Julianna Margulies on the Privilege of Aging and Finding Her Truest Self in New Memoir
Julianna Margulies romanced George Clooney on ER, played the fierce, resilient Alicia Florrick on The Good Wife and had a recurring role on Billions. Next month, she’ll add another title to her resume: memoir author. The award-winning actress and producer’s story is documented in
Penning a book for four years not only gave Margulies, 54, a chance to reflect on her past—including a childhood shuffled across continents with divorced parents, an eccentric mother, an absent father, a Hollywood career, complicated romantic relationships, finding love later in life (to husband, Keith Lieberthal) and becoming a mother at 41 (to son, Kieran, 13)—but also the ability to redefine her goals for her life’s second act.
“I hope [readers] understand that obstacles are put in their way for a reason,” she says. “And if you embrace the obstacle and look at it as a healthy challenge, it can actually change you and make you stronger.” We spoke to Margulies about the wisdom she’s gained throughout the years, finding the strength to say no to people and projects and why she loves spending time alone.
Your new book is titled Sunshine Girl. Where did that come from?
Growing up, my mother gave me the nickname Sunshine Girl. Being labeled that and having it be your job to bring sunshine into a room is a blessing and a curse. It doesn’t enable you to draw boundaries where you need to or be tough when you need to because you’re scared of hurting someone’s feelings or being the bearer of bad news. And that can be crippling when you’re trying to navigate your way through life. Over the years, I’ve learned to work through that.
What was it like being vulnerable enough to sit down and write this memoir?
Writing this book was the scariest thing I’ve ever done. It was hard being vulnerable. The professional side of me was so afraid to write because I just didn’t feel like I was good enough. But if I didn’t complete something I started, what was I saying to my son? It was uncomfortable, and I don’t like being uncomfortable. But I’m going to sit in it. Isn’t that brave enough?
In the book, you dive into your relationship with your parents. How do you reflect on that today?
I’m at an age now where I’ve lost my father, and my friends are losing their parents. I see friends who still carry anger and pain from their childhoods, from what their parents put them through. I feel so grateful that my mother was willing and able to ask for forgiveness and work through it with me and move on. And I’d give anything for one more hour with my father. When he died, it made me really conscious of how precious these relationships are. If you can’t forgive and move on, it’s a very toxic feeling. I want to tell my friends whose parents are still alive to work through [any trouble they’re having] because once they’re gone, you can’t.
Would you consider time spent alone part of your self-care?
I love spending time by myself. I watched Oprah interview James Corden, and she said, “What kind of hobbies have you started in quarantine?” He said, “I go to the bathroom a lot for like 40 minutes, shut the door and do my emails in there.” I started laughing so hard because that’s what I started doing—no one’s going to bother you in the bathroom. I need to be alone. It refreshes me mentally, physically, emotionally. If there’s another person around, I feel like I need to be doing something for them.
How has your perspective of aging changed?
The one great thing we all have in common is that we’re all aging. And isn’t that a privilege? Because if we weren’t aging, we’d be dead. I choose to look at it on the bright side. I’m so much better at 54 than I was at 34. We all are because you’ve licked the wounds, you’ve gone through the fires. When I hear people complaining about getting older, I’m like, “Yeah, it sucks because maybe I can’t run as fast as I used to. And maybe my eyes are going, but I’d rather be enlightened and wear a pair of glasses than be completely blind to my own feelings.
Burnout from overworking is real, no matter the career. Did you ever feel that?
When you’re married, have a child and a job you love, it can be so easy to just go, go, go. I was exhausted and rundown and developed chickenpox after wrapping The Good Wife. This taught me a tough lesson in slowing down. Before, I wouldn’t say no. “You’re giving me nine pages of dialogue to learn in 12 hours after I’ve been on set all day? Let me see what I can do.” My biggest fear was always letting people down. But the only person I was letting down was me. It took me a long time to get that narrative out of my head, to change it and to understand that I’m not being a bad person when I say, “Actually, I can’t do that. It’s not going to work.” I’m being truthful. And I’m taking care of myself.
How have you improved your own self-confidence in the past?
We live in a society where everyone compares themselves to others. I’m guilty of it. We all do it. What helps is when I do yoga or go for long walks and I’m in my own space. I say, “No one is you and you are no one else. There’s no comparison.” But it’s hard to live by that rule. Important, but hard. And you have to keep reminding yourself, which is where meditation comes in.
Lately, I’ve been trying meditation. I’m not good at it. I’ve let go of trying to do it perfectly. I’m trying to be in the moment and be grateful for the moment because when you’re rushing through life, you’re going to miss the greatest parts of it.
Do you have hard-and-fast skincare rules?
I don’t leave the house without sunscreen. I’m in L.A. shooting right now, and I’m always that person in the stupid baseball hat or the big brimmed hat on a beach. I also put sunscreen on my hands, even when I’m walking around New York City. I heard [Modern Family actress] Julie Bowen say in an interview years ago, “Don’t forget the hands.” I thought, Oh my God, my hands! It’s not just about wrinkles; it’s about preventing melanoma.
But wrinkles are part of life. If we looked the same all the time, we’d all look like aliens. It would be bizarre. [Aging] is beautiful and you have to embrace it. I’ve been in front of a camera since I was 23 years old. I don’t look the same anymore. And if you think I don’t look good, well don’t watch me. Stick with the people whose foreheads don’t move. I want to embrace moving forward, and I’m grateful for every year.
What are some other ways you’ve grown over the years?
I say what I mean now, and I don’t care what anyone thinks. I used to care. What a waste of time. I try and do it with empathy and kindness and gratitude and live my life that way.
Have you struggled with work-life balance?
When I became a mother and a wife, learning how to leave my work at work became an absolute necessity. I can't inflict that on my family. I think as women, we know how to compartmentalize so easily and so well. But when I was younger, before I had a child and a husband, I also realized I couldn’t bring that home with me. There were some scenes with Carol Hathaway [ER] that just broke me. I remember sitting in my driveway and making a conscious effort. I had done a scene where I wanted to adopt a little Russian girl, and it was devastating to me that they wouldn't let me because of my suicide attempt—I was an unstable woman [to them]. The scene was really deep and heavy. I drove home and I was sitting in my driveway, and I thought, “You have to make a decision. You're either going to walk in that door and have a lovely evening as Julianna. Or you're going to go in there as Carol Hathaway and cry your eyes out. What do you want to do?” I took a deep breath and said, “Julianna, that’s the character you're playing. It’s so heavy on my heart, but you have a beautiful life right now. Go inside.” It’s really a very conscious mental decision.
Related: Julianna Margulies On Why 'It's a Wonderful Time for Woman in Television'
What’s next for you?
I love the character I’m playing right now on The Morning Show [season 2, AppleTV+]. She’s a very successful journalist and has gone through the wringer, when being gay wasn’t acceptable. To be able to play such a strong role and not have to carry the show is like a vacation. I can’t even begin to tell you the guilt I feel for not carrying the weight of it all, but it’s such a pleasure to have a week to learn lines, pop on set and then leave.
How do you approach new characters?
When I put on another person’s shoes, I have to think like them. Who are they? How do they feel? What’s their background? It gives you a different point of view. I have to find a new way to look at the world every time I play a new character, and in doing so, it expands my understanding of the human condition. It’s so fun to dive into a character’s childhood. In the beginning, it was to get away from my own. But now, it’s research and I can see the world from a different point of view.
Have you ever considered a Doug Ross and Carol Hathaway (ER) reunion?
We’re in a reboot culture, but I always want to leave them wanting more, guessing about the next chapter. I have a hard time going back. George [Clooney] and I always used to talk about how they never gave Carol Hathaway and Doug Ross a wedding. We used to joke that we should just do one movie called “The Wedding” and Carol marries Doug. But then I think, ‘Let's be inventive. Let's start something fresh and new and different. And let me explore other things.’ Although, I will tell you I miss Alicia Florrick a lot. I found her to be a challenge and exciting every day. That role gave me some of the best dialogue I'll ever have in my life.
