Coping With Your Diagnosis, Learning to Accept It and Deciding When to Talk About It
- “Sopranos” actress Edie Falco, 60, reflects on her time onset alongside fellow actress Jamie-Lynn Sigler, who portrayed her daughter during the popular crime drama. She said she was “intimidated” by Sigler, who appeared to have it all together. Sigler admitted at times, she felt like she was in over her head amid the all-star cast.
- Falco joined fellow actress Sigler and Christina Applegate to discuss her time on “The Sopranos.” Both Applegate and Sigler are living with multiple sclerosis. The disease impacts the central nervous system and can cause numbness or tingling in your limbs.
- Falco was diagnosed with breast cancer in the middle of filming “The Sopranos.” She said she tried to keep her diagnosis private until a writer leaked it to the tabloids. She said everyone knowing about her diagnosis made it “harder” to cope.
- Psychiatrist Dr. Lori Plutchik tells SurvivorNet that there is no “one right way” to seek support while coping with a diagnosis. She adds some people are comfortable talking openly about their diagnosis, while others prefer to keep it private, and both approaches are normal.
- She encourages those close to a person going through cancer to be respectful of their wishes when it comes to how they are comfortable seeking support.
“Sopranos” star Edie Falco, 60, says she was intimidated by her on-screen daughter, Jamie-Lynn Sigler, during the popular crime drama because she felt out of place. “I was a weirdo,” Falco claimed while talking to fellow actress Christina Applegate, who lives with multiple sclerosis, on her podcast.
Applegate, 52, and Sigler, 42, cohost a podcast where they discuss various topics, including how they are coping with multiple sclerosis.
Read More“The truth is, when I was a kid in high school, I was a weirdo. I came from a crazy family, and I felt like everybody could tell I was a weirdo. I would meet girls like you, and I was terrified of them,” Falco explained.
“They just looked like they knew what was going on…They knew how to function at a high level and always do a good job,” Falco continued.
To Falco’s surprise, Sigler replied that she often felt “undeserving” of a spot on the popular show.
“I was waiting to be found out that, like, I shouldn’t have been there or didn’t belong,” Sigler said.
Aside from spending time in Hollywood, Applegate, Sigler, and Falco all share in common battling a health condition. Sigler was diagnosed with multiple sclerosis (MS) when she was 20. Applegate was diagnosed with MS at 49.
Falco was diagnosed with breast cancer in 2003 smack dab in the middle of filming “The Sopranos.”
Helping Patients Cope with a Breast Cancer Diagnosis
Falco’s Cancer Journey
The day Falco learned of her breast cancer diagnosis, she was focused on filming an episode of “The Sopranos.” However, that morning, before filming began, she learned she had cancer.
“I had to be at work at 1 o’clock to shoot a scene in which Tony and Carmela were sitting at a table. I think it was after they had separated, and Tony said something like, ‘I’m going to take you for every cent you’re worth,” Falco told the Television Academy Foundation during an interview.
“I couldn’t remember my lines. It was a real out-of-body experience. I couldn’t express the news I had just gotten, and I hadn’t really told anyone but the executive producer,” Falco said.
Falco’s castmates picked up on her subtle clues something was amiss. She eventually shared her diagnosis with them when she was ready. However, she told Tamron Hall her cancer diagnosis was somewhat robbed.
“I’m a private person,” Falco told Hall.
Falco said she had only told her close family and friends she was battling cancer. However, a writer on the show leaked the sensitive information, and word made its way back to Falco.
“Somebody found out and contacted my agent, and they said, ‘We’re going to print this, so you either tell us details or we’re going to just tell what we think we know,” Falco explained.
After Falco’s diagnosis became public knowledge, she said people approached her kindly about it. However, the award-winning actress said everyone knew of her cancer diagnosis “made it harder.”
Falco said that years later, she encountered the publisher of the news article in which she revealed her diagnosis. While confronting the unnamed publisher, Falco explained how sharing her diagnosis affected her.
“I walked up to her—I was shaking—and she was at a table full of people, and I said everything I needed to say. I needed to go through this my own way, but she needed to be the first person to print the story, and you don’t do that,” Falco said to studio applause.
WATCH: Should I have a lumpectomy or a mastectomy?
Falco underwent a lumpectomy, a procedure to remove the cancer and other abnormal tissue from the breast, and decided to get a second opinion for what further treatment would be best. She eventually agreed with her doctors that chemotherapy and radiation therapy were the right choices for the path ahead.
“Both doctors said it was a very aggressive cancer and that that particular course of treatment was going to be the best way to fight it,” Falco explained to health resource outlet Patient Resource. “So that’s how it went. I think you go out and find who’s best, and then you trust them.”
Falco underwent treatment for about eight months, but she never wanted to stop working. Thankfully, the limited number of “The Sopranos” crew members she told about her condition were more than willing to make accommodations for Falco when needed.
Sharing Your Cancer Diagnosis
Some people battling a disease or cancer are open to sharing their experiences as much as they can, while others prefer to keep it to themselves or close loved ones. SurvivorNet experts say both approaches and everything in between, are valid.
WATCH: Sharing a Diagnosis
“Patients who have just been diagnosed with cancer sometimes wonder how they are going to handle the diagnosis of the cancer in social situations,” psychiatrist Dr. Lori Plutchik explains.
Questions like “How much information should they share and with whom should they share the information?” are things Plutchik says patients take into consideration.
Dr. Plutchik explains, “There is no one right way to handle this diagnosis. People should do what feels right to them.”
A cancer journey can last months to years, which means cancer warriors may be experiencing a lot of uncertainty until they fully understand where their health stands. This uncertainty can influence when a cancer patient is ready to share their diagnosis, Dr. Plutchik further explained.
Dr. Plutchik stresses that those close to a person going through cancer should be respectful of their wishes when it comes to disclosing their diagnosis and seeking support.
Help Coping With a Breast Cancer Diagnosis
If you are facing a breast cancer diagnosis, your emotions are likely to run high, which is completely normal. Psychiatrist Dr. Lori Plutchik says emotions are often fluid when coping with a diagnosis.
“The patient or person going through the stressful event should accept that emotions will be fluid. You may feel fine one day and then feel a massive wave of stress the next. It’s also important for those you look to for support, whether that’s a therapist, friends, and family, or both, to understand the fluidity of stress-related emotions,” Dr. Plutchik said.
If a stressful event affects how you think and feel, it may be time to seek mental health treatment. This could mean traditional talk therapy, medication, changing lifestyle habits (like exercise and diet), seeking a support group, or many other approaches.
Women needing a little extra help coping with a breast cancer diagnosis should consider the following.
- Let your family and close friends know and let them help. So many cancer survivors tell us they want and need support but are often too preoccupied to make specific requests. Urge those close to you to jump in with whatever practical help they can offer.
- Keep a journal. It can be highly cathartic to let those feelings loose on paper. Grab a pen and a lovely journal and chronicle your thoughts throughout the day.
- Join a cancer support group. Groups are available in nearly every community and offer opportunities to connect with others going through a similar journey. You’ll learn constructive insight from others who can tell you what to expect and how to stay strong on tough days.
- Consider seeing a therapist. Ask your doctor to refer you to a therapist so you can discuss your fears and concerns in a safe space. Often, vocalizing your thoughts and feelings rather than internalizing them can provide relief.
Questions to Ask Your Doctor
If you have been diagnosed with breast cancer, you may have questions about how to keep your strength through treatment. Here are a few questions to help you begin the conversation:
- What treatment will I be receiving?
- What side effects are associated with this treatment?
- Are there steps I can take daily to help minimize these side effects?
- What physical activity routine do you recommend for me during treatment?
- Do you have recommendations for someone who doesn’t particularly enjoy exercise?
Learn more about SurvivorNet's rigorous medical review process.