Born in Tynemouth, North Tyneside, Denise Welch, 65, has acted in Byker Grove, Spender, Soldier Soldier, Coronation Street, Waterloo Road and Hollyoaks. She is a regular on TV chatshow Loose Women, and writes about depression in her book, The Unwelcome Visitor. On 4 December, she is in Diana: The Musical at Eventim Apollo, London, and next February she stars with Matthew Kelly in Jim Cartwright’s new play The Gap, at Hope Mill theatre, Manchester. She is married to artist Lincoln Townley, has two sons and a stepson, and lives in Cheshire and London.
When were you happiest?
Now, because of my marriage and because since September 2019 I’ve been free of clinical depression.
Which living person do you most admire and why?
My husband, Lincoln, for getting sober with me. He turned his own life around to turn mine around. We didn’t do AA, we anchored each other.
What is the trait you most deplore in yourself?
Oversensitivity.
What is the trait you most deplore in others?
Hypocrisy.
What was your most embarrassing moment?
Shitting myself in New York last November. I was wearing cream trousers. We were going to see my son Matty and his band, the 1975, at Madison Square Garden, and I was walking through the streets, enjoying the sunshine, pretending I was in some kind of video – throwing my hat into the New York sky like Mary Tyler Moore. I saw a couple of people turn and look at me. Now, although I’m not famous in New York, whenever Matty’s there I do get recognised as his mum, so I’m smiling and waving at them. I went back to the hotel room and bent over to get something out of the suitcase, and my husband said: “Do you realise you’ve shat yourself?”
Describe yourself in three words.
Funny, annoying and kind.
What makes you unhappy?
Family arguments.
What do you most dislike about your appearance?
My lopsided face and my turkey neck.
If you could bring something extinct back to life, what would you choose?
My parents. I miss them every day.
Who would play you in the film of your life?
Pink.
What is your most unappealing habit?
Snoring.
Who is your celebrity crush?
The Rock.
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What is your guiltiest pleasure?
Watching back-to-back episodes of The Real Housewives of everywhere in the world.
To whom would you most like to say sorry and why?
The people I hurt when I was suffering with addiction to alcohol and cocaine.
What is the worst job you’ve ever done?
I was a waitress at a holiday camp. On a Wednesday afternoon all the guys used to pee into the rice pudding and we had to serve it to the customers.
How often do you have sex?
It depends on what’s going on, but most mornings when we are on holiday.
What single thing would improve the quality of your life?
Stopping being such a helicopter parent and worrying about these grownup children’s lives. It drives me mad. And I am having therapy. If I could stop thinking that I should be their first port of call for everything, it would free my head up a bit.
Tell us a joke.
A man asks his wife: “Why are you watching a cookery programme? You don’t cook.” And she says: “You watch porn.”