RWBY's gone. JNPR isn't. Torchwick is still out there, and it's up to them to stop him. This...
Reading Ozpin and Ironwood's talk, I wonder if Team RWBY's death will be the edge that will make Ozpin take a more agressive approach in the situation, instead of the passiveness he took in canon.
There's only like...two seasons worth!
We hardly known anything about the world of RWBY.
Nora, what did you do?Ren's voice, unusually panicked, chirped, “Jaune, they're on to us. Get here as fast as you can.”
I never really got around to doing this the first time I read it, but the prologue where JNPR get the explanation that Team RWBY are 'gone', with the implication that death is pretty likely, could probably use a little more emotion.
With the exception of the line "His team followed silently, except for the still-crying Nora", they could just about have been told that they've failed a class exam for all the strength of their reactions.
I think it might have been a lot stronger in earlier drafts, but people found it took dark, so I toned it down. Then I changed the circumstances somewhat and didn't rewrite their reactions.
I'm not going to lie, this is a really rough fic and I don't know if it'll ever pull out of that.
That explains it a little, because something about the tone just didn't feel very... consistent, I guess? It sort of swings back and forth over the first few chapters, which is all the more noteworthy given the short lengths.
If you do decide to put much work into redoing it, I'd advise that the prologue and first chapter be lengthened, and more attention is paid to the reactions of Tam JNPR amongst each other in the wake of Ozpin's news for them. As it stands they're told RWBY is gone, watch a video left for them, go do some investigating, etc. There's no real moments where the team settles down in the dormitory and tries to comfort each other over half of their circle of friends having suddenly died (or just disappeared), or any equivalent scene. If I don't see characters deal with their grief, unless its notable that they're trying to avoid doing so because they're just that kind of character, the illusion breaks and I'm reminded everything is words on the page.
I'd recommend not just adding a scene similar to the aforementioned, but actually (during a rewrite) throw in at least one additional chapter where the team just roams Beacon (presumably just the cafeteria and their dorms, as I'd assume they'd probably be excused from classes for a while) in a subdued mood, possibly before one of them gets the idea of trying to retrace their steps and all despite the risks (possibly because no one else is doing anything).
Sooo...what are the chances this is running in paralell storywise with Emergence?
Well, writing's not bad. I do have one criticism. What we have here, quite frankly, feels like little more than a stark retelling of Volume 2. There are hints of more and hints of changes, and maybe I'm just missing something, but that's what I've seen so far: a retelling of volume 2 with JNPR in RWBY's place, with most of the same scenes and even some of the same dialogue with pretty much nil divergence from the episodes with the exceptions of the aforementioned hints.
Just saying.