Groucho Marx Quotes

• 

  Politics is the art of looking for trouble, finding it everywhere, diagnosing it incorrectly and applying the wrong remedies.

  Groucho Marx

  Art, Freedom, Political Will

  218 Copy quote

• I refuse to join any club that would have me as a member.

  Groucho Marx

  Funny, Life, Witty

  37 Copy quote
• 

  If you find it hard to laugh at yourself, I would be happy to do it for you.

  Groucho Marx

  Funny, Sarcastic, Sarcasm

  464 Copy quote
• 

  Be open minded, but not so open minded that your brains fall out.

  Groucho Marx

  Fall, Brain, Open Minded

  82 Copy quote
• 

  Those are my principles, and if you don't like them... well, I have others.

  Groucho Marx

  Inspirational, Funny, Life

  "Biography/Personal Quotes". www.imdb.com.

  120 Copy quote

• I'm not a vegetarian, but I eat animals who are.

  Groucho Marx

  Animal, Vegetarian

  107 Copy quote

• [He] may talk like an idiot, and look like an idiot, but don't let that fool you: he really is an idiot.

  Groucho Marx

  Funny, Witty, Crazy

  "Fictional character: Rufus T. Firefly". "Duck Soup", www.imdb.com. 1933.

  110 Copy quote
• 

  I, not events, have the power to make me happy or unhappy today. I can choose which it shall be. Yesterday is dead, tomorrow hasn't arrived yet. I have just one day, today, and I'm going to be happy in it.

  Groucho Marx

  Inspirational, Happiness, Happy

  519 Copy quote

• The secret of life is honesty and fair dealing. If you can fake that, you've got it made.

  Groucho Marx

  Funny, Life, Fake People

  "Biography/Personal Quotes". www.imdb.com.

  84 Copy quote

• It is impossible to design anything that is foolproof because fools are so ingenious.

  Groucho Marx

  Design, Fool, Impossible

  20 Copy quote

• There's only two things you can start without a plan: a riot and a family, for everything else you need a plan.

  Groucho Marx

  Two, Needs, Plans

  85 Copy quote

• If you are not having fun you are doing something wrong.

  Groucho Marx

  Fun, Having Fun, Ifs

  25 Copy quote

• I'm not crazy about reality, but it's still the only place to get a decent meal.

  Groucho Marx

  Funny, Witty, Fear

  69 Copy quote

• I intend to live forever, or die trying.

  Groucho Marx

  Death, Funny Life, Forever

  49 Copy quote

• What have future generations ever done for us?

  Groucho Marx

  Generations, Done, Future Generation

  31 Copy quote

• When you're in jail, a good friend will be trying to bail you out. A best friend will be in the cell next to you saying, 'Damn, that was fun.'

  Groucho Marx

  Funny, Friendship, Witty

  64 Copy quote

• Middle age is when you go to bed at night and hope you feel better in the morning. Old age is when you go to bed at night and hope you wake up in the morning.

  Groucho Marx

  Inspirational, Morning, Feel Better

  37 Copy quote

• While money can't buy happiness, it certainly lets you choose your own form of misery.

  Groucho Marx

  Money, Misery, Form

  96 Copy quote

• Outside of a dog, a book is a man's best friend. Inside of a dog it's too dark to read.

  Groucho Marx

  Funny, Friendship, Education

  "Biography/Personal Quotes". www.imdb.com.

  135 Copy quote

• One morning I shot an elephant in my pajamas. How he got into my pajamas I'll never know.

  Groucho Marx

  Funny, Good Morning, Witty

  36 Copy quote

• Marriage is a wonderful institution, but who wants to live in an institution?

  Groucho Marx

  Inspirational, Funny, Marriage

  "Biography/Personal Quotes". www.imdb.com.

  60 Copy quote

• Who are you going to believe, me or your own eyes?

  Groucho Marx

  Funny, Witty, Crazy

  18 Copy quote

• Don't let the fear of the thorn keep you from the rose.

  Groucho Marx

  Wisdom, Rose

  22 Copy quote

• I cannot say that I don't disagree with you.

  Groucho Marx

  Fun, Disagree

  31 Copy quote

• Blessed are the cracked, for they shall let in the light.

  Groucho Marx

  Love, Funny, Life

  105 Copy quote

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