Joe Bob Briggs: Goes To The Drive-In Comprehensive List

Joe Bob Briggs has been a staple in the Public consciousness for 30+ years and continues to offer his unique insights into the world of film. Some are classics, others forgotten gems, some so-bad-they’re-good, but all of these movies have a Joe Bob commentary worth listening to!
Click on 'read notes' to see the Drive-in Totals on each individual film.
This list is to celebrate the good, the bad, and the weird that only Joe Bob can offer. So put on your bolo ties, dust off your cowboy hats, say the drive-in pledge, and take a seat - because Joe Bob says check it out.

*Check-in Totals provided by Books: Joe Bob Goes To The Drive-In & Joe Bob Goes Back To The Drive-In; The Last Drive Wikipedia; TV series Monstervision & The Last Drive-In Show.*

Carnival of Souls 1962

No breasts (1962). Nineteen dead bodies. Approximately 15 zombies. One motor vehicle chase, with watery crash. Zombie bus tour. Church organ Fu. Zombie Fu. Drive-In Academy Award nominations for Candace Hilligoss, for saying "I don't belong in the world" and "In the dark, your fantasies get so far out of hand"; Frances Feist, as the creepy old rooming house lady, for saying "You can take all the baths you want"; Art Ellison, as the minister, for saying "You cannot live in isolation from the human race, you know"; Sidney Berger, as the letch next door, for saying "You're gonna need me in the evening, you just don't know it yet"; and Herk Harvey, for producing, directing, and playing the Head Zombie.
In the Drive-In Hall of Fame. Four stars.
Joe Bob says check it out.
Daughters of Darkness 1971

★★★½

Five dead bodies. Thirteen breasts. Multiple aardvarking. One beach burial. Erotic wife beating. Weird European music. Attempted live burial. One motor vehicle chase ‘n burn (with explosions). Blood slurpin’. Mutilated beauty. Spooky makeup mirror. Bloody window-specter. Gratuitous murder scene (with rubberneckers). Gratuitous turquoise cocktail. Atmospheric long shots where the sky is orange. Forhorn fu. Shaving razor fu. Belt fu. Fruit bowl fu. Drive-I’m academy nominations for: John Karlen. Danielle Ouimet. Delphine Seyrig. Andrea Rau.
Four stars.
Joe Bob says check it out.
The Legend of Boggy Creek 1972

Two dead hogs. One dead kitten. Multiple swamp noises. Dozens of Terrified huntin’ dogs. Three-toed footprints. Hide rippin’. Hysterical teenage girls. Creature screaming, moaning, screeching, wailing and roaring. Features the line “Let’s all have a coke, y’all want one?” Without any product placement deals whatsoever.
Four stars.
Joe Bob says check it out.
The Exorcist 1973

★★★★

Four dead bodies. Gargoyles. Weejee board. Catholic virgin-defacing. Levitating bed. Closeup neck injections. Multiple spinal taps. Crotch-crushing. 360 head-swiveling. Green vomit to the face. Abdominal carving. Eyeball-rolling. Holy water Fu. And, of course, Exorcism Fu.
Four stars.
Joe Bob says check it out.
The Texas Chain Saw Massacre 1974

★★★★

7 Dead Bodies. No Breasts. Grave Robbing. Arm Slashing. Hand Carving. Leg Carving. Jagged Tooth Licking. Chainsaw to the Tummy. Extensive Slaughterhouse Trivia. Multiple Cackling Cannibals. Plate-Glass-Window Smashing. Satanic Graffiti. Armchairs Made Out Of Arms. Automobile Graveyard. Hornet Fu. Bone Fu. Broom Fu. Burlap Sack Fu. Sledgehammer Fu.
Four Stars.
Joe Bob say check it out.
It's Alive 1974

★★★½

Thirteen dead bodies. One dead cat. No breasts. Multiple throat-ripping. Monster-baby-cam. Delivery-Room Fu. Piñata Fu. Not a long list, but a GREAT movie.
Four stars.
Joe Bob says check it out.
Black Christmas 1974

★★★★

Eighth dead bodies. No Breasts (automatic 1/2 star reduction), Five excellent obscene phone calls. Breaking and entering. Feeding alcohol to minors. Throat slicing. Matron on a meat hook. Christmas-ornament bashing. Crystal-spike plunging. Multiple clueless cops. Grand-piano destruction. Gratuitous Christmas caroling. Gratuitous snowball assault. Gratuitous fellatio prank. Cellophane fu. Fire poker fu. Shaky-cam fu. Asthma fu. Olivia Hussey. Margot Kidder. Andrea Martin. Marian Waldman. Keir Dullea. Bob Clark.
Three Stars.
Joe Bob says check it out.
Jaws 1975

★★★★

Five dead bodies. Two dead sharks. One dead dog. Boat chomping. Raft chomping. Skinny-dipper chomping. Corpse-eating crabs. Bloody fish dumping. Beer chugging. Radio bashing. Exploding seafood. 38 gallons of blood.
Four stars.
Joe Bob says check it out.
Deep Red 1975

★★★★½

Eight dead bodies. One dead crow, skewered. One robot doll attack. One secreted mummy. One house fire. Three stabbings. Silent scream. Bloody cleaver hacking. Truck dragging followed by head squashing. Crocheted voodoo doll. Supernatural public lavatory. Psychic convulsions. Multiple butcher knife attacks. Drowning in scalding bathtub water. Falling glass. Head hacking. Teeth bashing. Blade to the throat. Sinister point-of-view camera. Multiple doll mutilation. One gothic haunted house. Horrific children's drawings. Multiple nekkid doll rope strangulation. Gratuitous inter-gender arm wrestling. Two heads roll. Telepathy Fu. Black glove Fu. Giant eye Fu. Pickaxe Fu. Diamond necklace Fu. Drive-In Academy Award nominations for Macha Méril, Gabriele Lavia, David Hemmings, Clara Calamai, Giuliana Calandra, Bernardino Zapponi, and Dario Argento.
Four Stars.
Joe Bob says check it out.
The Devil's Rain 1975

29 dead bodies. Kindly old retainer strung up by his feet. 4 zombie-monk attacks. Oozie demon blood. Face removal. Burning at stake. Pitchfork impalement. Flaming Sheriff. One fist fight. Howls of demons. Earthquake. Eyes roll. Exploding car. Exploding church 2 motor vehicle chases, with 2 crashes. Voodoo-fu.
Three stars.
Joe Bob says check it out.
Wolf Guy 1975

★★★

Seventy-eight dead bodies. Twenty-six breasts. Twenty-seven gallons of blood. Multiple aardvarking. One wolf-village massacre. Three fiery infernos. Spontaneous internal body-ripping. Psychic intestine repair. Bullet through the eye. Exploding mountain. Multiple attack ninjas. Steel-bar bending. Close-up surgical torture. Multiple exploding bodies. Homeless drunk abuse. Leisure-suited gang brawl. Fat-guy kicking. Autopsy results indicating demonic DNA. Stomach slashing. Multiple blood-licking. Brickbat to the back. Wolf girl cranium clubbing. Ear biting. Junkie beating. Cliff tumbling. Choking. Head bashing. Throat slashing. Neck cracking. Flute-enhanced breast suckling. Suicidal gang-rape backstory. Two motor vehicle chases and two explosions, with fireball. Gratuitous superimposed floating tiger. Kung Fu. Karate Fu. Fistfight Fu. Yakuza Fu. Dirty needle Fu. Chloroform Fu. Poison gas Fu. Grenade Fu. Alter-ego wolf Fu, with twitching. Drive-In Academy Award nominations for Sonny Chiba, Connie Kobayashi, Etsuko Nami, Yayoi Watanabe, and Kazuhiko Yamaguchi.
Four Stars.
Joe Bob says check it out.
Gun Moll 1975

Zero Breasts (automatic one star deduction). Two Dead Bodies. Minimum Blood. Heads Do Not Roll. Kung Fu And Bimbo Fu. Sophia Slapped Around And Struck With Heavy Object Twenty-Six Times. Excellent Motor Chase And Double Crash. No Beasts Except Marcello And His Killer Wimps. Great Dubbed Moaning.
Three stars.
Joe Bob says check it out.
Bloodsucking Freaks 1976

We Have A Total Of Seventy-Six Breasts. Heads Roll (four times). Hands Roll. Fingers Roll. Feet Roll. Excellent Midget Sadism and Dubbed Moaning.
Three and a half stars.
Joe Bob says check it out.
Carrie 1976

★★★

Eight dead bodies. Two breasts. Twelve gallons blood. One mother from hell. Excessive girlfriend-slapping. Beer-on-head-dunking. Pig-slaughtering. Mind-control body-flinging. Psychedelic prom riot. Satanic firehose. Double electrocution. Gym-teacher-slicing. Principal-burning. Back-stabbing. Crucifixion with dinner knives. Exploding house. Imploding house. One motor vehicle chase, with crash and burn. Feminine Hygiene Fu. And, of course, Pig's Blood Jubilee.
Four stars.
Joe Bob says check it out.
Suspiria 1977

★★★★

We have two breasts (and many twinkle-toed young girls cavorting in body stockings). A 97 on the Vomit Meter. Eight dead bodies. Millions of dangling maggots. One bat attack. Head scissoring. Throat slitting. Throat ripping. Flesh eating. Death in a vat of barbed wire. Multiple stabbing. Hanging. The most disgusting snoring ever put on a soundtrack. Gratuitous ballet dancing. Gratuitous German beer-hall elbow-slapping weenie dancing. Wind Fu. Rain Fu. Witch Fu. Drive-In Academy Award nominations for Jessica Harper, as the dreamy-eyed drugged-up American girl who's being fattened up for the kill; Dario Argento, the master; and Joan Bennett, as the dance instructor who decided to go into witchcraft for the money.
One for the ages - Suspiria.
Four stars.
Joe Bob says check it out.
Rabid 1977

Seventeen Dead bodies. Eight breasts. One dead Santa Claus. Multiple body armpits. Two riots (Hazmat suit, Rifle-toting Assassins). Two motor vehicle crashes with explosions and fire. Porn music soundtrack. Close-up skin graft surgery. Vampiric post-surgical behavior. One new sexual armpit oriface. Zombie truck driver. Stabbing. Froth-mouthed green-foo psychos. Rabid Psycho on subway. Gratuitous porno movie theater sequence. Heads roll. Fingers roll. Construction worker drill fu. Plastic surgery fu. Hot Tub fu. BBQ chicken fu. Shotgun fu. Drive-in academy award nominations for: Terrence G. Ross. Victor Désy. Frank Moore. Howard Ryshpan. Marilyn Chambers.
Four stars.
Joe Bob says check it out.
Damnation Alley 1977

250 million dead bodies. No breasts. Exploding continent. Axis-tilting. Giant scorpions. Exploding military base. Gospel singin. Face eating. Rock throwing. Flash flood. Axis RE-tilting. Gratuitous shaving. Cockroach Fu. Hillbilly Fu. And no plot to get in the way of the story.
Two stars.
Joe Bob says check it out.
Halloween 1978

★★★★

Five dead bodies. One Dead Dog. One dilapidated spook house. Eight breasts. Aardvarking. Four jump scares. Multiple strangulations. Eye stabbing. Multiple choking. Meat-cleaver Wall-pinning. Neck slicing. Random bullying, with Jack-o'-lantern vandalism. Tombstone Thievery. Closet crashing. Gratuitous footage from 'Thing From Another World' and 'Forbidden Planet. Cleaver fu. Heavy breathing fu. Knitting needle fu. Wire hanger fu. Point-of-view camera fu. Donald Pleasence. Jamie Lee Curtis. John Carpenter.
Four Stars.
Joe Bob says check it out.
Sea Girls 1979

We've Got Fifteen Complete Kung Fu Fight Scenes, Including Everything From One-On-One to Four-On-One to Eight-On-One. We Got Three Complete Kung Fu Comedy Scenes, Including One With A Scrub Brush That's Almost As Good As Bruce Lee. We Got Excellent Dubbed Thwocks And Whooshes. No Beasts. No Motor Vehicle Chases. No Breasts. Five Corpses. Heads Do Not Roll.
Three and a half stars.
Joe Bob says check it out.
Tourist Trap 1979

★★½

Six Dead Bodies. Zero Breasts. One Dead Jeep. Zombie Mannequins. Viscous Attack Dolls. Arm Ripping. Bimbo Dunking. Psychopathic Cross-Dressing. Random Telekinesis By Guy Who Can't Spell "Telekinesis". Ball-Peen Hammer Fight. Designer Scarf Strangling. Heads Roll. Arms Roll. Legs Roll. Eyeballs Roll. Crowbar Fu. Shotgun Fu. Tomahawk Fu.
Three and a half stars.
Joe Bob says check it out.
Phantasm 1979

★★★★

6 Dead Bodies. 0 Breasts. Double Graveyard Aardvarkus. 1 Motor Vehicle Chase w/ Crash. Dagger to the Chest. Foot Bonking. Finger Roll. Giant Fly To The Head. Exploding Door. Exploding Hearse. Dwarf Hunting. Gratuitous 70's Guitar Jam. Infamous Phantasm Silver Ball To Face.
Four stars.
Joe Bob says check it out.
Somewhere in Time 1980

One dead body. No breasts. Hypnotic time travel. Romantic strolling montage. A little roughing up. Victorian aardvarking. Gratuitous Rachmaninoff.
One star.
The Changeling 1980

★★★★½

Seven Dead Bodies. Two Motor Vehicle Crashes. Multiple Sad Romantic Flashbacks. Haunted Piano Key. Possessed Water Faucet. Animated Rocking Wheelchair. Rushing Wind. Banging. Pounding. Broken Window Shard To The Neck. Trance Sleepwalking. Multiple Glass Shattering. Multiple Knick-Knack Hurling. Multiple Toy-Ball-On-The-Stairs Ghost Signaling. Grave Excavation With Skeletal Hand. Excellent Seance w. Requisite Bald Headed Doctor and Psychic Hag. One Creepy Music Box. Staircase Tumbling. One Fiery Inferno. Gratuitous Horseback Riding Interlude. Raging Storm Fu. Lincoln Memorial Fu. Demonic Tracking Shot Fu. Bathtub Ghost Fu. Antique Wheelchair Fu.
Three And A Half Stars.
Joe Bob Says Check It Out.
Friday the 13th 1980

★★★

Ten dead bodies. Knife to the stomach. Throat-slitting. Cleaver through the back. Ax to the face. Arrow through the forehead. Fire poker to the face. Frying pan to the head. Head-hacking. And some nice violin music by Harry Manfredini.
Four stars.
Joe Bob says check it out.
Mother's Day 1980

Six and a half dead bodies. Six breasts. Spike through the neck. Hatchet to the groin. Electric-turkey-carver face plunging. One crazy inspirational self-help speech. One head-bagging ritual. Vintage TV to the head. Dead hippies. Strangulation. Surprise head-hacking. Face licking. Fake-boob pool-toy suffocation. Elaborate rape roleplay. One weight-room prison. Full-frontal college flashback. Beer-can wilderness tracking. Heavy-breathing-POV bush camera. Burlap-bag beating. Axe dexterity training. Groin kicking. Tree branch to the face. Ear in a box. Gratuitous belly dancer. Gratuitous banjo foreshadowing. Head rolls. Baby raccoon leg rolls. Neck brace Fu. Multiple cocaine Fu. Fruit stand Fu. Sleeping bag Fu. Watermelon Fu. Drano Fu. Drive-In Academy Award nominations for Beatrice Pons, Nancy Hendrickson, Frederick Coffin, and Charles Kaufman.
Four Stars.
Joe Bob says check it out.
Christmas Evil 1980

★★★½

Seven Dead Bodies. Sword Through The Eye. Ax Through The Torso. One Home Invasion. One Drunken-Employee Christmas Party. One Extended Foot Chase. One Motor Vehicle Chase, With Death Plunge or Life Plunge, Depending On How You Look At It. Snow-Glove Smashing, With Intentional Glass-Shard Hand Slashing. Toy Bag Suffocation. Ornament Throat-Slashing. Parent Stabbing. Torch-Bearing Suburbanites. Chimney Plunging. Chimney Plugging. Massive Toy-Truck Theft. Santa Claus Police Lineup. Toy Airplane Destruction. Aardvarking. Doll Strangling. Santa Strangling. Festive "Jingle Bells" Dancing. Implied Santa Sex. Gratuitous "Night Before Christmas" Recitation. Gratuitous Macy's Thanksgiving Parade Footage. Toy-Factory Assembly Line Fu. Butcher Knife Fu. Drive-in Academy Award Nominations For: Brandon Maggart. Jeffrey DeMunn. Lewis Jackson.
Four Stars.
Joe Bob Says Check It Out.
Cannibal Holocaust 1980

Seventy-two dead bodies. Seventy-four breasts. Eight peni. Hunting knife surgery. Nekkid stick-waving protocol. Nekkid cannibal-warrior target practice. Ceremonial mutilation murder. Skewered muskrat. Spear to the chest. Extended turtle evisceration, with closeup turtle-meat chewing. Spider machete-hacking. Bloody-foot display. Cannibal on a stick. Monkey brain extraction, with lunch. Pig execution. Village pillage. Thick white mystery-juice consumption. The old bonfire tree-smoke plummeting dead-woman trick. Forced cocaine sniffing. Fungus-covered grainy alligator food. Skull pounding. Intestine yanking. Cannibal barbecue. Torched grass huts. Two gang rapes. Rusty machete amputation. Involuntary ritualistic abortion, with cello music and rocks to the face. Adultery punishment ritual with wooden penis, mud-ball vagina-jamming, and boulder to the cranium. Sadists disguised as goofy hippies. Excessively romantic cannibal feast music. Indie filmmaker mutilation. Satanic skeleton worship. Nekkid Aborigines eating Europeans-on-a-stick. Gratuitous jaguar. Gratuitous cannibal rape subplot. Gratuitous butterfly collecting. Heads roll. Foot rolls. Dick rolls. Leech Fu. Spider Fu. Crocodile Fu. Snake Fu. POV camera Fu. Firing squad Fu. Poison dart Fu. Machine gun Fu. Drive-In Academy Award nominations for Robert Kerman, Carl Gabriel Yorke, Salvatore Basile, Francesca Ciardi, Gianfranco Clerici, and Ruggero Deodato.
Four Stars.
Joe Bob says check it out.
The Fog 1980

★★★★

Eight dead bodies. No breasts. Sword through the chest. Hook through the chest. Dagger to the chest. Six zombies. Strangulation.
I give it about ... three stars.
Joe Bob says check it out.
The Evil Dead 1981

★★★½

We Have Nineteen Gallons Of Blood. One Breast. Four Beasts, Unless You Include The Rapist Forest. No Kung Fu. No Motor Vehicle Chases. DIAA Nominations For Raimi The Psychopath; Bruce Campbell; Ellen Sandweiss As Cheryl, The Forest Rapee; Sarah York As Shelly No Question About It: Grisly, Nasty, Disgusting...
Four stars.
Joe Bob says check it out.
Maniac 1980

★★½

Eight dead bodies. Two breasts. Throat slitting. Garroting. Hooker strangling. Scalping. Exploding head. Subway stalking. Sword through the back. Bloody decapitation. Funky photo-shoot music in a room full of hot models dancing. Zombie-mother gravesite. Gratuitous Tom Savini. Time Square Fu. Mannequin Fu. Shotgun Fu. Drive-In Academy Award nominations for Joe Spinell, Caroline Munro, Kelly Piper, Tom Savini, and Bill Lustig.
Four Stars.
Joe Bob says check it out.
The Funhouse 1981

5 Dead Bodies. 2 Breasts. Mutant Farm Animals. Strangling. Stabbing. Shooting. Hanging. Impaling. Drooling. Ax To The Head. Crowbar To The Head. Electrocution. Mutant Grinding. Side Show Stripping. Exhaust Fan Fu.
Two and a half stars.
Joe Bob says check it out.
Don't Go in the Woods 1981

Sixteen Corpses. Zero Breasts. One Guy Gets A Whole Tree Limb Run Through His Body. No Motor Vehicle Chases. Approximately Seven Buckets Of Blood. Minimum Kung Fu. Heads Roll. Arms Roll. It's No Chainsaw but It'll Do.
Two stars.
Joe Bob says check it out.
Mad Max 2 1981

Sixty Dead Bodies. Exploding Cities. Six Motor Vehicle Chases, w/ Fourteen Crash And Burns. Dark To The Bicep. Dog Food Eating. Crossbow Execution. Finger Hacking. Skinhead Crushed Underneath A Tractor-Trailer. One Helicopter Crash. Flamethrower Fu. Boomerang Fu.
Four stars.
Joe Bob says check it out.
Halloween II 1981

We Have Thirteen Dead Bodies. One Nekkid Breast. Throat-Slitting. Throat Stabbing. One Motor Vehicle Chase, w/ Explosion. Claw Hammer To The Head. One Strangulation. Needle To The Ear. Exploding Stuntman.
Four stars.
Joe Bob says check it out.
The House by the Cemetery 1981

★★★

Two Heads Rolls. One Head Rolls Down The Stairs. Underground Meatlocker Scene, If You Know What I Mean And I Think You Do. Great Slime Glopola Lizard-Face Genetic-DNA Creature Attack. An Eighty-Two On The Vomit Meter. Twelve Gallon Of Blood. Two Beasts. One Breast. No Motor Vehicle Chases.
Three and a half stars.
Joe Bob says check it out.
The Hand 1981

Five dead bodies. Four breasts. Mutilated snake. Two motor vehicle crashes, with explosion. Hand-hacking. Multiple strangulation. And, of course, the famous Hand-Cam, which sees the world from knuckle level.
Three and a half stars.
Joe Bob says check it out.
Madman 1981

★★½

Nine Corpses. We're Talking One Motor Vehicle Crash. Four Breasts. No Kung Fu. Heads Roll. Two Possible Drive-In Award Nominations, For Alexis Dublin As The Bimbo And Paul Ehlers As Madman Marz.
Two and a half stars.
Joe Bob says check it out.
The Prowler 1981

★★½

10 Dead Bodies. 10 Breasts. Cat & Mouse. Vertical Bayonet Head Slicing. Spooky-Old-House Fleeing. Aquatic Throat Sawing. Aggressive POV Cemetery Camera. Strangulation With Reverse Larynx Spearing. Casket Cracking. Exploding Head. Double Pitchfork Impalement. Massively Annoying Violins And Cellos. Gratuitous WW2 Newsreel Footage. Gratuitous Jitterbugging. Gratuitous Roadster. Gratuitous Hairband. Double-Barreled Sawed-Off Shotgun Fu. Bayonet Fu. Pitchfork Fu.
Two And A Half Stars.
Joe Bob says check it out.
Halloween III: Season of the Witch 1982

★★★★

9 Dead Bodies. 15 Zombies. 2 Breasts. A Little Zombie Kick-Boxing. Fingers Through The Eyeballs. Drunk Who Gets His Head Ripped Off. Lasered Fat Woman. Hands Roll. Arms Roll. Heads Roll.
Two stars.
Joe Bob says check it out.
The Beastmaster 1982

Not Realistic. No Kung Fu. Some Martial Arts. Sword Work. Unofficially, Four Female Appendages. Heads Do Not Roll.
Two stars.
Joe Bob still says check it out.
Class of 1984 1982

Seven dead bodies. Four dead bunny rabbits. One dead kitty cat. Six breasts. Multiple fistfights. Chain to the face. Two Tarzan gymnasium-rope attacks. One roasted punk. Groin kicking. Chest carving. One drug dealer beatdown. One cafeteria brawl, with knife to the kidney. One hooker audition, with stripping. One Weirdbeard Alice Cooper theme song. One gang rape, with polaroids. One motor vehicle explosion. Two attempted vehicular homicides, with two crash-and-burns. One out-of-control motor-vehicle fender-and-windshield reverse-vandalism revenge car wreck, with fire extinguisher through the driver's window. One gang rumble under the freeway, with knives and bats. One punk-club slamdance head-bashing scene, with the Hamilton, Ontario punk band "Teenage Head." One flagpole death plunge. One biology lab massacre. Face-bashing self-mutilation. Gratuitous school bus surfing. Gratuitous school bus surfing. Gratuitous "Moon River." Gratuitous face painting. Gratuitous skeleton dumping. Gratuitous 1812 overture. Arm rolls. Massive graffiti Fu. Metal detector Fu. Video surveillance Fu. Spray paint vandalism Fu. Mosh pit Fu. Flagpole Fu. Broken wine bottle Fu. Fire extinguisher Fu. Molotov cocktail Fu. Buzzsaw Fu. Drive-In Academy Award nominations for Perry King, Roddy McDowall, Erin Noble, Timothy Van Patten, Michael J. Fox, Al Waxman, and Mark Lester.
Four Stars.
Joe Bob says check it out.
Parasite 1982

We Have A Little Of Everything In This One. One Kung Fu Scene. Two Bare Tops. Eight Corpses. Excellent Slime Monster. Hands Roll. Heads Roll.
Three and a half stars.
Joe Bob says check it out.
Basket Case 1982

Ten Dead Bodies. Six Breasts. Multiple Face Clawing. Seven Gallons Of Blood (with splatter). Monster Tantrum. Toilet Bonding Scene. Buzzsaw Daddy Splitting. Two Attempted Monster Rapes. Orange Panty Fondling. Burger Fu. Time Square Fu. Hot Dog Fu. Migraine Fu. Scalpel Fu. Heads Roll. One-half Bare Top.
Four stars.
Joe Bob says check it out.
Poltergeist 1982

★★★½

30 Undead Bodies. 1 Dead Bird. Flying Toys. Killer Trees. Porkchop Maggots. Gooey Face Peeling. Groady Zombies In Pool... Clogging The Filter.
Three and a half stars.
Joe Bob says check it out.
First Blood 1982

No Breasts. Body Count: 85. Twelve Impalement. One Gallon Blood. One Beast. Kung Fu Scenes: 10. Gymnastics Fu. Machine Gun Fu. Loonie Fu. One Motor Vehicle Chase. One Pitchfork Through Throat. Hands Roll. Sickle In Stomach. Pig-Licking. Drive-In Academy Award Nomination For The Nation Of Yugoslavia.
Three stars.
Joe Bob says check it out.
Fighting Back 1982

We've Got Seven Corpses. We've Got One Fairly Decent Motor Vehicle Stunt. We've Got Kung Fu. No Creatures. Two Breasts. Heads Do Not Roll. Fingers Roll.
Two stars.
Joe Bob says check it out.
One Down, Two to Go 1982

No Breasts, Even In Williamson Big Shower Scene. No Creatures. Minimum Blood. Fourteen Bodies. One Motor Vehicle Crash. Two Explosions. Mucho Chop-Socky. Porno-Movie Music. Not Up To The High Standards of Shaft, But A Kind Of Laid-Back Eighties Version Of The Same Stuff.
Two and a Half stars.
Joe Bob says check it out.
Timerider: The Adventure of Lyle Swann 1982

One Good Motor Vehicle And Horse Chase. Eleven Corpses. Two Breasts. No Creatures. Heads Do Not Roll. About Three Decent Jokes (and a lot of indecent ones). Some Kung Fu, Non-Pro.
Two and a half stars.
Joe Bob says check it out.
1990: The Bronx Warriors 1982

Thirty-Seven Dead Bodies. Zero Breasts. We Got Three Motor Vehicle Chases. Two Creatures. Five Quarts Of Blood. Heads Roll. Excellent Fred Williamson Kung Fu.
Three and a half stars.
Joe Bob says check it out.
Incubus 1982

We're Talking Ten Corpses. Five Breasts. No Motor Vehicle Chases. One Beast, Green Frogman Variety. Two Pints Of Blood. No Kung Fu. Heads Do Not Roll.
Two stars.
Joe Bob says check it out.
Pieces 1982

Heads Roll Twice. Arms Roll. Legs Roll. Nine Living Breasts, Two Dead Breasts. No Motor Vehicle Chases. Good Kung Fu. Eight Corpses. One Beast With A Chain Saw. Four Gallon Of Blood. Not Much Talking. A Real Splatter City Feature.
Four stars.
Joe Bob says check it out.
Turkey Shoot 1982

We're Talking Exploding Heads. We're Talking Recreational Vehicle Crash-And-Burn. We're Talking about Bimbo Meat Factories. Twenty-One Breasts, Including Two Stunt Breasts. Thirty-Four Dead Bodies. Six Pints Of Blood. Heads Roll. Hands Roll. Stomachs Roll. Little Toes Roll.
Three stars.
Joe Bob says check it out.
The Sword and the Sorcerer 1982

At Least Ninety Corpses. Mucho Snakes. Heads Roll. Minimal Kung Fu. One Beast. No Motor Vehicles. Magician Guy With Orange Fingernails.
Three stars.
Joe Bob says check it out.
Stuck on You! 1982

We Have Nine Breasts. One Pint Of Blood. Twelve Wild Beasts. One Motor Vehicle Chases and Explosion. Excellent Midget Performance In Spanish-Maid-Costume Scene. Heads Do Not Roll. Hands Do Roll.
Three stars.
Joe Bob says check it out.
Q 1982

★★★

Eighteen Dead Bodies. Two Dead Monsters. Two Breasts. Heads Roll. Heads Fly. One Motor Vehicle Accident. One Heist. Skinned-Alive Body Flaying. Multiple Bloody Skeletons. Ritualistic Chest-Carving w/ Heart Extraction. One Beat Down By Goons In Leisure Suits. Bikini Model Munching. Construction Crew Chomping. Multiple Helicopter-Giant-Flying-Lizard-POV-Camera Angles. Gratuitous Mimes. Gratuitous Gargoyle Montage. Machine Gun Fu.
Four Stars.
Joe Bob Says Check It Out.
Conan the Barbarian 1982

Seventy-two dead bodies. One dead snake. One dead vulture. Three breasts (two of em on Conan). Ancient professional rassling. Heads roll. Bludgeoning. Impaling. Throat-slitting. Arm-breaking. Head-ramming. Camel punching. Virgin sacrifice. Cliff-jumping. Crucifixion. Cremation. One orgy. Gratuitous Speechifying by Max von Sydow.
I give it three and a half stars.
Joe Bob says check it out.
They Call Me Bruce? 1982

Some Good Comedy Chopsocky. One Motor Vehicle Chase. About Seven halfway funny Jokes. Two Breasts. Seven Or Eight Corpses. The Perversion is Mostly This Fat Guy Who Likes To get Whipped On the Back By Margaux Hemingway.
Two and a half stars.
Joe Bob says check it out.
The Last American Virgin 1982

This flick Has Great Tunes With Stuff By Blondie, The Cars, Commodores, Devo, REO Speedwagon, And About Ten More. A Few Bare Tops. No Kung Fu. Heads Do Not Roll.
Three and a half stars.
Joe Bob says check it out.
Swamp Thing 1982
Next of Kin 1982

Nine dead bodies. Three breasts. Multiple jump scares. Two motor vehicle chases. Nursing home aardvarking. Throat slashing. Eerie violins and cellos. Fork stacking. Sugar-cube pyramid building. Attempted pyscho rape, with simulated flesh chomping. Head bashing. Rat-tailed comb to the eyeball. Wheelchair quagmire. Wheelchair death sprint. Exploding diner. Massive thunderstorms, with gazebo huddling. Haunted faucets. Bloody fountain, with cherubs. Multiple schoolgirl flashbacks. Cat cam. Gratuitous skinnydipping, followed by forest frolicking. Gratuitous ventriloquist koala bear. Gratuitous bingo hall sequence. Gratuitous ballroom dance competition. One head rolls. Crystal wind chime Fu. Bathtub Fu. Nightmare Fu. Stalker Fu. Fuse box Fu. Shotgun Fu. Drive-In Academy Award nominations for Jackie Kerin, Gerda Nicolson, Alex Scott, Charles McCallum, John Jarratt, Bernadette Gibson, and Tony Williams.
Four Stars.
Joe Bob says check it out.
Superstition 1982

We're Talking Zero Breasts, But 19 Dead Bodies. Nine Gallons Of Blood. A 68 On The Vomit Meter. Three Beasts. Exploding Heads. Burning Lakes. Priest Screwed To Death On A Wine Press. Gratuitous Rotting Flesh. Face-Staking. Toe-chewing. Heads Roll. Body Rolls (split down the middle). Microwave Fu. Woodsaw Fu.
Three stars.
Joe Bob says check it out.
Stroker Ace 1983

Five Motor Vehicle Chases. Eight Crashes. No Beasts. No Breasts, But Loni Comes Close. One Beer-Joint Brawl. One guy Through A Plate-Glass Window And Into The Swimming Pool. No Kung Fu. No Plot.
Two and a half stars.
Joe Bob says check it out.
Spring Break 1983

Bottles, Cans, Cups, But Very Few Jugs. Breast Count: 16. One Motor Vehicle Chase. No Beasts. Minimal Kung Fu. Heads Do Not Roll. One Drive-In Academy Nomination, For The Foxxy Brunette Who Wants To Do It To Everybody.
Two and a half stars.
Joe Bob says check it out.
Losin' It 1982

Not A Bad Flick At All. Twelve Breasts. Two Motor Vehicle Chases. No Kung Fu. One Fistfight. One Drunken Brawl. One Guy Beating The Bejabbers Out Of Another Guy. No Creatures. Possible DIAA Nominations For Shelly Long, The Stop-And-Go Airhead; Jackie Earle Haley, The Dave Guy, Who Wears A Frank Sinatra Hat And Tries To Be Cool;Tom Cruise, As The Shy Guy; John Stockwell, As Spider The Fighter.
Three and a half stars.
Joe Bob says check it out.
Krull 1983

Heads Roll In This One. We're Talking Seventy-Seven Corpses. Half A Quart Of Blood. No Breasts. Several Varieties OF Beasts,But The Main Beast Is Blurry. No Motor Vehicle Chases. Minimum Kung Fu. Several Swords Through Bodies. Excellent Torture Chamber.
Three stars.
Joe Bob says check it out.
Getting It On 1983

No Blood.No Beasts. A Little Pitiful Kung Fu. Nine Official Breasts. No Motor Vehicle Chases. One Decent Gonzo Performance By This Party BAnd Called The Late Bronze Age, With A Lead Singer Who Looks Like Dumbo The Elephant Trying To Dunk. No Gross Out Scenes.
Two stars.
Joe Bob says check it out.
Deathstalker 1983

We're Talking Thirty Breasts. Twenty-Two Corpses. Kung Fu. Sumo-Wrestling. No Motor Vehicle Chases. Several Excellent beasts. Not One, Not Two, But Three Heads Roll. Great Sledge-Hammer Scene - Has To Be Seen To Be Believed. Best Of All, No Words Actually Spoken By Barbi Benton At Any Time.
Four stars.
Joe Bob says check it out.
Hells Angels Forever 1983

Four Breasts. Three Excellent Motor Vehicle Scenes. One Quart Blood. No Beasts, Except The Ones In The Cast. Three Orgies. Two Bar Bust Ups. One Scene Of The Angels Practicing With Their Legal, Registered, Unconcealed Firearms, Which They Use For Sports Purposes Only.
Three and a half stars.
Joe Bob says definitely check this out.
WarGames 1983

No dead bodies. No breasts, don't ask me who decided to show it here. 1 motor vehicle collision. 1 helicopter chase. Big screen war graphics. Southern-style corn buttering. Computer-fu. Tic-Tac-Toe-fu. Global thermo-nuclear war fu.
Three and a half stars.
Joe Bob says check it out.
Revenge of the Ninja 1983

Forty-Four Corpses. We're Talking Four Breasts. Excellent Kung Fu, Kid Fu, Sumo, Ninjitsu, Bimbo Fu. We're Talking The Greatest Kung Fu Motor Vehicle Chase In History. One Beast.
Four stars.
Joe Bob says check it out.
The Dead Zone 1983

We Got Two Breasts. One Excellent Motor Vehicle Crash. One Quart Blood. No Beasts. Seven Dead Bodies. No Kung Fu. Heads Do Not Roll. Tom Skerritt Blows Away Calleen Dewhurst In Slow Motion. DIAA Nominations For Walken, As A Geek School Teacher; And Martin Sheen for Acting Like A Politician.
Three stars.
Joe Bob says check it out.
Yor, the Hunter from the Future 1983

Twenty-five dead bodies. Two quarts blood. Several decent beasts. A little Kung Fu. Heads roll.
Three stars.
Joe Bob says check it out.
Deadly Force 1983

Seven Breasts. Three Motor Vehicle Chases And One Excellent Crash. Eleven Dead Bodies. Six Guys Get The Bejabbers Beat Out Of Them. Two Quarts Blood. No Beasts except For Wings. Heads Do Not Roll. Bimbo =s Not Allowed To Talk Much. Academy Award Nomination For Paul Aaron, The Director, For Keeping Things Moving.
Three stars.
Joe Bob says check it out.
Stryker 1983

We've Got Ninety-Three Corpses. Six Breasts. Twenty Midgets. Medium Kung Fu. Superb Bimbo Fu. A Couple Quarts Of Blood. Six Motor Vehicle Chases, One Crash-And-Burn, One Exploding Vehicle. Some Great Mohawk Haircuts.
Three and a half stars.
Joe Bob says check it out.
American Nightmare 1983

Four breasts. Eight dead bodies. One burial alive. Corpse- beating. Grave-stabbing. Slicing. Dicing. Filleting. Multiple stab wounds. Outdoor rave bikini-dancing. Drug-induced wife- stabbing. Gratuitous shower scene. Gratuitous Brinke Stevens. Voodoo Fu. S&M; Fu. Drive-In Academy Award nominations for Brandy Little as the babysitter haunted by her sister's disappearance at the gruesome campfire massacre the year before; Chris Ryan, a real-life morning deejay at KEGL in Dallas, as the kinky macabre pirate-radio call-in host who says "That's the spirit of Halloween! Kids in the hospital! Hope there's enough room!"; Johnny Sneed, as the shy sensitive computer-nerd boyfriend hero, who says "I just know Halloween is a bad time for her"; and, of course, Debbie Rochon, as the pill-popping defrocked nurse with a knife and a thing for pain.
Three stars.
Joe Bob says check it out.
Sudden Impact 1983

We've Got Five Breasts. One Beast Named Mick The Spic. We Have Two Pints Of Blood. Three Motor Vehicle Chases. Gazebos Roll. Body Count: Twenty-One. Some Kung Fu. Better Than The Enforcer, Not As Good As Dirty Harry.
Three stars.
Joe Bob says check it out.
Sleepaway Camp 1983

★★★

Twelve Dead Bodies. No Breasts. Heads Roll. Death By Scolding. Attempted Child Rape. Arrow Through The Neck. Knife To The Spine. Bees To The Face. The Ole' Shaving Creme Prank. The Ole' Butt Face Prank. Multiple Screaming Children. Gratuitous Homo-Erotic Bare-ass Skinning dipping. Speedboat Fu. Cooking Pot Fu. Curling Iron Fu. Canoe Fu.
Three and a half stars.
Joe Bob says check it out.
The Being 1983

Body Count: Twelve. Five breasts. One And One-Half Gallon Of Blood. Two Motor Vehicle Chases. One Crash-And-Burn Van Scene. Excellent Slime Glopola Monster With Moving Mouth. Hands Roll. Arms Roll. Legs Roll, and Of Course, Heads Roll.
Three stars.
Joe Bob says check it out.
Weekend Pass 1984

We Have Twelve Breasts. Some Kung Fu. One-Half Pint Of Blood. No Motor Vehicle Chases. One Beast: The Punkola Gang Leader, One Of Those Guys With Muscles That Look Like Horseshoes Are Growing On The Outside Of His Body. No Plot. Heads Do Not Roll.
Three stars.
Joe Bob says check it out.
The Ice Pirates 1984

★★★

Four Complete Breasts And Quite A Few See-Throughs. One gallon Blood. Four Motor Vehicle Chases. Human Kung Fu, Robot Kung fu, Bimbi Fu. Seven Beasts,Including DIAA Nominations For The Space Herpy And Frog Lady. Three Heads Roll. Eyes Roll.
Four Stars.
Joe Bob says check it out.
Conan the Destroyer 1984

52 dead bodies. Two breasts. (Both of them on Conan.) Nine gallons human blood. One gallon green lizard blood. Three beasts. Two heads roll. One ear-to-ear throat slitting. Excellent Kung Fu.
Four stars.
Joe Bob says check it out.
The Terminator 1984

Four breasts. Thirty-seven dead bodies. Two beasts. Dempster Dumpster truck destructor scene. Intestines roll. Forearms roll. Eyes roll. One pet iguana. One El Lay jerkola disco destroyed Four motor vehicle chases, with crash-and-burn. Rat-eating refugees who set fires in their TV sets. Seven quarts blood. A 77 on the Vomit Meter. Drive-In Academy Award nominations for the A-Man; for Linda Hamilton, best screamer of the year; and for James Cameron, who wrote and directed this sucker.
Four stars.
Joe Bob says check it out twice.
Firestarter 1984

Forty-Five Dead Bodies. Nine Motor Vehicle Explosions, Including copter. One Gallon Blood. No Breasts. Exploding Heads.
Three and a half stars.
Joe Bob says check it out.
Children of the Corn 1984

Ten Dead Bodies. One Dead Dog. No Breasts. One Motor Vehicle Chase. About Two Pints Of Blood. Heads Do Not Roll. Hands Roll. Excellent Groundhog - Mushroom - Cloud Monster. Great Scene Where Peter Horton, The Tourist With An IQ OF 24 Gets Tangled By A Cornstalk. A Little To Much Plot Gets In The Way Of The Story.
Three and a half stars.
Joe Bob says check it out.
C.H.U.D. 1984

★★

Eight dead bodies. Two gallons of blood. One dead dog. Two breasts. Ten beasts. Gratuitous C.H.U.D. hands creeping up from under manhole covers. One gangrenous leg. Sensurround monster growling. One Nuclear Regulatory Commission cover-up. One really bad clogged drain. Heads roll. Flamethrower Fu. One great performance, John Goodman as Cop in Diner.
Two Stars.
Joe Bob says check it out.
Ghoulies 1985

We Got Nine Dead Bodies. Two Breasts. Midget Fu. Tongue Fu. Devil Fu. Two Beasts. Tongue-Talkin'. Whining. Wailing. Screaming. Face-Eating. Rat Attack. Spear-Chucking. Exploding Heart. Laser-Eye Special effects.
Two and a half stars.
Joe Bob says check it out.
Where the Boys Are 1984

Eleven Breasts. No Blood. One Beast (Conan). Great Scene With Rod Stewarts Wife Trying To Go To Bed With Everything That Moves. Two Motor Vehicle Chases, One With A Crash. Lorna Luft Does Something Pretty Amazing With A Cucumber. One Aggie Joke. Heads Do Not Roll.
Three and a half stars.
Joe Bob says check it out.
The Company of Wolves 1984

Three dead bodies. One dead cow. Two fuzzy bewtocks. Face-peeling. Multiple wolf-transformations. Wolves wearing wigs. Heads roll. Hand rolls. Falling tarantulas. Hot poker to the hand. Long tongue effects. Gratuitous Terence Stamp.
Three stars.
Joe Bob says check it out.
Joy of Sex 1984

One Measly Breast. No Dead Bodies. One Beast. Kung Fu. No Motor Vehicle Chases. Uno Fistfight.
Two stars.
Joe Bob says check it out.
Down on Us 1984

Ten breasts. Five dead bodies, including one who chokes on his own vomit. Groupie Fu. Disco strobe light Fu. Female impersonator Fu. Barbiturate Fu. Screwdriver Fu. Drive-In Academy Award nominations for Bryan Wolf, as Jim Morrison, for wearing his shirt open down to his navel, letting the girls in the audience lick his hand, and saying "You don't wanna change the world, do you, honey? You just wanna make love" and "I look for rainbows, and all I see is pig blue"; Gregory Allen Chatman, as Jimi Hendrix, for smashing his guitar, having his private parts preserved forever in sculpture, and saying "I only write what I feel"; Riba Meryl, as Janis Joplin, for porking up for the role, shooting up with heroin, and saying "I go out and make love to 25,000 people, and then I go home alone"; Sandy Kenyon, as the assassin, for saying "Our assignment--neutralize the three pied pipers of rock music"; and, of course, Larry Buchanan, for writing lines like "I know I didn't need that second barrel, but who counts birdshot in a man's chest? Rock and roll is dead. Long live rock and roll."
Three stars.
Joe Bob says check it out.
The Return of Godzilla 1984

We Have Two Breasts (both Godzillas). Two Beasts (including Raymond Burr). Two Quarts Blood. Forty-Eight Dead Bodies. One Motor Vehicle Chase. Kung Fu. Lizard Fu. Gratuitous Power-Drill Mutilation. Four Nuclear Explosions. Helicopter-Eating, Giant Rubber-Crab Wrestling.
Three stars.
Joe Bob says check it out.
A Nightmare on Elm Street 1984

★★★½

Three dead bodies. Three breasts. Human torch. Paint-the-room-red death scene with 9,000 gallons of blood. One beast. Kung Fu. With Robert Englund, who would become the best zombie killer since Jason, and Amanda Wyss, who dies on the ceiling. Directed by master of horror Wes Craven.
Four stars.
Joe Bob says check it out.
Lust in the Dust 1984

Four Breasts. Fifteen Dead Bodies. One Riot. One Brawl. One Gang-Rape, /w Midget. Two Quarts Blood. One Beast. Thigh Crushin'. Bullwhip Fu.
Three stars.
Joe Bob says check it out.
Fright Night 1985

Two Breasts. Eight Dead Bodies. Eight Gallons Of Blood. Five Slime-Spewing Vampires. Four Transformation Scenes - Including Wolf-Dog, Goober-Head Melting-Man, Flying-Lizard, and Flaming-Bat. Two Heads Roll (off camera). Hearts Roll. Electric Fingernails. Hefty Fu. Gratuitous Studebaker. Vampire Flashdancing. Disco Riot. Drive-In Academy Nominations For Chris Sarandon, The Vidal Sasson Vampire, Doing His Best Creature Since Al Pacino's Boyfriend in Dog Day Afternoon; Roddy, The Original Plantet-Of-The-Apeman, For Excellent Stake-Driving.
Four stars.
Joe Bob says check it out.
Malibu Express 1985

We Got 72 Breasts, Including A Couple On A Girl Named June Khnockers That Oughta Count Double Every Time She Jumps Out Of Her Jumpsuit. Four Dead Bodies. Four Shower Scenes. Sybil In A Red Zoot Suit. Two Brawls. Four Motor Vehicle Chases. Kung Fu. Dukes Of Hazzard-Ripoff Hillbilly Fu. Phone Sex, Also Known As Lip Service.
Three stars.
Joe Bob says check it out.
Pumping Iron II: The Women 1985

Four Breasts (but a lot of see-through nipple tops). No Blood. Seven Beasts (boyfriends and trainers). One Male Stripper. Gratuitous Flashdancing. Gratuitous Wayne Newton. Jiggle Fu. One Hot Tub Scene. One Pool Scene. Two Shower Scenes. Academy Award Nominations For Bev Francis, For Saying "Some Men Just Can't Handle Muscles"; and Rachel McLish, For Saying "You're Really Dealing With Human Beings. You Can't Depend On Them. It Even Says So In The Bible."
Four stars.
Joe Bob says check it out.
Lifeforce 1985

Sixteen Breasts. Twenty-Four Dead Bodies. Seventeen Quarts of Blood. Fifty-Seven Beasts. Three Gratuitous Vampire Attacks. Kung Fu. Lip Fu. Great Scene Where All London Is Full Of Frothing Zombies. Instant Beef-Jerky Manufacturing. Electro-Lips. Arm Rolls. Hand Rolls. Exploding Actors.
Four stars.
Joe Bob says check it out.
Avenging Angel 1985

This Movie Is Bad. I'm So Disgusted . Five Breasts. Nineteen Dead Bodies. Kung Fu. Bagel Fu. Female Impersonator Fu. Stunt Baby. Two Motor Vehicle Chases, One With Pet-Cemetery Hearse.
Two Stars.
Joe Bob Says - Nope, I Can't Even Say It.
The Return of the Living Dead 1985

Nineteen dead bodies (plus fragments).
Ten breasts. Two zombie breasts. One-hundred twenty-five zombies. Mummy dogs. One-half zombie dog. Ten gallons blood. Brain-eating. Gratuitous embalming. Nekkid punk-rocker fondue. Gratuitous midget zombie. Torso S&M. One motor vehicle chase (totalled by zombies). Heads roll. Brains roll. Arms roll. twitching zombie arm Hands roll.
We're talking four stars.
Joe Bob says check it out.
Hellhole 1985

Sixteen Breasts. Fourteen Dead Bodies. Two Pints Of Blood. Two Beasts (orderlies with lambchop sideburns, saying stuff like 'Hey, let's make a sandwich"). Nekkid Lesbo Wrestling. One Lesbo Mudbath. One Zombie Attack. Glad Bag Sniffing. Gratuitous Hot-Tub Scene Necessary To The Plot. Two Lobotomies. Ax In Back. Glass In Neck. Kung Fu. Marjoe Fu. Loony Fu. Hypodermic Fu. Drive In Academy Nominations for Judy Landers, For Getting Strapped Down A Lot; Mary Gortner, For Breathing; And Pierre De Moro, The Director, For Asking The Question "How Many Times Can I Get Away With This?"
Three stars.
Joe Bob says check it out.