies seem like good places to drive up his fantasy value, and have him disappoint.
Jose Miranda – 2-for-2, 2 RBIs and his 15th homer. “You have the right to remain silent!” That’s Miranda to the baseball as it left the stadium.
Gio Urshela – 3-for-3 and his 12th homer, hitting .272. As someone who rosters Urshela, the best part is at the draft when you can say, Mi-shela. All downhill from there.
Jordan Groshans – 0-for-3 as the Marlins called him up. Groshans sounds like a supermarket that you can’t afford. “I want to Groshans for some cereal and it cost me sixteen dollars for Honey Nut Cheerios. Next time I’m going to Whole Foods.” Groshans, besides being a total rip-off for produce, was the piece the Marlins got for Zach Pop and Anthony Bass. By the way, I understand a lot of music “the kids” like, but I’ll never get into Pop and Bass. Sounds awful. Any hoo! Groshans is a high-contact, .300 hitter-type, who’s got light speed and some power that hasn’t shown up yet. He was in the top 30 3rd base prospects by Itch, and he’s an NL-Only pickup for now.
Bailey Falter – 6 IP, 1 ER, 4 baserunners, 4 Ks, ERA at 3.80. It’s kinda funny that the Marlins are so bad, that they let Falter outduel Sandy Alcantara (7 IP, 2 ER, 9 baserunners, 4 Ks, ERA at 2.43). Not haha funny. Streamonator hates Falter’s next and that doesn’t alter my outlook! Nailed it! Give me a high five! Now! No? Okay.
Nick Maton – 1-for-3, 2 RBIs and his 5th homer, and his 3rd homer in four games. Hot schmotato alert!
Avisail Garcia – Hit the IL. This announcement had at least one person saying, “I thought he retired,” and it wasn’t Prince Fielder’s wife. She knows where he’s at.
Brandon Lowe – Hit the IL with a back injury. If I were him, I’d go to the Brookstone at the mall, and sit in a vibrating chair for two days, but I’m merely taking doctor classes online from the University of Guam, so what do I know?
Jeffrey Springs – 6 IP, 0 ER, 5 baserunners, 5 Ks, ERA at 2.41. Yo, Springs, you grown man? Then call yourself Jeff. Jeffrey is a hair stylist name. I wouldn’t have touched Springs in Toronto, but, if you did, more power to you. You have bigger nuts than Keibert Ruiz. Streamonator loves Springs’s next, and I’m wit’ it.
Alek Manoah – 6 2/3 IP, 2 ER, 7 baserunners, 5 Ks, ERA at 2.43. He was scratched from the early game, due to a stomach bug, then clearly still had some runs left in him for the later game.,
George Springer – 1-for-8, 2 RBIs and his 20th homer, hitting .260. *yawn* I mean, sure, fine. Better than I expected, but this is why he had a 55 ADP? Meh.
Jonathan Aranda – 1-for-7 and his 1st major league homer, hitting .364. Kevin Cash is terrible. Guy hits a home run– his first in the majors! — and is replaced in his next at-bat. Sorry, you can overmanage and kill guys’ confidence, and that’s what this could be.
Aaron Judge – 3-for-4, 3 runs, and his 56th and 57th homer, hitting .310. Aaron Judge is now five home runs away from the entire sports media landscape becoming a hellscape of people screaming this is the new home run record.
Reese McGuire – 2-for-3 and his 1st homer. It’s perfect for Reese McGuire to get a jack off the Yankees.
Triston Casas – 1-for-3, 2 RBIs and a slam (2) and legs (1). Didn’t think he had any speed, but Casas must like playing, uh, at home.
Xander Bogaerts – 1-for-5 and his 14th homer, hitting near-.500 in the last fifteen games, hitting great over last month, and barely mentioned here because he doesn’t hit that many homers, as he hits .319 on the year.
Alan Trejo – 1-for-3, 2 RBIs and his 3rd homer, and his 2nd homer in the last four games. Trejo’s isn’t just for tacos, it’s also got hot schmotatoes!
Michael Kopech – 5 IP, 2 ER, 3 baserunners, 3 Ks, ERA at 3.77. This start was vs. the Rockies, i.e., he’s not 100% because he should’ve streamrolled such a sad-faced-emoji team.
Eloy Jimenez – 1-for-3, 3 RBIs and his 13th homer, hitting .317. “Miguel, hey, Tony is on the clubhouse phone saying we should have Eloy bunt. What should I tell him?” “Pretend you got disconnected.”
Jose Abreu – 2-for-3, 2 runs and his 15th homer, hitting .312. Clubhouse attendant with the phone to his ear, “Hey Miguel, it’s Tony again. He wants Jose Abreu to bunt.” “Pretend you don’t speak English and hang up the phone.”
Adrian Sampson – 6 IP, 0 ER, 6 baserunners, 3 Ks, ERA at 3.48. I don’t know how long it will last, but right now it feels like you can stream anyone vs. the Mets. They are, sadly, the Mess.
Ian Happ – 2-for-4, 2 runs and his 17th homer. That homer went about seventeen-hundred feet, which once again has me scratching my head about where are all of Happ’s homers. What’s the Happ’s, indeed.
Pete Alonso – 1-for-3 and his 34th homer. Albombso!
Dean Kremer – 5 IP, 3 ER, 9 baserunners, 1 K, ERA at 3.34. Go check out Coolwhip’s Dean Kremer fantasy, where he name-checks my favorite movie. Grey’s got daddy issues!
Andrew McCutchen – 2-for-5, 3 RBIs and his 17th homer, hitting .244. Ya know what this year is from An-Knee McClutchin’? Dead cat bounce. Next year, he’s going to hit .190 by June and get released by whichever team signs him. Unless the Rockies give him a five-year deal, or he retires after this year.
Adolis Garcia – 2-for-2, 2 runs, 3 RBIs and a slam (25) and legs (24), hitting .253. Also, in this game, Dermis Garcia (2-for-4, 4 RBIs) hit his 3rd homer. This blurb was brought to you by 23 and Me. Adolis and Dermis are related through five Luis Garcias removed.
Mark Mathias – 3-for-5, 3 runs, 4 RBIs and his 4th and 5th homer, hitting .298. Mathias is the 27-year-old Quad-A player the Rangers have at 1st base, because they didn’t spend any money last offseason to make their team better. Oh, wait, they did get a 1st baseman! They got Brad Miller! Sadly, he’s injured. I kid. They have Nathaniel Lowe.
Freddie Freeman – 1-for-4 and his 20th homer. For those of you who don’t want to draft players on the same team, three of the top five players on the Player Rater are on the Dodgers.
Joey Gallo – 1-for-4, 2 RBIs and his 17th homer. You mean, Future AL Batting Champ After The Shift Is Banned, Joey Gallo!
Max Muncy – 2-for-3, 2 runs and his 20th homer, hitting .201. Muncy, and the Art of the 2nd Half.
Dansby Swanson – 2-for-5, 3 RBIs and his 20th homer. Next year, it’ll be the Braves’ turn to have three guys in the top 5 on the Player Rater.
Yu Darvish – 8 IP, 0 ER, 2 hits, zero walks, 7 Ks, ERA at 3.16. Ya know what’s gonna happen when I go back in on him next year, right? Oh, yeah, a 5+ ERA incoming!
Kyle Tucker – 1-for-5, 2 RBIs and his 26th homer, and 2nd homer in three games, because Mr. H2H is playing his heart out, because it’s H2H playoffs time!
Yuli Gurriel – 2-for-4, 2 RBIs and his 8th homer. He’s still hitting more homers than his son, Lourdes.
Yordan Alvarez – 2-for-4, 3 runs and his 33rd homer. Putting my hands together for Captain Woo Cubano, because he can’t.
Hunter Brown – 6 IP, 2 ER, 7 baserunners, 6 Ks, ERA at 1.50. Rays get all kinds of accolades for turning turds into gold bars, and they should, but the Astros are not far behind. Send Mitch Keller to the Astros, and he’d be a top 3 Cy Young vote getter. I gave you a Hunter Brown fantasy when he was promoted, and he looks as good as advertised.
Kody Clemens – 2-for-3 and his 4th homer. Imagine going through life with the name Kody, with a K, because your dad was a giant ding-dong. It’s so embarrassing. Guess it could be worse, he could’ve named him Kody with a backwards K.
Oscar Gonzalez – 2-for-4, 2 RBIs and his 8th homer. He’ll almost assuredly be in this week’s Buy/Sell, because he’s been one of the hottest schmotatoes in the last seven. Speaking of which, I’ll get the Buy/Sell up this afternoon on the Patreon, then Friday on here, as usual.
Luis Cessa – 5 2/3 IP, 5 ER, ERA at 5.25. Hey, Cessa, go fly a kite!
Johan Oviedo – 5 IP, 0 ER, 1 hit, 2 walks, 4 Ks, ERA at 3.34. Streamonator hates his next start, and I’d leave Ovideo in the bargain bin with the Oblue-rays.
Luis Ortiz – 5 2/3 IP, 4 baserunners, 5 Ks, as he was called up. He looked downright filthy, and filthy is good, said like Guy Fieri. Knowing the Pirates, they’ll send him back down, pretend he has to learn the outfield, then call him back in time for rosters expanding in 2027, but it was an impressive, presumable spot start.
Cal Mitchell – 1-for-7, 2 RBIs and his 5th homer. Yo, yo, where my poise at, Calm Itchell?!
Ke’Bryan Hayes – 2-for-4, 2 runs and his 7th homer. Nice to see him have a good final month. Or would be nice, I don’t think he’s there yet. With that said, I think he’d have to fall into the three-hundos on ADP next year to pique my petal off the flower of interest. (Very poetic!)
Bryan Reynolds – 2-for-8, 2 RBIs and his 23rd homer, and his 2nd homer in as many days. Put the entire Pirates team in Cincy, and their hitters are interesting. Now that I think about it, I’ve got an idea! Pirates have nothing to lose, move the fences in 100 feet and let the PNC games be fun by being 15 to 14 affairs. Tell me you wouldn’t watch the Pirates if they had four guys hitting 50 homers a season. “That’s a 285-foot out…Oh, no! The wind must’ve got it and it’s a 290-foot homer. That’s home run number 43 for Kevin Newman.”
