The golden age of romantic comedies—you might know them, lovingly, as rom-coms—has long passed. In our new Rom-Com Rewind column, we take a deep dive into the movies we so loved. Do they stand the test of time? Do they make any sense? Just how believable are they? Are they actually any good the second (or third, or fourth) time around? Let's just see, shall we?
The Movie
When Did It Come Out
2003
The Trailer
The Players
Andie Anderson (played by Kate Hudson) and Benjamin Barry (Matthew McConaughey). Note that both names are alliterated. I'm already clapping.
Andie is a journalist at Composure magazine. Her job is to write the "How to" column.
"A little hard work for a little hard butt." I'm dying.
She is GAME for a CHALLENGE and will do ANYTHING for her JOB. Or, at least, that seems to be what this awkward "hanging upside down in a gym" shot is saying.
Also, she is a big goof! #relatable. Or, at least, that seems to be the purpose of this shot where she goes butt-over-head after trying to move an ottoman.
But she has BIGGER DREAMS.
Meanwhile, Benjamin Barry is a king among men. He is a big-shot advertising guy with his shirt off!
He works with SHALOM HARLOW. (Where have you beeeeeeeen, Shalom? Call me.) She plays Judy Green, and Michael Michele plays Judy Spears, which we need to know because…
…the two Judys have been given the De Lauer diamond account at the advertising agency where they all work. This account is a Big Deal, and Ben is not having it. He was the one who brought in the tip. He is going to make sure he gets that account.
The Convoluted Set-Up
Back at Composure, Andie and Jeannie (Annie Parisse) are accompanying a heartbroken Michelle (Kathryn Hahn <3, who told us once that being in this movie felt "a little dirty", we feel you) to a staff meeting. Michelle can't figure out what she's done wrong with the guy who just dumped her. Although she did cry the first time they had sex. OK, and she told him she loved him…after two days. We all know you can't do that, don't we, girls? Hahahahahahahaha. Even millennials know you should never catch feelings.
Andie has to really lay down some Normative Dating Real Talk for poor Michelle. Guys don't like girls who have emotions, duh. Silly Michelle!
Okay, now it's time for BEBE NEUWIRTH, LIGHT OF MY LIFE. She's the boss around here.
She thinks someone should write about Michelle's pathetic inability to keep a man. Andie agrees to do it, because otherwise office vampire Lori will get involved. (Also, dear Lord, Lori is wearing chopsticks in her hair.)
Our intrepid journalist is going to hook a guy, then try to drive him away with all the classic mistakes girls make. You know, like existing, communicating, breathing. Just those girly things. She'll turn it into one of her "How To" stories—"How to Lose a Guy in 10 Days." DING DING DING DING DING DING DING. I'm aquiver with excitement.
But we're still not done with building this questionable edifice.
Ben has crashed the business meeting where the Judys and their boss, Warren, are discussing their pitch for the diamond account. Warren is all like, "Ben, you don't understand women, how can you sell diamonds to them?" And the Judys are like, "Yeah! You don't understand women! Idiot!"
Warren is like, "Don't worry, Ben, no men understand women, bitches be crazy lol. Hey how do you change your Twitter avatar from an egg."
Five-Minute Meet Cute Warning
Judy Spears spies Andie across the room, and knows that she's working on the "How to Lose a Guy" story. She bets Ben that he can't make Andie fall in love with him by the time their client party happens. When is the party, you ask? Oh, it's in TEN DAYS. God I love rom-coms. Game on, folks.
Ridiculous Things That Happen In Pursuit of Romance, Or Its Opposite
Andie tries to put Ben off with stuffed toys and a pink blanket, which I actually find legitimately hilarious.
Andie pretends she doesn't eat meat.
Even though there's an obligatory shot of Andie chowing down on a sandwich so we know how Relatable she is! #veryrelatable.
Andie gives Ben's tackle a special name: Princess Sophia. Mr. Masculinity Complex does not like that.
Andie gives Ben "a love fern" that represents their relationship.
Andie buys them a puppy.
Right when Ben is about to lose it with all these woman-y shenanigans, he remembers that there's a big deal on the line here. He suggests they go to a couples therapist. Andie says she knows a good one. LOL JK it's just Kathryn Hahn. They gaslight him to the extent that he suggests Andie meet his whole goddamned family.
Are you tired? God, I feel tired. He must really want this client.
The Illogical and Normative Way They Fall in Love
When they get to Ben's Staten Island home, Andie is melted by the sight of so many adorable children. Ben offers to change his nephew's diaper. What a guy, amirite, so goals, etc. Ben's super-sweet family rope Andie into a game of Bullshit: the trick to the game, he tells her, is "knowing how to read people." IS HE READING HER?????
Inexplicably, then they decide to take a motorbike ride on the boardwalk. All of a sudden, Andie is acting utterly normal and not at all like a fakely OTT girlfriend. A huge truck splashes them both with brown water and, instead of freaking out about e. coli like I would, they start laughing and bond even more deeply, but on a real level, you know?
Then in the bathroom Andie starts crying. You realize there has been no mention whatsoever of Andie's family. Perhaps she is an alien, like in Third Rock from the Sun. Perhaps she has no family, like Oliver Twist. Whatever her story is, she loves the family vibe and the house and Ben's parents. Then they smooch. You can tell it's real because there's tinkly music playing in the background.
They take their clothes off, which is weird, because shower sex at my parents' house sounds to me like the whatever the opposite of an aphrodisiac is.
After they do it in Staten Island, Andie has Rom-Com Relaxed Girl Hair. That's how you know they've fallen in love.
But: Problems
Cut to the night of the party. Andie looks like a very beautiful banana pudding.
Mr. Boss Man decides to find out for himself if Ben has won the bet. "There isn't a diamond in the room that sparkles like a woman in love," he posits. Andie is so flustered that we know SHE DEF LOVES HIM. Ben has won. He has secured the lady as well as the big account. Great job!
Wish these gals would start a glam detective agency together already.
The Glam Detective Agency are not happy. They tell Ben's work buddies a little lie: that Andie's known about the bet all along and so the win doesn't count. They rush off to beg her to keep quiet about "the bet"…which she of course knows nothing about. The guy she was trying to bamboozle but accidentally fell in love with is a LIAR.
Meanwhile, Lana cozies up to Ben because Warren has told her he's the new diamond guy. And she can't help but trumpet Andie's latest story about a poor schmuck she's been fakely dating…OH WAIT IT'S HIM OOPS.
I have seen this movie more times than just about anyone, and I still have no idea why this happens, but Ben and Andie take their anger out on each other by singing "You're So Vain."
The Kicker
"You wanted to lose a guy in ten days? Well, you did it. You just lost him." Whoa.
A Kind of Nothingy Ending If You Ask Me
Now that the truth is out, the two go about their business. Ben gets the diamond account; Andie quits her job. But her final column for Composure is about how she made the biggest mistake of her life. OMG.
Ben reads it and is also like "OMG," prompting possibly the only high-speed motorcycle/cab chase in any romantic comedy ever.
I Don't Really Know What to Say About This
But can they truly be happy together? Andie is on her way to D.C. for a job interview. Ben is like, "Don't follow your dreams! Stay here with me!" And she is like, "OK!!!!!!!!!!!!!" WTF.
That's the end.
Does This Movie Have Problems?
Yes.
How Many Problems?
So many.
So, Is It Good?
I'm going to go with: No. Too many weird assumptions about gender roles. But there's still something really satisfyingly goofy about it. I would watch it again, TBH.
How Many Times Have I Seen This Movie?
9. I'm sorry. I can't explain it at all.
